Lies We Told Ourselves
by Kadi219
Summary: Raydor/Flynn - The past comes back to haunt them with the return of Bill Croelick. What lies did they tell themselves, and how will they unravel it now?
1. Chapter 1

**Lies We Told Ourselves**

 **by Kadi**

 **Rated T**

 **Disclaimer:** Not my sandbox. I just love playing in it.

 **A/N:** This one is not beta'd. Sorry for any mistakes. For the awesome twin **kate04us** who listens to my rambling and often encourages it.

* * *

 **Chapter 1**

The murder room was a bustle of activity. That wasn't new. It always seemed to be that way when he visited. Not that he had, not very often, and certainly not very recently. It had been almost a decade since he last stopped by, seven years if he were exact, not that he was counting. Seven blissful and uncomplicated years.

It had been a while since he was back in Los Angeles. He spent those seven years away. He did some traveling, some exploring. He went all over the country and to a few places outside as well. Then he settled up the coast. He found a nice place, not very populated, and chose a quiet life. When he needed fun, or adventure, there were cities that he could visit.

Not Los Angeles. No, never there. Never again.

That was his intention anyway. It seemed as though it wasn't meant to be. He was called back, driven back to that city. It was much bigger than him. It was a need. Desperate and unyielding. There was something that he needed, or else, he never would have bothered.

He stood just inside the entrance to the Murder Room and watched. He studied the little detectives, watched them moving to and fro. They didn't see him, didn't notice him at all. They were too intent on their work, too busy with their laughing and their stories. He grinned. They were too happy. He could change that. He would enjoy changing that. He would enjoy it very much.

With his blue eyes sparkling, he strode further into the murder room, toward their desks. He looked around, seeming for a moment to be lost. He was certainly out of place, with his black leather jacket and his designer blue jeans. He turned where he stood, craned his head to see inside the office. This was a whole new murder room, but the layout wasn't so different. They did like their little habits, these detectives of his.

His hands lifted, in askance, in confusion. His brows drew together and he let his gaze sweep the room as he turned again. He recognized them all, except for one. She was new. Pretty, but not his type. There were a couple of faces missing. One most especially. That was the one he chose to ask about.

"Where's Brenda?" His voice drew their attention. He watched their heads lift, watched the eyes widen. When realization and recognition came, he felt the stirrings of a smile. "I was really hoping that she would be here. I need her help…"

It was Flynn, always Flynn who acted first. "You son of a—"

"Ah, ah, ah," he held up a hand. Now he did grin. He ticked his finger back and forth and clucked his tongue at the Lieutenant. "Now, now, mind that temper Andy. We wouldn't want any trouble, would we?" He smirked happily, because the older man was already out of his chair, glaring darkly at him and trembling with rage. Oh how he loved getting him riled, and it was just so easy.

The sound of heels drew his attention. He turned expecting a familiar blond. He found a brunette instead. She strode toward them, eyes on a file in her hand. When she looked up, he felt himself brightening. "Oh." He pressed the fingers of one hand to his mouth. "Who is this? Is she new?" His head tilted, he leered a bit as his gaze swept over her. Not typically his type, but some things could change.

Andy snarled at him. He took a step forward and put himself between Sharon and the nut job. The nut job that happened to be his personal nemesis. They all had that one case, the one that kept them awake at night. The one they couldn't close. Except, he closed his, but some dirt bag shrink that couldn't keep his pants zipped ruined it for him. Otherwise… Bill Croelick would still be on death row, and not standing in front of him, free to come and go as he pleased.

His lip curled as he thought about the millions of dollars in the creep's wallet, all courtesy of his settlement with the city, all because he had gone to jail for actually _not_ killing a girl. Even though they knew he'd killed before. He had probably even killed since. Andy felt his temper rising. His teeth ground together.

"You know who she is, she's no one you're ever going to meet," he growled. "So unless you're here to confess and turn yourself in, do yourself a favor Croelick, turn around and walk away. Go slither back under the rock you've been hiding under all these years."

"Ooh!" Bill simpered a bit. "So testy." Yes, Flynn always got worked up so easily for him. "What's the matter, Lieutenant? Afraid I'll take a liking to her." His blue eyes glittered dangerously. He craned his head to gaze past the larger man. "Well, blonds are trouble you know. Brunettes… well, they're _sassy_."

"Okay that is enough." Sharon grabbed Andy's arm and forcefully pushed him to the side. She glared up at him. Her green eyes flashed with annoyance at his behavior. They had no time for the egotistical and chauvinistic attitude. She certainly did not appreciate it being used on her behalf, something that he knew very well. "Is there something that we can help you with, mister…" She turned and looked around the room, his name slipped her mind. She was horrible with names; that was something that her people all knew quite well.

"Croelick." Provenza took a step forward. He was scowling at the man. "Captain Sharon Raydor meet Bill Croelick. The LAPD's own little firebug."

"I wouldn't get too close." Andy continued to seethe. He folded his arms across his chest. "This one likes to light his girlfriends on fire."

"Hm." Bill hummed. "You missed me didn't you?" Needling Flynn was always such fun. Not as much fun as Brenda, but still, it was amusing to him. He snapped his fingers. "Wait, I know who you are!" His eyes widened, they brightened. He flashed a wide, charming smile at the new woman. "I know _exactly_ who you are. I'm so sorry!" He placed a hand against his chest. "You're that sexy, sassy, pretty little thing that my good pal Andy here likes to play with in his kitchen. I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you without your head thrown back and my buddy here…well," he trailed off and fluttered his lashes at Flynn. "He is energetic isn't he?" Bill pointed a finger at Andy. "You should close those blinds pal."

He lunged. Provenza saw it coming. He wasn't the only one. Tao was there before Andy could take more than a step. He might be older, but he was in full temper, hot headed and not listening to any of them. It took him and Provenza to get Flynn wrestled backward and away from Croelick before he could do any actual damage.

"Amy, escort Mister Croelick out of here," the Captain snapped. Her eyes narrowed. She half turned, "gentlemen, take Lieutenant Flynn to the break room and hose him down until he can cool off!"

"Oh!" Bill grinned as the dark skinned woman grabbed his arm. A uniformed officer was on his other side. "Feisty. I like that. Feisty and Sassy. I might actually not miss _Just Plain_ Brenda at all!" He reached into the inside of his leather jacket and pulled out a couple of small manila envelopes. "But I come bearing gifts!" They were dragging him toward the exit. "You're going to want to talk to me! Unless you want another girl to die…"

Sharon wanted to groan out loud. She had a Lieutenant that was ready to kill him, and a few other detectives that might just let him, and she herself wanted to smack the smug look off his face. Her eyes narrowed, burned at him. She ground her teeth together for a moment and weighed her options. He was a known murderer, quite probably a serial, and to date the LAPD had no luck in keeping him behind bars. Her lips pursed in thought. "Fine." She waved a hand at Sykes. "Put him in an interview room. We'll review the information he's brought us and decide if we want to pursue it." She slapped the file she held against her leg and turned, shifting her gaze to the rest of her team.

"I'm alright!" Andy shrugged away from them. "Dammit let go of me!" He pushed both of them off of him and stalked down the hall. He slammed into the break room and strode across it. Andy shoved a chair out of his way, and watched with a small amount of satisfaction as it skittered across the room. He couldn't believe the nerve of that bastard Croelick showing up again, after all this time. He thought of how he had looked at Sharon and felt another surge of anger. He slammed his fist on the counter when he reached it.

"Enough." Provenza stood just inside the door. Tao was nearby, in case they were both still needed. "We get it. We understand completely. Rein it in Flynn. You're just giving him exactly what he wants, and not doing anyone any favors if the Captain has to send you home."

He shot a dark look at his partner while he paced the room. "I said I was fine. I don't need a damned baby sitter. Instead of standing here giving me crap, why don't you go find out what that psychopathic son of a bitch wants!"

"Oh, I don't know," Provenza scowled back at him, "maybe because the Captain asked us to keep an eye on the idiotic son of a bitch that's making an ass of himself." He pointed a finger at the other man. Flynn was moving around the room, much like a caged animal that looked like it was getting ready to pounce again. "If you'll act like an adult for half a minute instead of an over sexed buffoon, I might be able to go and actually do my job."

If they thought that he was angry before, it had nothing on the way his eyes hardened at his partner's words. Flynn stopped pacing. He stood still, hands on his hips, and glowered at the other man. "No," he began, voice dipping low, rumbling in the small room, "you leave that out of this. We've kept it out of the office. It's got nothing to do with it."

It had been inevitable. The writing was on the wall long before the relationship became official. Provenza didn't like it, and more, he didn't like that he couldn't disagree. They were as discreet about it as they were obvious. The smiles, the looks, and that they came and left together on occasion. That was as far as it went. Those were the only outward signs that spoke of a relationship that went far beyond the professional. It was all above board and a matter of record. They wouldn't expect anything else of their favorite little hall monitor, but anyone who didn't know them would never guess that they spent more time together than apart, or that they were practically living together. It was only the failed relationships in their pasts that kept them from moving to the next level. That was one guess, anyway. All Provenza really knew was that this had been going on long enough that they should either be making it permanent or calling it quits, at least, that's what _he_ would be doing.

The team knew about it, though. It wasn't a secret. They didn't hide it away from the office. There had been parties, team dinners, even a barbecue or two. It seemed to be going well. They were _happy_ together, or as happy as he supposed any couple typically was. Provenza shook his head. "Fine," he decided to indulge his partner. He rolled his eyes. "We'll blame it on how much you hate Croelick. Well none of us especially _like_ the creep. Throwing a tantrum about it isn't going to do any good."

His teeth ground together. Andy stared at the floor. "What the hell does he want?" It was never good when Croelick showed up, and worse, they never had enough to hold him.

"How should I know?" Provenza threw his hands up in exasperation. "I'm in here babysitting you!"

Flynn threw a hand in the direction of the door. "Well go find out!"

"Don't worry." Tao spoke up from the door, finally. He held up a taser. "If he misbehaves, I'll shoot him." His face remained impassive, even in light of the bland looks both men gave him. After several years, he was used to both of their antics, the good, the bad, and the really ridiculous.

"It might be safer if you stay," Andy decided. He took a step back and gave Tao a long look.

"For who?" Provenza shook his head. He shook his finger at both of them. "Just say here and behave. I'm going to go and find out what's going on." At the door he stopped. "If he tries to leave," he muttered quietly, "go ahead and put him down for a nap."

Andy scowled at his retreating back. "I heard that!" He went back to pacing the room. "Cantankerous old son of a—"

Provenza didn't hear much more than that as he made his way down the hall. He found the Captain still standing in the Murder Room with the others. Julio had returned, and was updating her on everything they knew about Bill Croelick. The Lieutenant held out his hands as he approached. "His surliness is contained for the moment. Tao is keeping an eye on him."

Sharon's arms were folded across her chest. "Mr. Croelick is in Interview Room two, we have an officer on the door, but we cannot detain him. He is free to leave if he wishes to do so." She sighed. The Captain shook her head in frustration. "Ostensibly, the officer is there for _his_ safety. Gentlemen, _why_ is this man here?"

"I was telling the Captain," Julio said, "that we thought he'd left town. We haven't seen him in years."

"We're going to have to question him and find out." Provenza wasn't keen on that. It's what Croelick wanted, and that meant that he had the upper hand. "Julio, start a search. See if you can find any murders that match his MO in the last year."

"Amy help him," Sharon said. "In the meantime, the Lieutenant and I will sit down with Mr. Croelick and determine what it is that he thinks we need him to tell us."

"Is that a good idea?" Julio squinted at her. "If he's been watching Flynn, then he's fixated again. He already knew who you were. At least, in part." He shifted uncomfortably because that wasn't something that they talked about at work.

"If he has been watching a member of my team," Sharon stated, voice dipping an octave and cooling considerably, "I would like to know why. Regardless of any personal involvement, the Lieutenant's safety is still my responsibility. Let's get to the bottom of this, and quickly." Getting that man out of her murder room would suit her just fine.

Provenza snorted as they started walking toward the interview room. "Wouldn't Flynn just love to hear that?" When the Captain shot an annoyed look in his direction he returned it. It wasn't his idea for them to get involved.

Sharon's eyes narrowed. Her chin lifted as she strode toward the interview room. Part of her wondered if the Lieutenant wasn't enjoying this just a little too much. She made a mental note to discuss that with him later. It wasn't appropriate to make comments about the personal lives of his colleagues, whether he agreed with those activities or not. Specifically when they were kept carefully separate of their professional lives. Oh yes, she was going to enjoy that chat quite a bit.

Croelick was seated, hands clasped together against the table when they entered the room. He smiled brightly at the sight of the two officers that would be conducting this meeting, the older guy and the sassy spitfire. This was going to be fun! "Andy couldn't make it?"

The Captain ignored him as she sat. She waited until the Lieutenant was comfortable beside her before she tilted her head at the man across from them. "Mr. Croelick, I'm sure we've all got other things that we would rather be doing. Perhaps you can get to the purpose of your visit quickly."

His eyes went to the manila envelopes in her hands. The younger woman had taken them from him. "You didn't open them?" He clucked his tongue at her. "That will tell you what you need to know." Bill leaned forward and smiled. "I'm a little surprised, Captain. They normally run a tighter ship around here. What are you waiting for?"

Sharon only smiled serenely. She held the envelopes up, in perfect view of the camera. "Mr. Croelick, we cannot detain you, but for the purposes of this conversation, would you agree that you're aware of your rights?"

"Oh goody." He sat up straight and beamed at her. "Now we're going to have fun. Yes, I know my rights. This city has paid me very well for those rights. Next question please?"

Her brow arched, but Sharon's gaze remained impassive, even when she felt the Lieutenant beside her shift in his seat. He was growing annoyed very quickly. "Would you also agree that you've given us this information of your own volition? If it turns out that what I'm holding is evidence of a crime, or could in any way implicate you in a crime, I would like it stated on the record that you volunteered this information freely."

"I did." Bill leaned toward her again. His blue eyes were glittering happily. "I handed over those envelopes. They're the reason I'm here. You're going to want to open them. I'm afraid you're going to be very disappointed. They don't implicate me in anything."

"I suppose we'll see about that. For your sake," she said pleasantly, "I hope that you're right." Sharon broke the seal on the first envelope and opened it. She shook the contents out onto the table. It was a copy of a police report. She held it up. "Buzz, zoom in on this. We have a police report from San Francisco. It looks like a missing person's report." Sharon glanced at it before passing it to Provenza.

He turned the report over in his hands and paged through it. "Who is Maria Samples?" Provenza looked at Croelick. "It says that you filed the report."

"Maria is my girlfriend." He held up his hands before either of them could comment. Croelick smiled. "I know, I know what you're going to say. Usually when my girlfriends go missing, we know where to find them. Let's try to be open-minded, shall we? Maria went to San Diego on business. I spoke to her twice while she was gone, and once on her way back. She never made it home. I called San Diego PD but I was told that the report had to be filed in San Francisco because that's where we live."

There had been a picture included with the report. Sharon lifted it and showed it to the Lieutenant. "She's a very pretty girl, Mr. Croelick. You haven't heard from her at all?"

Provenza glanced over. "Hm. Blond. Imagine my surprise. Are you sure you don't know where she is?"

"No." Croelick shifted in his seat. He was beginning to look frustrated. "Which is exactly what I've been telling the inspectors in San Francisco. Why do they call themselves that anyway?" He looked between the two officers in front of him. "Here you're detectives, up there they call themselves inspectors? It's weird."

"Go on," Sharon prodded. "You've been telling the authorities in San Francisco that Ms. Samples is missing, but they've not done anything?"

"On the contrary." Bill turned a hard look on her. "Apparently when you're convicted of a crime, even one that you didn't commit, it follows you everywhere. Despite the fact that I was paid very well for that little mishap, I have a bit of a reputation. The fine officers in San Francisco want to believe that _I_ had something to do with Maria's disappearance. They've been hounding me on it for weeks. I've been arrested, interrogated, and followed. Frankly, I was starting to get a little annoyed. Maybe we can all agree that we don't want _me_ to get annoyed."

He had gone from charismatic to angry in a matter of seconds. It was disturbing how that changed his countenance. Here was the monster they knew him to be. Sharon arched a brow at him. "What is it that you think we can do to help you? We don't have jurisdiction in San Francisco."

"No." Croelick sat back in his chair. He drew a breath and let it out slowly. "I've been forced to look into this on my own. As far as I can tell, Maria disappeared somewhere around LA. That makes it your business. Which is what San Francisco probably found out too." He waved a hand at the second envelope. "I put together a little something on the officers. I thought it might help."

Sharon didn't see that it would, but if he was correct, at least they would know who to contact to confirm his story. She opened the envelope and pulled the information out onto the table. There was a brief dossier on two detectives. There was nothing unusual in it, at least not until she reached the information on the second officer. Sharon's brows drew together in a frown. She lifted a black and white photograph and stared at it. It was a candid shot, and appeared to have been taken from a distance. Croelick's work, she supposed. The detective in question was in jeans and a t-shirt. He was wearing a vest, and his badge was hanging from a chain around his heck. There was a gun in a holster at his waist. He had a suspect bent over the hood of a car, one hand drawn behind his back. There was nothing overly unusual about that, but it was the identity that made her stop short.

"You see, Captain," Croelick continued to speak. He grinned at her. "I didn't realize that there had been a management change around here, or I would have just come straight to you to begin with. No, I was looking for Andy for a reason. You see… apparently, there are certain behaviors which are learned and others that are just… hereditary." He tilted his head at her. "I've been hounded for weeks. Stalked. Lied to. This case is probably cold now while those two bozos are trying to pin it all on me. Sounds familiar, doesn't it?"

They were staring at one another. Provenza reached over and took the photograph out of her hand. He wanted to know why she'd suddenly gone very still. He squinted at it. Recognition came easily. He looked up, eyes widening in surprise. He looked at the Captain first and then at Croelick. "This is the Captain's son," he stated, and glared at the other man. Wasn't it enough she'd had one of them harassed by a serial killer? Did _both_ of her sons have to put up with this crap?

"Is he now?" Croelick continued to watch the Captain. "Funny. I thought he was his father's son." He arched a brow at her. "He does look a lot like him there, doesn't he Sharon?" Bill leaned forward again. "I can call you Sharon, right? Sassy, sexy, Sharon. What's the matter? You look surprised. Didn't you know?"

"This interview is over." Sharon took the picture from Provenza as she stood. She turned away from the table and walked quickly toward the door.

"Oh, don't run away Sharon." Croelick leaned back in his chair and continued to smile. "We're just becoming friends. Hey, tell me something… Keeping secrets from the family, where do you think the little Flynn got that from? Hm?"

She stopped at the door. Sharon turned slowly. Her face was schooled into a hard look. "Mr. Croelick," she began, tone icy, "we will look into your claims. Someone will be in contact. I suggest that you go now and enjoy your freedom." Her eyes flashed. "However long that lasts."

He whistled as she swept out of the room. His eyes fell on the still shocked Lieutenant. Croelick gave a shudder. "Is it just me or is it chilly in here?" He leaned forward again. "She's scary sexy. Hey," he tapped his fingers against the table. "Do you think she'd go out with me?" His eyes danced as the older man stood up from the table and turned away. "What? Is it too soon? You think I should wait right…" The door slammed closed behind him. Bill turned his gaze toward where he knew the camera would be. "Something I said?"

He didn't run, but he would walk quickly. Provenza had to do that to catch up to the Captain's quick stride. She already had her phone in her hand and was dialing when he reached her. He caught her arm and drew her up short of walking back into the Murder Room. "What was _that_?" He demanded.

She held up a finger. Her eyes glinted dangerously. She waited for the call to be picked up, but it went to voicemail instead. "Richard William Raydor," She began, in a tone that she knew would more than alert her son to the fact that he was in a lot of trouble, "you will call me the second that you get this. You had better be prepared for a long discussion because you have a lot of explaining to do." After she ended the call, she fixed the Lieutenant with a carefully cool look. "Yes?"

Provenza took the photo out of her hand and turned it toward her. "I think you know what! This!" He shook it. "What was all that about? Like father like son? Little Flynn? Care to explain!"

She didn't care for his tone. Sharon drew herself up. "Actually, I do not." She took the photo back from him. "It's not open for discussion. As to Richard's apparent sudden change in profession… _that_ I will be getting to the bottom of very soon. In the meantime, I suggest that we contact the San Francisco Police Department and find out what they have on the disappearance of Maria Samples."

"Captain…" He tried again.

"Lieutenant." Her jaw clenched to keep from snapping at him. "Contact San Francisco," she said, in a much quieter voice. "Please."

"Fine." He shook his finger at her. "But there is going to be a conversation later."

Sharon turned away from him. "Yes, I'm sure there are going to be several conversations later." She didn't return to the murder room. Instead she walked to the break room. Sharon pushed the door open. She let her gaze sweep the room. When it fell on Andy she arched a brow at him. She stepped inside. "Lieutenant Tao, will you give us the room."

He looked between the two of them as he stood. "Sure." Tao wasn't sure if he should tell Flynn it had been nice knowing him or offer him the taser. Instead, he just quietly went back to work.

Andy looked up from where he was seated. He was leaning forward, elbows resting against his knees. "I'm fine. Look, whatever that son of a bitch—"

"Save it." She walked forward and slapped the picture onto the table. "We have a bigger problem."

He frowned as he reached for it. Andy turned the picture toward him. His brows drew together. "What the hell is this? What is Ricky doing with a badge and a gun? Isn't he supposed to be off hacking into computers for that Internet security crap he does?"

"That's what I would like to know." Sharon braced her hands on the table and leaned over it. "I intend to find out, believe me. What I would like to know first is how the hell Bill Croelick found out that _my_ son is _our_ son."

 **-TBC-**


	2. Chapter 2

**Lies We Told Ourselves**

 **by Kadi**

 **Rated T**

 **Disclaimer:** Not my sandbox. I just love playing in it.

* * *

 **Chapter 2**

There were two empty bottles on the small table in the corner and a third that was almost empty. Sharon sighed when she saw it. The apartment was small, but it was mostly tidy. The bottles saddened her. She thought he was doing better. Her eyes swept the room, they followed him as he pulled a t-shirt over his head and walked into the kitchen for a glass of water. She tried not to let the dismay show on her face when he took several aspirin for the very obvious hangover.

She hadn't seen him in a while. Sharon knew that he had been busy. He looked like he hadn't been sleeping much lately. She knew that he had caught a hard case. Her eyes studied him as he came back into the room. He hadn't shaved and his hair was still mussed. Sharon felt bad for having woken him. "If this isn't a good time," she began, "I can come back."

"You wouldn't be here at all if you didn't have a reason." Andy put the glass on the table and shoved his hands into the pockets of his hastily pulled on jeans. "What's going on Sharon?" They hadn't seen each other in a couple of months. Jack was home. There was no reason for her to be there. "I don't know where he is," he said as a preamble. "I haven't heard from Jack."

"No." She folded her arms around herself. "Jack is at home with Emily. That's not why I'm here." Sharon could understand why that might be what he would think. It was because Jack had left that they were together in the first place. "Andy, we need to talk…"

He took a moment to look at her, really look at her. She was uncomfortable, ill at ease standing in his tiny apartment. He had seen the look that crossed her face at the sight of the bottles on the table. Bourbon was his weakness. For a little while, she had been too.

Andy found her in a bar one night. She was out with friends, colleagues from Vice. He knew who she was. He knew that she was married, but rumor had it the old man had left home. Andy knew Jack, they hung out in some of the same haunts, but it had been a while since he'd seen him in any of them. He had a couple of drinks that night. He was feeling pleasant, but not quite gone yet. He planned to be gone later. Andy intended to be three sheets to the wind before the night was out.

He was going to forget the darkness and the dead bodies. He was going to make sure he didn't care that he was going home alone. He didn't want to think about the fact that his ex-wife wouldn't return his calls, or that he hadn't seen his kids in too damned long. He was going to forget period. At the moment, though, he wanted to have a little fun. She was a good-looking woman, and if there was no husband around, what the hell right?

He didn't expect her to get angry at him. Sharon blasted him good for coming on to her. It went deeper than that though. He was surprised by the hurt in her eyes. She had likened him to her husband. She was there to try and have a good time, and while he and Jack might think that she was good for nothing but their own enjoyment, they were both mistaken.

He didn't know why, but maybe it was the hurt that did it. He followed her. Not right away. He sat in the bar for an hour thinking about it. Or rather, he was trying not to think about it. In the end, the look on her face was just too damned much like the look on Vicki's face the night she tossed him out. Hurt and resigned, and just so over it all.

That was why he followed her. He really only kind of knew Sharon. It wasn't as if they were friends. She was Vice, for crying out loud. He was Robbery-Homicide. The two didn't exactly go together that well. Maybe he was just tired of _all_ the women in his life thinking he was a loser. He didn't really know. Andy couldn't explain it. He just left the bar and stopped for coffee on the way.

He knew where they lived. He'd dropped Jack off a couple of times when the other man was too far gone to drive and he could still see straight. It was late, but there were still lights on in the house when he pulled into the drive. He knew that he should have hesitated in going to the door, but he didn't.

That was the night that started it. Jack was gone, and he was there. He showed up more sober than he had been in the bar and offered her an ear, someone to listen to all the crap that her husband was putting her through. It sounded a lot like all of the crap that he had put Vicki through over the years. The only difference was, he'd never just taken off before.

Jack was tired of the nagging. He drank too much. He stayed out too late. He needed to find a steady job, now that he'd passed his BAR exam. Those weren't things that he wanted to hear. Not when he could be having a good time. Why should he come home to a wife and a toddler when he could be hanging out with the guys?

Really, she shouldn't be surprised. Since they'd had Emily life had been different. It was great at first, but as the novelty wore off and the baby got older, Jack was around less. It wasn't only their daughter that he wanted little to do with; it was also her. She knew that he found her less attractive than he had when they married. Having a baby changed things. She had lost the weight, but her body would never be the same. There were the stretch marks and the wider hips; obvious evidence that she was no longer the girl he once knew.

She couldn't see how beautiful she was. She didn't feel attractive anymore. She truly thought he was coming on to her in the bar as a joke. That it was something that her husband might have put him up to. Jack had been gone for a few weeks, though. Where, she had no idea. He'd left her a note so that she wouldn't worry, and then he'd just gone. She was worried anyway, and she was lonely, and she was hurt.

He'd taken her to bed. He only meant to hug her, but somehow Andy ended up with his mouth on hers, and it wasn't each other that they wanted. They were both needy, both hurting, and both looking for a way to stop the pain, just for a little while.

It could have been a one-night stand; he'd had enough of those since his wife tossed him out on his ass. He felt bad about it, though. He thought maybe they both had the same problem. Thing was, he was just like her husband and she was a lot like his ex. In the end, they were just hiding in each other.

He came around a couple of times a week to start. She felt guilty after the first time, but then he reminded her. Jack wasn't there to protest. She had no idea where her husband was or if he was ever coming back. Was she supposed to stop living because he couldn't be bothered to remember she existed?

Sharon didn't want to confuse Emily, so he tried to only be there when the kid was in pre-school or asleep. At least at first. After a while, that fell by the wayside too. Emily liked him. He was funny and good with kids. Sharon needed help around the house; there were some things that Jack had allowed to get out of control, minor repairs that couldn't be fixed at night or during a quick visit. Andy didn't mind. He missed those kinds of domestic tasks. There was nothing like that for him to do with his tiny little apartment.

He was mostly sober when he was with her. Sharon asked him not to drink at her house, and he wouldn't, beyond a beer with dinner or a glass of wine if she was pouring one. He didn't come by drunk either. After a while, she realized that he was with her almost all the time, at least when neither of them was working. That meant that he was mostly sober all of the time. He could do it, he was doing it with her, she encouraged him to keep doing it.

He didn't complain that she was nagging. He would laugh and shrug and tell her that they would see.

Two months. It seemed like longer, but they were only together for two months before Jack came home again. He was broke and sorry and dragging his tail between his legs. He wanted his wife back. He wanted his family, and he wanted to do better.

Sharon told him she had moved on. She told him that she wasn't his anymore. It was Andy that changed her mind.

" _The one thing I want, more than anything, is for Vicki to call me up and ask me to come home_. _I wanna live with my wife and raise my kids. I don't want to be this guy. You wanted Jack to come home, Sharon. He's home. You'll never forgive yourself if you don't try."_

Andy hadn't seen her since. He was right. They both knew that he was right. She had taken Jack back, and from what he heard, everything was going okay. The guy was in AA and he was getting his life together. He had a job a little law firm, and he was towing the line. Andy thought he might just hate him a little bit. He wanted that life. Instead, he was throwing himself into his cases or trying to find the bottom of a bottle of bourbon.

Looking at her now, a few months later, it wasn't hard to guess why she came looking for him. They hadn't spoken, but he thought they had parted on good terms. Andy shook his head and looked away from her. He walked over and picked up the almost empty bottle. He was married for almost ten years. He had two kids. He remembered how his wife looked when she was pregnant. It was in the fuller figure, the thicker, lusher hair. She was practically glowing with it. Andy took a drink. "Go home, Sharon. There's nothing to talk about."

" _Andy_." It hurt her to see him like this, spiraling out again. She took a step toward him, but stopped when he turned. There was sadness in his gaze, bitterness. She shook her head at him. She wasn't a switch. She hadn't just let her husband back into her bed because he was home. Jack was still sleeping in the guest room. How had her life gotten so out of control? This was not the path she saw for herself. This was not how she imagined that it would be. Jack knew that this baby wasn't his, but he was willing to accept it. She wasn't willing to lie to the world.

"What?" He ran a hand through his hair. The other still held the bottle. "You don't want this. I'm nothing that you need in your life. I've got nothing to give you, Sharon." Andy sighed. He looked down, jaw clenched. "I've got nothing to give anyone. It's why I'm here. It's why Vicki doesn't answer when I call, and it's why I haven't seen my kids in months. You've got all you can handle. You don't need another drunk in your life."

She took another step forward. Her eyes were moist. Her throat ached with emotion. He was right, but she felt so badly for him. "Andy, I wouldn't keep you from—"

"I know," he said, cutting her off. "That's the problem. It'd just be a bigger mess than it is right now. Go home, Sharon. Whatever you came here to tell me, I don't need to hear it. You're better off if I don't." Andy shrugged. He smiled sadly at her. "Once you open that door, we can't close it again."

"It's already open," she told him. "Jack knows."

His jaw clenched again. His eyes closed. "He didn't leave?"

"No," she whispered. "He isn't threatening to either. He wants to keep trying."

"Then go do that." Andy took his bottle and walked into the kitchen with it. "There's nothing here for you."

She left him, as much because he asked her to as because she had to. He was falling into the darkness and she could go with him, or she could go home.

For three years she was happy. Or she convinced herself that she was. Then Jack had left again. This time it was years before he came home. She didn't have Andy to fill the void. He was too far into his own demons. She had two small kids to raise on her own and only herself to rely on. The subject of her baby boy's paternity was never raised again. Jack tried to use it once or twice, when they argued, but she shut him down by reminding him that he known. It had been his idea to move forward and let everyone believe that Ricky was his son; that he had come home because she was pregnant and needed him.

It was never discussed openly. As far as Sharon was aware there were only three people who knew the truth. Jack could be a bastard when he was angry with her, but he wasn't a cruel one. He loved Ricky, as much as he was capable of loving either of the kids. He wouldn't denounce him, and he wouldn't run his mouth about it. It was his leaving that opened that door. Jack didn't like owning up to his mistakes, and for him, having to admit that he lost his wife to another man because he wasn't there to take care of her, even temporarily, was a mistake.

Besides… like she had once told Rusty, Jack showed interest in the boy because she did. The same had been true of Ricky. He was hers, and so Jack had accepted him. It didn't matter that his eyes were dark brown, and not the deep hazel that Emily's were. It didn't matter that he stood several inches over both of them, or that he could throw a baseball that had taken him to Stanford on scholarship.

Sharon put it out of her mind a long time ago. She buried it and didn't think about it. They all had things in their pasts, secrets and mistakes, and moments they might approach differently. She told the world that she and Jack had two children together, but it simply wasn't true. Not at the heart of it.

It seemed, someone else knew that truth now too. The question was how?

They had moved the discussion to the privacy of her office. They didn't need to rehash the past. Andy _knew_. It was just never acknowledged between them. Even now. They were together because they wanted to be. Because the people that they had become had enough in common that it worked. She was in love with him, and she knew that he felt the same way. He was sober. She was divorced. Their lives were different now. _They_ were different. They had tried to bury the past, and only live in the present.

It was another mistake.

Andy was sitting quietly in a chair in front of Sharon's desk when Provenza joined them. The Lieutenant wouldn't be kept at bay long. He wanted to know what was going on.

"Lieutenant, let's just say that we all have things in our pasts that are not open for discussion. This is one of them." Her hands were on her hips. "Whatever Mr. Croelick knows, or thinks that he knows, that personal history has no bearing on this case. He likes to push Andy's buttons. This was just another attempt at his usual behavior. What we do need to find out is what San Francisco knows about his girlfriend's disappearance and why they like him for it."

"Besides the obvious," Andy grunted.

She shot a look at him. "Yes, besides the obvious. Look," She held up a hand. "I understand that you have a history with this man, but we have no evidence. We have no reason to think that he is in any way involved. The city has already settled one law suit with Bill Croelick, let's not give him the opportunity to benefit from another."

"Sharon…" He trailed off when the phone in her hand rang. From the way her expression hardened, he had an idea who it was. Andy slumped back in his seat and glanced at his partner. "Don't ask," He said. It was a long story, and no matter how he cut it, it wasn't his proudest moment. It was something he thought about over the years, especially after he got sober. It was another regret to add to a very long list.

Provenza shook his head at them. He ran a hand over his face and slumped in his chair. "Idiots," he muttered. So it really wasn't a summer thing after all. Now he understood why they had always been drawn to each other, even before Captain Rulebook took over their division. Whether they were arguing, snarking, or flirting with one another, the two of them would always gravitate toward each other in a room. Now he got it. There was a history, and it was blowing up in all their faces.

"Hello Richard." Sharon turned away from them with her phone. She directed her gaze to the window and stared at the city beyond.

"Uh." He didn't really know how to respond to that. Her voicemail indicated that she was upset about something, but Ricky couldn't think of a single thing that he had done, recently, that would have drawn his mother's ire. He decided to play it cool. "Hi mom. Is everything okay?"

"That remains to be seen." Silently she was seething. It wasn't the occupation that she had fault with, not at all. He came by it naturally. It was the lying. "I don't know what you need to do to make it happen, but I would suggest that you get on a plane before this day is over. I want you in Los Angeles, and in this office." She paused for just a moment to let that sink in. "And I want you to bring everything that you have on the Croelick investigation. My Chief will call your Chief and clear it."

The line went silent. Ricky winced. He felt a chill go through him. It wasn't how he wanted her to find out. He always planned to tell her, it was just the longer he waited, the harder it became. "Listen, mom…"

"Richard." Sharon sighed. "You have until you get down here to come up with an explanation, son. I expect that you use that time wisely, because it had better be a good one. While you're at it, you might consider where you got the idea that I appreciate being lied to, specifically by my children."

He felt his shoulders slump. Ricky rubbed a hand across his face. "Yes ma'am," he said quietly. "I'll see what I can do."

"Thank you. I look forward to hearing it." Sharon ended the call and placed the phone on the credenza behind her desk. Her shoulders slumped. Her head bent and she reached up to rub her temples. "Gentlemen, if there is nothing else…"

Andy slanted a look at Provenza beside him. He jerked his head toward the door. He had no intention of leaving, but he would send his partner out.

His partner rolled his eyes. "I'll go talk to Taylor," he volunteered. His nose wrinkled in disgust. She was going to owe him for _that_ alone. "He's as familiar with Croelick as the rest of us. I'll get him up to speed and he can call San Francisco."

"Thank you, Lieutenant." Sharon straightened. She didn't turn, but instead folded her arms around her body. "I'll be out shortly. We can begin tracing Ms. Samples' movements from the time she left San Diego and began moving north."

Andy waited until they were alone in the office before he stood up. The blinds were already closed. She had done that when they came in earlier. He walked around the desk and laid his hands on her shoulders. "I'm sorry," he said quietly.

"I know." Sharon closed her eyes. She drew a breath and let it out slowly. She turned and felt his hands fall away. "None of this is your fault. I remember the Croelick case. Not by name," she added. "I remember the incident. Chief Johnson didn't bring it to Professional Standards, but there were rumors. What bothers me is that this man came back to town, found out where you live, and went to your house. It bothers me that he's been poking around in our personal life. I've had enough of sociopathic murderers wanting to get to know me!"

"Yeah." Andy was feeling much the same way. He took a step back and sat on the edge of her desk. He gestured helplessly. "What do you want to do, Sharon?"

"Get to the bottom of why he is here," she said, "and if we have no reason to hold him, let's send him on his way." She also wanted to get to the bottom of her son lying to her. _What was he thinking_?

"I can work with that." He scratched his thumb across his forehead. "The rest?" He looked up at her. His shoulders were still tight with tension. They had gone a long damned time without talking about that. Maybe that was the problem.

"Not here." She shook her head. They wouldn't be able to avoid it anymore, Sharon only hoped they could keep it away from Ricky long enough for her to be able to sit him down. That was not something she had ever planned to do. Her eyes closed. She could hardly fault him for lying to her when she had done the same. But was it really a lie? Jack was a bad father, but he was an equally bad one for both Ricky _and_ Emily. The situation was complicated. She didn't want to think about it, not right now. She felt the headache that had been building throb behind her eyes. "Let's handle one thing at a time."

Andy nodded quietly and stood up from the desk. He walked around it and made his way to the door. He paused there, hand on the knob. "Sharon. Whatever you need to tell him is fine."

She smiled sadly. "I won't throw you under the bus, Andy. I still think we did the right thing. We couldn't predict how it would turn out."

"That's irony for you." He snorted. "It's a pain in the ass."

The corners of her mouth twitched. Sharon hummed. "Indeed. Go back to work, Lieutenant." She rolled her eyes at him. "Try not to lose your temper again."

He heaved a sigh. "I'll try." That sociopathic pyromaniac just got under his damned skin.

Sharon watched him go. She sank slowly into her chair and leaned back in it. Irony. It was at that. He sent her back to her husband so that she could have a good life. In the end, he was the one who had pulled his life back together, and she had raised her children alone. She wondered, and not for the first time, how different it might have been if she hadn't taken Jack back.

They couldn't live a life of what ifs. All they had was the here and now. They couldn't run away because it was suddenly complicated. Sharon rubbed her temples again. She sat behind her desk for only another moment before she rose. She made her to the door. Before she could untangle the many webs of her life, she would have to untangle the missing person's case that Bill Croelick had dropped into their laps.

She didn't know which one was going to be harder.

 **-TBC-**


	3. Chapter 3

**Lies We Told Ourselves**

 **by Kadi**

 **Rated T**

 **Disclaimer:** Not my sandbox. I just love playing in it.

* * *

 **Chapter 3**

It was nearing seven in the evening before Richard Raydor strode into the Murder Room. He was carrying a box that had been labeled for the Samples case. Whereas before he would have entered and immediately gone to his mother, all smiles and cheerful demeanor, this time he arrived and paused just inside the entrance. He looked around, trepidation written all over his face.

He spotted her near the murder board. Ricky shifted uncomfortably where he stood. He looked as though he might be tempted to flee. It took another second before he left the spot he was rooted to and walked toward her. "Mom."

Her back was still to him. Sharon's eyes closed. She didn't like being angry with any of her children. She wanted to understand him, she really did, but when she thought of all the times that they talked about his profession and his life in Palo Alto, Sharon became furious at the lies that she was told. In those moments before she turned, she prayed for patience.

In the hours that had passed since she spoke to him, some decisions had been made about their case. Because Bill Croelick was known by the LAPD for his _alleged_ crimes, Chief Taylor felt that that the Samples disappearance was worth looking into. They had nothing to go on, and for all they knew, she had simply left Croelick on her own. For that reason, until they had more concrete evidence, he wasn't going to put any overtime into the case.

Croelick was told to leave; they would be in contact. Sharon had already sent most of her team home. Provenza was refusing to leave, and she knew that Andy would stay until she insisted otherwise. She would do that now, she decided.

Sharon turned and fixed her son with a cool look. "Richard." Her gaze moved to the officers that remained in the room. "Lieutenants, please log the files in, and then go home. I'm going to give Ricky a ride to the condo…" Where they would be having a very long conversation, and not one that she wanted to have in the office. "We'll pick it up again in the morning."

Andy stood. He walked over and took the box himself. He didn't give the boy more than a cursory glance. Instead, his attention was focused on the mother. "You sure?"

"Yes." She nodded once. She didn't need him for this. "Wait here," she told her son, "I'll get my things."

Ricky shoved his hands into his pockets and rocked back on his heels. He stared at his feet. Not until she was in her office did he look up at the two older men. "On a scale of mad to Darth, just how bad is it?"

Andy shook his head. He put the box on Amy's desk and pulled the top off. "You lied about your job. You could probably get away with that, but your job happens to be one where you get shot at pretty regularly. We're beyond Darth at this point."

"Crap." Ricky sighed. He hung his head again. He reached up and rubbed a hand through his hair. "I was going to tell her," he began.

"Don't tell me." Andy shrugged at him. "Save it for her." He hefted the box off the desk and carried it to his own.

"Okay," Sharon reappeared carrying her purse and blazer. "Let's go."

Ricky drug his heels and kept his hands in his pockets, but he trudged along with her. It was going to be a long night.

Not until they were gone did Provenza walk over. He took the box lid and smacked his partner's arm with it. "That's it?" He waved a hand in the direction that they had gone in. "That's all you have to say? _Save it for her_. What is wrong with you?"

"What?" Andy glared at him. "What am I going to say? Don't lie to your mother? She's going to handle it." He shook his head and turned his attention back to the evidence Ricky brought. "I'm not getting involved until she asks me to."

Provenza felt like hitting him again. "He's your son, idiot!"

"No," Andy said slowly. "He's not. Look, it's pretty damned simple." He dropped the files in his hand back into the box and turned. "We had a thing, she got pregnant, and the husband came home. It's pretty obvious which one she chose." He sighed, because it wasn't really a choice. "I sent her back to him, okay? Jack was sober at the time, and I wasn't. She already had Emily, and I was no one for her kids to be around. I was a damned mess back then. As hard as it is to admit, she was better off with Jack." He gestured helplessly and let his hands drop. "I wouldn't even let her tell me. I knew what she wanted to say, and I didn't let her. I sent her home. We never talked about it again."

"Well maybe you should." Provenza slapped the box lid down on the desk. "What are you doing now? Ignoring it? How can two people who are reasonably smart be so stupid?" He threw his hands up in exasperation. "What kind of relationship do you call that? You've been together for months, a year if we want to get technical about all the time you two were dancing around it, and you just ignore the fact that once upon a time you got together and made a kid?"

"Exactly." Andy turned away from him. "We're not proud of it. We can't change it. We made a choice and there was no reason for Ricky to know about it. Why dwell on it? She ended up with a crap husband, and Ricky got a crap father. Nothing we can do about it now."

"Huh." Provenza shook his head as he walked away. "But you were pretty quick to get chummy with him when you wanted to start dating his mom."

"Yeah well," Andy shrugged. "He's a good kid." He sighed. He turned around and held his hands up. "What do you want me to say? I wasn't around. Even if I had been, I was in no shape to be anyone's father. Ricky was five before I was good and on the wagon. By then, Jack was all he knew. And I know it doesn't sound great, but I was kind of busy trying to fix the damage I did to my own kids. Why screw up another one?"

"Because for whatever reason," Provenza pointed out, "you two are back together, and it's not as simple as you want to make it out to be. Fine, you don't want to get into what happened back then, and I don't want all the details. That doesn't change the fact that everyone who saw that interview, and will be reading that transcript, is going to know the truth. She's going to have to tell him now, so you've got some decisions to make. What are you going to do, hot shot?"

That was the question wasn't it? Andy looked away from him again. His hands fell to hang limply at his sides. "I don't know. I guess it depends on what he wants. All I know is it's a damned mess." He turned away again and finished pulling files and evidence out of the box. It had been a mess since he let her walk out of his apartment that afternoon. He fought to get his other kids back, and he was still fighting to fix those relationships. In the process, he'd done the one thing he swore he never would. He walked away from his kid and never looked back.

How the hell was anyone supposed to fix that?

 **MCMCMCMCMCMC**

They rode in silence to the condo. Sharon wasn't ready to speak yet, and Ricky knew better than to try and push the issue. When they arrived, Sharon let him inside and excused herself to her room. Her anger was no excuse for bad manners, so she told him to get settled. When she returned, comfortably dressed in a pair of yoga pants and a sweater, she found Ricky on the sofa. There was a carafe of coffee and two cups on a tray on the coffee table.

While his mother got settled in on a chair nearby and poured herself a cup, Ricky lifted his own. "Is Rusty home?"

"Not tonight." Sharon crossed her legs and fixed her son with a look. "Rusty is at work." Her youngest son had taken a job at a bookstore near Santa Monica College. "So we have the place to ourselves until at least midnight. There should be plenty of time for you to tell me what you were thinking."

Ricky sighed as he leaned forward. He placed his cup back on the coffee table and ran his hands through his hair. "Mom, look. I was going to tell you. It's just… I didn't want you to worry about it, and you know, I wasn't really sure it was going to be a good fit. After a while, the longer I waited, the harder it got. Then…" He shrugged at her. "You had a lot going on. I didn't want you worrying about me too."

"Is that meant to make me feel better?" She tilted her head at him. "Ricky, you lied to me." Sharon looked away from him when her voice hitched. "How long?"

He rested his arms on his elbows and let his hands dangle between his knees. Ricky stared at them. "Since I graduated." He heard her sharp intake of air and winced. "I know. Okay. I _know_!" He stood up and began to pace. As he moved around the room, he gestured with his hands. "I just didn't know if I was going to like it. If I didn't, or if I was really bad at it, I didn't want you to be disappointed. I grew up a cop's kid. I know how other cops feel about their kids joining the force. The whole legacy thing, and I've seen what happens if they crap out at it. I didn't know if I was cut out for it. Then after a while, I started to realize that I was actually kind of good at it, it's just… it's not the kind of thing that you just pick up the phone and say. I couldn't just call you and be like, _hey mom, guess what, you know that fancy degree you helped pay for? Well I decided to play with guns instead_." He rounded the sofa on his circuit around the room and flung an arm out, "Then by the time I finally thought I could tell you, there was all this stuff going on with Rusty. I'm not saying it was his fault," he quickly added, "you were just worried enough already, and I knew you were going to worry, no matter what. It didn't matter how good I was at it, or how careful, you know better than anyone else what I'm doing everyday, so you were going to be kind of freaked out. I was going to tell you. I just didn't know how."

She leaned forward and covered her face with her hands. Sharon shook her head. It sounded reasonable enough. She could understand where Ricky had been upset and worried. She knew what it was to keep a secret, and to find as the years wore on, just how difficult it was to reveal it. She was reminded of that now. The way he moved, the way he spoke, and even the fact that he had worried himself into that corner, it was all something she had seen before. She tried, so hard over the years to not compare them, to not draw those parallels. It was difficult to avoid when it was glaring her in the face. She ignored it long enough, and perhaps there had been enough time and distance while he was growing up that she could fool herself into ignoring it. It was impossible to do now.

Sharon looked up again and there was grief written across her face. She stared at her boy. "You are your father's son," she whispered.

She had looked at him like that before. For a long time, Ricky hadn't understood what it meant. There was a longing in her gaze when she looked at him, but it was tinged with regret. He pushed his hands into his pockets and walked around the sofa. He stood near her. There was an answering sadness in his dark eyes. "Which one?" He watched her eyes widen.

She leaned back in her chair, mouth slightly agape; Sharon shook her head. "What?"

"Which one?" Ricky asked again. He shrugged at her. "Dad told me. It's part of the reason I did it." He sat down on the coffee table. Ricky let his hands hang in front of him again. "It was sophomore year. You wouldn't take him back again. He came through on his way back to Vegas, or Reno, or wherever he ran off to next. He was drunk and crying, and couldn't understand why you didn't want him anymore. Then it all just kind of spilled out. You hadn't really wanted him, you settled for him. You couldn't have the other one, but you had me, so he guessed that was okay. He said it was why you always doted on me; because I was his, and I looked like him. At first he wouldn't tell me who it was, and then he let it slip. I don't even think Dad remembers telling me." Ricky shrugged. "He passed out after a while. He was gone the next day. It never came up again."

Sharon continued to stare at him. She felt strangely numb as her son, so easily, confronted her biggest secret. "You never said anything," she said, slightly breathless. "You never asked?"

"I wanted to." Ricky gestured with his hands. "At first I just thought dad was on one of his _Sharon thinks she's so much better than me_ drinking binges. I talked to Emily about it. I didn't tell her everything. She remembers a guy. She doesn't remember who, just that there was a time, before I was born, when dad was gone and you had this friend that hung around a lot. He was funny and he was nice, and he got her that stupid ballerina doll."

"Hm." Sharon looked away. She settled her chin in her hand. She had forgotten about that doll. "Emily started her first dance classes after that," she murmured. "She wanted to be a ballerina too."

"Guess it's working out for her," Ricky said. He shrugged again. "I wanted to be mad at you. I was, for a little while. I didn't come home for Christmas that year. I went to Park City instead. I didn't tell Gram why I was so mad, but she knew I was upset with you. I told her it had to do with dad. We talked about it, not the part where I wasn't his, but the part where he was always leaving. I asked her how she would feel about you being with someone else while dad was gone. She said you had a right to be happy. I went back to school and thought about it some more. When I came home that summer, Emily was there too, and we talked about it again. I did some checking around. I wanted to find out who the guy was, not just what dad told me. I found out some things I didn't really like, and some others that weren't so bad. I had to figure out what all that meant. I'm still not too sure. I just know that dad was a crap husband, and a lot of stuff went down over the years. Some of it good and some of it really not so great."

Sharon leaned forward and wrapped his hands in hers. "You should have said something. Ricky, your father had no right to say any of that to you. We agreed a long time ago that—"

"What?" Ricky tilted his head at her. "To lie to me?" He shook his head. "Does it matter how I found out? Dad told me. I decided the summer after Junior year that I wanted to join the force. I figured if both my parents were cops, I might as well see what all the fuss was about."

"The software firm?" Sharon continued to study him. "What about all of that? The buy out and the programming, and everything that you've ever told me, was all of it a lie?" She held firmly to his hands when he tried to pull away from her. "Ricky, it didn't matter how you were conceived. Jack made a choice, and revealing it wasn't his decision to make, at least not alone, and definitely not in that way. We didn't lie to you. He _chose_ to be a father, a questionable one, yes, but a father. You _chose_ to deceive me about your entire life."

"Not really." Ricky sighed. "I have been helping the guys out. It seemed stupid to not use the degree. I do like to write code, I just do it in my spare time. It's kind of a hobby. The guys pay me for the programs I write for them, and I've got a share in the firm, but it's not a full time job. I did get a cut of the buy out, but it wasn't a lot, and I invested most of it. I chose San Francisco because it was far enough away that… I could do my thing without my name meaning anything."

"You should have told me," she whispered. "Ricky, what if something had happened to you? This life that you've chosen is so dangerous. It's not the life that I wanted for you."

"I know." He grinned crookedly at her. "You want us to be safe. But you also told us to follow our dreams. I'm doing that." He turned his hands over and clasped hers between his. "I'm good at it. I made inspector last year." He shrugged and made a face. "What you newer departments call detectives."

Sharon's eyes narrowed. "Don't put down my department, rookie." She tugged one of her hands out of his and cupped his cheek. "Promise me that you'll be careful?" It terrified her, the idea that he would be on those streets, so far away from her, and doing a job that she knew first hand was dangerous.

"I'm careful," he promised. "Listen mom, about the other thing. I don't know what happened twenty-five years ago. I don't need to know. I'm good without the details. But you and Andy, you're together now, and you're good together. Emily and I can see that, and we've always been okay with it. Rusty is obviously good with it too. This shouldn't change anything. He doesn't have to know."

Sharon realized that Jack hadn't told him everything. "He knows." Her thumb stroked her son's scruffy cheek. "Andy was losing himself in the darkness of his life, but he had the wherewithal to know that he was no good for us. I wasn't in love with him. He wasn't in love with me," she explained. "It was the idea of having someone that we both wanted. My marriage was failing; his was already over. His ex-wife wouldn't let him see his kids, and mine was starved for a father's attention. Ricky, we were living in a fairytale. It wasn't real. It was always going to end." She smiled warmly at him. "But I don't regret it. I never have."

"I'm kind of glad," he quipped. "That would be really bad for both of us."

She laughed quietly. "When did you grow up?" She was beginning to see the man that he was becoming in the boy that she raised.

"I haven't yet." Ricky grinned at her. "I was still pretty up in the air about it for a long time. You know when I realized how dumb that was?" At her confused look, he gestured with his hands. "Rusty. He said something a while ago that made me really think about how selfish I was being. He said that sometimes he wished that you had found him sooner. I never felt like dad was treating me different. When it was good, it was really good. The rest of the time, it just was. I'm just not a lot like him, and now I know why."

"There are things that you learned from him," Sharon said. "But no, you aren't very much like him. Neither is Emily, and I think that has more to do with his absence rather than any hereditary differences. You are…" She hesitated for a moment. Sharon had drawn her hands back into her own lap. She looked down at them. "You are a lot like Andy. There is a strong resemblance. I don't just mean physically. You do favor him, but I've seen elements of his temper in you. You let yourself worry yourself into corners, sometimes, and you don't always think before you speak. There is the baseball, but I encouraged that, and…" She smiled a bit and let her gaze drift. "That goofy sense of humor. That is all him."

Ricky thought she looked a little wistful. He wondered how much that had to do with the relationship they had _now_ and how much of it was the opportunities they'd lost. He glanced down for a moment, and when he looked up at her again, it was through the dark fringe of hair that fell across his brow. "Earlier when you said I was my father's son… you were talking about him."

"Yes." She wouldn't belittle him by denying it now. She hadn't meant to let it slip out, but it had. Sharon reached over and pushed his hair back from his brow. "I don't know how he feels about this. We haven't talked about it. We never looked back, Ricky. So whatever you do now, it won't change how much I love you. It has to be your decision."

"I know." He stood up again, as much because his legs were beginning to cramp from sitting on the short coffee table as because he just needed to move. "I think about that every time I come up here. He's a nice guy. I didn't know that he knew about me. It's kind or weird now. He's never acted like he knew."

"No," she said softly. "He wouldn't. But you don't really know him." Sharon stood and moved around the sofa to join him. "He spent a long time working for the chances that we've given your father time and again. He's been sober for almost twenty years now, but his family still treats him as if he just got out of rehab yesterday. His relationship with his daughter is better, but things with his son are still strained. They're all trying, and that's what matters, but Andy is a very complicated man. In his mind, when he chose to send me away, he turned his back on you. It was the right thing to do, but guilt is a very tricky thing, and he is riddled with guilt for the mistakes of his past. Even after he got sober, he ran from the hurt that he caused. He threw himself into his work. It took a long time for him to begin facing all of the mistakes he made. That doesn't change that he _did_ face them, and he's owned them, and he's worked hard to atone for it all. But Ricky, in his mind, he's not your father. You're not his because he cast you away."

"So what?" He was confused now. He frowned at his mother. "He's punishing himself? And you're letting him?"

"No, Ricky." She smiled sadly. "I've been too busy punishing myself." Sharon moved away from him. She leaned against the back of the sofa. "I had an affair," she said. "It produced a child. I tried to make my marriage work in spite of all that, but it still fell apart. My husband still left. In the absence of the life that I wanted, I wrapped myself in a blanket of rules and regulations and told myself that if I just followed them, I wouldn't make it any worse. I wouldn't be hurt again, and I wouldn't let the two of you be hurt anymore than you already were. It wasn't long before I was practicing that at work too. I transferred to Professional Standards because it was safer, and the hours were better, but I was comfortable there. I made a place for myself there, and I reveled in those rules. At home, I held on to my marriage because I had broken that vow once, and I couldn't see my way to breaking it again. So I let your father come and go, and for a little while I told myself that if I was good enough that he would stay. But the rules I loved, he hated. So he left, again and again, until I stopped caring if he returned. You and Emily grew up, and you both went away to school. I began to relax, just a little. Then quite unexpectedly, my life changed again."

"Rusty?" Ricky pushed his hands into his pockets and walked over to lean against the sofa beside her.

"No. Not at first." Sharon folded her arms across her chest. "Andy and I had to work together. I was auditing his division and we were thrown together so often that I was forced to think about the past, even when I tried not to. I couldn't change it. All I could do was live in the present, and it was…" Her eyes closed. Sharon drew a breath and let it out slowly. "Infuriating. That man can irritate me like almost no other."

"But you like him," Ricky reminded her. "Obviously." He smirked at her when she smiled.

"Yes, obviously." Sharon shrugged. "He's funny and he's kind, and he reminded me what it felt like to dance in the flames. He's a troublemaker. I'm a rulebook."

"Puzzle pieces." Ricky threw up his hands. "Emily's analogy, not mine. She says that you smooth out the rough edges, and he tosses a little chaos into the order."

Sharon laughed. "Yes, that's it exactly. I've never thought of it like that." She hummed. "I like it." She shook her head. "Rusty came along not too long after that. I realized with him how selfish I had been. So I stopped thinking about what could have happened completely. I focused on what was happening _now_. Andy and I had both changed so much over the years. But I wasn't ready for anything deeper, and I don't think that he was either. We became friends first, and I think that's how it always had to be. We needed to learn how to understand each other. So yes," she said, by way of bringing her point back around. "I know that he's punishing himself. Whether he realizes it or not, I don't know. It would be complicated and it would be messy, but I can't imagine him turning his back on you… if that's what you wanted. At the same time, if it's not, he'll respect it. Things will stay as they are now. The choice has to be yours, Ricky." She touched his arm. "No one else can make it for you."

"I'll think about it," he said. Ricky smiled. "I mean, now that it's kind of out there in the open, I guess I have to, right?"

Her lips pursed. "There's time," she told him. "You don't have to decide anything right now, but yes. I think that now that it's out in the open, it at least deserves a little consideration." Sharon pushed away from the sofa. She walked around to lift the tray. "It's been a long day," she told him. "I'm going to text your brother so that he isn't _freaked out_ when he gets home and finds you on the sofa, and then I think I'm going to go to bed."

"That would be a good idea." Ricky grinned. "I hear he's handy with a lamp."

Sharon laughed at the memory. "Yes, he really is." She shook her head as she headed into the kitchen.

Ricky remained where he was, leaning against the sofa. He waited until she came back. "Mom," he stopped her before she could head down the hall. "Are you sure that you weren't in love with him then?"

Her brows lifted in surprise. "Why do you ask?"

"The name William. Where does it come from?"

"Good night, Ricky." She smiled as she turned.

Ricky watched her go, but she hadn't denied it. Not even a little. Maybe she was only denying it to herself. Sooner or later, though, he knew that he was going to have to sit down and have a chat with the man who had fathered him. This Andrew William Flynn that his mother was _currently_ in love with.

 **-TBC-**


	4. Chapter 4

**Lies We Told Ourselves**

 **by Kadi**

 **Rated T**

 **Disclaimer:** Not my sandbox. I just love playing in it.

* * *

 **Chapter 4**

Sharon made up her mind that she was driving across town before she had even finished getting ready for bed. Ricky only laughed at her when she announced that she was leaving. She had the drive over to think about the talk with Ricky. Sharon turned it over in her head. In the end, she knew that she would forgive him. He had lied to her, but it hadn't come from a place of malice. He was confused. He was young. He would do better.

Andy no longer lived in the little apartment that he once occupied. He had moved out a few years after their time together. He didn't like living so close to other people. The noise and the neighbors bothered him. He had a rental on the outskirts of Hollywood now. It was a decent neighborhood, older, and affordable. It wasn't a very big house, just two bedrooms, but it was tidy and well kept. It gave him the opportunity to putter around in the yard, or to do minor repairs. Projects that kept his hands busy when he wasn't at work. He liked it. She thought it was cozy. Sharon still preferred her condo and its view, but Andy's little place wasn't bad.

She parked her car alongside his and let herself into the house with the key that he had given her. It was quiet, but the hour wasn't too late. Sharon left her purse in the living room and toed out of her shoes. She walked quietly toward the back of the house where the bedrooms resided. She let herself into Andy's room, and smiled. He was already in bed, but from the clean and damp scent in the air, he wasn't long out of the shower.

Sharon eased onto the bed. He was laying with his back to her, an arm thrown over a pillow in front of him. She tugged her bottom lip between her teeth as she stretched out beside him. There was something about the smell of freshly showered man and the way that he smelled of shampoo and soap; mixed scents of sandalwood and something else that she couldn't quite place. His hair was still a bit damp. It tickled her nose when she turned her face into his neck. He'd gone to bed in a t-shirt and boxers, as was his habit. Her hands slid beneath the t-shirt and moved along his back as she settled against him.

He felt the bed shift before he felt the feather light touch of her hands. He was hovering in that space, just before sleep, when he thought his dream might have become reality. The feel of her lips against his neck pulled him back. It was far better than any dream. "Hey." He rolled and moved her beneath him. His hands moved into her hair while his mouth covered hers. His tongue swept her bottom lip in greeting.

"Hi," she whispered. Her arms wrapped around his middle and they moved again, this time onto their sides facing each other.

When she tucked herself against him and wiggled close, he let her. "You okay?"

She hummed quietly. Sharon nodded. She wound her legs around his and sighed. He was warm and comfortable. "I am now." She was okay before, but it was better now. She could more than take care of herself, but she liked being held by him. With his hands moving up and down her back, she smiled against his neck. "Missed you."

They saw each other all day, but it was a fine line that they walked. He couldn't hold her like this, and he couldn't sooth all her worries. He couldn't do that anyway, but at least when they were alone, he could try. "Yeah," he agreed. Andy slipped a hand into her hair and let his fingers massage her scalp. When she hummed again, he grinned. Andy let her get comfortable; he waited until he felt the tension leave her body to ask her how it had gone. "How's the kid?"

"He was afraid that he would disappoint me if he wasn't any good at it," Sharon said. "He didn't want me to worry about him." Her hands slid beneath his t-shirt again. He was her own personal furnace. His warmth chased away the chill as her fingers danced across his skin. "The programming is a hobby. He joined the force after graduation."

"Damn." Andy winced. That long? He figured it had to be close if the kid had already made detective. Had to figure that would happen soon. He was bright like his mom, ambitious too. Andy said as much.

Sharon lifted her head and looked at him. "No, I really think he gets this from you," she said. It was the first time she had ever referenced their joint parenthood. Her brows arched. "Andy… he knows."

He swept a lock of hair back from her face. "I figured you'd have to tell him." He sighed. "Hell of a thing. You told him it was a long time ago?"

She shook her head. "He already knew. Jack told him. He was still in college. Jack was drunk, Ricky isn't even sure he knew what he was saying. It's why he went to the academy. His parents are cops, he wanted to know why."

Andy let go of her and rolled onto his back. He lay there for a minute before he got up from the bed. He ran a hand through his hair as he paced the room. "He already knew?"

"Yes." Sharon sat up. Her eyes tracked his movements around the bedroom. "He didn't know that _you_ know, but Ricky has known for some time now. He's been trying to come to terms with it."

"Son of a bitch." Andy scrubbed a hand over his face. If he got his hands on Jackson Raydor again, he thought he might do some serious damage.

"Andy." Sharon shook her head at him. "Ricky is confused, but he's not upset. He's had a few years to try and come to terms with this. He's going to be okay."

"We coulda seriously screwed this kid up, you know that right?" Andy walked back over to the bed and sat down beside her. "What is he going to do?"

When he looked at her, there was concern in his gaze, and maybe just a little bit of hope. Sharon drew a thin breath. She had told Ricky that this man wouldn't turn him away, but she hadn't realized just how much he might _want_ the boy that they created together to come to him. How long had he been waiting? "I don't know," she said quietly. "He hasn't decided. He knows that he can come to you." Her head tilted and she looked curiously at him. There was moisture in her eyes. Her voice hitched alarmingly. "Jack's made a study of leaving him. He hasn't realized yet that you won't."

She looked away from him, and with her sharply in drawn breath he pulled her to him. He eased her down onto the bed and let his arms curl around her. "Sharon." They had spent years burying the past, hiding it away, and pretending it didn't matter. They were forced to face the truth now, and it was painful. They were left wondering at the life that they walked away from.

"I wanted Jack," she whispered. In her sadness, her eyes were a deeper shade of green. A single tear spilled over and rolled slowly down her cheek. "Every day that we were together, I wanted it to be Jack that would stop drinking just because I asked. I wanted it to be Jack that was bringing Emily dolls for no reason than because he saw it and thought of her. I wanted _him_ to show up with takeout because I had a bad day and didn't feel like cooking." All the things that Andy had done during the weeks that they had been together, during the short time when they had been playing house and pretending that their lives were not falling apart. Another tear slipped down her cheek, and she let it. She looked up at him, and her eyes were lit with regret, and not a little bit of longing. "Every day I thought about the life that I wanted to have with _him_. Then he was there. He was doing those things…" Her eyes closed. She couldn't look at him. A tremor went through her, and when she felt his lips at the corner of her eye, kissing away another tear, she drew a shuddering breath. She ached all over. "Every time I looked in the mirror," she whispered thickly, "and every time I felt that baby kick, and when I finally got to hold him, all I wanted was you."

He felt his chest seize. His lips chased the path of tears down her cheek. He turned his face into her neck. It shuddered through him, this pain. All the things they should have said to each other, long ago, and all the lies that they'd spent more than twenty-five years telling themselves, were unraveling now. It was coming apart around them. His hand moved down her stomach, and settled against her hip. His nose nuzzled her ear, and Andy placed a kiss against the soft skin beneath it.

"Jack came by the bar." His voice rumbled, low and quiet in the dimly lit room. "The night you had Ricky. I told myself that it was good, you know, that he was celebrating. That he was bragging over his boy." Andy sighed. His jaw clenched. Even now, his gut twisted at the memory. He could feel the heat of the jealousy that had washed through him that night. "He didn't see me. I didn't want him to. I didn't want to be part of it." That was true enough. Andy had known that if he stuck around, he would have put his fist in that bastard's mouth.

Her fingers were soft against the curve of his jaw. She watched the memories dance in the emotion that filled his eyes. It burned in the lighter, gold flecks that lit those brown depths. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

"No." Andy shook his head at her. He wasn't finished yet. "I snuck out the back. I should've gone home. I went to the hospital instead. You were out of it. I told the nurse I was family. She told me you'd had a hard time of it." As he spoke, he lifted the edge of her sweater. His fingers pushed the waist of her yoga pants downward, and he leaned over her. His thumb swept over the hardly noticeable, thin white line that stretched across her pelvis. He'd always known it was there, but he had ignored it, and what it meant. His head bent now, and his lips brushed the old C-section scar. "I went to the nursery instead." His lips brushed her skin as he spoke. He lifted his head and he looked at her. "It took me a minute to find him. I realized I was looking for the wrong kid. It killed me seeing his name. I wanted to change my mind then. I wanted to wake you up and make you tell the truth, and to hell with everyone else. And then I wanted to get shit-faced. I wanted to get shit-faced more than I wanted to wake you up. So I did that instead. I went and I got drunk, and I stayed drunk for almost a week. I barely crawled out of the bottle long enough to go to work. When I did, I realized I was on my way down, and I couldn't take you with me."

She reached for him, drew him to her. Sharon wound her arms around him, let her legs wrap around his. She tucked her face into his neck. Had they known what they were walking away from? Had she ever imagined that she could have this? That having his arms around her would be the balm to the ache that she felt, for the life she hadn't had. She didn't dwell on her regrets, she kept moving forward, but they hurt just the same.

"It was years before Jack realized where I had gotten the name." She spoke against his ear, voice soft. "You were in the paper for a commendation of some kind. I tried to convince him it was a coincidence…." That she had not named her son after the man who had fathered him. Jack hadn't believed her. She couldn't blame him.

"What did we do Sharon?" He lifted his head. He held hers framed in his hands. His thumbs swept the moist curve of her cheeks. "What the hell were we thinking?"

"We got lost." It was the only explanation that she had. "Life was hard, and we got lost in it. But I'm here now, and there are no bottles for you to hide in."

"And there's no one else for you to run to," he said.

"No." She drew him down. "No, I just want you, and this time I'm saying it."

His nose brushed her cheek. His lips hovered against hers. "Stay." It might be twenty-five years late, but he was saying it now. When she only nodded, he covered her mouth with his and gathered her closed.

He wasn't letting her go this time. When her hands slipped beneath his shirt again, he realized she wasn't running. Whatever they had done, whatever they had lost or hidden from, they had found it again.

 **MCMCMCMCMCMC**

Rusty shuffled past his brother the next morning. He waited until he poured a cup of coffee before he leaned against the bar opposite him. "Hey."

"Yeah." Ricky bit into a piece of toast. Neither of them were morning people; that was something that he and his adopted brother could agree on. He'd had a long night and hadn't slept well. His mind was too full. There was just too much to think about and decide. It was all coming to a head too quickly. It was like everything was out in the open now. That was the thing with lies. Once one of them unraveled, the others tended to follow suit. He scrubbed a hand over his face and fought back a yawn.

"Not that I'm not happy to see you," Rusty began, "but why are you here?" He was surprised to get the text from Sharon the night before. They usually knew well in advance that Ricky was going to visit.

"One of my cases bit me in the ass." Ricky dropped his toast onto his plate and reached for his coffee. "Mom knows. I was summoned."

Rusty's eyes went wide. He stared at his brother, mouth agape. His heart was beating rapidly in his chest. There was a sense of panic and then dread. He put his coffee down slowly. "She doesn't know that _I_ know, right?" Ricky had to confide in someone, and Rusty had visited him in the spring, while he was on break from school. It had been hard for his brother to hide, but he was sworn to secrecy.

"No." Ricky shrugged. "There's a code. Even if mom found out, it wasn't your place to tell her. We're supposed to keep each other's secrets, unless it's life threatening. Mom always encouraged that with Emily and me. Don't worry about it. Besides, it's nothing compared to what else is coming out of the closet." He leaned forward on his stool and let his elbows rest on the bar's surface. "Stuff's about to get pretty crazy around here."

"Oh god, not again." Rusty closed his eyes. He was able to breathe a little easier. Ricky had a point. Sharon encouraged them to talk, and share, and behave like siblings. She wanted them to be close. He didn't think she would blow a gasket if they were confiding in each other… as long as she found out eventually. "What's going on?"

Ricky picked at the toast on his plate. He looked up at his brother through his bangs and sighed. "My dad isn't my dad." He shrugged. "I've known for a long time. Dad likes to talk when he's drunk."

Rusty stared at him. He was wide-eyed again. "No way." He almost wanted to laugh. That was… no, that couldn't be true. He thought of everything he knew about Sharon and a bubble of laughter worked it's way up. He grinned. "Come on, you're yanking my chain. Jack wasn't a bed of roses, but Sharon would never cheat on him."

"He left several times over the years, Rusty." Ricky shook his head. "Mom's not perfect. I mean, I get that she's kinda close, and she tries to be, but she's the first person who says she isn't. People make mistakes, even her."

"Yeah, but come on…" Rusty couldn't seem to wrap his mind around that one. "It's a pretty big mistake. That's not like… forgetting to pick up the dry cleaning or not paying the phone bill. We're talking about the kind of secrets that mess with people's lives. Sharon wouldn't do that."

"Wouldn't she?" Ricky picked up his half eaten toast and pointed it at his brother. "How many times has mom said that the past is complicated where she and dad are concerned? She doesn't like to talk about it, she always changes the subject; she says it's none of our business and she leaves it at that."

"Huh." Rusty looked away while he thought about it. "I asked her once, if she didn't like Jack, why she just didn't divorce him. She said there were some religious and financial issues, but then she said that she couldn't explain a lot of it." He sighed. "She also said it was none of my business. Yeah…" Rusty had to concede that point. Sharon didn't like to talk about it. "It's just weird. She's just always so… these are the rules, and we have to follow them, no matter what."

"Apparently I'm the reason why." Ricky dropped is toast again. He wiped his hands on a napkin and leaned back. "Dad left. He was gone for a while, not as long as some of his disappearing acts, but a while. Long enough for her to meet someone else and try to have a life without him. He came back, and they tried to make it work."

"But it didn't," Rusty pointed out.

"Nope." Ricky stared into his coffee cup. "Now I get to figure out what I want to do. I mean, I've known for a while. I even knew who it was. I just didn't know all the details or that _he_ knows too. So it's kind of weird."

"Tell me about it." Rusty reached over and took the remaining toast from Ricky's plate, the one that he hadn't touched. "I felt kind of like that when I found out about mine. Only he didn't know about me, and I was kind of better off. It's funny, what does Sharon say? She kind of didn't have a choice when mine showed up. I was sixteen. She had to let him see me, but she said I should try. She said that he could come with a whole family that I never knew about or had. You know, uncles and cousins, and stuff. What does she want you to do?"

"She said it was up to me." Ricky shrugged. "I don't know. I mean, if I open that door, she's right. There is a whole other family there. Siblings too. He's got kids. If I don't, things might get even weirder. He's not going away." Ricky frowned. "He treats me okay. Which is why I didn't think he knew. Mom could be right, he'll respect my choice, and it will be okay… but he's going to be in my life anyway. Can we just ignore it now that I know? And I know that he knows that I know."

"What?" Rusty wasn't sure he had followed that logic. Sometimes it was kind of hard to follow Ricky's train of thought. He thought fast, and sometimes it didn't make sense until someone made him slow down. He was scary smart, just a little bit impatient. "Wait a minute." He put the toast down and tried to catch up. "You know who it is? And he knows you. So, you see him every day? What?"

Ricky rolled his eyes at his brother. "Catch up, Rusty. I'm talking about your future step-dad. He's my bio dad."

He had the misfortune of having taken a drink of his coffee. Rusty choked on it. He wheezed and reached for a napkin as coffee flowed from his nose. "What the hell!"

He rolled his eyes skyward. Ricky shook his head. "Now he's catching up. Come on, roll with me here. I'm having an identity crisis." He put his chin in his hand. "Mom and the boyfriend. He was her ex-boyfriend before he was her not-boyfriend, and now he's her actual boyfriend. It turns out that the naughty goes way back. So does their ability to deny the obvious. You still with me?" He squinted. Rusty was turning purple. He reached over and slapped his shoulder. "Come on, hang in there pal. Mom will kill me if I let you choke to death."

"Get off me!" Rusty shoved his arm away. He took a step back and stared at his brother. "Are you freaking kidding me? Sharon and _Flynn_? Like for real? This isn't a joke? You're not taping this to show Emily later, right? This is an actual thing?"

"Why do you think dad hates him so much?" Ricky gave his brother a pointed look.

Rusty started to open his mouth but stopped. He closed it again. "Right." He pointed at his brother. "Good point." He finished wiping his face and the coffee that had spilled down his front. "Wow. I had no idea. I knew there was sort of a thing there, before there was an actual thing, but dude."

"Exactly!" Ricky's hand slapped against the counter top. "So what do I do?"

"Well," Rusty's mind was still reeling. He wasn't sure he was ever going to understand this one. It was huge. At the same time, it made a scary amount of sense. Sharon was always big on how people made mistakes and they tried to make the best of it. It figured she would know from personal experience. It wasn't any of his business, though. She was right about that, although now, he supposed that it kind of was. She was his mom, and Ricky was his brother, and then there was Flynn. He had a feeling he was going to be around for a while. Their families did things together, like the nutcracker, and ball games, and sometimes just dinners. What this was going to mean for all of that, Rusty didn't know. He rubbed the back of his head. "Huh." Rusty shook his head again. "Okay, this is how I see it… They broke up because she and Jack decided to work things out, right? Part of that was raising you together. That didn't work out. Things don't always go how we want them to. But…" He paused again. "The only thing that you really can do is give him a good look in the eye and acknowledge that you both know the truth. What happens after that is up to you two. You can't plan for it." That was more or less what he was told when his father showed up in town. It hadn't worked out, but he was good with it. He had a feeling things would be different for Ricky, however it went.

Ricky drummed his fingers against the counter top. He chewed on the inside of his cheek. "He's good to her, right?" He had only been exposed to them in small doses. It was Rusty that lived with it.

Rusty thought about it. He put everything that he knew about them into focus and nodded. "He is. They're good. Kind of gross, but they're okay. I'll never understand it. They're so opposite, but it works. She's happy. I like seeing her happy," he said. Rusty knew that he had seen enough of her not being happy; he liked it when she laughed, and she did that a lot now. Flynn made her laugh, and he made her smile, and she sang while she cooked. It was something that she had done before, but she did it more now.

"What about the drinking thing?" Ricky asked. His mom liked to keep a bottle of wine in the fridge. When he was home, there was beer. He didn't drink often, and when he did, it was rarely to excess. He had always feared turning out like his dad. Now he had two reasons to worry about that. "It's under control?"

"It's never under control," Rusty said seriously. He met his brother's gaze; his had gone serious. "It's always going to be a thing. Every day is a struggle. It's always a process and something that they have to work out. That's something that Jack is figuring out again. It's something my mom has to learn." He paused. Rusty shrugged and offered him a small smile. "That's what Andy told me. He still goes to meetings, and he works his program, and he calls his sponsor when he has to."

"So," Ricky said at length. "He's serious about it. Not like Jack." The other one got sober when he wanted to prove something. He did it as a way of getting back into their good graces. It never lasted very long. They wanted to believe that he could do it and make it last, but he was going to have to prove that. Ricky knew that he was trying again, and he seemed serious about it this time, but he and Emily weren't holding their breath.

"I don't know about Jack." Rusty sighed. "All I know is that I've been around here for a few years now. I see these guys all the time. They've seen some really horrible stuff. My mom would get drunk because she was having a bad hair day. Jack did it because he thought he could handle a glass of wine to celebrate winning a settlement. Andy never touches the stuff. He can pour Sharon a glass of wine for dinner and never look twice at it. So yeah, I guess he's serious about it. I've talked to him about my mom. He said that anyone can fall off the wagon at any time. It doesn't matter if they've been sober a week or thirty years, it can happen. Are you asking me if I trust him?" Rusty thought about it for a moment. "Yes, I do. I'd feel bad if _he_ fell off the wagon, and of all the addicts that I know, he's the one that I would help."

Ricky knew that Rusty had seen a lot of it. Their mom had protected him and Emily from the worst of Jack's drinking and gambling. She took responsibility for the parts of it that she had enabled over the years, but she tried to cushion them from it. It was only recently that she pulled back and let them see what their father was like for themselves. They'd already known; they'd just never had to deal with it. They expected better of him because she did. They wanted better for him, because she had. "I guess we'll just have to see how it works out." Ricky was still confused about it all.

"Nothing else you can do." Rusty poured out what was left of his coffee. "For what it's worth, Sharon can be a pain in the ass sometimes, with the way she tries to maneuver everything for us. It drives me crazy, but she only does it because she loves us. My other mom does it because it's how she wants things to be for _her_. Sharon does it so that we have the best. Whatever she did or didn't do, it was about you and not her."

"That's the only part that makes sense." Ricky picked up his phone when it vibrated. "That's mom. I'm supposed to meet her downstairs. She's waiting. We're working together today."

Rusty snorted as he turned away. "Good luck."

Ricky frowned as he slipped off the stool. "What is that supposed to mean?" He tucked the phone into his back pocket. His badge was already clipped to the waist of his jeans. He would need to get his gun from his bag.

"They call her Darth Raydor for a reason." Rusty grinned. "You're going to find out why."

Ricky's shoulders slumped as he walked through the living room. "She's totally going to steal my case isn't she?"

"It's already hers," Rusty chirped happily.

He sighed as he picked up his gun and clipped it on. "Yeah well, I think we're going to have to see about that. It was mine first." He nodded. "See you, little brother. Nice chat. We should do it again."

"Uh huh." Rusty watched him go. He shook his head. "Yeah, he can kiss that case goodbye." He really wished he didn't have class; he would like to hang out and see what happened. Rusty grinned. He'd just text Buzz later. He could count on him to give him all the gory and interesting details. First he had to call Emily, because boy did he have a story for her!

 **-TBC-**


	5. Chapter 5

**Lies We Told Ourselves**

 **by Kadi**

 **Rated T**

 **Disclaimer:** Not my sandbox. I just love playing in it.

* * *

 **Chapter 5**

The rest of the team was already present by the time that Sharon and Ricky arrived. She led the way into the murder room, her stride never faltering as she strode through the room. If she was at all uncomfortable with the events of the previous day, she didn't show it. She bid her people a good morning and swept into her office to deposit her things. Ricky hung back. He hovered near the door. His gaze swept the room. There were already notes up on the murder board. The box he'd brought with him was now empty, and that information had been disseminated to the others. He shoved his hands into his pockets and took a step further into the room.

A couple of them glanced his way, but if they had questions, they were keeping them quiet. The older Lieutenant looked at him the longest. Ricky felt like shifting uncomfortably under his gaze. Instead, he leaned against an empty desk and waited. He was there for a reason; he figured they would get to it eventually.

Ricky tried not to look at the other one, but it was hard. He didn't want to be obvious about it. He looked out of the corner of his eye. He was standing at his desk, a file open in his hands. Flynn had glanced up when his mother walked through the office. Ricky was pretty sure that they had shared a look, but it was hard to decipher it when they weren't obvious about it.

His mom hadn't said anything on the way in. She said what she wanted to the night before. She wouldn't push the issue. She would leave the rest to him. Sometimes he wondered if that just made it harder. There were times when he thought that they would be better served if she _did_ push just a little bit harder.

He had so many questions, but he wondered if anyone actually had the answers.

"What do we have?" Sharon rejoined them. She moved into view of the murder board and studied it quickly. There was a timeline in place now. It began when Croelick said that his girlfriend had left for San Diego.

Julio turned in his chair to face her. "We took the statements from the bozos in San Francisco…" He trailed off when she shot a look at him. Julio grinned back at her. "They didn't file the missing person's report until Maria Samples' parents stated that they hadn't heard from their daughter."

"They did log the calls that were placed by the boyfriend," Tao stated. He leaned back in his chair, a donut in hand. "There were three, one placed each day, and then finally the family got involved. They stated that Miss Samples was away on business but should have been back several days before. She had not checked in at work, and they had not heard from her."

"At that point, the rookies in charge of the case," Provenza began, "finally decided that they had better look into things." He pointed at the murder board. "They didn't flag the case. They did contact San Diego, but our missing person had checked out of her hotel and was, by all intents and purposes, on her way home."

"So instead of an alert going up because Croelick is a known serial," Andy picked up the story, "what we have is a missing woman, who may or may not be dead, and went missing somewhere between San Diego and San Francisco." He held up the file in his hand. "Our good friend Bill did some poking around," his voice dripped with sarcasm. "Maria Samples stopped for gas in Los Angeles, we have pings off of cell phone towers around Inglewood. Nothing after that. We do know that the San Francisco Rookie squad brought Croelick in a few times for questioning and that they were watching him."

"What we haven't been able to figure out," Amy said, "is why the rookies wanted to talk to him so badly. They seemed to think that Mister Croelick was responsible for his girlfriend's disappearance, but they didn't reach out to other departments. It's obvious that she disappeared somewhere around Los Angeles, but there were no attempts made to contact the LAPD."

"I see." Sharon pressed her lips into a thin line. She stood where she was for a moment, eyes trained on the murder board. It wasn't only Julio that was getting involved in this. After Provenza started in on it, she realized what they were doing. She kept her back straight when she finally turned. She pinned Ricky with a look. "Then I suggest we ask them. Do tell us, Richard, where were you going with this investigation, or was this a rookie mistake?"

His eyes went wide. He looked around the room. They were all staring at him. "Oh come on, really?" He stood up off the desk. "Even my own mother?" It was a hazing, LAPD style.

"You wanted to do the job." Provenza pointed at him. "This is how it's done. I'm a little concerned about your choice of department. I really thought she raised you better than that. I am disappointed."

"Ma'am." Julio leaned against his desk. "We can take him out back, talk some sense into him if you like?"

Her head tilted. "It is tempting." She tapped a finger against her lips. "No, I don't think so. I do like having him in one piece, Julio. Let's let him learn from this rookie mistake. Detective Sykes, gentlemen, I expect you to show him how it's done." She pointed at her son. "Sit, learn." Her gaze swept the room again. "Mike, go."

"Okay," he stood up and walked over. They had a map grid up and it had been marked. "We followed her movements by tracking her phone. We know that she left San Diego because we have her on cell phone towers in each of these spots," he tapped a marker against the map.

"She stopped for gas south of LA," Julio said. He held up a copy of the receipt. "Buzz contacted the store, they sent copies of the security footage. The person making the purchases matches her DMV photo."

Sharon nodded. "Good, Amy?"

She stood and walked around to stand near the board. "She stopped for lunch in Los Angeles, and there were two more purchases at a mall in Hollywood. These match the cell tower pings that we recorded."

"We're sure that the purchases were made by Miss Samples?" Sharon asked, wanting to be clear on that point.

"Yes. Signatures on the credit card receipts match those from the gas station," Amy told her.

"Excellent." Sharon nodded, making mental notes of the information they had already found out. "Andy?"

He had to walk around the desk that Ricky was leaning against. "We pulled her vehicle registration. We called impound lots and put a want out on the license plate with Traffic. We're checking vin numbers and doing a broad search to see if the car turns up. We have it in a toll picture headed toward Los Feliz, but after that, it and Maria Samples disappear off the grid."

"That's not possible." Ricky shook his head. "It's only nine in the morning. There's no way that you found all that out already. How did you get the security footage pulled?"

Buzz walked by, carrying a drink tray. "We got here at eight. What time do you get to work?" He stopped at Amy's desk with the tray. "Coffee order is here." Their names were written on the cups, he held them out, including the tea he got for the Captain. "Who had the extra black, no sugar?"

All eyes in the room swung to Flynn. He looked up at them. "What?" He already had his.

Sharon's nose wrinkled. She reached for it. "That's for Ricky." She passed it to her son. "You could at least add milk. That is disgusting."

"So is your tea, but you don't see us complaining." Ricky took the cup from her. "Thank you. Okay, I get it; you're all so great. But we didn't have any evidence that anyone was actually missing. Why were we going to spend resources on some chick that might have left her boyfriend for good reason?"

"Because Bill Croelick likes to burn his girlfriends to death when he's ready to break up with them," Andy said. "You were concerned enough to be keeping an eye on him. So why didn't you look into her?"

"We did," Ricky told him. "But she hadn't been back in town. She was nowhere to be found in San Francisco and there was no evidence of any foul play. We put out a want for her, but that was all we could do. It's all that you'd be able to do too."

Provenza snorted. "It's not all he would do, but he'd probably get in trouble for what _he_ would do."

Andy was nodding. "He makes a very good point. Of course, if I was allowed to do what I wanted to do, I'd just put a gun in the son of a bitch—"

Sharon's eyes narrowed. "Lieutenant." She shook her head at him.

His bottom lip jutted out. "Oh come on, Captain. I said I'd do it if I was _allowed_ , I didn't say that I would actually do it!"

"That guy has some serious hate on for the LAPD," Ricky told them. "I think I'm starting to understand why. What did you guys do to this sicko?"

Andy stared at him. "Really? Didn't you run a search on him at all?" He really was a rookie. What were they teaching these kids up in San Francisco? "You knew he had a record, it was enough to make you want to keep an eye on him."

"Yeah," Ricky said. "He got his conviction overturned. He just seemed a little creepy to me, that's all. I didn't really buy his story. He's a bit of a nut job. I thought we should find out if the girlfriend was going to turn up, and make sure another girl didn't go missing. We didn't have anything with Samples. No body, no evidence, and nothing to go on but a gut feeling."

"Which is basically all we've got now," Andy told him. "Thing is, Croelick is pushing this too hard. He's either directly involved, or he knows what happened to her, but he's using it to yank our chains. It's why he's poking around the way he is."

Ricky shook his head. He didn't get it. "How do you know that? What is it about this guy that really bothers you?" He was trying to get a read on Andy, who was usually so easy going, but practically brimming with dislike at the mention of the other man.

Andy tossed the file in his hand onto his desk. "I put Bill Croelick in jail twice. The first time, we didn't have enough to convict him of murdering his girlfriend, and he got acquitted. The second time, we thought we had him. Everything matched, right down to prints. That's the one that Croelick got put on death row for. The only problem is…"

"The woman they convicted him for murdering turned up dead three years later from a drug overdose," Provenza finished for him. "Funny how that works out, isn't it?"

"Why can you never tell your own stories?" Andy shot a dark look at him. His partner was always interrupting, usually at the punch or tag line.

"I do." Provenza smirked, "and I tell them better. You take too long." He leaned back in his seat and folded his hands against his stomach.

If Sharon hadn't been present he would have shot a gesture at his partner to show him exactly how he felt about him in that moment. Andy's lips pulled back in a mean smile instead. "In any case," he continued, "it turned out that the shrink that had been interviewing Croelick for his book committed that murder and planted the evidence. Croelick got out of jail and sued the city."

"He's a psychopath," Provenza said. "This one is as nutty as they come. The problem is, we know he did it, and he's probably done it again, but we never have enough to put him away for it." He smiled again. "Unless Flynn actually wants to plant the evidence this time. Lure him to the house; set the scene, we already know he's been watching you. It would be perfect. You could finally get your man."

Andy shot an aggrieved look at Sharon. "Can't you just get rid of him? He never does anything but sit there. Yap, yap, yap, that's all we hear. When is the last time that he did any actual work. The crossword doesn't count."

"Gentlemen," Sharon rolled her eyes at them, "and I use the term loosely. Do remember that you are tenured members of this team, and not fifteen year olds."

Buzz snorted. "That would be a first," he muttered.

While the others laughed, Sharon waved her hands at all of them to get their attention. "Okay, alright. Let's focus people. Amy, Julio, take a picture of Maria Samples and go see if anyone remembers her having lunch at that restaurant. Find out if she met anyone there. Maybe someone will remember something. Lieutenant Tao, let's see if any of the businesses around that location have security cameras, and if they do, let's see if that footage is still available. If it is, pull it all, and give it to Buzz. Lieutenant Provenza," she turned and looked at him. "Let's get Mr. Croelick back in here. I have a few questions for him now that we have more information. Lieutenant Flynn," she looked at him from over her shoulder, "since you're so familiar with our friend, work with our guest from San Francisco and find out everything you can. I want to know where he's been and what he's been doing." It was not her plan to put him with Ricky this early in the game, but she didn't want him around when Croelick showed up. While she thought that she could trust that Andy would be able to keep his temper in check, she couldn't trust that Croelick wouldn't push his buttons until he was past his threshold of crap. On the other hand, she didn't want Ricky to be available for Croelick's manipulations either. It was better to remove them both.

Andy sighed. "Yeah alright." He knew when he was being put in the corner. He walked over to his desk and grabbed his jacket. "Come on, Rookie. Let's go find out what you know." In the meantime, they could also check out a couple of the other places where Maria Samples had been spotted in Los Angeles on the day that she disappeared.

Ricky shot a look at his mother. Was she serious? She was no longer paying any attention to him, though. She was already talking to Lieutenant Tao. Ricky's shoulders slumped. She wasn't his mother at the moment, and he wondered if that's what Rusty had meant earlier. He sighed as he grabbed his coffee. "You know, I've got a name."

"Yeah." Andy snorted. "I think you mean that you used to. Right now, it's Rookie until you prove otherwise." Sharon looked up as he walked past. Their eyes met and he gave her a small, barely noticeable nod. They would be okay. He didn't want Ricky anywhere around Croelick either, not until they figured out what game he was playing, and probably not even then. The kid might have chosen this life, but he was nowhere near ready for facing down psychopaths like that.

Andy led the way to the elevator. They were both silent as they stepped inside. He leaned against the back wall after hitting the button for the lobby. He folded his arms across his chest and stared at the floor. They had talked about it again that morning. Sharon thought they should wait, let Ricky decide what he wanted. They would leave it up to him, and try to be patient with the situation. If he was never ready, that was the price that they would have to pay for the decisions that they made.

She didn't want him to tell Nicole and Charlie. Not yet, not until he had some idea what he should be telling them. She wanted him to be patient. Andy almost snorted. She was forgetting that patience was her virtue, not his.

Ricky stared at the ceiling of the elevator car. It was just too silent. He sighed, as much to fill the space with noise as because he felt like the small space was closing in on him. "Well," he said, "this isn't awkward at all."

Andy snorted. He shook his head. "Nope." He slanted a look at the boy. He was staring intently at his coffee cup, like he thought it might do something. "She doesn't want us around. This guy is a real creep, and she doesn't want to have to worry that I'm going to put him through a wall or that he's going to fixate on you next. The psycho has been watching my house; he knew your mom and I are together. He didn't know she was my boss, but he had figured out who you are. He brought all that down here, and he planned on using it to push our buttons. Just knowing he's breathing pisses me off, so she's getting me out of the building. She doesn't want him to know that you're in town, at least not yet. That gives her the upper hand the next time she questions him."

"If this guy is so freaky," Ricky asked, "how can you let her question him and not be there?" He might not know the man's history, but he had enough run-ins with him to know that he was a grade-A psycho. He didn't want his mother anywhere near that guy.

"Let?" Andy shook his head. "We talking about the same woman? Come on." He grinned crookedly. "We don't _let_ her do anything. You should know that." He pushed away from the wall when the elevator stopped. "Sharon can take care of herself. She doesn't need me tossing down jackets on muddy puddles, she can jump them herself just fine. She wouldn't appreciate it either. That doesn't mean I don't watch her back, we all do, but she's got ours too." He moved through the doors and started across the lobby. "Your mother has been doing this a long time, Ricky. She's a solid cop, you don't have to worry about her."

"But it's okay for her to worry about me? I've already questioned this guy, a few times." He fell instep beside the other man. "I don't need her sending me out of the room because the grown-ups are going to have a grown-up talk. It doesn't work like that anymore."

"No," Andy said carefully, "you don't." He could understand the kid's frustration, but they were getting perilously close to murky waters now. "That isn't what she's doing. She's maneuvering a difficult case to her advantage. Look, we don't know what kind of cop you are, and she'd treat any other rookie in this situation the same way."

"I'm not a rookie." Ricky scowled at him. "I've been doing this for a few years now. I've already made detective. This is my case."

"Yeah, and you screwed it up." Andy stopped walking and turned. He pointed a finger at him. "You made rookie mistakes and you didn't do your homework. Probably because an inquiry into Bill Croelick would have ended up on my desk, and I think you knew that. You just don't want your mother to know that the reason you screwed up this case is because you weren't ready for her to find out what you're doing for a living."

Ricky crossed his arms over his chest and continued to scowl at the man in front of him. "That has nothing to do with it. I didn't follow up on it because there was nothing to follow up on. We didn't have anything, and LA is out of my jurisdiction. Unlike Major Crimes, my department doesn't go around poking it's nose where it doesn't belong. You think you guys only have a reputation down here? Oh no, your former Chief made a lot of friends in _a lot_ places."

Andy snorted. He turned away and started walking again. Good god, it was like staring into a mirror, attitude and all. He imagined what this kid must have been like at sixteen, and remembered what _he_ was like as a teenager and wondered if Sharon didn't have the patience of a saint.

"What?" Ricky strode quickly after him.

"Nothing." Andy palmed his car keys. His car was a couple of blocks down. "You're just your mother's son, that's all."

It was Ricky's turn to snort. "Not what she says."

"No, I bet it's not." He glanced at the kid again and shook his head.

"What now?" Ricky threw his hands up. This time he seemed to be looking at his clothes. He felt a little like he was being sized up. Maybe he was. They were both sizing each other up and trying to figure out where they stood. Awkward didn't even begin to cover it. It was easier, Ricky thought, when he believed the other man didn't know _who_ he was.

Andy stopped walked. "Okay, look. It's going to be a long damned day, so let's just get one thing straight." He paused for a minute and sighed. He waved a hand at the kid. "You're representing your department. The cat is out of the bag and you knew your mom was bringing you in today, and you're wearing jeans and a t-shirt?" He wouldn't even get into the converse shoes that were on the kid's feet.

"What?" Ricky held his arms out and looked down. "What's wrong with this? What was I supposed to wear?" He gave him a bland look. "A tie to match my mommy's dress?" He cast a pointed look at the pink dress shirt and pink and purple striped tie the other man was wearing.

"Don't jack with the tie," Andy pointed a finger at him. "All I'm saying is that if you don't want to be called a rookie, it wouldn't hurt for you to look the part a little."

"Yeah," Ricky said when they started walking again, "because the badge wasn't a dead give away." He cut a look at the other man. "We could keep doing this all day, or just talk about the big freaking elephant doing a tap dance in the corner."

When they reached his car, Andy stopped beside it. He leaned a hand against the hood and turned. "We can do that." His heart beat a little faster in his chest. "If that's what you want to do. Or we can just keep ignoring it, name it Provenza, and go on about our day."

Ricky shifted where he stood. "What do you want to do?" He shrugged. "The way I see it, we got sent to recess because we can't play with the big kids. It's not going to take us long for me tell you that I've got squat on Croelick, or for the shop clerks to say they don't remember ever seeing Maria Samples. That means we're going to have a lot of time to kill."

"It's not up to me." Andy pushed away from the car. He pulled the door open and leaned against it. "What I want doesn't really have anything to do with it."

"She said that you'd say that." Ricky walked around the car to the passenger side. He tossed his coffee cup into a nearby sidewalk trash bin. "Why do I think she's got us both pegged, is letting us think we're calling the shots, but really, she's the one in charge?"

Andy barked a quick laugh. "Because you've met your mother and you know that's exactly what she's doing." He got into the car. "Get in," he said. "I know a spot. It's near where we need to go. We'll get decent coffee and not the crap the others like to pretend is coffee."

Ricky folded his long body into the passenger seat. "We can do that. What about all her work is work and home is home rules? Won't she have a problem with us slacking off to go have personal chats in the middle of a work day?"

"Yeah." Andy shrugged. "I'm not really a rules kind of guy. I've also learned over the years, what your mother doesn't know, doesn't get me in trouble."

"Right." Ricky nodded slowly. "So what was all that dress appropriately crap then? I'd call those rules."

Andy sighed as he put the car in gear and pulled away from the curb. "Patience of a damned saint," he muttered.

Ricky leaned back in his seat with a grin. He turned his gaze out the window. His mother liked to say that when a moment was right for something, they would know it. It couldn't be forced, and it couldn't be planned. There were things that happened when and how they were supposed to. He figured that this might fall into that category. It was ten shades of weird and uncomfortable, this situation that they were all in, but it wasn't all bad.

Silence settled over the car. Andy cast a quick look at the young man beside him. "Tell me about Croelick. That will satisfy your mother's rules."

"There's not a lot to tell. He doesn't live inside San Francisco, but the community on the coast he and the girlfriend are residing in doesn't have more than two cops monitoring it. We handle most of their bigger problems, not that there are a lot." Ricky shrugged. "He met the girlfriend at a night club, a place he owns. He calls it, ready for this?" Ricky made a face. "The Pyre. My partner and I have been in and out of there, keeping an eye on the place."

"Sick bastard." Andy's lip curled. "Figures he'd put himself in place for meeting women. I wonder how many other chicks have gone missing that haven't been tied back to him."

"I wondered about that too," Ricky said. "We ran down a list, but couldn't find a connection to him or the club. If he's been up to his match lighting habits, he hasn't done it around the city. You should see that club though; it's a piece of work. The guy has a serious obsession with fire. There are fountains all over the place, back lit with flames. It's a freak show."

"Okay, do me a favor," Andy said. "Never tell your mother that you've been hanging out at a psychopathic killer's night club. She'll have a problem with that."

"You think?" Ricky rolled his eyes. "Maybe I shouldn't tell my mom about the time I got shot at either? Oh hey, that was last week. Really?" He cast a bland look at the other man. "Come on, do I look like Rusty to you? There's only room for one serial killer magnet in this family."

His hands gripped the steering wheel tighter. Andy stared straight ahead. His jaw was clenched. It was the only way he could keep from laughing. "Don't tell her that either," he managed to say. "Actually, don't say that at all. It's not funny."

Ricky tilted his head. "Too soon?"

"Just a little bit." Andy shook his head. There was no denying it. The kid was his. "You might give it a few years."

"Rusty would think it's funny," He said. Ricky drummed his fingers against the side of the car door. "Could be worse. I could have just jumped right in to asking you when you're going to make an honest woman out of my mother. I mean, my god man, I think it's been long enough." When the car stopped at a red light, a little harder than it needed to, he looked over. "Should have waited?"

Andy glared at him. "Are you trying to see if you can piss me off? Or do you just come by this attitude naturally?"

"I'm sarcastic in awkward social situations. She can deny it all she wants, but I know I get that from mom." Ricky shrugged. "Come on, the elephant is running out of room to dance in. I think we both know that I know what you know that I know."

He sighed. "Yeah, I know." Andy's head inclined. "What do you want me to say? Life is complicated as hell."

"Well I heard her side of it," Ricky said. "It might help if I had yours too." He looked at the man that was his father. "Mom wants me to believe that she made a choice that she thought was right and stuck to it."

"She did." Andy shrugged. "There wasn't really a choice to make. I know it didn't turn out great for everyone, but at the time, it seemed like the right thing to do. It doesn't mean we don't regret it, but she didn't need me, and neither did you. All I wanted to do was disappear into a bottle and I tried like hell to do it. At the time, Jack was sober, responsible, and trying to be what she needed."

"Ironic isn't it?" Ricky snorted. "I've never actually known him to be sober _or_ responsible. I get it, but I think that's only because I've had a few years with this. Or maybe it's because I grew up with Jack gone more than he was around, so the concept of him not being there isn't a new one. I've already had a chance to get over being pissed off. So I guess what I want to know is, if he hadn't come back, what would you have done?"

It was a question that he had asked himself a number of times over the years. Andy shook his head. His gaze was back on the flow of traffic in front of them when the light changed and they began moving again. "I don't know," he said honestly. "Just because I didn't want to drink when I was with your mother doesn't mean that I didn't _want_ to drink. I just replaced one thing with another. When I wasn't with her, I had no problem crawling into a bottle. I can think about what I know about her now, and what we are to each other, and I want to believe that it would have been different. The truth is, I know too damned well what I was like then. It would have been a repeat of my marriage. Sooner or later the addiction would have been too much. Your mother would have tossed me out, and you kids would have paid the price for it. Just like mine did."

Ricky nodded slowly. That was an answer that he could understand. It was honest and raw. No one really knew what could have happened differently. The past wasn't rewriteable. You could guess, and you could imagine, but there were no guarantees. "What about your other kids?" Ricky frowned at him. "Mom said things were good now. Is this going to blow that up?"

"I don't know." Andy exhaled quietly. He couldn't predict from one minute to the next how Nicole or Charlie would react to anything. "It might. Or it might be okay. They're both older than you, and Nic has step kids. She might understand. It's hard to really say." Andy glanced at him. "It's not for you to worry about, though. I'll take care of that."

"You know it doesn't work like that, right?" Ricky shook his head. "I'm going to worry. We're all going to worry about it. You and mom are getting ready to combine these families, and you guys can deny it all you want, but the writing is on the wall. The only reason Emily and I haven't been involved in any of those family get-togethers is because we don't live here. Rusty says that you and mom even babysit together, so don't try to pretend that you don't know what I'm talking about."

"I think the fact that you and I are sitting here talking about this makes it pretty clear that this family is already pretty combined," Andy said quietly. "Your mother and I talked about that this morning. It's been a secret long enough. She was right that I should wait until after I spoke to you, but these things come out. I spent enough time lying to my kids when they were growing up. They'll either get mad or they won't, but this has nothing to do with them."

"Oh, big mistake." Ricky shook his head. "Huge even. Trust me, new baby brothers have _everything_ to do with them. This is something that I know a little bit about. You can't toss that at them and not expect any blow back. They're going to have issues."

"Well what do you suggest I do," Andy gestured, "wait until Thanksgiving and present you like a prized ham? I don't think so."

"I was actually thinking you should wait until the wedding." Ricky smirked. "Make it part of the toast. Hey, guess what Sharon and I did a few years ago, isn't he great? Check out that hair, it's amazing."

"Smart ass." Andy shook his head. He didn't fight the grin this time. "Just let me handle Nicole and Charlie. I'll figure out what to tell them. You should worry about this obsession you have with your mother and I getting married. It's not natural. You should be focusing on your own love life."

"You want to talk to _me_ about obsession?" Ricky snorted. "Fine. Live in that land of denial… Mister _My tie matches my girlfriend's dress_."

"God almighty," Andy rolled his eyes. "You really are your mother's son."

"Funny," Ricky smirked. "That's still not how she tells it. Look, all I'm saying is they're going to freak out. Any way you cut it, they're going to have issues with all this. So, you know, there's no reason to tell them. You, mom, and I know the truth. So do Emily and Rusty, and that's fine by me."

Andy pulled the car over and parked it next to the curb. He threw it in park and turned in his seat. "It's not fine by me," he said. "You're not a secret, Ricky. We didn't keep it from you because it was something that we were ashamed of. We were trying to protect you. Your mother was hurt and lonely and I was a worthless drunk. For a little while we convinced ourselves that we were good together. Yeah, I can look back on that now and admit to myself that I wanted her, and I wanted you, but I wanted that bottle a hell of a lot more and that wasn't a way for you to grow up. It happened anyway, and I'm sorry about that, we couldn't predict the future. All we had was the present. It's what we've got now, and it's why we can't go back and fix the past." He ran a hand through his hair. "My kids can get on board with that, or they can be mad until they decide to get over it. I'm not going to choose between the three of you. Their mother and I were divorced when all this happened. It has nothing to do with them. The choice we made wasn't about them. Whatever happens with Sharon and I now, it isn't about any of you kids, and whatever happens with you and me, it has nothing to do with anyone outside of this car. Got it?"

"I think so," he said quietly. Ricky was staring back at him. It was different, hearing it from the source. He had no reason to not believe him. He'd have chosen them, if he could, and if he hadn't been sick. It was still odd to think of Jack as the better choice, but Ricky knew how he could be. Jack could seem like such a winner when he was on a streak, the nice guy, funny and charismatic. It was when he was drunk or when he was losing that the real Jack came to light, the manipulator, the man that would do anything to try to get back on that winning streak. Ricky wasn't seeing that here. "I was pissed when Jack told me. Now I'm glad he did. A lot of things just make more sense. I was pissed at mom too for a while. I guess the fact that everyone tried means something, I'm just not sure what."

"Life is hard, Ricky." He sighed. "We screw up and we try to fix what we break, but in the end we're all just doing the best that we can. Sometimes our best isn't a whole hell of a lot, and sometimes it's not too bad. I'm hoping that Nicole and Charlie are old enough to understand that, and if they aren't, then they've got some growing up left to do. I'm not groveling this time. They don't get to hold you against me." He sat back in his seat. "Especially after I marry your mother."

"You might want to tell her that first," Ricky pointed out. A grin was tugging at his lips. "Just a thought."

"Working on it. It's a process." His head inclined. "Okay?"

Ricky thought about it. He nodded slowly. "Yeah. Not bad. It's still awkward. We did okay. Mom will have nothing to freak out about when she gets the full transcript of this conversation later."

"Yes," Andy rolled his eyes heavenward. "Because that's what I was worried about." He put the car back in gear and waited for a break in traffic before pulling back onto the street. "Let's go get that coffee, I think I need it. Then we need to kill time while you're mother makes the psycho cry like a baby."

"We can do that." Ricky's lips pursed. "Or we could skip the coffee, check out the places Maria Samples went, and then circle back in time to sneak into electronics and watch mom make the psycho cry like a baby. Technically, we will have done as we were instructed. If we happened to get back early, that could not be predicted. No where in her instructions was it implied that we could not watch the interview."

Andy opened his mouth but closed it. He pointed at Ricky. "That's true. Technically it wouldn't be a half bad learning opportunity either. She did want us to school the Rookie."

"Where better for me to learn than surrounded by seasoned professionals," he added.

"You are exactly right." Andy turned left at the next right. "We're going to do that." He smirked. "We'll go shopping later and get you some ties. Don't worry, I'll make sure they match all your mother's dresses."

Ricky looked heavenward. He sighed. "Smart ass."

Andy smirked. The kid really had no idea, but he would learn. That was one conversation down, however, and another one to go. He just had a feeling that the talk he was planning on having with Jack wouldn't be nearly as pleasant. Probably a lot more _fun_ , but nowhere near pleasant.

 **-TBC-**


	6. Chapter 6

**Lies We Told Ourselves**

 **by Kadi**

 **Rated T**

 **Disclaimer:** Not my sandbox. I just love playing in it.

* * *

 **Chapter 6**

He was staring at her again. Sharon could feel his eyes on her, and they were practically burning a hole right through her. She exhaled quietly. She had come in to electronics to watch Croelick. He had just arrived and was placed in the conference room, rather than an interview room. They were trying to lure him into the sense that this was a casual meeting. She had Buzz rig the room for monitoring. Their warrant was provisionary, however. They would have to tread carefully and keep their questions directed at the disappearance of his girlfriend. There was no evidence to suggest that he was involved in that or any other crimes. For now, Sharon was letting him stew.

He was too calm, too comfortable in his surroundings. She had read the file. She paged through the profiles and psychologists notes. He was a cool customer. A smart psychopath, and that made him dangerous. Something that they had learned, however, was that every psychopath eventually showed his hand, and all of them had a breaking point. They made mistakes, they lost their cool, and then they were prime for the taking. She wondered what would be Croelick's breaking point?

Even Brenda had not been able to get to him. He became fascinated with her instead. No one was infallible, though. Not even the former Deputy Chief. Sharon wondered that his fixation on her might have rattled her usual calm, and had that affected her ability to get inside his head and unravel his lies? Sharon felt she was a little more prepared. She wasn't his type, and she was older. She had nothing to draw his attention. That would work in her favor; even if the thought of being _old_ made her want to wrinkle her nose in distaste.

Her thoughts were brought back to the present when she caught movement out of the corner of her eye. He was still there, and he was still watching her. She folded her arms across her chest and arched a brow. "Yes?" She asked at length, drawing the syllable out. They might as well get it out in the open while the room was empty.

Lieutenant Provenza just shook his head. "I'm never going to understand you," he said. That was true enough. Just when he thought he had a read on her, things changed. When he thought she was an emotionless robot, she turned out to be a half decent mother. When he thought she was a walking encyclopedia of rules, he also found out that she knew all the loopholes too. Although, he would always think she was a walking rulepedia, their own personal little hall monitor. She had surprised him more than once over the years. She was doing it again. The woman was intent on proving that she was actually human. She made mistakes, just like all the rest of them.

A smile tugged at her mouth. Sharon hummed quietly. "If you understood me, we wouldn't have nearly as much fun as we do." She shook her head. "I don't know what you want me to say, Lieutenant." Sharon knew that he would have an opinion about the situation. He had an opinion about everything, whether it was warranted or not.

"How could you do it?" That's what he really wanted to know. "How could you just ignore it for all these years. The two of you could barely stand each other half the time. When you weren't tossing barbs at each other, you were flirting, and don't deny it." He made a face at her. "Everyone knew it. No one _wanted_ to know it, but we knew." Provenza threw his hands up in frustration. "I could understand if _he_ didn't know about all of this, but he did, and you knew that he was perfectly aware of it. So when he was following you around like a lovesick puppy not so long ago, and you were acting like you couldn't see it, what was going through your head? How could you do that to him?"

Sharon's eyes widened. That was not exactly the question that she was expecting. She stood from where she sat in front of the monitors and paced away from him. The problem was that the electronics room was very small. Having to open up about her personal life, while at work, was not something that she was comfortable with. She could ignore it, tell him to shelve it and put it off indefinitely. The only problem was he seemed to think that she had done his partner some kind of injustice. As if he thought that she was the mastermind in all of this. Would it always be this way? As if, somehow, she was still the outsider here, even when she thought that they had moved well beyond that, something would occur to remind her otherwise. Even after four years, she still sometimes felt like she was struggling to be accepted.

She stood at the far end of the room and folded her arms around herself again. Sharon shook her head at him. She ignored her first instinct, which was to send him away and remind him that she didn't need to be questioned about the events in her personal life. Instead, she spoke quietly. "Did it ever occur to you to ask how he could do that to me?" Sharon watched his eyes widen in surprise and took a step forward. "I didn't lure him into my web. Andy may not always think before he acts, but he isn't mindlessly led anywhere. He makes his own decisions, good, bad, right, or wrong. I'm not going to defend them to you. If you're expecting me to stand here and proclaim that he is the love of my life and that I have pined for him hopelessly for more than twenty-five years, I'm not going to do that either. The entire idea is completely ridiculous and not at all relevant to what actually occurred." She had missed him, and she had wanted him, but when faced with the realities of her life, she had moved on. "I am not going to wax poetic about the past, or about lost love, or lost opportunities. That isn't what happened."

"Then what did happen?" Provenza pointed a finger at her. "From where a lot of us are standing, it looks like the two of you have been lying to a lot of people, including yourselves, for a very long time. It's blowing up in your faces and it's taking all of us along for the ride. That's the problem when you start mixing professional and personal, eventually the two implode."

"I am trying very hard to keep that from happening," she said carefully, but could not keep the frustrated tremor out of her tone. "It would be easier if the people around me would remember that my personal life is none of their business, Lieutenant. Being involved in one does not give you the right to ask questions about the other. I understand that this situation is awkward, but it will pass."

"He's my friend," Provenza said. "Someone has to look out for the idiot."

"He's mine too," Sharon shot back. "Underneath everything else, he is my friend too." Her jaw clenched when she looked away. She breathed slowly. "Our past is complicated. I'm not going to defend it to you. First of all, I don't believe that there is anything to defend, and secondly, it's none of your business. I understand that you care about what happens to Andy, but you wouldn't want us involving ourselves in your relationship with Patrice. Nor have we ever attempted to. I understand too that our professional relationship gives you a unique perspective, and while it was unfortunate that this very personal piece of information was revealed here, that still does not give you the right to question it." She held up a hand when he started to protest. "The man I knew _then_ is very different from the man we both know now. Likewise, I'm not the same as I was then either. You question how we could move forward, given the past, and the answer is we had to. We didn't _know_ each other, Lieutenant. Yes, our past has colored some of our interactions over the years, but there was always a wall, and neither of us was willing to take it down. We interacted because we had to, because it was necessary and our jobs demanded it. We did not engage on a personal level. We couldn't. After I transferred that changed. We had to interact with more regularity, and we got to know each other again, and we became friends. That changed, either because of our past or in spite of our past? I don't know the answer to that. I don't have any answers to give you Lieutenant," she gestured helplessly, "because I can't explain it."

His eyes narrowed. He was surprised that she was just as confused about it as the rest of them. Provenza shook his head at her. "You love him." He didn't think, until that moment, that he actually believed it. Relationships were all nice and fun in the beginning, but they eventually fell apart. He was expecting them to be just like all the rest of the poor schmucks in the world.

"Yes!" She stared at him, a bit incredulously. "Do you really think that I would risk all of this," she gestured at the Murder Room behind him, "if I didn't?" Sharon shook her head. A hand moved to her hip, while the other rubbed her forehead. She sighed heavily. "Life doesn't happen in a vacuum, Lieutenant. We can plan all we like, but it's going to happen the way it happens, and there's very little that we can do about it. I think you know that."

"I'm aware of the problem." Provenza sighed. He walked over and lowered himself into a chair. He ran a hand over his face and into his hair. His head was aching. All of this crap just made him feel too damned old. "Was sending them off together a good idea?"

"I needed them away from here," Sharon admitted. "Ricky is a lot like Andy. The impatience. He'll worry himself into a corner, and in his panic he'll make mistakes. I don't need him doing that now. I need his head in the game. He chose this, and whether I like it or not, he's involved now. Andy isn't going to approach Ricky. We agree that if that conversation is going to take place, it has to be initiated by Ricky. What he will do is keep an eye on him, and he knows Croelick, he can bring Ricky up to speed and help him understand just how dangerous this man is. I would prefer that they both behave professionally and save any personal conversations for a later time, but I don't see that happening. Ricky is curious about Andy, and he likes him. I think they'll be okay."

"He just found out the man is his father," Provenza pointed out. He made a face at her. Was she that naïve? Certainly not! "I think that might trump anything he thought about him before when the idiot was just dating his mother."

Sharon stared back at him. She drew a breath and let it out slowly. "No," she said slowly. "He didn't just find out. As it happens Ricky has known for quite some time. My darling ex-husband has a way with words when he is intoxicated and feeling sorry for himself."

"What!" Provenza stood up, faster than a man his age should be able to. His face went ruddy. He gestured wildly. "He told him? He let that boy live with that, all these years, and never told anyone?"

"That was my thought too." Sharon shrugged. "I haven't spoken to Jack. I don't have the bandwidth for it just yet. Believe me," she said, voice lowering dangerously, "there is going to be a conversation. Ricky doesn't think Jack remembers the encounter, but I have a feeling that drunk or not, he knows perfectly well what he did."

His brows rose. He was familiar with that tone. He almost felt sorry for the bastard. Only almost. Provenza pointed a finger at her. "You better hope that you get to him before Flynn does, or there won't be anything left to converse with."

"Oh no." Sharon folded her arms across her chest. Her smile was anything but kind. "I'm not getting in Andy's way this time. He stepped back. Jack chose to be a father. He may not have been a very good one, but this responsibility was not thrust upon him. He took Ricky as his own at a time when Andy had enough sense in his alcohol addled mind to understand that he had no business around any of the kids, his or mine. The result wasn't what I wanted, but that doesn't change the fact that Jack is still Ricky's father, in name if nothing else. He had a responsibility to that boy, and if he didn't feel like seeing it through, then he should have stayed away. Instead, because he was angry with me, he attempted to use Ricky instead." Her eyes burned with anger. "No, I'm not going to stop Andy from saying what he needs to. They may have ended up very differently, but twenty-five years ago, Andy trusted Jack with something very precious and he screwed up. Even if I was inclined to do so, it isn't my place to intervene."

A surprised look crossed his face. That was not what he was expecting, but then nothing about this situation was very usual. "You know there's not going to be a lot of talking involved, right?" Provenza arched a brow at her.

"Hm." She shrugged. "I don't know anything of the sort. Andy is a grown man, and he can act responsibly." Her head inclined. "Especially if you go with him as we both know you will."

He squinted. "Are you high? Intoxicated? Otherwise impaired." Provenza shook his head. "You do know who you're talking about, right? I'm tempted to hold the moron down and let Flynn pound on him."

Sharon rolled her eyes at him. "Are you quite finished, Lieutenant?" She sighed. "There are a lot of things that I would like to accomplish today, and this conversation is not among them."

Provenza huffed a sigh. "Just tell me one thing. What do you think is going to happen now? You said yourself that this wasn't a fairytale. How can you expect that this isn't going to cause major problems for everyone?"

She gave that the consideration that it deserved, but she smiled kindly at him. "Because my personal life is not open for discussion. It has no bearing on what we do here everyday. I will continue to keep it as far from our professional lives as I can, and I will continue to expect all of you to respect that distance. It is unfortunate that Mr. Croelick decided to air that information for all and sundry, but now I intend to continue doing my job as though he did not. I expect all of you to do the same."

"Fine." He shook his head at her again. "I still say it's all a bad idea. But if that's how you want to play it, that's how we'll play it." He sniffed. "You two give me a headache."

"I do apologize for the inconvenience," she said, and smiled a bit indulgently. "We will try to take your feelings into consideration from here on out."

He scowled at her. "I just bet you will. For the record, I don't babysit."

Sharon snorted a quiet laugh. "I'm sure Ricky will be glad to hear that. Luckily, he's a little beyond the need for such things."

"Ricky?" Provenza snorted. "I was talking about the other Flynn in your life." He waved a hand at the monitors. "Are you ready to do this, or are you going to stand there admiring his pretty face all day?"

She cut a look at him. Her eyes narrowed in warning. "I was considering it before you barged in here with the very inappropriate personal questions. Are you finished, Lieutenant? If so, I'm sure that we can accommodate your sudden need to actually work."

He sneered back at her, although it lacked much heat. This was the relationship that he was more comfortable with. "I'll never understand how that man puts up with you every day," he muttered.

Sharon smiled serenely as she followed him out. "Interesting, I ask myself that about you all the time." As they left the electronics room, she waved Buzz inside. "We'll get started now. Have the others join you if they return before we're finished."

Provenza stood to one side to let her pass him. "Any idea what you're going to ask him?"

"Oh, I don't know." Sharon smirked. "I thought I might start with what color blinds he thinks I should hang in Andy's kitchen." Her eyes glittered dangerously. "That seems like a nice place to start."

The Lieutenant whistled as he followed her. "I always was interested in interior design…" She was on the offensive. This was going to be fun.

 **MCMCMCMCMCMC**

Sitting in jail with nothing else to do but think of how he got there had taught Bill Croelick patience. He exercised that now as he waited. They wanted to unnerve him, and that was why they had placed him in the conference room and left him there. He sat at the table, having chosen a side that gave him a very good view into the Murder Room, and he waited. He smiled and waved as the officers walked by and bided his time.

It gave him a chance to watch her when she finally approached. The old guy was with her again, and that really didn't surprise him. The Captain was too calculating to bring Flynn with her, although that would have been more fun. He missed his old friend. Bill smiled. He'd have to arrange another opportunity for a chat. In the meantime, he could content himself with this one.

He smiled brightly when the door opened. "Sharon! So good to see you again." Bill clasped his hands together against the top of the table. "Well, two meetings in two days, I'm a lucky boy."

"Mister Croelick." She didn't let his demeanor get under her skin. She held a file with a summary of their findings and placed it on the table in front of her as she sat across from him. "Since this is not a social occasion, I'm going to have to ask that you address me appropriately. Also, you remember Lieutenant Provenza, don't you?"

"I never forget my friends," he drawled, and cast an eerily cheerful smile at the Lieutenant. "We are all friends here, aren't we?" He looked at Sharon again. He affected a small pout. "Captain sounds so formal. I bet that's not what Andy calls you. Is it?" Bill rested his chin in his hand and leaned against the table. "Come on, you can tell me."

Sharon ignored him. She opened the file and made a show of reading through the notes. "After our last meeting," she said instead, "I had my people start investigating Miss Samples' disappearance. You said she was on her way home, correct?"

"That's right." Bill tilted his head at her. "I spoke to Maria when she left San Diego. She liked travelling, but she was ready to get back. She doesn't like all the heat and smog down here." He leaned forward, as close to her as the table would allow and whispered, "she also said she missed me." When the Captain looked up, he winked at her.

Provenza wanted to smack him back into his chair. Instead, he waved a hand at the man. "Did you know she made several stops on the way?"

"Sure." Bill shrugged. "Maria liked to shop. She couldn't drive through or by Los Angeles without stopping at least once. I know that you pulled her phone records." He rolled his eyes at them. "You know she called me from LA. She was going to get something to eat, and knowing my Maria, there was probably a store she wanted to stop at. Then she was coming home."

"But you can't think of anyone in Los Angeles that she might have met with while she was here?" Sharon asked. She watched him closely. "She didn't have any friends or family in the area? Anyone that might be a reason that she would linger in the city for a little longer than absolutely necessary?"

"Nobody." He rested his chin in his hand again and smiled. "She had everything she needed at home." He fluttered his lashes at her. "I guess that's not a concept you're familiar with. Is it Captain?" He pouted. "It still doesn't sound right. I'm going back to Sharon. It makes me feel more comfortable. We do want me to be comfortable don't we?"

"Mister Croelick," she gave him a cool smile, "what I am most concerned with at present is finding Maria alive and well. You came here so that we could help you with that, if you aren't interested in my assistance, perhaps I should find someone who is."

The smile that curved his face was slow, and calculating. His arm dropped. Croelick leaned forward again. "If you're so interested in finding Maria, then why are you sitting here with me? I think you're more interested in finding out what I did to Maria." His blue eyes sparkled. "You'll never find out," he whispered. "I didn't do anything."

"If that's true," Sharon said calmly, "then you won't have a problem talking to me about her friends, colleagues, and family. From everything we've gathered, Maria was in Los Angeles for hours. It doesn't take that long to eat a meal and go shopping. So tell me something, why would someone who was in such a hurry to get home spend so much time doing anything but that?"

Julio looked up when the side door to the electronics room opened. The interview in the conference room had been going on for a little while now. He and Amy had only been back for a few minutes. The Captain was diverting Croelick's attemps to get off topic, and instead taking him through a list of the colleagues and family members that they had gathered from San Francisco reports.

"Hey." Julio nodded from where he was leaning against the cabinet along the back wall. Mike and Buzz were seated at the table in front of them. "Weren't you supposed to be somewhere else?"

"It didn't pan out." Andy stepped into the room and leaned closer to get a look at the monitors. "They're not in the interview room?"

"The Captain wanted to keep it casual," Mike told him. "We can't hold him, and technically he's not really a suspect."

"Once a scumbag, always a scumbag," Andy muttered. He stepped back and leaned against the cabinet beside Julio. He crossed his arms over his chest. "How long have they been in there?"

"About an hour." Buzz glanced back. "It's been very interesting so far."

Ricky squinted at the monitors. "She's playing with him." He sounded a little surprised. He had never seen his mother at work before. She tried to keep this part of her life separate from them.

"Oh yeah." Mike grinned. "She's hardly batting an eye."

"Our friend Bill on the other hand…" Amy was on Julio's other side. She shook her head. "He's starting to squirm a little bit."

"Look at the Lieutenant." Julio grinned. "He looks like he wants to get up and dance around the room."

"That's stretching it a bit," Andy said drily. "Look at Croelick. He looks like someone just kicked his puppy."

Ricky leaned forward to get a better look. "Is making him mad a good idea? This might not be the best idea Mom's ever had."

"If she can get him to lose his cool," Mike explained, "then he might do or say something stupid. If that happens, we can hold him for at least forty-eight hours."

"That's not going to happen." Ricky shook his head. "I've talked to this guy. He's a real freak." From where he stood, it looked like Croelick was looking less pleased and more stone faced, but he was nowhere near losing it.

"Don't be so sure." Mike stood up. He turned his chair and waved the younger man into it. "Watch. Learn something." He moved over to lean against the cabinet with the others and clasped his hands in front of him. "Your mother couldn't get a reaction out of a suspect. The Captain can."

"Her phone records indicate that Maria spoke to more than just you during the time period that she was in San Diego and Los Angeles," Sharon continued. "We also have the receipt from the restaurant where she had lunch. There were three drinks and two meals ordered. It would help considerably if you could think of anyone that she might have been meeting while she was in the city."

"Maria didn't have any plans," Croelick said again. They had been over this a few times, but they kept coming back to it. "She was going home." He was growing irritated with them now. "If she happened to run into a friend, isn't it your job to find out who that was? How should I know? I was at home, waiting." He leaned forward. "Which is what I'm doing right now. I'm waiting for you to get to the point."

"I don't have a point, Mister Croelick," Sharon said calmly. "I have a lot of questions. Now, let's talk about the last time that you spoke to Maria. Are you sure that she specifically told you that she was coming home? I have a few doubts. According to her parents, it wasn't unusual for her to take a day or more to return home after a business trip, and her sister indicated…"

"She was not meeting anyone!" Bill's hands landed loudly against the table. "Those people don't know Maria. They never talk to her." He stood up. "I think we've spent long enough on this conversation. You're wasting time, Captain. I don't like people to waste my time." He leaned forward against the table. "It irritates me. Ask your detectives, Captain. I'm not a person that you would want irritated with you."

A smile curved her lips. Sharon clasped her hands together and tilted her head at him. Beside her, Provenza began to rise, but Sharon lifted her hand and stilled him. "Is that a threat, Mister Croelick?"

As quickly as it had settled over his face, the glare was gone. Bill smiled at her again. "No Captain. I wouldn't dream of it." He took a step back. "Well, I do love these little chats of ours, but I'm going to have to go. Toodles."

Sharon shook her head and indicated the Lieutenant should remain where he was. She slowly closed the file and gathered her notes, all while silently counting. She was giving him enough time to leave before she stood. "I think that went well."

"He has a point." Provenza shook his head. "He's not a guy you want irritated at you."

"Hm." Sharon smiled. "I've met scarier." She gathered the file and her notepad and left the room. "You should see yourself without coffee and a decent crossword."

"At the risk of sounding like a broken record," he said, choosing to ignore her quip, "I'm going to go out on a limb and say the boyfriend did it."

"We still have no way of proving that," Sharon said. "We don't have a body. Croelick has a very distinct pattern. Until we've got something that indicates he's been lighting fires, we're going to have to keep looking."

"I knew you were going to say that," he muttered. Provenza walked over to his desk and took a seat. "We're going to keep looking, when you and I both know, it's always the boyfriend, it's always the boyfriend…"

"Unless it's the husband," Andy interrupted. The others strolled back in from the electronics room. "So what do you think?"

Sharon arched a brow at him. "I think I sent you to do something. How long have you been back?" She looked beyond him to Ricky and tried to gauge their expressions. They both looked more or less normal. Her eyes narrowed as she studied them.

"Long enough." Ricky leaned against an empty desk. His hands were tucked into his pockets again. "So the freak show has jealousy issues. Imagine that. Do we think maybe Maria had a new boyfriend? They might have broken up."

"That's one theory," Provenza snorted. "Nothing in your statements from the family indicates that there were any issues with Croelick. They didn't know who he is, and didn't have any reason to think he and the girlfriend were having issues." He held up his hands. "Do I have to say it?"

Andy rolled his eyes. "You do like to hear yourself talk, don't you? Okay, so either Maria ran off with the new boyfriend, or she cheated on the wrong guy and paid the price for it."

"I want to question the family again." Sharon folded her arms around the file and held it against her chest. "Let's find out who her other friends are. If she has something going on, she may have confided it in someone. If we can get a name, we may be able to find this person."

"Long shot," Andy said. "Croelick likes to separate his girlfriends from their lives. It's when they get tired of him and want to leave that he _breaks up_ with them."

"Possibly," she shrugged. "But we don't have anything else to go on, and the clock is ticking. We aren't going to be able to continue this investigation indefinitely." Her lips pursed. "Were you able to find anything?"

"No one remembered seeing her," Ricky said. "It's been too long. In this city, leggy blonds are a dime a dozen. She doesn't really stand out in a crowd, if you know what I mean."

"I do," Sharon smiled sadly at him, "and that's unfortunate. Maria's inability to be noticed could be the reason that no one noticed that she was in trouble." She straightened. "Work with Detective Sykes, since you're already familiar with the family, I'd like you to reach out. Amy, you know what I'd like asked. Get as much information out of them as you can. Let's see if we can salvage anything from this investigation." She turned where she stood and walked into her office. Since they were no better off than they had been before, she had paperwork that could be completed while she waited for more information.

"Yes Captain." Amy turned back toward her computer. "Come on, Rookie. Let's see what kind of phone skills you've got."

Ricky groaned as he pushed away from the desk. "Why do I get the feeling that you are all enjoying this a little too much?"

"Do the crime." Provenza pointed at him. "You lied to your mother. Take your punishment like a man."

Ricky's brows rose. "Sure thing, Uncle Louie." He grinned widely and pointed at the Lieutenant, who was now sputtering and gaping at him. "Is that the look?"

Andy grinned. "That's the one. That was good. Nicely played."

"Ye gods," Provenza scrubbed a hand over his face. "There are two of them," he said miserably.

"And they're conspiring against you," Amy chirped.

"Huh." Buzz nodded slowly. "Best day ever."

"Oh go video something." Provenza slapped a file open on his desk and leaned over it. "The rest of you get to work." He huffed unhappily. He cut a look at his partner and shook his head. The big idiot looked happy. That had to mean something. At least for the moment. They were in the honeymoon phase. He hoped that they would be able to enjoy it for a little while.

He might be an old pessimist, but the odds weren't exactly on their side.

 **-TBC-**


	7. Chapter 7

**Lies We Told Ourselves**

 **by Kadi**

 **Rated T**

 **Disclaimer:** Not my sandbox. I just love playing in it.

* * *

 **Chapter 7**

Sharon was not surprised when the summons to report to Assistant Chief Taylor's office came. She was already well aware that he would want regular updates on their current investigation. The reversal of Croelick's conviction had been a black mark for the city, especially with the resulting settlement payout. Now that he was back in town, everyone wanted the situation resolved quickly, and preferably, without another lawsuit.

His assistant made the call near the end of the day. Sharon was already planning to send her team home on time. There was still simply not enough information on hand to warrant the overtime. She wanted her people to rest while they could because another case could take precedence at any time. She made her way to the Chief's office by way of the Murder Room and instructed them to pack it in for the night.

Ricky had ridden with her that morning, but Sharon knew that Andy would wait. She sent the car home with her son. She told him to call his brother and see how late he would be that evening. She would make dinner. Whether Andy would be joining them or not would depend on the outcome of the conversation that she knew they needed to have now. The vibe had shifted after he and Ricky returned that morning. They had spoken, that much was obvious to her. What was said between father and son was still a mystery, however, as neither was being very forthcoming with the details, although she had to admit that there really hadn't been much opportunity for that.

They had kept Ricky busy throughout the day. A small smile tugged at her lips as she made the walk down the hall. They were putting him through his paces, walking him through the research that he should have done in the first place. Her son had chosen this life, and her people were making certain that he was properly trained, even if they only had a few days to do it in. Ricky was taking it in stride. She had seen glimpses of frustration in him, but she knew that it was directed at himself. He was too much like her in that way; he wanted to be good at what he did, and he couldn't stand failure in himself.

She was touched by the gesture. Her earlier doubts of acceptance melted away completely as each of them, in their own way, departed a little wisdom into that stubborn head of his. Lieutenant Provenza was especially hard on him, but there had been no malice in it. He was equally hard on Rusty when he needed to be.

In the future, her son would think twice before leaping so quickly into an investigation that he was not experienced enough to handle on his own. He would think twice before deceiving his family about the nature of the life that he had chosen. It wasn't just a job; and she supposed that was her own failure in this situation. She had not managed to instill in her children how much of her work was a calling. Putting on a badge everyday was not something that you simply did; it was something that you had to believe in. She had always been so careful to keep it separate of them; it was no wonder that he approached joining the force as interchangeable as a job at the mall.

Next time, he would know better. More importantly, he would _do_ better.

Sharon entered the Chief's office and was immediately waved back by his assistant. He was waiting for her. She barely had a chance to knock on his door before he was motioning her inside. "I'm afraid," she began, "we aren't much farther along than we were—"

"Close the door behind you." Russell Taylor sat straighter behind his desk. He watched her impassively, and made note of the surprise. They didn't normally conduct simple updates behind closed doors. There was a reason for that. "Have a seat, Captain."

She tilted her head quizzically at him as she crossed the office. Sharon lowered herself into one of the chairs in front of the desk and carefully crossed her legs. The case file rested against her knee. "We spoke to Mister Croelick again this morning, but he is continuing to be evasive."

"I'm sure he is." Taylor clasped his hands together and leaned forward against the desk. "That's not why I called you in here. Captain, we have a little bit of a problem. When you disclosed the relationship with Lieutenant Flynn, I agreed to allow the two of you to remain in Major Crimes so long as it did not present a problem for the division or the department."

"I see." Sharon felt herself deflate just a bit. Yes, he had done exactly that. It was within his purview of the regulation to reassign one of them to remove any conflict of interest or possible ethics violations. He had allowed her record to speak for itself, and reassigned the Lieutenant's performance evaluations to her second in command. Provenza was handling the administrative paperwork for that mundane task; disciplinary issues were rerouted through Professional Standards. The decision to begin a relationship was not taken lightly, they had known that one of them could be transferred, or forcibly retired, and it was a consequence that they were willing to accept. They liked their jobs, but they had both already had long careers. They had hoped for the best, but were prepared to accept the reality of not being able to work together any longer.

The captain folded her hands together and nodded once. "I suppose this conversation is a result of the allegation made by Mister Croelick in regard to my son?"

Taylor sighed. "I'm afraid so." Personally, he didn't care what took place outside the walls of these offices. What his people did when they took their badges off, as long as their activities were legal, had nothing to do with him. "We've got to consider the integrity, not only of this investigation, but of the division as a whole. Bill Croelick has already caused problems for this department. With the arrest of Doctor Easton, every case that he testified in as an expert for the state came under review. Every defendant that he declared mentally sound, or otherwise, had cause for an appeal. The fallout from that situation was an absolute nightmare. I'm sure I don't have to tell you…"

"No." Sharon remembered it quite well. It came on the heels of her promotion to Captain. She was buried in paperwork for months. "I understand completely. You don't want to risk another situation in which Bill Croelick can say that the LAPD was biased against him. It doesn't matter that this investigation originated in San Francisco, it was precipitated by the son of an LAPD Captain."

"Who Croelick has now alleged is also the son of one of her direct subordinates," Taylor stated. "The same subordinate that she is now on record as being involved with. Captain," he paused and spread his hands in front of him. "I don't know what's going on in your personal life right now. I don't want to know. You've kept it out of my building. You've kept it out of your Murder Room, and I don't think that anyone can claim that you have not conducted yourself professionally or appropriately where Lieutenant Flynn is concerned. But…" He gestured helplessly. "Whether that allegation is true or not, Lieutenant Flynn was directly involved in the original Croelick case. It puts us in a delicate situation. _If_ you share a son with this man, it could be said that he is on a vendetta for his old man. _If_ the two of you find evidence in Los Angeles to link Croelick to the disappearance of his girlfriend, he could accuse you of tampering with that evidence to make your son's case for him. You see where I'm coming from with this?"

"I do." She nodded slowly. Everything he said was very true. They were concerns that she had too, but she had pushed them aside. She preferred to focus on the investigation, rather than the pitfalls surrounding it. "Just so we are clear," she said, and held a hand out between them, "you are not asking me to disclose a very personal matter that has nothing to do with our current command structure?"

"Absolutely not," Taylor said. He had suspicions, and he would really like to confirm them or not, but that was outside the necessity of this meeting. He had been on the phone most of the day, moving between calls with Professional Standards, HR, and the Chief of Police. They were all very clear on what he could and could not ask. If the boy was Flynn's, that situation had originated before either of them had gained much more than the rank of detective, possibly even Sergeant in Flynn's case although he wasn't completely sure about that. It didn't matter. Neither of them had ever been in the same report structure before now. "Captain, let me be very clear. The department acknowledges that any relationship that might have resulted prior to now occurred at a time when our current regulations did not exist. Therefore, anything which might have resulted is grandfathered in under the old rules."

"Which stated that officers were not required to disclose fraternization unless they were assigned to the same division, or members of the same report structure. Lieutenant Flynn and I were not."

"Correct." Taylor leaned back in his seat. "Captain, no one is in trouble here. Your record continues to speak for itself. Our concerns now are completely preventative. I have been on the phone this morning with many people, and we believe that we have a course of action that will remove the current conflict. What we do not want is for you to think that there are not options open to you, but we don't think you will disagree with our proposal."

Her brows arched in surprise. Sharon shook her head at him. "Which is?" In a situation where a conflict arose, she had always assumed that Andy would be transferred. It was an assumption that he shared. He had already stated that he would be willing to transfer back to Robbery-Homicide. The only division he was refusing to have anything to do with was Traffic. He told her he would retire first, and Sharon believed him. Taylor was going to a lot of trouble to make his spiel to her, which made Sharon wonder what exactly it was that he was up to.

"Number one," Taylor began, "we have openings in our homicide divisions in Hollywood and Venice Beach. There is also the option of Robbery-Homicide. We can transfer Lieutenant Flynn if that is your preference." He held up a hand before she could respond. "Number two, the department is not pleased with the output that is currently seeing from Professional Standards. You would be placed back in that department, with a promotion to Commander, and assume command of the overall operation." That would include FID and Internal Affairs. In the past, she had only run the one division, but PSB was made up of several internal departments. "Number three," he stated, and leaned forward again, "it has not been announced yet, but Deputy Chief Michaels is retiring at the first of the year. As you know he has served as Chief of Staff for our last three standing Chiefs of Police." He was including Delk in that count, although the man had passed away shortly after assuming the office. The Chief of Staff reported directly to the Chief of Police and no one else, save the Police Commissioners council and the Mayor. It was a command position, and one directly above where Taylor now resided. The COS was primarily responsible for the operations of the Media Relations and Employment Relations groups, while allowing the Assistant Chief of Operations to maintain primary control over other departmental workings.

Sharon's brow arched. "Why do I think number three is the option that interests you most?" She studied him closely. "There is something in this for you." Taylor was an ambitious man, and always had been.

"Of course there is, Captain." Taylor smirked at her. "The position of Chief of Staff has already been offered to me. We'll be announcing it in a few weeks with the release of the new budget. That leaves us with one very critical position left to fill." He spread his arms wide. "We just have one little problem."

"Ah yes." Sharon placed the file on his desk and folded her arms across her chest. "The promotion that I was denied when I accepted the transfer to Major Crimes. Whose idea was that?" She hummed quietly. "I think it might be a little late for that now, unless you've found a loophole."

"Technically," Taylor said, "there have been two promotions denied. Both as a direct result of the promotions freeze. HR and Professional standards have signed off on our allowing a promotional jump. Just as they did when I made the move to this position." The position of Assistant Chief was administrative, and accessible from the ranks of Deputy Chief. A Commander was not promoted into that position without special dispensation. They were granted that four years ago, and had been granted that again.

Sharon's eyes narrowed. "I'm listening." She was willing to hear him out. There was that side of her that was just ambitious enough that it got a little thrill at the direction that he seemed to be going with this. She wasn't foolish enough to leap, not just yet. She wanted to hear exactly what he had planned first.

"With option three," he explained, "effective immediately you are moved into the same administrative position that I held previously. You will assist in the operational running of Major Crimes, but you will no longer be directly responsible for that division. Instead, you will be assisting me, and learning this position as we transition forward toward the end of the year." He held up a finger before she could respond, "at the rank of Commander."

"Hm." It was tempting. That little thrill of excitement was back. Sharon's lips pursed while she thought about it. "That is very interesting. What happens to Major Crimes? If I transfer out, you're left in the same position that you were in four years ago. No one to run it." She held up a hand. "Except Lieutenant Provenza."

Taylor smirked. It curved his face slowly. His eyes sparkled. "Finding your replacement will be your responsibility Captain. Consider it your first task in your new position." His brows rose in question. "What's it going to be?"

 **MCMCMCMCMCMC**

Andy was still seated at his desk when he heard the familiar sound of Sharon's heels coming down the hall toward him. It was only him left in the Murder Room now. The others had long since gone. He closed the file that he was reading and stood up. He pushed his hands into his pockets. "Hey…" He trailed off when he got a look at her face. She was staring at the floor as she walked, but looked a little dazed. "Is everything okay?"

"I think so." She looked up at him. The astonished expression did not fade. "I haven't decided yet." Sharon stopped walking and looked around the room. She shook her head before walking into her office. It had definitely been an unusual two days.

He followed her into the office. Andy watched her place the file she had taken with her back on her desk before walking around it. She didn't sit, however. Instead, she stood staring out the windows behind it. The sun was close to setting; the sky had started to darken toward deeper shades of gold and scarlet. Andy frowned. "Sharon?" He couldn't get a read on her. She didn't look upset. "What happened? What did Taylor want?"

Her arms were wrapped around herself. Sharon shook her head. She glanced back at him. "I think I just got promoted." She was still trying to wrap her head around the deal she had just made with Taylor. The paperwork would be sent to her in the morning. It wouldn't be official until it was filed, but that was only a formality. The position had been offered and accepted.

"Promoted?" His brows shot up. Andy moved closer to the desk. She didn't look as thrilled as he thought that she would be at that news. "They're finally making you a Commander?" She deserved it, God only knew. She'd worked damned hard for that, and was passed over a couple of times. "You don't look happy," he observed.

"I don't know what I am," she said honestly. Sharon turned away from the window. She shrugged. "They're making me a Commander temporarily. It's just to accommodate the transition. Chief Taylor is moving up again. He's going to be Chief of Staff. I'm taking his place." Although she had agreed to it, it hadn't seemed real until she said it herself.

His jaw dropped. Andy stared at her. "Assistant Chief?" He didn't know what to say. He could understand her behavior now. He watched her gaze lift. She slowly nodded and he exhaled loudly. "Shit."

"Yes." Sharon laid her hands against the top of her chair and leaned against its back. "Crass but… oddly appropriate." Her head inclined. "Unless of course you'd rather transfer to Venice Beach homicide division? That was put on the table too."

Andy started to comment and stopped. He braced his hands against her desk and leaned forward. "What?"

"We didn't break any rules," she said. "Chief Taylor was very quick to assure me of that fact. The Croelick situation is just very delicate. They need to move one of us out of Major Crimes. I was their first choice as replacement, but I wasn't eligible. Technically, I'm still not, but there are some loopholes that they can jump through. The initial promotion and the transfer will be effective immediately tomorrow morning. The official announcement will come later. I'm off this case," she said. "I am out of Major Crimes, and you get a new boss." She paused for a moment and then added with a shrug, "Until I'm your boss again."

"Okay wait." Andy straightened. He waved a hand at her. His brows drew together in a deep scow. "I think you're going to have to explain. He's tossing you out of Major Crimes because of Croelick? What the hell does that have to do with anything?"

"It's us," She said gently. "It's Ricky, and the rumors that are going through the building, it's the fact that Croelick found out about his paternity. If he is involved in Maria Samples' disappearance, it cannot look like the LAPD was stacking the odds against him. Ricky began this investigation, and he's our son. You have a history with that man. It's… a complicated mess. One that neither of us is being blamed for, but steps need to be taken to protect the integrity of the investigation and the division, and the only way to do that is to remove one of us." Sharon smiled warmly at him. "I appreciate that you're upset on my behalf, but you don't have to protect me from the big, bad promotion."

"It doesn't feel like that." Andy folded his arms across his chest. "What are we going to do without you? Who is going to take over the division? You worked hard for this, and you're good at it. They can't fire you, and they have no reason to force you to retire either, so yeah, it's a little bit like you're being punished."

He didn't trust Taylor. Sharon smiled gently as she rounded the desk. She stopped in front of him. "It's not a punishment," she assured him. "Andy, this is something I've worked for my entire career. I just stopped imagining that it would ever happen. We're going to have a woman of rank in a real position of authority. That's practically unheard of in this department. It's a step up, not a step out. The timing is inconvenient, but this is not a bad thing."

He still didn't look convinced. "Are you sure?" He shrugged. "If you don't want to take it, you don't have to. We talked about this. I can take a transfer. Sharon, I'm good with that."

She reached out and touched his arm. It was only a brief touch, and all that she would allow while they were still in the office. "I know. I appreciate that. This isn't a sacrifice, Andy. I'm not upset. I'm just a little shocked. This was the last thing that I expected them to offer me at this late date."

He arched a brow at her. "You're definitely taking it then?" He let his arms drop and in doing that, let his hand brush hers.

"Oh yes." She smiled widely. "I'm definitely taking it. As I said, it will take effect as soon as the paperwork is filed. As to the rest of the division…" She shrugged. She could not disclose that to him. It was not a topic that she could discuss. "We will just have to see how that works out."

"Oh god," he groaned. He wondered if he should take that transfer anyway and be done with it.

Sharon laughed quietly. "Are you ready to go?"

"Just gotta get my jacket." He grinned. "I was waiting on you."

Her smile softened. "Thank you." She retrieved her purse and her jacket. "Do you mind if we stop on the way? I promised the boys that I would make dinner for them."

Andy held her office door open as she walked through it. "It depends on what you're making and which boys you're talking about," he quipped.

Sharon rolled her eyes at him. "Yes, I will feed you too. If you think staying is a good idea?" She cast a carefully curious look at him.

"I think so," he answered honestly, despite the fact that he knew she was prodding, and not too gently. "We talked about it." Andy lifted his jacket from where it waited on the back of his chair and retrieved his phone and car keys from the desk. "It's not all settled yet, but the ice is broken. I think he's got a pretty good understanding of where you and I stand. He's just gotta figure out what he wants."

She hummed as she fell in step with him. "He's a smart boy. He has fewer memories of Jack than Emily does. He was mostly not around while Ricky was growing up. As much as I hate to admit it, it helps too that he's known for a while. That doesn't change how angry I am at Jack, but this could have all gone very differently."

"I don't know about that." When they reached the elevator, Andy reached out and hit the button. "He's got a pretty good head on his shoulders. You did good, Sharon. He's smart. He's an impatient smart-ass too," he added with a grin, "but I think we know where _that_ comes from. He didn't go off the rails; he thought it all through. It's what you've taught all your kids to do."

Sharon smiled. She wrapped her arm through his and leaned into his side so that their shoulders were touching. They stepped into the elevator together. "He really is a good boy," she said. "He doesn't always think before he acts, and yes, I know exactly where he gets that from." Her eyes sparkled. "Jack hurt him, though. First by being absent, and then by telling him this thing the way that he did. Ricky doesn't lash out when he's hurt. He hides from it… and I think we know where he gets _that_."

"You don't hide," he said quietly. "You regroup." Andy grinned at her quiet snort. "You consider your options and then you move forward."

"No," she said at length. "I hide." Sharon laughed quietly. "It's okay, we can call it what it is. When Jack left that first time, I hid with you. When he left the second time, I transferred to FID. I threw myself into my work and my kids, and I started using the fact that I was married as a security blanket; all the while I was ignoring my marriage. I moved on, but I never faced the past." She looked up at him and shrugged. "Ricky didn't come home for the holidays after Jack told him about you. He never spoke to me about it. He chose a career that he never mentioned to me, and he began living his life in another city completely separate of me. He hid from me, Andy. He visited, he called, and he made up grand tales, but my baby was hiding from me. All because his father hurt him, and I will never forgive Jack for that. I don't even know if I'll ever forgive myself for that."

"Hey." They were still in the elevator, but he didn't care. Andy wrapped an arm around her and drew her into his side. "Sharon, he doesn't blame you. He doesn't even blame me. Ricky doesn't know what to think, but he's not blaming anyone."

"He may," she said quietly. "Before this is over, that may change. You're right; he's confused right now. It might very well be okay, and I know how unbelievably lucky we are right now, but it's not over yet. I should have seen it. I should have noticed that there was something going on with him."

"You're not super human," he told her. "You're a damned good mother, but you can't read minds. He grew up and he moved away from home. He was living his own life, and you were living yours. It happens, Sharon. He wasn't your little boy anymore. I think you get a pass on this."

She hummed quietly. "Then so do you." She looked up at him, her eyes were sad, but there was warmth in her smile. "Remember that later. I know you think that you walked away, but that's not how I see it. That isn't how I want Ricky to see it, either. You didn't abandon us."

He sighed. Andy shook his head. He wasn't ready to think beyond that yet. It was going to take some time. He slipped his hand into her hair and drew her close. He kissed the top of her head, quickly, as the elevator came to a stop. "I'll try," was all he said. It was all that he could promise her.

"I'll take it." She turned her face into his shoulder, for just a moment, and as the doors opened, Sharon moved away from him.

They walked side by side through the lobby. His hand hovered against her back, close but barely touching her. They waited until they had left the building and across the courtyard before he took her hand in his. Then they made the walk to where he had left his car. When they reached it, Andy took her jacket and purse and tossed them into the passenger seat. He turned her toward him and cupped her face.

The kiss was almost chaste, but lingered softly. His lips moved against hers when he spoke, voice a quiet rumble. "Assistant Chief doesn't sound so bad. I'm going to miss you though."

Her hand curled around his wrists. She leaned into him. "You'll see me, probably more than you'll want to. I'll be around. I'm just moving down the hall." Sharon frowned. "Actually, I'm probably moving into Rusty's cubicle for a while and then down the hall, but that's beside the point. I'm not really going anywhere."

"It won't be the same." His nose nuzzled her cheek. He kissed the corner of her mouth. "I'm going to miss my partner."

He wasn't talking about Provenza. She drew her bottom lip between her teeth and nodded. "Yes," she whispered. "Me too." Sharon tipped her head back. She kissed the tip of his chin. "Let's go home," she said. "Maybe if dinner isn't a complete disaster, you can help me celebrate later."

"Best idea I've heard all day." Andy reached around her and pulled the car door open. He helped her into the car and joined her on the driver's side a moment later. As he pulled into traffic, he reached over and took her hand.

It was a celebratory occasion, but with all of the changes that were hitting them at once, he couldn't help but feel that they were only treading water. He didn't mind it, not this time. They were doing it together. That seemed to make it that much easier to keep from sinking in over their heads.

 **-TBC-**


	8. Chapter 8

**Lies We Told Ourselves**

 **by Kadi**

 **Rated T**

 **Disclaimer:** Not my sandbox. I just love playing in it.

* * *

 **Chapter 8**

He liked his job. There had been a time when it was all that he had; when holding on to his badge was all that kept him going, all that kept him from climbing into a bottle and drowning himself in it. There were days when he wanted to hang it up, when he wondered if the effort was worth all the losses and the darkness, but at the end of the day he couldn't do that, not without a damned good reason.

There had come a point in his life when he had to look at what he had and what he wanted and decide which was more important to him. When he did that he realized that he had his reason now. In a choice between having Sharon and walking away from her again, he would sooner hand over his badge and happily enjoy a life of retirement with her by his side.

It was for that reason that however much he may still like his job, his favorite part of the day came after he left the office. It was just the two of them now, with miles between them and the walls that determined how they behaved throughout the course of the day. They stopped at the market a few blocks away from Sharon's condo. As they walked inside, Andy enjoyed the freedom of being able to put his arm around her shoulders and draw her into his side. He turned his face into her neck, nuzzling until she laughed and pushed him away.

"Behave." She admonished, but her eyes were sparkling and her cheeks had flushed a delightful shade of pink.

"What?" He grinned crookedly. His face was a mask of innocence when he reached for her again. This time he took her hand and held it. When they entered the store, he picked up a hand basket and carried it while he let her lead them through the store. "What were you thinking about making for dinner?"

"I really haven't decided yet." She cast an amused look at him. The corners of her mouth twitched toward a smile. She felt a wave of glee when he groaned. He hated grocery shopping, and it drove him crazy to do it with her. Sharon usually only started with a small list, a vague outline of what she knew was needed or wanted. Overall, she would move through the store and pick up whatever struck her as appealing at the moment, or was specific to a meal she planned to make. Andy was utterly the opposite. He would make his lists, down to the most finite item, and then he would move through the store quickly. If it wasn't on his list, he didn't get it. He didn't dawdle, and he didn't browse. Shopping with him was always such a treat. She got such a little kick at watching him fidget as she moved from aisle to aisle.

Andy sighed. He felt the basket bump against his leg when his shoulders slumped. It was going to be one of _those_ trips. He shook his head at her, but continued to hold her hand as they walked toward the produce department. "Any preferences?" He hedged, hoping they could do this quickly, or they would be in the store all night.

Her throat ached with the effort to suppress her laughter. Sharon just hummed. "I'm not sure. It should probably be simple." He groaned again and gave her a beleaguered look. Sharon lost the battle and began to laugh. "I was thinking of just putting a chicken in the oven. We'll get some rice and steam some vegetables. Simple."

"You're trouble." He shook his head at her, but Andy tugged her close again. He kissed the side of her head and dutifully followed her from station to station as she inspected vegetables and made her selections. She knew his preferences, and took those into account as the basket began to fill.

The conversation devolved into talk of peppers and squash and if they had the time over the weekend, they should drive over and walk through the farmer's market. Not him, or her, or would one of them like to join the other, but them, together. They weren't making plans to be together, but instead it was naturally assumed that their time would be spent together. As they walked through the store, he caught a reflection of them in one of the glass doors in the freezer section. They had become _that_ couple, he realized. The old couple that held hands and spoke without saying a word. The one he used to see in stores or on the street and scoff at. The happy smiles and the in sync movements could not be real. People didn't live like that. That sort of harmony did not exist. How wrong he had been.

Even when their hands weren't linked, they were touching each other in one way or another. Sharon touched his arm as she spoke, or leaned into his side as she reached for something beside him. His hand hovered against her back, or rested against her waist while he waited for her to choose a hen for baking.

They had shopped together often enough that Andy knew how this trip would go. He smiled in anticipation. As they worked their way toward the front of the store, he shifted the basket in his grasp. While Sharon was distracted, considering whether or not to add a loaf of freshly baked bread, he pulled his wallet out. They would argue over who was paying, and right on cue, as she added the loaf to the items he was placing on the checkout stand, she noticed the wallet. She huffed at him and rolled her eyes.

The usual bickering began, just as it always did. "Put it away, Andy." Sharon dug into her purse for her pocketbook. "I have this."

"No, it's fine." His dark eyes sparkled. "My card is already out. It's just a few groceries, Sharon. You're cooking, I think I can pay for them."

"It's always just a few groceries," she shot back. She gave him a stern look. "Put the card away. It's my turn."

"You always say that," he said. "You know, I don't know why you always complain. You cook for me, and I buy the groceries. It seems like a fair enough trade."

"Not when I was planning to cook for the boys anyway," she reminded him. "Andy…"

Her voice had taken on that tone. He just grinned crookedly. Sharon had the pocketbook in hand now. He shrugged at her and swiped his card anyway. "Oops."

"Andrew William Flynn." She scowled at him.

He winked at the cashier and tucked his wallet back into his pocket. "What? The girl doesn't want to be here all night. Neither do I."

Sharon poked his arm with her pocketbook and dropped it back into her purse. It was the same argument that they always had. She shook her head at him. "You are such a pest."

Andy just rolled his eyes at the girl that was now bagging their groceries. "I can't take her anywhere." It earned him a giggle from the girl, and Sharon nudged his arm again.

"I'm sorry." Sharon smiled at the girl. She took the receipt, because Andy was already reaching for the grocery bags. "Thank you."

"It's okay." The girl slipped the last of their things into a bag. "Somehow," she teased as she handed him the last bag, "I think you're wife is the one that can't take you anywhere."

In the past, one or both of them would have been quick to correct her. This time, instead of telling her that they weren't married, Sharon just snickered. "You'd be right about that." She readjusted her purse on her shoulder and gave Andy a gentle shove to move him forward. "Let's go, trouble." They bid the girl behind the stand good night and Sharon moved in step with him as they left the store. "Honestly, Andy… one of these days."

"What?" He smirked as he dropped his arm around her shoulders again. He turned his face into her hair and kissed her temple. "Next time I'll let you buy." He said it every time, and from her sigh, he knew she didn't believe him any better this time than she had the last dozen.

"No you won't." She slipped her arm around his waist and leaned in to his side as they walked. "I just can't decide if you're being sweet or trying to irritate me."

He chuckled quietly. "Maybe a little bit of both." Andy looked down at her. "You're cute when you try to be more stubborn than I am."

She pinched his side. "I am not." The sun had gone down, and with dusk, the afternoon's warmth was fading away too. She snuggled into his side. It wasn't a very long walk to the car, but here away from their jobs, and professional responsibilities, she could enjoy the simple pleasure of just being held. She felt her phone vibrate in her purse and took it out. She hummed quietly and smiled in amusement. "Ricky says he's starving. He's giving us twenty minutes and he's ordering a pizza." Her phone buzzed a second time. Sharon snorted. "Rusty said he's calling it in himself in fifteen. Oh my god, they're probably both sitting on the sofa with their phones out."

"Tell the boys to suck it up. They aren't going to starve to death." He kissed the side of her head again. He had to let go of her as they maneuvered through the parking lot.

"Oh Andy, they're under thirty. They're still practically adolescent. If they aren't eating every hour, they are starving to death in their minds." She was sending the text while she spoke, and her eyes were on the phone. She bumped into his back when he stopped in front of her. "What…" Sharon trailed off when she realized why he had stopped, and why he had suddenly gone very stiff.

"Well, well, well!" Bill Croelick was leaning against the back of Andy's car. "I thought that was you crazy kids. Imagine running into you here. Small world isn't it?" He grinned at them.

Andy's grip on the bags in his hand tightened. His teeth ground together. "You son of a bitch."

He took a step forward, but Sharon moved in front of him. She placed a hand on his chest while she glared at the man in front of them. "Mister Croelick, was there something that you needed?" Her voice cut through the evening. Gone was the laughing lilt, it had been replaced with ice and a knife's edge. "I would urge you to think about your answer very carefully. Stalking is a serious crime in the state of California."

"Stalking?" Croelick laughed. "No, of course not." He pushed off the car and took a step forward. "I saw you two and thought it would be rude not to say hello. After all, I've hardly seen my good friend Andy since I got here." His gaze moved past her. The other man was still glowering at him. "How are things?"

Sharon felt Andy push against her hand. She looked up at him. His face was flushing with color. She could see the strain in his neck and in the tightening of his shoulders. "Mister Croelick, make your point and do it quickly. I'm afraid we're running late."

"Oh, I think my point has already been made." As he spoke, Croelick's eyes moved slowly to his left. At the end of the block, and visible from where they stood, were the Los Feliz towers where Sharon resided. "Oops."

Black smoke billowed up from around the buildings. As they watched, there was a low boom, flames erupted from several windows in the upper most floor. "You bastard." Andy dropped the bags and lunged for him.

"Careful." Croelick stepped back, hands up. "I'm just a guy standing in a parking lot. You're going to want to watch that temper."

Sharon jumped when windows on the building's north side burst outward. "Andy." She grabbed his arm and drew him back. They could hear sirens now. They sounded in the distance and were getting closer. " _Andy!_ " When he finally looked at her, her eyes slowly lifted. "The boys," she whispered. They had been at home, and now much of the eleventh floor of her building, and it looked like the tenth as well, was engulfed in flames.

"Come on." Andy took her hand and pulled her away from Croelick. They were close enough to the building that it would be faster if they just ran. He pointed a finger at Croelick. "I will find you," he promised. "You and I are going to finish this."

"I certainly hope so." Croelick slipped his hands into the pockets of his jeans. He watched them go. When they disappeared beyond his view, he lifted his gaze toward the smoke that was billowing up. He smiled as he turned and began to whistle as he walked away.

There were already two black and whites parked in front of the building when Andy and Sharon made it. The officers were directing people out of the building, and not allowing the onlookers to get too close. Sharon had her phone in hand. She was trying to call the boys, but neither was answering. Both phones were going to voicemail.

Andy drew himself to his full height. He was looking over the heads of the others and trying to spot the boys. As they neared the entrance, he flashed his badge.

"I'm sorry Lieutenant," the officer that was guarding that entrance said. "We can't let anyone inside. The building is being evacuated. We need you to step back."

"Come on." Sharon tugged on his arm before he could try to pull rank. She drew him away. "Side entrance," she said. "We can go in through the garage."

"Let's go." He took his phone out too. While she was calling Ricky, he called Rusty. He hoped that one of them would answer. By now the entire eleventh floor was engulfed.

"Mom!" Ricky spotted her before either of them could round the building. He waved an arm to get her attention.

She turned where she stood. Her eyes scanned the crowd. When they landed on him, she let go of Andy and jogged toward him. "Ricky!"

"Hey." She practically tackled him when she hugged him. Ricky ignored it and hugged her back. "I've been trying to call you," he said.

"Where…" She turned and found Rusty beside him. "Oh thank god." She drew him to her too.

"We're fine," Rusty promised. "We came downstairs when we smelled the smoke. "We were hoping you would answer before you saw it and freaked out."

"No such luck, I'm afraid." She reached out and brushed his hair away from his brow. Sharon finally felt like she could breathe again, and unfortunately each breath was filled with smoke from the fire.

"Are you both okay?" Andy laid a hand on Ricky's shoulder and let his gaze sweep over both of them, Ricky and then Rusty. Neither boy seemed to be harmed.

"Yeah, we're good," Ricky told him. "We were just sitting there, joking about the pizza thing. Next thing we knew, the place was filling up with smoke. We heard the windows blow from the fifth floor. "It's crazy, right?"

"Yeah." Now that he knew they were okay, Andy turned and looked up at the building. The upper levels could no longer be seen through the smoke. "It's crazy alright."

"Let's get both of you away from here." Sharon grabbed the boys and maneuvered them farther from the building. They moved out onto the street, behind the barricade that was now being put up by the other emergency personnel that had arrived. They said that they were okay, but she wasn't satisfied until she had checked both of them over.

"Mom, I promise. We're okay." Ricky shrugged her off. He waved a hand at the building. "Looks like your place is completely totaled."

She turned. Sharon looked up at it and really allowed herself to see it for the first time. She drew a thin breath and let it out slowly. "I see that," she said stoically.

Andy laid his hands on her shoulders and drew her back against him. "It will be okay," he said quietly. He was going to take a great deal of pleasure in putting the cuffs on Croelick, if he let him live that long. For now, he pressed his lips against the back of her head.

"I know." She leaned into his embrace. She could only hope that everyone had gotten out. With her boys beside her it was hard to feel anything but thankful, but as she watched it burn, she also couldn't help but think about everything that was now gone, photos and other mementos, keepsakes and heirlooms. There were some items that could never be replaced. Nothing so important as her sons, surely, but they were safe beside her. She thought of Emily's first pair of ballet shoes, which had been tucked into a box in the top of her closet. Likewise there was Ricky's first baseball glove and cleats. While most of her photos of the kids had been backed up digitally years ago, those original prints were now lost too. There were the baby books and the photo albums, and other personal belongings that were now as good as ash. Sharon groaned quietly and turned. She couldn't watch. She pressed her face into Andy's shoulder.

His arms came up to hold her. Andy slipped a hand into her hair and let his fingers stroke the back of her head. He couldn't tell her that they would fix this. He knew that she was thinking now of what was lost. It wasn't the possessions. Sharon was not that materialistic. It was the memories. "We're going to get him," he said quietly. "I promise, Sharon. We'll get him this time."

She lifted her head. Sharon looked up at him. Her eyes hardened. "Oh yes," she said, and her voice dipped dangerously. "I want him found within the hour. I have a few questions for our friend Bill."

"Mom, what are you talking about?" Ricky frowned at her. He looked between them. "What does he have to do with this?"

Sharon's jaw clenched. She looked up at her son. Her eyes flashed. "We ran into Croelick at the grocery store. He was waiting for us outside."

"That means our fire-starting friend was in the neighborhood," Andy said. He lifted his gaze toward the building again. The smoke was getting thicker in the air. His eyes burned with it. "Now we know why."

"Wait," Rusty took a step closer. "You think someone started this fire on purpose? That's crazy!" He looked at the building. "All those people? All those homes? Why would someone do that? What if someone is still in there? People could have gotten really hurt."

"Rusty…" Sharon felt a tremor run through her. "You were still inside. So was your brother. That is exactly what he was aiming for."

"At the very least," Andy said, "He wanted to make sure he had our attention."

"Damn." Ricky shook his head. "He wants you to know he's in control. He found out where you live and he left a calling card."

"But why?" Rusty shook his head. "It still doesn't make sense. Why would he burn down your apartment?"

"Because you were right the first time," Sharon said. "He's crazy, and now," she turned and looked up at the building again, "he has my attention."

 **MCMCMCMCMCMC**

The Murder Room was somber and silent. The team had been called back in. Everyone had come, despite the late hour, and without complaint. The search for Bill Croelick was on, but so far he had not been found. Chief Taylor strode into the room to find everyone at their desks, quietly chasing down leads from the want that had been issued for the man.

His gaze swept the room quickly. He spied both of the Captain's sons. They were seated side by side on an empty desk, watching as the others worked. As his eyes circled the room, he located the Captain. She stood on the far side, looking over Buzz's shoulder while they both studied something on his computer.

"Captain," he drew her attention as he moved further into the room. He stopped near its center. "Is everyone okay?"

Sharon straightened, but she kept a hand braced against the back of Buzz's chair. "Yes." She looked, briefly, at both boys before meeting his gaze again. "Thankfully, Ricky and Rusty were able to get out of the building without a problem. As I understand it, there were a few injuries among other residents, and an older gentleman was transported with respiratory distress. Rescue personnel are still on scene. The fire was contained, and they're checking the units." They would need to assess if anyone had been missed in the evacuation before the arson investigation began.

"Good." Taylor nodded. "That's good. Let's hope that everyone made it out." He held up a file. "That matter we discussed. I think our timeline has been pushed up a bit. Let's talk in your office."

She sighed. Sharon nodded once. "Buzz," she told the younger man, "keep looking. Let me know if you find anything."

"Yes Captain," he was looking through video footage from traffic cameras surrounding the Captain's building for any sign of Croelick.

Sharon moved around his desk and strode across the Murder Room. Her eyes met Andy's as she neared. She shook her head at him. She agreed that now was the worst moment to remove her from the investigation. She would attempt to convince the Chief of the same. Once inside her office she held the door. She waited until he had entered before pushing it closed behind him. "Chief, I understand your concerns, but we cannot risk a divisional shakeup right now. I need each of my people focused on their work."

"This case just became personal, Captain." Taylor held the folder in front of him. "I can't have the appearance of a vendetta. Every minute that the rescue teams and investigators are on scene at your apartment complex we're racking up charges for Croelick. We don't need him wiggling out of this on a technicality." He sighed. "Look, I understand. You want to get the bastard, and we will. I need your head in the game on this. You were, and still are, our first choice for this. The Croelick situation is just pushing us forward a little bit."

"Save your spiel," Sharon crossed her arms. "I've already accepted. I think you're making a mistake. Hasn't it occurred to you that the timing of this move could play right into Croelick's hands? He could very well use the fact that I was removed—"

"Which is why we have back dated the offer." Taylor walked over to her desk and opened the folder. He tapped the paper inside. "We dated it to the day Chief Pope and I agreed that you were our choice. All I need you to do is sign it."

Sharon's head inclined. "The approval from HR wasn't received until today. How are you going to get around that?"

"An offer doesn't indicate approval," he explained. "We made the offer, and as it says here, it was provisional pending approval from HR and Professional Standards. Both approvals are now on file. Captain, this is not a negotiation," he added. "It's necessary. The man almost succeeded in killing both of your sons. Do you want him to walk away?"

Her eyes narrowed. "Just when I began to think that you're almost human," she said. "That was low." He'd gone in for the kill and he knew it. They both did. Sharon stared at the document. "No." She surprised herself in saying it. "Respectfully, Chief, I have to decline." She looked up at him again. "I think we are setting a very bad example. The LAPD does not negotiate. I am not going to run from Bill Croelick. You are absolutely right, that man tried to kill both of my sons tonight, and he almost succeeded. He did manage to destroy my home, as well as the homes of many others. I am not going to let him chase me out of a position that I enjoy. I am not going to allow him to set policy within my division or this department. It ends now. Our conduct will speak for itself. If you're concerned about a lawsuit, I'm sure that Sergeant Staples or Sergeant Elliot will be glad to join our investigation and audit this division as it moves forward." She placed her hand on the document and pushed it back toward him. "If I am, as you continue to say, your first choice to replace you at the end of the year, then offer it to me then. But I will not accept a promotion, and I will not compromise the functionality of this division to satisfy the likes of Bill Croelick."

Taylor stared back at her. He tapped the fingers of one hand against his leg. Her gaze was unwavering. He sighed. "I had a feeling you were going to say that." The woman was stubborn, and when she was cornered, she was even worse. He reached down and lifted another paper out of the folder. He placed it in front of her. "We'll play this your way, for now, but if this situation deteriorates, I will take appropriate measures."

"I understand. I don't think that will be necessary. My team is perfectly capable of acting like the professionals that they are." At least, most of the time they could. She glanced down. "What is this?"

"Your promotion," Taylor said, and not with a little resignation. "You still need to move up in rank to be eligible for my job. You passed the Commander's exam five years ago. All you have to do is sign this."

"Very well." She took the paper from him and turned it toward herself. Sharon leaned over the desk and lifted a pen. She read through the document quickly, to make sure that everything they had agreed upon was included… and that he had not added any undisclosed provisions. Sharon hesitated only for a moment and then quickly scrawled her name, before she could change her mind. "It's done."

"Commander." He gathered the document back into the folder. "The official pinning will take place during the next promotion ceremony." It was a few weeks away, scheduled later in the fall. The LAPD could not hold a ceremony each time an officer was promoted. Those ceremonies were scheduled throughout the year, and the officers were honored at that time.

"I remember." Sharon crossed her arms again. It might have been some time since she was last promoted, but she recalled the procedure. "I'll contact HR and Employee Relations in the morning," the rest she would take care of on her own, now that the paperwork was official.

"For whatever it's worth," Taylor shrugged at her. "This was not how we wanted to handle this. You were our first choice," he said again. He held out a hand. "Congratulations, Commander." The title would not publically be hers until the promotion ceremony, but it was more formality than anything.

"Thank you, Chief." She accepted the handshake. It was little comfort, giving the timing. She waited for him to leave and stood there for a moment. Sharon closed her eyes. She concentrated on breathing, but the acrid smell of smoke still hung in the air. It was her clothes, she knew, and her hair. Sharon exhaled quietly. Her head bowed. She should be excited, and there was a part of her that was, but it was buried underneath a mountain of other emotions. She heard her door open again and smiled. She looked over to see Andy standing there. "I told him no."

His brows lifted in surprise. He slipped inside the office and closed the door. "I thought you wanted it?" He asked, with a bit of concern. He worried that the events of the evening had pushed her too far.

"I did." She shrugged. "I do." Sharon smiled. "Just not yet. It's moving too fast. It wasn't right. We're reacting. We aren't being proactive. I'm still eligible for it, I just… I'm not willing to give this up yet," she waved a hand at the office. "I'm not going to tuck tail and run away. No more hiding."

She looked lighter than she had earlier, when they had first discussed it. Andy would have liked to go to her, but the freedom to do that was currently back on hold. "Are you sure?" He shrugged. "That's a big one to let go."

She hummed and shrugged. "I didn't let go of it completely. I just postponed it, at least the move away from Major Crimes. I'm still _moving up_. We'll see what happens with the rest."

"What do you mean?" His brows drew together in puzzled frown.

"I still got my star," she told him. "The correct phrasing that you are looking for is, what do you mean, _Commander_. It will be official in a few weeks." For now it was just between the two of them and the bureaucrats.

"Yeah?" Andy slipped his hands into his pockets. "Congratulations?" She didn't look like she felt much like celebrating it now. He could understand that. It had been a close call. The boys were okay, but she had still lost everything else in the fire, as had Rusty. All that either of them had, by way of personal belongings, were the things in his book bag, which he had grabbed on his way out the door, and the items that Sharon kept at his house.

"Maybe later," she said, and offered a sad smile. "Right now it's just a formality. What I do feel good about is standing my ground. That was a win that I'm willing to take."

"Good." He smiled at her. "Look," He took a step forward. "The boys are worn out. Let me take you home. Tomorrow is going to be a long day."

"Not yet." Sharon looked through the windows. The boys did look exhausted, however. "Send them ahead of us, I want to—Damn." She closed her eyes and sighed. Both Rusty's car and hers had been in the parking garage. It was doubtful that the fire had penetrated the structure, but both vehicles would likely have smoke damage. They wouldn't know until they had access to them, and that wouldn't come until later. The entire building structure and complex was a crime scene.

"Sharon." Andy moved further into the office. "We have a want out for Croelick. I don't think we're going to find him tonight. Let's take Rusty and Ricky, pick up a few things they'll need, and go back to my place. We'll come back, work on all this tomorrow." He shrugged. "He's not going to get away. I'm not gonna let him get away." But he had her to take care of too, only he couldn't say that aloud, at least not here.

As much as she wanted to disagree, and to protest, she could feel the weight of it pressing down on her. She looked out at the boys again, shoulders slumped and staring at the floor in front of them. It had certainly been a day, and not a very good one. "You're right." She needed to take them home, although _she_ didn't have a home to take them to any longer. She closed her eyes and sighed softly. " _Andy_."

"I know." It was the grief. He couldn't tell her that he would fix it; all he could do was help her rebuild. "Let's go," he said gently and jerked his head toward the door.

"Okay," she agreed finally. She lifted her purse from where she had dropped it upon arriving, in the chair by the door. It, like her clothes, reeked of smoke. The lingering smell was giving her a headache and beginning to turn her stomach. "I think I'd very much like a shower anyway."

"I know where you can get one." He tiled his head at her and offered a gentle smile. "It's not a bad place. It's run by this nice guy who will even wash your hair for you."

"Sounds wonderful." When his hand settled against her back, she leaned tiredly toward him, just for a moment. "Ricky, Rusty," she called, and gaining their attention, she waved a hand toward the exit. "We're going."

The boys stood up and looked at one another. "Where?" Ricky asked. The condo was gone, but he supposed they could crash at a hotel for the night.

"We can talk about that in the car." Sharon turned her gaze on the others. "Thank you all for coming in, but it is getting late. Let's wrap it up, and come back fresh tomorrow."

There was little else to be said. Their concern had already been expressed. She bid them goodnight and ushered her sons toward the exit. Andy, she knew, was behind her. She could feel his hand hovering against the small of her back as she made her way down the hall to the elevators.

He waited until they were in the elevator. Ricky looked at his mother in askance. "Are we going to a hotel?"

"No." She glanced at him. "Andy has offered to let us stay with him. He has a guest room. The two of you will have to share, or one of you can stay on the sofa."

"I'm not sending your mother to a hotel tonight," Andy said, before either boy could protest. Besides which, although it went without saying, she spent as much time at his house as she had spent at hers. The idea of letting her stay at a hotel at all just seemed ridiculous.

"Hm." Ricky grunted quietly. He looked down at Rusty beside him. "Notice how they immediately go on the defensive."

"I did." Rusty leaned against the wall of the elevator. He tipped his head back and closed his eyes. "You are weird and prone to bouts of melodrama. It's okay, Ricky. Mommy is all grown up now and dating."

Ricky scowled at him. "Says he who is prone to attracting serial killers."

"Ricky!" Sharon's eyes widened. "Do not say those kinds of things."

"I kinda am," Rusty agreed with a shrug. "It is disturbing. I am aware of this."

"Kinda?" Ricky smirked at him. "Yeah, that's what we'll go with." He looked over at his _parents_. "I have no problem staying at your place," he said to Andy, "it's very nice of you. I just thought we'd be more comfortable at a hotel. There's a Best Western down the street from mom's place, if she needed to be close to it."

Sharon's nose wrinkled. "Oh honey, I have no interest at all in staying at a Best…" She trailed off. Her eyes went wide. "Oh my god." She turned to Andy. Her mind was suddenly connecting all of the pieces of the puzzle. "I know how Croelick found out about all of this."

Gone was the fatigued slump in her shoulders. She was suddenly brimming with energy and excitement. Andy settled his hand against her hip. "How?"

Sharon met his gaze. "It's very simple really, the only way that he could have found out. Jack."

 **-TBC-**


	9. Chapter 9

**Lies We Told Ourselves**

 **by Kadi**

 **Rated T**

 **Disclaimer:** Not my sandbox. I just love playing in it.

* * *

 **Chapter 9**

After Sharon's sudden realization she and Andy changed directions. Andy gave Ricky the key to his house and they sent the boys back upstairs. They instructed them to get one of the team to drive them to Andy's house, while they took care of the business of Jack and his free flowing revelations. The boys were left standing in the lobby of the Police Admin Building. Ricky stared in the direction that his parents had gone. The house key felt heavy in his hand.

They were going to confront his father. His other father. Or whatever the hell he was. It was damned confusing, and had been since the night that he found out that another man was actually responsible for his existence. Ricky had lived his whole life thinking of Jack Raydor as his father, it was hard to think of him any other way. He acted like his father. At least, in so much, that he wasn't much of a father at all. Ricky had never felt singled out. Jack was just as crappy to Emily as he was to him. In truth, it was the idea of fathers as other people knew them that was abstract to him. His memories of the _good times_ were so vague and fleeting, it was almost difficult to separate memory from fantasy.

Over the years he tried to tell himself that Jack had chosen him, he just had no ability to follow through. Now he thought about the other guy. The one who had wanted him and walked away because he really thought, or knew, that he would be crappy at it. He didn't seem like a bad guy. He liked him, always had. It was just weird as hell now that he knew the guy had known about him all this time. Ricky still didn't know how he felt about that. What he did know was that everything was a mess now. It felt like the world was falling down around his ears.

"Hey." Rusty nudged him to get his attention when calling his name didn't work. "Are you coming?"

Ricky's head turned slowly. He stared at his brother. The white t-shirt that Rusty was wearing under his blue and green plaid button down was stained, streaked from the smoke and soot that had been in the air around the Los Feliz towers. He blinked. Ricky remembered grabbing his brother when he went back for his bag. He wrapped a hand around his arm and pulled him out of the condo. They had both coughed and gagged at the thick smoke filling the hall and the stairwell. It was not until they reached the eighth floor that it began to thin. His eyes had burned. Despite the people around them, also working their way out of the building, he had kept a hand on Rusty, fingers fisted in his shirt as he directed him down the stairs in front of him. Ricky thought about the look on his mother's face when he had seen her across the parking lot in front of the building. He pictured the fear and then the relief. He recalled the sadness in her eyes when she allowed herself to think about what was being lost. He could see her, clearly, in his mind's eye as she turned away from it and buried her face against his father's shoulder. His other father. The real one.

The one that had looked at him, and tried to be stoic despite the fact that he was as close to the brink of panic as his mother had been. There had been relief in his gaze, although he had quickly turned his attention away. Then there had been rage. That man had held his mother as gently as he would a child, and while he watched the building burn, his eyes has reflected the heat of those flames with his own fury.

Ricky shook his head. He tossed the key to his brother. "No, you go." He turned, intent on following them. Whatever they wanted to do, they couldn't shield him from this. Not anymore. He wasn't a child, and dammit, whatever else they might think, this was _his_ case. This was his _life_!

"What the hell?" Rusty called after him. "Where are you going? If you're going to see Jack, Sharon is going to freak out. Ricky…"

He turned. Ricky ran a hand through his hair. "Then she can freak out. Look Rusty, this is my family. It's my mom and dad, and… my other dad." He threw his hands up in frustration. "What am I supposed to do? Go sit in the corner like a good boy and wait for them to decide everything? I don't think so. Look at what's happening. My case is going to crap, my suspect tried to kill us, and mom just lost everything."

"Not everything." Rusty took a step forward. "I know what you're saying, but this is not a smart idea. Sharon knows what she's doing, and Flynn has her back. I know it feels crazy, but sometimes we just have to let her do these things."

"Not this time," Ricky said. "If my dad did this, if he told someone…" He trailed off and shook his head. "Dammit. Rusty, if Jack told someone that he wasn't my dad, just to get back at mom, then I think I have a right to be a part of it."

"Okay fine." Rusty walked toward him. "Then let's go. We'll get a cab and we'll go over to Jack's place. Sharon will have an absolute fit, and I think Flynn will probably help her have it, but we should go if you really want to so bad."

"No." Ricky pointed at him. He shook his head. "You need to go get a ride to Andy's place, like mom said. Rusty, you don't have to be part of this."

"Why not?" He folded his arms across his chest. "Because I'm nothing? Because he's your dad, and this has nothing to do with me? I think we played that game already and guess what, it really sucked. You know who got hurt that time? Sharon did. I'm not doing that again, and I'm really tired of you and Emily deciding when I'm family and when I'm not. She's my mom too, and you know something, I think that makes both of your dads my sort of step-dads. Oh, and while I'm at it, although it really drives me crazy sometimes, that also kind of makes you my idiot brother."

Ricky sighed again. His shoulders slumped. Rusty was right. They couldn't cut him out of things when it was convenient to them. It wasn't fair and it wasn't kind. He rubbed a hand across his forehead. "Mom is going to kill me for taking you," he groaned.

"Yep." Rusty shrugged. "She's going to kill you anyway for showing up. Might as well go out in a blaze of glory." When Ricky's eyes narrowed he smirked. "What? Too soon?" He asked, in a passable imitation of his brother.

"Okay fine, let's go funny guy. Nothing better than taking you down with me." He turned around and started walking again. "Just remember, when Mom is yelling at us, I tried to talk you out of it."

"Sure." Rusty hurried after him. "When Sharon is yelling at us both, I'm going to tell her that I tried to talk _you_ out of it. Who do you think she's going to believe?"

"Oh please." Ricky snorted. "I am the spitting image of the long lost, unrequited, love of her life. I have got this in the bag, little brother."

"It's important that _you_ believe that," Rusty said. "You've never seen them fight." He smirked happily. "It's okay, enjoy your delusions while they last."

Ricky squinted at him. "What does that mean?"

"No one annoys the crap out of her like Flynn does." Rusty continued to grin.

"Oh." Ricky sighed. "I am so screwed…"

 **MCMCMCMCMCMC**

It was a small apartment in Silver Lake; that was where Jack had chosen to live upon moving back to Los Angeles. It wasn't a bad place, but as Emily had said, it wasn't a chalet either. Sharon led the way inside. She had explained her reasoning to Andy during the drive. She couldn't believe that she hadn't thought of it sooner. With the number of times that they had discussed the settlement that Croelick received from the city, the pieces had just not come together for her. They were locking into place now.

The law firm that handled the settlement was the same firm that Jack was working for now. It stood to reason that he'd had contact with Croelick, especially if the man was still using the firm. They didn't know anything for sure, but she couldn't fathom any other way that he could possibly know as much about her as he did. There was no one else on earth that knew of Ricky's parentage.

It was the only thing that made sense.

Andy stood to one side while Sharon knocked on the door. Her conclusions made sense, but there was enough doubt that he was going to let her lead off on this one. He didn't doubt Sharon, never that, but they needed proof. They needed Jack to be honest, for once in his damned life.

The door opened; Jack was surprised to see her. "Sharon." He was also confused. It was late, and it wasn't like her to come by at all. In fact, he hadn't heard from her in a while, not since the last time they spoke, the day after he showed up drunk at her place. Jack shook his head at her. "What's going on?"

"Jack." She kept her face carefully impassive. "We need to talk."

Movement to the side drew his attention. He noticed Andy standing there. His face hardened. "Well Sharon, I would really like to do that, but it's late."

When he tried to shut the door, Andy reached out and put his hand on it. "You're going to want to talk to us," his voice rumbled quietly.

"Is this an official inquiry?" Jack scowled at them. "If it is, you can call my office. My hours are between—"

"Cut the crap, Jack." Sharon pushed him backward into the apartment and stepped into it. "I've had a very long day and I'm not in the mood for your blustering. This isn't an _official_ visit if that's what you need to know. We have some questions and I need you to answer them, _honestly_ ," she stressed.

"Alright." Jack walked into the apartment. He folded his arms across his chest. "I'm waiting. What is it that is so important you have to barge into my home with your trusty little Lieutenant?"

"Ricky." Sharon placed her hands on her hips. "Did you know that he went to the Police Academy after graduation? He's been working out of the San Francisco PD."

"What?" Jack's eyes widened. "That's ridiculous. You'd never stand for any of the kids becoming cops. Why would he do that? You've had some crazy ideas over the years, Sharon, but this one…" He snorted a quiet laugh. "That one is pretty far out there."

"He's in town, Jack. One of his cases landed in our lap." Her eyes narrowed. "It's not that ridiculous, when you consider why he did it. Ricky decided that he wanted to see what was so interesting about the profession, considering both of his parents chose it." Her brows arched. She saw him blanch. He shifted nervously. He remembered. "My god, you do know what you did to him." Sharon couldn't even look at him, she turned away, suddenly sick to her stomach.

"Son of a bitch." Andy's scowl darkened. "You put that on his head and you didn't think that anyone should know? You've let him live with that all this time, and what? Were you hoping that Sharon would never find out how big a bastard you really are?"

"That's rich coming from you." Jack glared back at him. "You know, I did some things in my time, but sleeping with another man's wife was never one of them. Who do you think you are? None of this would be happening at all if you knew how to keep your hands to yourself. Bet you're just loving it now, aren't you? Finally got her to yourself, is that it?"

Andy took a step forward but Sharon put a hand on his arm. She shook her head quietly and cast a hurt look at the man who had once been so damned important to her. "No, Jack. None of this would be happening if you were reliable enough that your wife could count on you being around. That isn't important right now. Tell me about Bill Croelick."

"What about him?" Jack waved a hand through the air and turned away. "I can't talk about my clients, you know that Sharon. We're not married anymore, so it's not protected under privilege. You want to ask? Call me during business hours and maybe we will discuss it."

"Ricky almost died today because of Bill Croelick, maybe you want to rethink that," Andy said. The fury was burning just beneath the surface. His hands itched. If not for Sharon standing between them he thought he might like to plant a fist in the bastard's smug face.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Jack scoffed at them. "Bill lives hundreds of miles from here. He has no reason to be in Los Angeles. It's not his favorite place, and with good reason thanks to you. Maybe you should tell me what's going on here? Is Ricky okay?" The last was directed at his ex-wife.

"He is." Sharon folded her arms cross her chest. "Ricky has been investigating the disappearance of Bill Croelick's latest girlfriend. Croelick had reason to believe that she disappeared in LA; he brought the case to us. Imagine my surprise when I found out what my son has been doing for a living. Even more, imagine how surprised I was when I found out—"

"That you've been running your goddamned mouth to your client. It wasn't enough that you told Ricky how he came to be, but you let it slip to the rat bastard that tried to kill him today." Andy took a step forward. "Did you think it was a coincidence that we put him away for killing and burning a woman?"

"I think what happened is that my client won a sizable settlement for going to prison for a crime he didn't actually commit," Jack shot back. "I think what happened is that you screwed up, and you know that."

"You aren't denying it," Sharon pointed out. "Jack…"

"No." He pointed at her. "You don't get to come in here acting like the injured party. Not this time, and not about that. So what if it slipped out? You didn't really think it was never going to happen did you? Hell, Sharon. I was drunk. How was I supposed to know what Croelick would do with that information?"

"How could you let it slip to begin with?" She asked. "Do you have any idea what you've done? He's a target now. That mad man thinks that our son is the best way of getting at us because you couldn't keep your mouth closed."

"Your son," Jack said quietly. His eyes burned at her. "He was always your son. He was never mine. I tried, god knows I did, but from the day he was born he was yours. You hovered over him. You coddled him. You spoiled him. Was I not supposed to notice?" Jack took a step toward her.

"He was my son," Sharon replied, voice rising. "What was I supposed to do? Ignore him the way that you did? I'm sorry, Jack, that I wasn't running off to sit in a bar instead of taking care of my kids. Someone had to do it."

"Well Sharon, if you were so unhappy with me," he drawled, "I'm sure you could have gone crawling back to the boyfriend. He was just waiting to get back into your bed anyway. That's assuming that he ever left it."

"At least I would have known where to find him," she snapped, "which is more than I could ever say for you."

"Stop." That was the scene that Ricky had walked in on. His parents glaring at each other, cruelly tossing accusations while their voices rose. "Stop fighting over me."

"Ricky." Sharon shook her head at him, tried to clear the surprise. "I thought I sent you home," she said quietly. "You shouldn't be here."

"Why not?" Ricky moved further into the apartment, Rusty behind him. "My life is the one that you're fighting about. I think this is exactly where I should be. You all have had plenty to say about what I should do, and where I should go, and who I should be since the day I was made, but does anyone here really care about what _I_ think about any of it?"

Sharon drew a sharp breath. He was all that she had thought about. She had always put her kids first. "Ricky," she said quietly, "I don't think you understand."

"I do." He shrugged. "You screwed up, mom. Paint it anyway you want, but you were the one sleeping around on your husband. You can't deny that one."

"Watch your tone." Andy pointed a finger at him. "That's still your mother that you're talking to."

"Why?" Ricky frowned at him. "Because you said so? All of a sudden you have the right to tell me to behave? You've been in my life for five seconds, and I made it this far without you. I think I'm doing okay."

Jack shook his head. "Ricky my boy, I think…"

"No." He glared at his father. "You really don't get to say anything. You said enough. What did you think was going to happen, _dad_? I was going to run off and tell mom how horrible she was? Why would I do that? She's the only one I ever had. You were never around. You can blame it on her all you want, but you weren't there for Em either, and you can't accuse her of not being yours. From where I'm standing you've all had a pretty good piece of the let's screw up Ricky's life pie." He pointed at each one of them in turn, Jack first, and then Andy, and finally his mother. "You screwed up, you walked out, and you slept around."

"I don't care." It was Andy that spoke. He continued to glare at the boy. "You can be as pissed off as you want, no one is saying you don't have a right to be, but you are not going to talk to your mother like that. Whatever she did, and why she did it, and any mistakes that she made, she gets to answer for them. You don't get to raise your voice at her, and you don't get to call her a wh—"

"Andy." Sharon laid a hand on his arm again. She looked up at him and shook her head. She smiled sadly. "It's okay." She knew that Ricky was upset, and he was hurt. It had been a long, horrible day, and finally he'd reached his limit. She laid her other hand against Andy's chest. She could feel the tension in him. "He's right," she said softly.

"No he's not." He heaved a ragged sigh. "Dammit, Sharon. If Jack hadn't come back, I'd have stayed."

"I know," she whispered. "We'd have tried. It wouldn't have worked, but we would have tried." Sharon closed her eyes for a moment. She drew a thin breath and let it out slowly. "The fact is, he did come back." She turned and looked at her son again. "I am sorry," she said, "that you had to pay for our mistakes."

"I know, Mom." Ricky took a step forward. He shrugged at her. "You tried. I understand that. I don't think you're a…" He wouldn't even say the word and shook his head instead. "I'm not trying to say that. Everyone in this room screwed up, and it's way too late to fight about it now." He ran a hand through his hair. "You didn't want me," he said to Jack, "but you wanted her. You took on more than you could handle, and just like always, it got hard so you walked out. You," he looked at the other one, the one that looked like he had wanted to throttle him, "you said you wanted me, but you walked out too. You couldn't pull your head out of the bottle long enough to see what you were losing. So guess what, you both get the crappy father of the past award. You can flip a coin to see who gets custody of it first." Ricky sighed. "The thing is, when you had a chance to do it right? You still didn't," he told Jack. "You told me where I came from and you split. Then you went blabbing that crap to the psycho who likes to set things on fire and almost managed to get me and Rusty today when he burned mom's apartment down. You…" he waved a hand at Andy. "I don't even know what to think about you. No," he said, when it looked like he would speak. "You keep saying all the right things, but I don't know what to do with that yet, and for the record," he looked down at his mother, "I'd put me into a wall too for talking to you like that, so go easy on him."

"I will." Sharon cupped his chin. She did adore that boy. Jack was right. From the moment he was born, and even before, she had loved him. She had coddled and hovered and spoiled him. But she had done the same with Emily. They were her babies, and they, and Rusty, would always come first in her heart. She only wished that she could take back the pain that she had caused him. "I'm sorry it hurts," she murmured, "but I'm not sorry that I screwed up. I will always be glad that I had you."

"Yeah." Ricky looked down. His hands moved into his pockets and he shuffled uncomfortably. "I know." When he looked up at her through the fringe of dark hair that fell across his brow, he grinned a little crookedly. "I'll always be glad you had me too."

"Rick." Andy sighed. He didn't even know where to begin. He couldn't get back the years he lost. Just like he couldn't get them back with his older kids. He shook his head and looked down. "You should take Rusty and go home," he said, for lack of anything better.

"Soon." Ricky said. "It's okay. I get it. You kinda love her. I don't blame you. What's not to love, right? My mom is pretty awesome." He exhaled quietly. "We can talk about all this another time. Right now we're here for another reason. So…" He looked at Jack again. "Bill Croelick. Where is he?"

"How the hell should I know?" Jack stood to the side, away from the others. His arms were still folded over his chest, and his posture had become defensive. "I haven't talked to him in over a week. We were going to get the ball rolling on a harassment suit against the San Francisco PD. I just didn't know the pain in the ass detective that was giving him a hard time came by it so naturally."

"Well I guess I had to learn something from you," Ricky shot back, before either his mother or his biological father could intervene. "Did he ever mention Maria Samples to you?"

"No." Jack shrugged. "Just that she was missing and the cops wouldn't get off their asses and find her. They were after him instead because of the bullshit conviction that got overturned down here. This time he wanted to start with the city and sue the state. He was still being treated like a criminal even a decade after getting out of jail."

"For good reason," Andy said, with more than a hint of sarcasm. "We proved our case against him the first time. The witness he confessed to overdosed four days into the trial. The second case matched his MO, no one could have predicted it was the shrink that was profiling him. We had his prints. The evidence fit. That doesn't change the fact that we know he did it once. He may have done it again, and now there's a girl missing."

"Let's say for a minute, for the sake of conversation," Jack said, "that you're right. If he did kill this girl, why would he be coming after you?" He looked between his ex-wife and her Lieutenant. "What is the point in that? Why not just dump the body and go on about his life?"

"He's toying with us," Sharon said. "The LAPD has been unable to get a conviction to stick. I think that girl is dead and we're going to find her body in Los Angeles. Croelick is stacking the deck in favor of either another acquittal, a miss trial or a lawsuit."

"The fact that Jack's firm was the one representing him is a coincidence," Ricky said. "He had no idea that it had any connection to the cop that put him away both times. Then when Jack got drunk, and started mouthing off about his ex-wife and her new boyfriend…"

"He put the pieces together," Andy said. "Croelick realized what he had, and the advantage it could give him. He hadn't killed the girlfriend yet."

"No," Ricky continued, "but he probably already planned to do it. So he did some checking, and he found out that not only did you have the past with mom that Jack told him about, but you were together again. That's why he was watching your house, and that's how he figured out where mom lived. He was probably in town for a couple of days before he ever came by the Murder Room."

"So when Maria went missing, and he reported it," Sharon began. "He did it in San Francisco. He knew that Ricky's division would get assigned that case. He probably did his homework before hand. After Jack told him about our history, he went looking for Ricky. He was the link, the one that he could use against you," she said to Andy.

"Jack didn't know that I had joined the force," Ricky said, "but it wouldn't have been hard for Croelick to figure it out after he found me. So instead of letting her body be found, he reported her missing. Then he banked on the fact that I would be enough like my real father that he would be able to push the same buttons and get the same reaction. So he went back to Jack to file the harassment suit, and that…"

"Gave him a reason and an alibi for being in Los Angeles _before_ he came to us with Maria's case," Andy concluded. "He was meeting with his lawyer."

The three of them were standing in a small circle, facing one another. It was as if they had completely forgotten that anyone else was in the apartment with them. Rusty raised his hand slowly. "That's all great," he said carefully, "but why did he burn the apartment down today? Why try to kill us if he's just toying with you?"

"Mom pissed him off," Ricky said. "She rattled him today. She got under his skin and inside his head, just for a minute. He wanted to remind her that he was still in control. He wanted to show her that he was calling the shots, and he could get what he wanted no matter what."

"So what happens now?" Rusty asked. "Do we have to wait for him to start another fire? How do we find him?"

"No," Andy said. "He'll come to us. He won't be able to stand it.

"In the meantime," Sharon said, "we keep trying to determine what happened to Maria Samples. We let the evidence pile up, and we wait. We're going to get him. He doesn't get to walk away again. This time, when we put him behind bars, Bill Croelick is going to stay there."

Andy and Ricky looked at one another. It was instinctual. They had both had the same thought. She was assuming that Croelick would make it behind bars. They both expected this situation to end differently. They didn't think he was going to give them any choice.

It didn't matter how it ended. All three of them were right. He wasn't walking away. Not this time.

 **-TBC-**


	10. Chapter 10

**Lies We Told Ourselves**

 **by Kadi**

 **Rated T**

 **Disclaimer:** Not my sandbox. I just love playing in it.

* * *

 **Chapter 10**

They said all that they needed to. Whatever Jack's excuses or attempts at validation no one was interested in hearing them. Sharon informed him that they would be calling him in the following day. Then it would be an _official_ visit. Afterward they put the boys in the car and drove home. They made a stop on the way at a Target that was still open. It wasn't Sharon's favorite place to shop, but it would suffice for replacing the immediate necessities that each of them would need. Sharon had quite a few things on hand at Andy's place already. It was just simpler that way, when the two of them were splitting their time between each residence. Just as he had kept a couple of spare suits and a shaving kit at her condo, Sharon had a few belongings at his. It would get her through the week, at least.

There wasn't much that Ricky needed. He had only brought a small bag with him, since he wasn't sure how long this visit would last. It was Rusty who was now only left with the clothing on his back. That wasn't a new concept for him. He had been there before. Everything material that mattered to him, that couldn't be replaced, had been inside his bookbag. There were several books for school that would need to be replaced, but his laptop had still been in his bag. So had his chess board, and other mementos from his life before Sharon that always went with him. They were things that he never took out of that bag. Small things, mostly pictures. He never really had much before Sharon took him in. Afterward, even when he did finally accept and understand that he was home with her, those things stayed in his bag. It was just too much a part of him, that habit of carrying his past everywhere. There wasn't much there, and it didn't take up too much space in his bag. Now he was glad that he had never gotten over it.

Replacing his clothes wasn't a big deal. He never had much of a wardrobe before coming to live with Sharon. He always traveled light before, keeping a few changes of clothes on hand, and the foster homes he lived in before didn't really provide much. It was Sharon who had changed that, who insisted that he needed more than three outfits. Sharon who, once she understood his preferences, would by him a shirt here, or a pair of jeans there, if she happened to be shopping for herself and saw something that he would like. It was Sharon who, even though she didn't really like them, understood that he enjoyed his hoodies, and got them for him in varying colors because matching was a big deal.

When they met the boys at the front of the store, each of them with only a few meager items to get them through the next couple of days, Sharon was tossed into a moment of deja vu. She tried to give the boys her American Express, but neither would accept it. Rusty insisted that he could handle a couple of t-shirts and pairs of jeans. Ricky just took the items away from him and put them with his own purchases. He didn't allow his brother to protest, just put all of it together. When his mother handed him her card, he smirked at her. Ricky put it back in her purse and took out his own.

"I got it mom. It's just some clothes. I think we're both a little too old for mommy to be buying our underwear."

"I disagree." Sharon reached into the side pocket for the card again. "Ricky, I'm serious. Put that away. You're not buying that." She heard the snicker beside her and shot a glare at Andy. "This is not funny."

"It is." He folded his arms across his chest and leaned against the end of the checkout counter.

Ricky held his card out of his mother's reach and nudged her out of his way. "Mom, I'm a big boy now. I can afford to buy my own boxers and toothpaste."

Andy rolled his eyes heavenward. "I bet he could afford to buy his own carrots too."

Sharon's arms dropped. She scowled at him. "Andrew William."

His brow arched. He met her unwavering gaze. "Sharon Diane."

Rusty and Ricky exhcanged a look. Ricky quickly swiped his card while his mother was distracted and placed it back in his wallet. She saw him do it, however, but he only grinned at her exasperated sigh. "Oh darn, how did that happen."

Sharon's head fell back. She looked heavenward with a groan. "I really do not understand why the two of you feel the need to be so..." She struggled, just for a moment, to find the right word. "Insufferable," she decided finally. "Both of you, really." Sharon placed her card back in her wallet and dropped it back into her purse.

"You like us insufferable." Andy reached out to draw her toward him. When she smacked his hand away from her and walked past him, he looked at the boys and shrugged. He grinned at them, eyes sparkling. "Okay, you're right. I'm sorry." He pushed away from the counter and walked after her. "I'll let you buy my underwear." The blistering look she cast at him only made him smile that much wider. "What?" Andy held his hands up. "How is that the wrong thing to say?"

"You know exactly how," Sharon told him. When he reached for her again, she shrugged his hands off her shoulders and kept walking. "I don't want anything to do with your underwear anymore. You should think about that before choosing your next words."

He could be embarrassed. Ricky just shook his head while he waited for the cashier to finish ringing up their purchases. She was pretty, and brunette, and petite. He leaned against the counter and shrugged. He gave her a smile and turned on the charm. "Ever have those moments when you start to wonder how you haven't ended up scarred for life? That was one of them."

"Oh my god." Rusty groaned. He rolled his eyes and walked away. "How do I know any of you people?"

Ricky watched him go. "You'll have to forgive him. My little brother has no appreciation for the advantages of random small talk."

"Little brother?" She smirked teasingly up at him. "So he's not your boyfriend then?"

"Definitely not." He glanced at her name tag, "Maya." His dark eyes sparkled. "I'm kind of like my dad. If he were my boyfriend, I would definitely let him buy my underwear. I'm also pretty sure that we wouldn't be shopping for underwear with my parents."

Maya looked down at the package of boxers in her hand and started laughing. "That is good to know." She arched a brow at him. "So tell me," she asked, "do you shop with mom and dad a lot?"

"That could be a deal breaker couldn't it?" His head tilted. "Who is this freak and why is mommy holding his hand in Target. Let's just say it's been a rough day and leave it at that..." He wasn't the kind of guy who liked to use sympathy to get a girl's attention, so Ricky just grinned at her. "Lost my luggage."

"Ah." She continued scanning the few items that were left. "That is rough, but I do feel better about mom and dad holding your hand. It must have been emotionally trying. So I guess you're not from around here?"

"I grew up here." Ricky folded his arms and leaned against the shelf that the card reader sat on. "I'm visiting. It's been a crappy trip, but it's looking better now..."

Rusty found Sharon and Andy leaning against the side of Andy's car, waiting for them. He walked quickly toward them. "I didn't really believe it before," he said. "Now I do." He waved a hand back toward the store. The express lane was just visible through the sliding glass doors. "He is totally Flynn."

Andy's brows shot up. "What does that mean?"

Sharon's head inclined. She hummed quietly. Rusty's exasperation told her exactly what _that_ meant. She had to crane her head to see her son, and leaned against Rusty who had come to rest against the car on her other side. She watched Ricky for only a moment before she snickered. "Oh yes. He really is." She wrapped her arm around Rusty's. "Wait for it." Her eyes were sparkling happily. "In a minute he's going to wave his hand at her, cock his head, and grin." She drew her bottom lip between her teeth and counted silently. When it came, a bubble of happy laughter filled the air around them. "There it is."

"That is a little bit pathetic," Rusty decided, but her amusement was infectious. "They're bonding over packaged, retail, fruit of a looms. He just disassembled the nature vs. nurture argument and proved, once and for all, a Flynn will flirt over anything."

"Oh." Sharon giggled. She cast a look beside her. Andy was scowling at both of them. She pressed her lips into a thin line and tried to suppress her mirth. "I'm sorry, honey."

He crossed his arms and sniffed. "I do not do that."

"Hm." She had to struggle not to laugh again. "You really do."

"Yeah kinda," Rusty said. "It's a thing. Lieutenant Provenza calls it the _Flynn Maneuver_."

"What?" He straightened. Andy waved a hand at them. "You're going to listen to _that_ guy? Come on! He wouldn't know how to flirt if the instructions were printed on his Cialis bottle."

"Oh my god!" Rusty shuddered. "I did not need you to go there, ever."

Sharon laughed again. "Don't be like that." She bumped Andy with her shoulder. "You are like that. You are exactly like that, and you know it."

"Really?" He cast a skeptical look at her. "Fine. One time, tell me one time that I acted like that," he waved a hand in Ricky's direction. "Just one time, Sharon."

"All I need is one." She turned toward him. "The night you picked me up at Malone's." She gestured at Rusty. "I was sitting there, minding my own business while trying to forget just how dreadful the day had been. My teammates in Vice had finally talked me into getting a babysitter for Emily and coming out with them after our shifts. This one shows up," She hooked her thumb at Andy, "and leans against the bar. He opens up with _Hey baby_ ," her voice pitched low as she said it, "and then he proceeds to try and buy me a drink. Both of my friends had managed to meet someone by that point, so he followed it up with asking me if I would like to come over to his table so I wouldn't be lonely."

"Okay, for the record," Andy straightened. Rusty was laughing at her little version of the story. "I did not sound like that, and I was just trying to be a nice guy!"

"Notice that he doesn't deny the fact that he was trying to pick me up," Sharon pointed out for Rusty. "Okay fine," She said. "How about two years worth of leaning over my desk so you could look down my shirt? Grinning like a fool because you thought I wasn't noticing it, and oh by the way, it's been a long day Captain, would you like to get something to eat?" She fluttered her lashes and simpered at him.

"You know what, whatever." Andy sniffed at her again. "It worked didn't it." He pointed at her, "By the way, I still lean over your desk to look down your-"

"Whoa!" Rusty threw his hands up. "Can we not go there again? I do not need the visual. I've seen you do it, and I don't need to relive it." He shuddered. He pushed away from the car when Ricky strode toward them. He shook his head at the triumphant look on his brother's face. "You totally got her number, didn't you?"

"Got more than that." Ricky tossed Rusty's bag to him. "I really hope this case doesn't get anymore out of control." He grinned at them. "I've got a date tomorrow night."

"Well." Andy looked at the pavement in front of him. A smile was tugging at his lips. He shrugged. "At least he had better luck than I did."

Sharon shoved him. She tossed her hair as she walked around to slide into the passenger seat. "Yes he did, but we want our children to learn from our mistakes," she drawled.

"Okay, just for that," Andy pulled his door open. "I'm getting the shower first."

"We'll see," She drawled happily, and smiled when Ricky opened her door for her.

Rusty sighed. He looked heavenward as he stood beside the back passenger door. "Let me adopt you, Rusty. It'll be great, Rusty. You need a normal family, Rusty..."

"Dude." Ricky looked across the top of the car at him. "At no point did she ever tell you that we were normal."

"True." Rusty pulled his door open. "At least I can say she never lied."

"Exactly!" Ricky grinned at him. "Plus, she sends you to a shrink. What more could you ask for?"

"Well I was thinking about a decent barber for you, but I know that's expecting a lot." Rusty smiled widely and folded himself into the car.

"Always has to be the funny guy," Ricky muttered.

 **MCMCMCMCMCMC**

As it so happened, Andy did take his turn in the shower first. By the time that they had stopped to pick up dinner, despite the fact that no one was hungry, the hour had grown even later. Sharon's body was aching with fatigue and the events of the day, and she wanted a long soak in a hot bath. He had gone first so that she would have the time to enjoy it, and not feel rushed.

The boys had flipped a coin for the guest room. Rusty had won, but after getting a look at the sofa, he decided to let Ricky have it. The leather, corner, sectional was comfortable enough, but neither end of it was really long enough to accomodate the other boy's height. He was feeling generous, but told his brother not to get used to it.

Andy made sure that both boys had what they needed, and that there were towels in the guest bathroom. Then he left them to their own devices. He brewed a cup of tea and carried it with him back to his room. The bathroom door was cracked, left open a few inches in invitation. Steam had filled both rooms. He smiled as he pushed the door open and stepped inside. Sharon was laying in the tub, knees bent and resting to one side. Her hair was piled high and clipped in place. One arm was draped against the side of the tub while the other was bent, with her head resting in her hand.

"Hey." He walked over and set her tea on the side of the tub, beside her hand. Then he pulled the small stool over from beneath the vanity and sat on it. "Lean up." He reached into the tub and picked up the sponge that was floating beside her hip.

Sharon hummed quietly. Her hand curled around the cup as she sat up in the tub. "Thank you." She drew her knees up and wrapped her arms around them. She held the cup in both hands and enjoyed the calming scent of her favorite mint tea. "How are the boys?"

"They're settled." Andy drew water into the sponge and squeezed it across her shoulders. "Rusty is on the couch, and Rick has the guest room. They were talking about who was going to get the shower first. You okay?"

She hummed again in response. His hand was resting against her shoulder, fingers gentle against her flushed skin. Sharon tipped her head to the side and turned her face so that she could rub her cheek against his forearm. "I'm better now."

"Good." He reached up and pulled the clip out of her hair. He watched it tumble down around her shoulders. "Tip your head back, I'll wash your hair."

Sharon sighed happily. "You're so handy. I should definitely think about keeping you."

"You should." He chuckled. "If you like what I can do with shampoo and conditioner, just wait until you see what I can do body lotion."

"Oh god," she drawled, lips curving into a smile at his teasing. "Please don't let that be a line."

Andy snorted quietly. "You like all my lines, and don't deny it." He reached for the shower nozzle. This was not the first time they had been through this routine. She reached up with her foot and tipped the water on, and then she set it where she liked it. He worked the water through her hair, and as the tub began to fill, she lifted the plug so that it wouldn't over flow.

He took his time with the shampoo. He knew she had started to despite the smell of the smoke in her hair. He worked it through and let his fingers massage her scalp until she was humming in delight. She sighed when he rinsed it out. He was just as meticulous with the conditioner. This he knew she would rinse out herself, so after he had massaged it through her hair, from roots to ends, he twisted her hair back up and secured it with the clip.

Andy stood up and felt his knees creak and pop. He placed the stool back under the vanity and took her now half-empty tea. It had gone cold while he washed her hair. He leaned over the edge of the tub to kiss her. From her heavily lidded eyes, he knew she wouldn't be in there much longer. But he would let her finish her soaking in solitude. Another time, on another day, when she had not been through so much he would have joined her. Tonight he knew that she needed the solitude. She wanted the simple comforts. She would be ready soon enough for him to hold.

She only soaked for another few minutes before rinsing out her hair and rising. Andy had left a pair of towels for her nearby. Sharon smiled as she pulled one of them around her body. She wrapped her hair in the other. The bedroom was only slightly cooler than the bathroom, but the air caressed her skin as she moved into the room. Andy was where she knew that he would be, reclining against the headboard with a book in his hand. She grinned at the sight of him, dark reading glasses perched on his nose. He wouldn't use them at work. He was worried about his tough guy image. Sharon wondered how much longer he would be able to get away with that.

She shook her head as she walked around the room. She stopped beside the dresser and went through her usual nightly routine. Moisterizer and body lotion. Then she toweled her hair dry and decided to let it curl. She would have to spend longer on it in the morning, but was just too tired to deal with it tonight. Sharon felt his eyes on her as she moved around the room. A smile tugged at her lips. She pretended not to notice him as she walked over and opened a drawer on the wardrobe.

Andy closed his book. He watched her from over the rims of his glasses. He set the book aside, along with his glasses, and clasped his hands together in his lap. She was rifling through a drawer, first one and then another. When she frowned, he sat up. "Sharon?"

"Hm?" She closed the drawer and pulled open a third. Her brows drew together. She sighed as she closed the drawer. She walked over to the chair in the corner of the room and lifted the sweater that was draped across it. She let it drop again when she found nothing hiding beneath it. She sighed. "Have you seen my blue shirt?"

"It might be in the laundry." He swung his legs off the edge of the bed and stood up. He walked over and pulled a few items off the top of the hamper, but didn't see the one that she was looking for. He knew which t-shirt that was. _Her_ shirt was actually his, she had just claimed it for herself.

"It's probably in the dryer." Sharon walked back to the wardrobe and opened it again. She pulled out one of his plain, white t-shirts and carried it back to the bed. "I just had it the night before las—" She trailed off as she remembered where they had been two nights before. "Oh. Nevermind." They had spent the night at the condo. It was sitting on her bed. Or rather, it _was_ sitting on her bed. Now it was a pile of ash.

She turned her back on him as she dropped the towel. She pulled the t-shirt on with quick, jerky movements. He watched the set of her shoulders change, grow stiff. Her head was bowed and her hair was obscuring her face. Andy moved behind her and set his hands on her shoulders. "Hey," he said quietly. He felt the shudder run through her. He leaned against her back and pressed his lips into her hair. "I've got plenty of t-shirts for you to choose from, you know."

"Yes," she said quietly. "I know." It wasn't the shirt. It was the memories. Like so many others. He was wearing that shirt the day that they had crossed the last remaining boundaries between them. It was a Saturday. There was nothing extraordinary about it. For months they were both in denial about where their relationship was headed, _again_. After it was finally pointed out to them, they spent weeks dancing around the idea, and finally they began working on it. A choice had to be made. They were drawn together, but this time they were different. They were older, and they were wiser.

Their dinners became dates. He held her hand while they walked along the beach. If they spent an afternoon window shopping, his arm was around her shoulders and she was tucked comfortably into his side. It was the awareness of each other that changed, rather than how they spent their time together. They still went to movies. They still went to dinner. On that particular afternoon, they had driven out to the farmer's market. Andy was planning a dinner at his house for Nicole and her family. His son was supposed to join them, but had to cancel at the last minute due to a work conflict.

They had spent the afternoon preparing for the dinner. The two of them, together. It was while they were putting the groceries away in the kitchen that he had kissed her. He had caught her around the waist and pulled her to him, just as he had a dozen other times. She was laughing when his mouth settled over hers. She leaned into him, and this time, they hadn't stopped at that.

It was a moment that was inevitable. They had been together before, in their youth, at a time when they were both much more comfortable in their own bodies. When they hadn't felt old and tired, and there hadn't been a lingering concern that one of them might compare _this time_ to the weeks they had spent as lovers back then. They had been taking their time, getting to know one another again, getting comfortable with one another. There was no rush. When it was time, they would know it. It would happen. And it did.

They spent an afternoon relearning each other in an entirely new way. There was passion and there was laughter. Dinner was almost late, and Sharon had to rush out to the bakery rather than making the cheesecake that she had planned for dessert, but neither of them had cared. It had been a day that was all their own. She had claimed that t-shirt that day, and had slept in it that night, and almost every night since.

Now it was gone. Just like any number of other mementos that she had held dear to her heart. Her sons were safe, and she felt so horribly selfish that she would now be worrying over lost possessions when the day could have ended so tragically different. When it may very well have ended that way for others. She couldn't help the pain in her heart, however, when she thought of never wearing that faded, old t-shirt again. She thought of the pictures and keepsakes. She thought of the paintings and antiques she spent so much time choosing when she moved in to her condo. Her mind tortured her with the thought of the program and ticket stubs from Emily's first New York ballet. There were pictures from Ricky's college graduation. The fire couldn't erase the memories, those she would have forever, but it was the physical representation of it all.

It was a bit stupid. It was only a t-shirt, but it started her down a path that she couldn't halt. She turned in the arms that were holding her and lifted her face. She pressed it into his neck and drew a thin, shaky breath. It shuddered right through her. Sharon held on to him as the tears came. The final straw was a picture that she knew she could easily replace, she was sure there was still a copy of it on her phone or in her cloud drive. It was of her and Rusty, the day that she adopted him, the day that he became hers. She had so little of him. No mementos, no baby books, no badly recorded home videos. There was not a lifetime of memories to hold dear. He had only been with her for a short time and those first months had been tumultuous at best, the first years filled with drama and stress. Then finally he was hers and there was so little to show for it, in materialistic value at least. It was foolish, really, and she was fully aware that. It was the idea that she had almost lost him so many times, and if it had come to that horrible conclusion, very little would remain that would remind her that for a short time that darling creature had been her son.

There would be other memories, surely, but her heart ached for all the things now turned to ash.

Andy drew her to the bed with him. He sat down on the edge and settled her across his lap. He gathered her close and tucked her against his chest. She had lost a home, and Sharon would try to pass it off as insignificant as long as the boys were okay, but they both knew that it was more than that. It was the loss of sanctuary. It was more than lost belongings. It was having them ripped away. He held her while she grieved, and waited until the quiet tears began to dry. She wouldn't rail or sob, that was not her way.

When he heard her sigh, Andy pressed a kiss to the side of her head and drew back. "Better?"

"Not especially," She said quietly, voice still thick. "Yes." Whether she wanted to admit it or not, and whether she felt foolish or not, it was still cathartic. "So many other people are homeless tonight too, and I could have lost both of my sons, and I'm crying over a stupid t-shirt."

"It's not the shirt." His hand stroked her thigh. His nose nuzzled her cheek. "You're not homeless," he rumbled quietly. "You'll stay here." He thought that it had gone without saying, but maybe he was wrong. Andy said it now. He tipped her face toward him and let his lips brush hers. "There's room, Sharon. Plenty of room for all of you. Stay."

She gave him a small, sad smile. Sharon tucked her face into his neck again and sighed quietly. "Okay," she whispered. There was no where else that she wanted to go anyway. Even if it was only temporary, until she and Rusty found a new place to call their home. "Thank you."

It was a testament to how tired she was that she had given in so easily, Andy thought. He kissed the top of her head. "You're welcome." He gathered her close again. "I love you," he rumbled quietly, lips moving against her forehead.

"I love you too," she murmured. "Tell me that we're going to find him. Tell me I'm not going to have to live in fear of _another_ psychotic murderer deciding that my son is his favorite playmate."

"We're going to find him," he told her. "It's not your son that the killer wants this time. It's us. He's coming after us, and we're going to be waiting for him."

She hummed quietly. Sharon nodded. She just needed to hear it. She drew a breath and let it out slowly. "Be careful, Andy. I don't want to lose you this time either."

"I'll be as careful as you are," he said. "I'm not going anywhere, Sharon. You're stuck with me this time."

She lifted her head and smiled at him. "Yes." She rather liked that idea. She cupped his cheek in her hand. "But you're wrong," she said. Her eyes sparkled. "He isn't my son. He's our son."

"Yeah." He felt something inside of him shift at that. He still had to tell his kids, and he didn't know how they would take it, but he coudln't deny the truth in that statement. He had always seen pieces of himself in that boy. He just thought he was imagining it. Now, with the truth out in the open, he was really looking. He liked what he saw reflected back at him. "Maybe some day he'll think so too."

"Maybe." She couldn't predict the future. She had no promises to give him where Ricky was concerned. That was up to Ricky. "There's still time," she said. They could still fix some of the hurt that they had caused, repair some of the damage done. There was time enough for all of that. "I think you're really going to like who he is."

"Of course I am. He's his mother's son." He grinned at her. "I like her a hell of a lot, so it's a sure thing."

She smiled warmly and leaned into him again. Her head rested against his shoulder. "I've always thought that he is his father's son. I've always really liked him. He gave me something wonderful."

Andy set her out of his lap for just a moment. He moved back on the bed, and then he drew her to him again. He lay down with her in his arms. His hands stroked her back. "Let's go to sleep. Shut it down for a little while. Forget all about this day."

She rubbed her cheek against his t-shirt clad chest and got comfortable against him. "Yes. I think I'd like that." The weight of it all was pulling at her. When she closed her eyes she could still see the flames. She could still smell the smoke. The cold chill of dread was gone, however. It was replaced with the warmth of his embrace. She was good here. She was safe, and she was perfectly content.

The condo was gone, and with it everything that she owned. Her sons were asleep or very near to it on the other side of the house. Emily was in New York, safe and sound and following her dreams. The arms holding her were as gentle as they were strong, and they would never let go.

She had everything that she needed. There was no reason to leave. There was every reason to stay. This time they wouldn't be playing house. They wouldn't be playing at anything. They would be living.

 **-TBC-**


	11. Chapter 11

**Lies We Told Ourselves**

 **by Kadi**

 **Rated T**

 **Disclaimer:** Not my sandbox. I just love playing in it.

* * *

 **Chapter 11**

By mid-morning the following day, they were no closer to finding Croelick than they had been the previous night. They had a direction that he had gone in, at least initially, but in a city that size it was going to be hard locating him. There was a want out for him now, and they were using the media. They were telling people that he was wanted for questioning in relation to the fire at the Los Feliz towers. A tip line had already been set up and sightings were being reported. Croelick couldn't hide forever, and with his ego, they knew that he wouldn't. They would have him soon.

The arson investigators were finally able to enter the apartment building, however, and those reports were being sent over. The evidence recovered from the eleventh floor was still with the lab, but the team was working with the preliminary reports. In the meantime, they were also still looking into the disappearance of Maria Samples. Their instincts told them that they were going to find a body, but they still needed evidence to that fact, and proof that Croelick was responsible.

It was the preliminary report from the apartment fire that Andy was reading when a package landed on his desk. It was a thick manila envelope, already opened, with no markings on the outside to indicate what it was. He looked up, eyes widening and a smile appearing when he spied the owner. "Hey." He stood and leaned in to kiss his daughter's cheek. "What are you doing here?" He was glad to see Nicole, but that didn't stop the sudden wave of anxiety that swept over him. From the corner of his eye he saw Ricky's head lift and turn toward him. There had not been time yet for the conversation that he needed to have with Nicole and Charlie, and realistically, Andy didn't see that happening until after they had gotten a break in their case.

"Hi dad." Nicole gave him a small smile. "I found that on my car this morning when I went to take the boys to school," She lifted it again and pulled out the contents. "At first, when I saw this, I thought it was just your way of being cute." She turned the picture toward him. It was a photograph of him with Sharon's son. It was a candid shot of the two of them standing beside each other next to her father's car. Both men were smiling. There was a note written on it in silver ink. _I thought your brother was older than you?_ "You know," she continued, looking nervous and upset, "your way of telling me that you and Sharon had finally gotten engaged. If that was the case, I would have used a picture of Rusty since he is a lot younger than I am. Then I saw this." She pulled out another photograph and a folded map. These she handed to her father. She didn't want to look at them again.

Andy had a sinking suspicion about both of them. He could feel his anger rising as he turned the second photo over in his hand. It depicted the burned out shell of a car, and what was definitely a body laying in the back seat. His jaw clenched. He could feel the heat of his temper rising in the flush that was spreading up his neck. He turned the second item over in his hand and opened it. This one was a map. There was a location circled in red, with another note. _I wonder what we'll find here_?

"Come on." Andy curled a hand around Nicole's elbow and drew her away from his desk. "Mike." He handed the photos and the map, and the envelope, over to the other man. "Get those down to SID. We need prints. You'll find mine and Nicole's on them; we'll get a set from her for comparison in a few minutes."

"Sure thing." Everyone in the Murder Room had been watching the exchange. Mike looked at the items now and winced. Croelick was stepping up his game, and not in a great way. "I'll walk them down myself."

Ricky stood up. "What's going on?"

"You probably want to come with me." Mike told him. Somehow, he just had a feeling that leaving him there would be a really bad idea. "Looks like Croelick left another calling card," he waved the package in his hand. "I'll show you where our SID department is. I think you'll like it…"

"Let's talk," Andy said. He drew Nicole with him, but rather than walking down the hall with her to the break room, he pulled her toward Sharon's office. Andy glanced in through the open blinds before pushing her door open. He knew that she had spent most of the morning on the phone, but now she was bent over a stack of paperwork.

She looked up as the door opened. Sharon's eyes lit up upon seeing Nicole. "Hi," the smile that started to curve her lips froze when she saw their faces, the worry on Nicole's and the anger that was brimming just beneath the surface for Andy. Dread settled inside her in a cold, hard knot that had her frowning instead. "What happened?" She put her pen down and sat straighter in her chair.

"Croelick." Andy maneuvered Nicole into the office and closed the door behind him. He waved her into a chair. "Have a seat."

"No." Nicole looked between them. "Dad, what is going on here? Who is Croelick and why were those things left at my house?"

"What?" Sharon's brows rose. Her gaze moved to the Lieutenant. " _Andy_."

He pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. "Nicole found a package on her car this morning. I think we know what happened to Maria Samples now. There was a picture of a burned out car and a map. There was also a picture of Rick and me from yesterday." His hand dropped, he looked at Sharon. "He was following us. After Rick and I came back here, he would have had plenty of time to set that fire."

"Okay," Nicole moved away from her father. She turned so that she could look between the two of them. "What is going on here?" A frown drew her brows together. "Who is Croelick, why was he following you, and what has this got to do with me? What fire?"

"Nicole." Sharon spoke quietly, gently. "Have you seen the news?" She smiled sadly at the girl. This is not how either of them wanted to have this conversation with her. She deserved so much better. It frightened her, as much as it angered her, that Croelick seemed intent on involving all of their children.

"No." She said, frustration filling her tone. "The boys had dance class last night. We got home late. The mornings are always hectic now that they're both in school. I haven't had a chance. Why?" She stressed the question and looked hard at her father.

"Bill Croelick is a suspect we've been looking for." He gave her the short version of the story. "I've dealt with him before. We're looking for him in connection to his girlfriend's disappearance and now the fire at Sharon's apartment. We think he set it."

"The complex that I lived in at Los Feliz was seriously damaged last night," Sharon explained. "Most of the upper floors are now gone. It happened in the early evening. While there have been some serious injuries reported, there haven't been any deaths. Your father and I weren't home, but Rusty and Ricky were. They're both okay," she quickly added.

"Oh my god." Nicole's eyes widened. "That's horrible. So…" She was trying hard to understand. "This guy is coming after your family now? Dad, I took the boys to school. Should I pick them up?"

"No." He laid a hand on her shoulder. "They're actually safer there. We'll send a car over to keep an eye on the school, but I'm sure they will be fine. We'll have your house watched too." He looked at Sharon who nodded. "Look, Nicole, this guy is a real piece of work, but it's me that he's messing with. I don't think you have anything to worry about." Andy only hoped that was true. This was twice now, and two of his kids that the psycho had gotten close to. He was thinking more and more that jail might not be an option at all, but those were not thoughts that he would give voice to.

"Okay." Nicole folded her arms across her chest. "I guess if Sharon is involved too, and he was watching you, that explains that weird note."

"What note?" Sharon looked at Andy again. Her brows lifted in askance.

Andy rubbed a hand across his forehead. Suddenly his head was throbbing. "The picture of Rick and I. The note was addressed to Nicole. Croelick was telling her that he thought her brother was older than she is." Charlie was the oldest, with two years on Nicole. His daughter was several months older than Emily. She had been just a toddler when his wife kicked him out. She had fewer memories of the bad years. It made it easier to connect with her again. Charlie remembered. He knew how bad it had gotten before the divorce.

They could lie to Nicole now, buy themselves some time. Do this the way that they had wanted to, but there had been enough lying. Sharon stood and rounded her desk. "Nicole, take a seat, honey." She sat on the edge of her desk and smiled at the girl. "This is going to be a long story." She looked at Andy and shrugged. They had run out of time and choices.

"Dammit." Andy felt like hitting something. He hung his head for a moment. He walked over and leaned against the back of one of the chairs. "Go ahead, kid. Sit down."

Her gaze moved between the two of them again. They were really worrying her. Nicole sat slowly and let the strap of her purse slide off her shoulder. She set it on the floor beside her. "Why do I have a feeling this is going from bad to worse."

"Not necessarily," Sharon told her. "It's just complicated." She leaned forward and was able to just barely lay her hand against Andy's shoulder. She let her fingers slide down his arm in a comforting caress. "Nicole, you know that your father and I have known each other for a very long time. We have told you that, haven't we?"

"Yes." Nicole answered carefully. She didn't want to be on guard, but her first instinct was to steel herself against bad news. She wanted to trust him, but her track record with her father wasn't great. He was doing so wonderfully these last few years. Nicole felt badly that her heart was already breaking in preparation for what she might hear. She sighed softly and lifted her chin. "Just tell me," she said. "Whatever it is, let's just do this."

Andy shook his head. He stared at the chair in front of him. This was what he expected, the mistrust, the immediate slide toward anger. He looked up at Sharon and shrugged. "Just do it. It's fine."

"No." Sharon ached for the pain in his gaze. "No it isn't." She understood the mistrust, she saw it in her own children where Jack was concerned. She didn't believe that Andy deserved it. Not anymore. "Nicole, I would like for you to keep an open mind. What I'm going to tell you isn't easy. It is incredibly complicated, and it is incredibly personal. Can you do that?"

"I can try," she said. That was all that Nicole could promise. She would listen. "So what happened?"

"Your father and my ex-husband were friends a very long time ago," Sharon began.

"Acquaintances," Andy muttered, not wanting to admit that he had once liked that man.

"We all knew each other," Sharon continued. "I was younger than you are now, and your father wasn't much older. It was a very long time ago," she said again. "I don't think I have to explain your father's history from that time, I think you know it well. Your parents were already divorced. My ex-husband, Jack, and I were separated. I didn't even know where he was," she added. "Your father and I became closer..."

Neither of them were looking at her now. Nicole watched Sharon shift uncomfortably while her father straightened. They looked pained. They also looked very ashamed. Her eyes widened. "Oh my god." Nicole stood up. "He's yours." She was staring at her father now. "Ricky is yours."

"Yes." Andy met her gaze. "Sharon and I… actually, we were practically living together before it ended."

"Jack came home," Sharon continued. "Nicole, what I would like for you to understand is that my ex-husband and I already had a child together. Emily was only three, and no one in my family had ever divorced before. My mother is devoutly Catholic. It simply wasn't done." She gestured helplessly. "Added to that, I had missed him. I still loved him. He said all of the right things, and he had stopped the behavior that had driven us apart, or so I believed.

"We ended it," Andy said. "I went my way, and Sharon went hers, that just happened to be the same way that Jack was going. We didn't talk again until a few months later. She tried to tell me she was pregnant and I wouldn't let her. I was half drunk and thinking about getting even drunker. I sent Sharon home to her husband."

"Your father knew that he was in no position to take on the responsibility of another child," Sharon explained. "Jack was willing and seemed perfectly capable. We were putting our marriage back together and moving forward with our lives."

"By the time I had been to rehab and dried out," Andy said, "it seemed like it was just too late to change that. Rick was five or six, and even though Jack was gone again, I was still picking up a lot of the pieces of everything else that I had screwed up."

Nicole had a hand pressed to her mouth. She shook her head at them. "You lied to us," she said, eyes moist and voice soft, thick with emotion. "You lied to all of us. Does…" Her breath hitched. Her stomach twisted painfully. "Does _he_ know?"

"Yes." Sharon answered. "Ricky is aware of the situation. Your father and I had every intention of telling you and your brother when we found out Ricky had been told. This all came to a head this week, Nicole. Somehow Bill Croelick found out." She wouldn't go into all of that. They could cover those details at a later date, but for now, she felt it was probably better to keep it as simple as possible. "He's doing his very best to use this information to try to hurt your father, and so far, it's working."

"Rick has known for years, "Andy told her. "We didn't know that he found out, and he didn't know that I knew the truth. We're dealing with all of that, Nicole. I wanted to tell you and Charlie after we wrapped this case and I knew where we stood on all of it. I just talked to Rick about it for the first time yesterday."

"Wait a minute." Nicole walked away from them, to the far edge of the office. She stopped there for a moment before turning. "So… all of those times that we assumed that you were dating. All of those times that you said you weren't. What was that? More lies?"

"Nicole." Sharon stood. "No," she said gently. "Our past is complicated. We were barely even friends for a very long time. What happened between us twenty-five years ago played a big part in that. My life didn't turn out how I would have liked it to, and there was a part of me that blamed your father for that. When we told you that your father and I were just friends, we meant it. We believed it. We put that past behind us and we didn't look back. We didn't want to. We didn't want to admit how wrong we were. We didn't want to admit that we both made a mistake. _I_ didn't want to admit that _I_ made a mistake. I was looking for a fairytale, and fairytales don't exist, honey."

When his daughter looked at him, Andy shrugged. He sat down on the edge of the desk and clasped his hands in his lap. "I did something I swore I never would. I walked out on one of my kids. I wanted to believe it was the responsible thing to do, and it probably was with all things considered. The better choice would have been cleaning up my act. I didn't want to have to look at that. I had enough mistakes to make up for. I worked on that instead. I told myself that he didn't know about me and he was probably better off. He already had one deadbeat drunk for an old man, he didn't need two."

"Dad." The sadness in his gaze, and the regret, they both pushed past the anger that was trying to take hold of her. Nicole sighed as she took a step toward him. "I am so mad at you right now." The puppy dog look just did her in, every time. She almost wished that he would make excuses, try to blow it off as something insignificant. She hated when he did this, when he was genuine about something that she wanted to be angry about. "I don't even know what to say."

"Neither does he," Andy pointed out. He gave her a small, sad smile. "You're not alone. The whole situation is pretty screwed up. We're all aware of that." He looked down again. "Listen kid, I don't have any more explanations for you. I know it doesn't sound great, but it is what it is right now. I don't know what's going to happen."

"That's why your father and I agreed that we would wait to tell you," Sharon said gently. "We've barely scratched the surface of this with Ricky. It has been a very difficult couple of days for all of us, Nicole. I am sorry that this was, quite literally, dropped on your door step. We never imagined that Bill Croelick would reach out to you. Believe me we will take every precaution to make sure that he goes nowhere near you or the boys. Or your brother," she added, thinking of Charlie.

"Thank you, Sharon." Nicole managed a small smile. "I appreciate that. I believe you. Dad, I'm sorry. You're right, it's complicated and personal. I'm glad that you told me. A few years ago you would have just lied about it again." Nicole's smile widened a bit. "That is definitely the Sharon Effect."

"Oh no," she was quick to correct her. "That is all your father. I've had nothing to do with it, Nicole. He has worked very hard to get where he is now. He's also worked very hard to try and repair his relationships with you and your brother. I would really hate to see this undo all of that. I understand that you're angry; you have a right to be. Just know that…"

When she seemed to trail off, at a loss for words, Andy sighed. "We were young, and we were stupid, and as messed up as it was, we tried to make the best out of it."

"I think I understand that." Nicole shrugged. "It's going to be hard to wrap my mind around it. I think it may help a little if we talk about this in our next therapy session." She smiled when her father winced. That meant the conversation would include her mother. She could understand where he would want to avoid that. He was right, if they were divorced, then this had nothing to do with her mother. "You know, dad… Let me tell Charlie. I know you want to do it, but…" Her brother had her father's temper. Sometimes he didn't know how to listen past the emotions flooding him. "It might be better if I ease him into it. I'll call Doctor Walker and set up an appointment for just the three of us. You, Charlie, and me, and we'll talk… after Charlie has time to cool off."

Andy didn't much like the idea of airing all of this in front of a shrink. He could just imagine how it would be torn apart and analyzed. "Yeah," he said anyway, "that sounds like a good idea. Let's do that." He rose from the desk and looked at Sharon. "I need to take Nicole out and get her printed. She touched the package that Croelick left at her house. We need elimination prints."

"Have Detective Sanchez do it," Sharon told him. "The two of us have to stay as close to the edge of this investigation as we can." She turned and gazed into the Murder Room. "Where's Ricky?" She asked, upon not spotting her son.

"He went down to SID with Mike," Andy said. "They were going to hand over the package and get copies of everything."

"I see." Tao had gotten her son out of the way for this very awkward confrontation. Sharon made a mental note to thank him. To thank all of them, actually. Her personal life was quite thoroughly interfering with their work. She would have to make it up to them.

Nicole made a face. "That ink isn't going to stain is it?"

Andy fought the urge to grin. They would take her prints electronically, but he couldn't suppress the urge to mess with her. "A little," he said.

" _Dad_." She groaned. "I just got a manicure."

"Andy." Sharon rolled her eyes at him. "Nicole, there is no ink. They'll scan your prints."

Nicole made a face at her father when he laughed. "Thank you, Sharon." She picked up her purse. "I need to get home, so we should do this. Mark is only in school half a day. I'll have to pick him up soon."

"Nicole," Sharon stopped her as she left. "Don't be too hard on him. He tried."

"I'll think about it," she said. Nicole shouldered her purse and moved out of the office when her father held the door open for her.

"I'll let you know when the results come back from SID," Andy said. For the rest of it, they would talk later. He shrugged at her. It hadn't gone badly, but it hadn't exactly gone great either. That seemed par for the course for him lately.

Sharon nodded. "Send Ricky in when he comes back, will you?" She moved behind her desk again. She would have the conversation with him about Nicole. Sharon decided that she could do that much. Andy deserved a break. He was trying to take all of it on himself. She simply wasn't going to allow that. Not anymore.

By the time that he returned from his grace errand with Lieutenant Tao, Ricky found that Nicole had gone. Her elimination prints had already been added to the system. They were just waiting for the print analysis from the package left at her house. Ricky knocked on his mother's door before stepping into her office. "Hey." He walked over and dropped into one of the chairs in front of her desk. "So, if she's already gone I guess it either went really bad, or kind of okay."

Sharon looked up at him from over the rims of her glasses. "It went… as well as it could have gone," she said quietly. She put her pen down and clasped her hands together. She had spent the morning on the phone with the insurance company, her lawyer, and the president of the Condo Association. The forms on her desk had been sent over by the insurance company. It was going to be weeks, possibly months before a claim could be settled since there was an Arson investigation on going. She was thankful that she had some place that she and Rusty could call home while they waited. She imagined that there were others among the building's residents that were not so lucky.

Ricky was tempted to roll his eyes at her, but he knew from experience that wouldn't end well. Instead, he leaned forward and let his arms rest against his knees. "Mom." His exasperation was evident. "What does that mean? Was everything _okay_?" She was forgetting that he didn't even really know Nicole. Had she blown a gasket? Thrown a tantrum? Was she in danger of tossing herself off of a building? If it were Emily he would know what to expect. She would have left the room, without ever saying a word, and they could expect days if not weeks worth of silence. Emily could give a cold shoulder like no one else he knew, except maybe their mother.

"Ricky." Sharon sighed quietly. She leaned back in her chair and folded her hands against her stomach. "Nicole is sad, and she's upset, and she's very disappointed. She's willing to work on this with her father, and she offered to speak to Charlie for him." She offered a tentative smile. "Apparently he's very much like Andy. She thinks that he should have some time to cool off before Andy tries to talk to him about this."

"Wow." Ricky slumped back in the chair again. "That doesn't sound great. Suddenly I'm starting to understand how Rusty felt last year, and wasn't I just a ray of sunshine."

"You were, actually." Sharon smiled brightly at him. "Darling this is nothing to worry about. Andy is going to work through things with his children. I think it will all be okay in the end. It's going to be a process. You've been living with this information for years, they're only just finding out. We're going to have to give them all some time."

"Time?" Ricky snorted. "It's not their lives that turned out to be a lie." His mother's wince made him look away and sigh. "Sorry."

"No," she said quietly. "You're right." Sharon looked down at her hands. She picked at her nails. "You were lied to. I absolutely expect you to be upset about that, just as I expect Nicole and Charlie to be upset about it. At some point, though, I would very much like it if all of you would stop punishing us for the mistakes of our past. I think we would like to move on with our life, even if I don't know right now what kind of life it will be."

"Right." Ricky smirked at her. "Of course you don't." His dark eyes sparkled at her. "Mom, do you know that in all the time that I've known you… which is basically as long as I've been alive and capable of comprehending words, I've never heard you to talk like that. Do you even know that you've stopped being you?"

Her brows drew together in a puzzled frown. Sharon's head tilted. "What do you mean?" She sat a bit straighter in her chair. "I'm still me." She didn't believe that she had changed that much over the years, at least not where her children were concerned.

"No, I mean…" Ricky grinned. "It's the pronouns. Over the last few months I've been noticing it, but now it's just so obvious. You're not saying _I_ or _me_ anymore. It's all _we_ and _us_ and _our_. You've never been like that before. Not even when you were with Jack."

"Oh." She looked down again. She felt her cheeks flushing with heat. "Ricky." She didn't know what to say. Sharon hadn't noticed how much she said that. Now that he was pointing it out to her, she was realizing how right he was. She toyed with her thumbnail. "Maybe because this is not a temporary situation."

"You think?" Ricky pulled himself out of the chair. "Mom, I think the only person who didn't know that was you." He braced his hands against her desk and leaned against it. "Kind of like… the only person who didn't know you were dating was—"

"Oh my god." Sharon groaned. "Are you kids never going to allow us to forget that?" Her head fell back against the chair. "Honestly, I am so far beyond tired of being teased because I was more interested in building a solid friendship with the man than I was in jumping into bed with him."

"Oh!" Ricky covered his ears. "No!" He turned away from her and started for the door. "God mom! Don't say those things!"

"For the love of…" Sharon leaned forward in her chair. "Ricky, honestly. What is it that you think we do? Sit around and hold hands while we watch _Jeopardy_? I seem to recall that we had this talk once already, but I'm willing to do a refresher if you need to. Don't you have a date tonight? Maybe we should review before you go out. You seem to have forgotten how you came into this world."

"I am over this conversation." Ricky pulled her door open. "Seriously over it, Mom. God." He stumbled out of the office and pulled it closed behind him. The fact that his mother was laughing at him didn't stop the full body shudder that went through him. When Andy turned to look at him he shuddered again. "Gah!" Ricky turned and headed quickly down the hall. He had to get away from them and find some way of bleaching his brain.

Sharon just placed her chin in her hand. She hummed quietly. "One day they'll learn." Through the open blinds she met Andy's gaze. His head inclined. Sharon just shrugged and rolled her eyes. She turned her attention back to the paperwork on her desk.

 **-TBC-**


	12. Chapter 12

**Lies We Told Ourselves**

 **by Kadi**

 **Rated T**

 **Disclaimer:** Not my sandbox. I just love playing in it.

* * *

 **Chapter 12**

The print analysis came back within the hour. There had been a few distinct sets found on the package dropped off at Nicole Abbot's home. They had eliminated hers, as well as her father's, and what remained matched prints that were already in their database. It was no surprise that they belonged to Bill Croelick. It was what they had been expecting.

Now that they had confirmation, they put everything into motion for the roll out. They had SID join them, along with their friends from SOB to secure the scene. They had to make sure that Croelick had not rigged another fire and that he was not hanging around watching, and waiting.

The car was where the map and note said that it would be. It was parked in an old abandoned section of the docks, hidden between two large dumpsters. It would have been found eventually, but the old warehouses in that section of the packing district had stood abandoned for years. They were ramshackle and mostly used by the homeless and the indigent.

Sharon sent Sykes and Tao, each with an SOB team, to check out the two warehouses that stood to each side of where the car had been found. The car had been burned out, just as the photo had indicated. She waited while SID had taken photos and samples, and then Kendall had examined the body. There wasn't very much that remained. It was a grizzly scene, but they had been expecting that. She stood to one side, out of the way, while her people did their jobs.

"What do we have?" She asked the question as Andy approached her. The coroner's office was working on removing the remains from the car. She folded her arms across her chest and watched as he shook his head.

He sighed. His hands rested against his hips as he came to a stop in front of her. "We're going to have to match dental records, but the car matches the make and model of the one on Maria Samples's registration. Hands and feet are gone, and it looks like the fire was concentrated in the backseat, where the body was." He shrugged a single shoulder, his eyes burned with frustration. "It matches Croelick's MO."

"Yes." She exhaled quietly. "We expected that it would." She shifted her weight on one foot and looked around him. Ricky was with Provenza. The two were studying the car, looking for more proof than they already had that Croelick had murdered his girlfriend. "He's escalating," she said. "Andy, I know you're as familiar with his case as any one person can be, but I'd like for you to pull all of those original case files. Let's go through them. I want a list of any known friends, family, and associates. We need to step up our search. Even if he hasn't contacted anyone, we may be able to run down where he is."

"He didn't have a lot in the way of friends, Sharon." Andy frowned. "The people who did know him were freaked out by him. After that first trial, a lot of those people fell away. I can't imagine any of them would be open to hearing from him now, especially after we released that request for information last night."

"Probably not," She agreed. "This is a very big city. We need to find him before he escalates any further, and hopefully before he draws anymore of our children into this insanity. It's you that he's fixated on, Andy, and I think we know why. If Chief Johnson was still here I'm sure that his attention would be focused on her as well, but she is not available to him. The rest of us are collateral damage." She nodded to the car. "As we've seen, he isn't going to care what gets consumed by his fire as long as it gets the job done. I want him found."

"Yeah, so do I." He turned and looked at the car. He watched Kendall and another coroner's assistant pull the body out. Andy grimaced and looked away. "Fine, I'll pull the files. I don't know that anything in them will help us. I'll add the addresses we had to our grid. Maybe he's hanging around some familiar haunts."

"Maybe." Sharon agreed that it was a long shot but they needed to use everything they had to find this man.

"Captain," Provenza approached, with her son tagging along behind him. "The rookie and I are going to follow the body to the morgue." He heard the kid sigh and fought the urge to grin. He was so easy, just like his old man. He was smart though, like both of his parents. Provenza had been watching him point out the vagaries in the crime scene. He wasn't as familiar with Croelick as the rest of them, nor was he as jaded about it. The kid had an eye for it. He was able to pick out a few peculiarities that didn't exactly match Croelick's habits. That could mean he was trying to throw doubt on the investigation, or he was breaking down. "We'll let you know when Morales has a positive ID."

"Your guy Kendall found remains in the car," Ricky hooked a thumb back toward the burned out vehicle, "that could be her hands and feet. They're pretty done in, but if that's what they are, it doesn't make a lot sense. Croelick goes to a lot of trouble to hide his victim's identity."

"Or he knew it was obvious because he led us here," Provenza pointed out. "Either way, we want to follow it." He shrugged. "SID pulled some prints from the car, and they're sending those back for analysis. The others are still searching the warehouses."

"Very well, Lieutenant." Sharon nodded. "I'm going to head back to the Murder Room. Lieutenant Flynn will stay with the scene." Her attention shifted toward him. "I'll have Julio start pulling those files. They should be waiting when you return."

"Yeah." Andy looked toward the car again. "It shouldn't be long. I think we're about done here. I'll let you know when they haul the car out of here." SID would pull it into the shed for further search and analysis.

"Come on, Rookie." Provenza tapped the kid's arm. "You can drive." He started walking toward where they had all left their cars.

Ricky looked at his parents and rolled his eyes. He shoved his hands into his pockets and shook his head as he followed along. "You know, I've got a name, Lieutenant."

"Yeah, yeah," Provenza just waved a hand at him. "Sure you do. Get a move on, I don't have all day."

"Is it wrong that I find that rather refreshing?" Sharon watched them go with a small smile.

"Nope." Andy smirked. "I kind of like it." He looked at her and nodded. "Go, I've got this." He knew that she needed to update Taylor and do a thousand other things.

"Thank you, Lieutenant. I will have my cell." She turned and began walking. "Detective Sanchez, you're with me."

Andy kept his eyes on her until she was in her car. Only then did he turn again and let his gaze fall on the burned out crime scene. His teeth ground together. "Alright you son of a bitch, where are you hiding?"

It was a few more hours before they had anything reportable from the crime scene or the autopsy. The only prints that they found on the car were unidentified. They could only guess that they belonged to Maria Samples. There was nothing to indicate that Croelick had actually touched the car, aside from the map and note that he had left them. With the damage that the vehicle had sustained in the fire, any prints that he might have left behind were very likely burned away.

Sharon stood near the murder board as Lieutenant Provenza explained Doctor Morales's findings. She was studying the notes they had made, along with the photos from the crime scene. The doctor was still waiting for dental records to be returned on Maria Samples, who was still classified as a missing person, and would be until they had confirmation. "What about the secondary remains in the car?" She asked.

"Hands and feet," Provenza told her. "The kid was right about that," he nodded toward Ricky was leaning against the edge of a desk.

"Too burned out for an ID," Ricky told her. "Your ME said there was nothing left that would get a viable print, even if he could rehydrate the tissues. He was still going to try, but he wasn't very confident."

"Knowing Doctor Morales as we do," Sharon turned away from the board, "that's saying a lot about the state of those remains. We'll wait for the dental records. Andy, what about the case files on our previous murder? The one that we _know_ Croelick committed?" Even if he had been acquitted because the witness had died.

He sat on the edge of his desk, a note pad in his hand. "I've got a list of addresses that we can check. The problem is, that case is thirteen years old now. We don't know if any of these people still live in those locations."

"Let's find out," Sharon told him. "Have Detective Sykes help you. Do we have any reason to believe that any of those people might help him?"

"Not especially." Andy looked down at the notes in his hand. "He pointed his pen at the paper. "We've got friends and family of the first vic, and a couple of friends of the witness that overdosed during the trial. I've got names and the addresses of a couple of work associates Croelick had at the time, but none of them really knew him. They thought he seemed like a nice, charismatic kind of guy. A little on the weird side, but nothing way out into left field."

Ricky snorted. "I guess he proved them wrong." He shook his head. "We've got people watching Croelick's house back home. We've also got a car on his club. Doubt he'll show up, but in case he does double back to San Francisco, we're waiting on him there."

"No, I don't think so," Sharon said. "He hasn't finished making his point yet. We don't know what his endgame is, and that is worrisome, but it's going to be here. Let's think about our friend Bill for a minute. Is it possible that we're looking for him _too hard_?"

"What do you mean?" Andy frowned at her. "We're looking all over the city. We're checking on each tip or sighting that comes in. What else can we do?"

"That's my point," Sharon said. "Croelick has never been difficult to find before. Why is that?"

"He likes to be in plain view," Ricky pointed out. "He wants to watch his handiwork, and he wants us to know that he's watching. That's why he was hanging out near the condo. He wanted you to _know_ that he set that fire. Croelick didn't want there to be any doubt at all that he was responsible for it, and that he could get to you if he wanted. We're assuming that he's gone to ground because we haven't seen him since."

Andy lowered the notepad in his hand and tapped it against his leg. "The day after he killed the first girl. He went to work." His head tilted while he thought back. "That's where we picked him up. He just showed up as if nothing happened."

"So then why is he hiding now?" Amy tapped her pen against her desk. "If he isn't interested in actually going to ground, what do you think he's doing, Captain?"

"Aside from toying with us?" Sharon shook her head. "I think he's in plain sight. We should take a step back and consider what we know about him. We're turning this city upside down looking for him, and I think we're going to find him right in front of our faces."

"When he wants us to." Ricky pointed out. "You have to remember, he's trying to prove he's in control. He isn't really hiding, but he's not going to let you find him until he wants to be found."

"Which will probably be soon," Provenza said. "Psychopaths like this cannot stand not having the attention on them all the time. He's going to need to feel validated by everything he's done. He dropped a note off at Nicole's house, but we have no proof he actually killed the girlfriend. Even if we pick him up, until we have something concrete we can't hold him for more than forty-eight hours."

"Eventually he will probably come to us," Sharon concluded. "I want to find him before that. I want to take control of this situation and quickly."

"Once that forty-eight hours is up, and we've still got nothing," Andy stood up as his phone began to vibrate in his pocket, "we're going to be even farther behind the ball than we are right now." He turned away from the others as he answered. "Flynn."

"Exactly." Sharon sighed. "Croelick will add that arrest to his harassment suit. A pending suit will make it hard for the DA's office to get an unbiased conviction, because let's all be honest… This one isn't sitting down for a deal."

"He'd toss it back at us," Julio said.

"Yes he would." Sharon nodded. "Julio, help Amy and Andy go through those addresses. Let's verify if they're still valid, if they aren't, I want to begin tracking those people down." She paused for a moment and slanted a look at her son. "Get the rookie to help you." He rolled his eyes at her but Sharon smiled. She folded her arms across her chest and turned. "Andy…"

He had moved to the edge of the room, away from the others as he talked on the phone. He turned back now, the device still held in his hand. His face was set in deep lines. There was worry in his dark eyes, and anger brimming beneath the surface. "Nicole never picked up Mark from school. Dean got a call; he had to go get him. He's getting Jake and heading home with the kids. Nicole isn't answering her cell or the house phone."

Sharon stared back at him, for just a moment. Her mouth dropped open but there was no sound forthcoming. She knew what he was thinking; it was exactly where her mind had just gone. She blinked at him. Nicole had left there that morning with the intention of getting home in time to pick up her youngest stepson from school. That had been hours ago. There was no reason at all for her to have been delayed, unless she had gotten called in to her office. She was an Accounts Manager now, and that allowed her to work from home a few days a week. She did that to spend more time with the boys.

Even as Sharon thought about that she discarded the thought. Had Nicole been called in, her husband would have known about it. Dean worked in her department; he reported to her now. He wouldn't be worried enough to call his father-in-law. Sharon turned where she stood. "Julio, Amy, get over to the Abbot house, I want it checked over. Mike, Buzz, pull the security footage from around the building. I want to know if Nicole left here alone and which direction she went. Andy call Dean back; tell him not to take the boys home." They couldn't know if Nicole had made it home or not, if she was still there, or what would be found at the Abbot house. Sharon turned again. "Lieutenant Provenza…" She trailed off, he already had his phone in his hand.

"I'm sending a unit to pick up Rusty," He told her. "We'll have him brought down here."

Sharon nodded her gratitude. Her youngest son had taken Andy's Camry to school that morning, while she and Ricky had rode to work with him in his service car. He had gone to get replacements for the books that he lost in the fire, but he hadn't had class. Rusty had texted her when he got home. He was most likely safe, but she wanted to keep him that way. "Buzz," she looked across the room. "Help Mike with that traffic footage. Ricky, call your brother and let him know that patrol will be picking him up, and you might want to cancel your date."

"Yeah." He took his phone out. "I kind of had a feeling." Ricky turned away as he dialed.

While the others scrambled to do as she'd asked, Sharon walked over and laid a hand on Andy's arm. He was still talking to Dean, trying to calm him down. "Lieutenant," she used his rank to get his attention, but her voice remained soft. "Why don't you ride with me, let's follow Amy and Julio out to the house and see what we can find out."

Andy nodded. "Dean, take the boys to your parents' house. I'll call you when I know something." He hung up the phone. "Come on, I want to know what the hell is going on." He walked over and took his jacket off the back of his chair. As he walked across the murder room with Sharon beside him, he pointed at Ricky. "You stay here and wait for Rusty." He already had one missing kid, and he didn't need another one.

The ride across town was silent. Nicole and Dean lived in a nice neighborhood on the outskirts of Westwood. Dean's late wife had inherited the house from her grandparents. When he and Nicole had gotten engaged, he talked about putting it on the market. Nicole hadn't allowed it. It was the only home that his boys had ever known. Instead, Dean had insisted that she redecorate it. So they had done that, they had remodeled and redecorated and made it their own.

They rode in silence. Sharon drove. Andy was too distracted. He had called Charlie and asked his son if he'd seen his sister. He didn't want to alarm him, but just told him that he was trying to get in touch with her. He told Charlie to call him if he heard from Nicole, but they knew that was not a call that he would be making.

Sharon pulled to a stop in front of the house. Amy and Julio were ahead of them, but only by a few seconds. Before opening her door, she reached over and touched Andy's arm. She couldn't tell him that everything would be okay, but she would be with him. Then she drew a thin breath and slipped out of the car. "Detectives, what do we have?"

"Nicole's car," Julio nodded to it. "The back passenger door was open. There are groceries in the back seat."

Sharon let her gaze sweep over the front drive and yard. There was another bag of groceries lying on the walk, just a few steps from the door. Fruit had spilled out of it and rolled across the yard. Oranges. The boys loved fresh oranges. Her jaw clenched and she turned. Nicole's keys were lying nearby. "Have you tried the door?"

"No Captain," Amy walked toward her. "We were inspecting the car."

"Try the door, Detective." Sharon turned. Andy was standing beside the car, not moving. "Lieutenant?"

His head lifted slowly. He stared at her for a moment. He knew he didn't have to explain the burning fear. She would understand it all too well. Andy shook his head and pointed to an item lying on the pavement beside his daughter's sedan. "Blackberry. Nicole's work phone. It's broken. Looks like it was tossed." He gestured to a scratch in the driver's side door. It was slightly indented, like something had been thrown against it, rather hard. Something like a phone.

"The front door is locked," Amy reported. She walked back toward them. "I don't think Nicole made it inside."

"Back is clear," Julio appeared from where he'd gone, around the side of the house. "The back door is locked too." The pool was empty. That was what he had gone to check, along with the door. "Ma'am, she's not here."

"No, I don't think so either." Sharon drew a breath and let it out slowly. "Let's check the house anyway, just to be thorough. Andy…"

"Yeah." He walked over. He reached up and flipped open the top of the decorative porch light. There was a key hidden inside. He was always cautioning Dean and Nicole about having a hide-a-key. It wasn't safe. The kids just said he was a cynic, jaded by his work and being paranoid. Andy sighed as he drew the key down and used it to unlock the door. He didn't want to go inside, so he stepped out of the way and let Amy and Julio go ahead of him.

Sharon stood on the step beside him. She laid a hand on his arm. "She's not in there," she said softly.

"Yeah." Andy shrugged. "Doesn't make me feel a hell of a lot better." He shook his head. "Croelick left that package on her car. Then while I was distracted with it, he doubled back around and he took her. And don't tell me," he added before she could, "that we don't know if Croelick is involved. Of course he is, that's the only thing that makes any damned sense."

"Andy." Sharon sighed quietly. He wasn't wrong. Croelick had distracted them. He was definitely escalating. He had known that by killing his girlfriend they would be coming after him. He could be acquitted once, but could he manage it twice? He attempted to stack his deck, but they had called him on it and knocked it over again. Now Croelick was preparing another example to prove that _he_ had the control.

"The house is all clear." Julio appeared again. "No one is here, and there's no sign that anyone had access to the house. It was still locked from the inside."

"Thank you, detective." Sharon still had a hand on Andy's arm. "Let's get more units out here. This yard is now a crime scene. Question the neighbors, find out if anyone is home and let's determine if any of them saw anything." She looked up at Andy. "You're going to have to call Dean back," she said gently. "He cannot bring the boys home." She didn't want to frighten them with all the many police that would be on scene. "But we're going to need to talk to him."

"Yeah." Andy walked away from her. He pulled his phone out. "I know." He wanted to hit something. He wanted to put his fist through any nearby object and feel the satisfaction of it breaking. He wanted the crunch of glass and the pain of his knuckles splitting. His stomach clenched and twisted. His heart was beating a painfully hard rhythm in his chest. Andy walked to the street and stood there. He considered his phone for a moment. "Son of a bitch," he growled.

"Captain." Julio pitched his voice low. He stood beside her, but both of their gazes were directed toward the Lieutenant standing at the end of the driveway. "The ice cream in the car is melted. It's been hours, ma'am. We have no idea where he may have taken her."

"I understand." Sharon crossed her arms. "That is what we are going to have to find out. I want you to call Lieutenant Tao and ask him to pull camera footage from the lights entering and leaving this neighborhood. I want Ricky to help him so that we can get Buzz out here to film the scene. Let's check businesses around that area too, perhaps security cameras caught Croelick leaving the neighborhood. We need a description of the vehicle that he is driving."

"Yes ma'am." He pulled his gaze away from the end of the driveway. "Ma'am. She isn't his type."

"I know." Nicole was tall, brunette, and educated. She was successful and self-aware. She was completely unlike any of the women that Bill Croelick was typically attracted to. "That isn't going to work in our favor." It meant that he would tire of her more easily. "We're just going to have to work very fast, Detective."

She walked away from him and toward the dark blue sedan in the driveway. Sharon walked around it. She did a complete circle of the car while she looked for clues. She stopped beside where the cell phone lay and knelt down. Sharon considered the Blackberry for a moment. Then she stood and looked into the car again. Sharon stood back and placed her hands on her hips.

Nicole's purse was still in the car. After another moment, Sharon sighed and took her phone out. She began taking photos of the car. Then she reached inside and pulled the purse out. She carried it around and sat it on the hood. As carefully as she could and touching it as little as possible, she peered inside. There was no sign of Nicole's iPhone. Sharon's lips pursed. "Detective Sykes," she called the younger woman to her. "Go back through the house and see if you can find a second cell phone. Iphone, one of the newer models, it's in a red case. Nicole's favorite color is red."

Amy frowned. "But we found the Blackberry on the ground beside the car," she began, confused with where the Captain's train of thought was going.

"I know," Sharon explained. "The Blackberry is her work phone. As inconvenient as it is, Nicole prefers to keep two of them. The Blackberry is turned off at night and on weekends. It's only on during her working hours. The rest of the time Nicole uses the iPhone, it's where she keeps all of her personal contacts and pictures of the boys. It's the phone that her family contacts her on, and it's the number that the school uses. She never goes anywhere without that phone, Amy."

"You're hoping she still has it." Amy straightened. Excitement coursed through her. It could be the break that they needed in finding Croelick, and hopefully recovering the Lieutenant's daughter before she was harmed.

"Yes," Sharon whispered. She risked a glance to where Andy stood talking with his son-in-law. She didn't want to get his hopes up. "How many people carry two phones these days? Croelick made a point of getting rid of her phone, and making sure that we can find it. If she has the iPhone with her, and it's on…"

"We can track its GPS." Amy turned and jogged toward the house. "Excellent thinking, Captain."

Sharon fought the urge to roll her eyes. She focused her attention on checking the purse again, just in case. There was still no sign of the phone. Sharon leaned into the car and checked beneath seats and between the consoles. When she leaned back, Andy was watching her. She shook her head at him and shrugged. She didn't want to say anything, not yet. Sharon held up a hand and walked toward the house. "Amy, any luck?"

The detective appeared. "No, Captain. We found a charger, an iPad and a computer, but the iPhone isn't in the house."

"Okay." Sharon lifted her own phone. "I'm texting you a number. Have Mike begin tracing its location."

"Sharon?" Andy walked across the yard and stood nearby.

"He got rid of the Blackberry," she explained. "I think she still has her other phone." Sharon looked at him, finally. There was hope in her gaze. She shrugged at him. "It's a shot in the dark."

"She takes it everywhere," Andy pointed out. He nodded once. He didn't want to get his hopes up either, but it was a chance, however small. "It's all we've got."

"Yes," she nodded mournfully. They were hours behind, and it was the very best chance they had at finding her. When he turned away from her, she wanted to go to him. The tense set of his shoulders and the fisting of his hands made her ache.

They had gotten lucky with the boys, but it felt like their luck was running out. How long before Croelick decided to light another fire?

A chill went through Sharon when she realized, quite suddenly and with alarming clarity what song Croelick had been whistling the other night in the parking lot. It was a popular misrepresentation of an old nursery rhyme. People often got it wrong, and they replaced the words. It was why it had not occurred to her previously. Now it did, and she truly wished that it hadn't. This was one time when she would have liked to remain completely oblivious.

Sharon closed her eyes and swallowed hard. She drew a breath and let it out very slowly. In her mind, the song played. Not as it should, but with the words that she knew Croelick had replaced it with.

 _London Bridge is burning down, burning down, burning down. London Bridge is burning down. My fair lady…_

 **-TBC-**


	13. Chapter 13

**Lies We Told Ourselves**

 **by Kadi**

 **Rated T**

 **Disclaimer:** Not my sandbox. I just love playing in it.

* * *

 **Chapter 13**

"You okay?"

Rusty had been sitting in the Murder Room just watching his brother for the last hour. Ricky was back and forth. He would stare at the murder board for several minutes and then he would go back to the desk that he had been using. He would alternate between paging through a case file and making notes, or staring at his phone. He made a few calls while he checked out the addresses that Flynn had written down earlier. There were only a few of those people that still lived at those locations. Two of them pretended that they didn't know who Bill Croelick was at first; the others swore they hadn't seen or heard from him, and if they had, they would have called the cops. Rusty just wondered how much of his brother's pensive attitude was due to the case, his now missing half-sister, and how much of it had to do with what was going on _behind_ the case. He had no baseline for comparison. It was moments like these that reminded Rusty just how little he actually knew about his brother.

When Sharon was concerned about something she got quiet. She would focus on one thing, and at first Rusty had thought that it was avoidance. As he had gotten to know her, he realized that there weren't a lot of things that Sharon would avoid. She just took her time with them. Even if she was concentrating on something else, whatever she was worried about was at the back of her mind, and she was figuring out what to do about it. Ricky seemed unable to sit still. Rusty was pretending to study while he sat at Buzz's desk, he was also keeping an eye on the download of the traffic cam footage, but really he was watching his brother pace the room. It was all the pacing that prompted the question.

Ricky looked at him. He sighed. The Murder Room was mostly empty right now. Lieutenant Tao had gone down to Traffic to expedite getting the additional footage downloaded, and Lieutenant Provenza was in Chief Taylor's office bringing him up to speed. Everyone else was still out in the field. Including his mother and his... well, Ricky didn't really know what he was. Calling him the sperm donor was a bit harsh, but he couldn't exactly call him his father either. He was left in this gray area, so unsure of what was really happening in his life, and what he was supposed to think or feel about it. At the same time, there was this case. It was as if life kept trying to force him to think about it, to put some kind of definition on it. It was frustrating. Ricky knew that he was worried and that his concern went much deeper than some generalized sense of compassion for what Nicole and her family were going through at the moment. It went deeper than knowing that someone he was acquainted with was in trouble.

"A week ago," he said finally, "I was good with how things were. Andy was just this guy that my mom was dating, and Nicole was just this girl who was _probably_ going to end up being my stepsister. I knew there was more to it, but I didn't know what the situation was. I didn't have all the sides of it, and I was cool with that. I told myself that whatever happened before I was born didn't matter; families get made in all kinds of ways," he waved a hand at Rusty to emphasize that. "I just put it aside. You know? Filed it away."

"Compartmentalized." Rusty turned sideways in his chair to watch Ricky walk across the mostly empty Murder Room again. "Sharon does that. I've never understood how. I can't get my brain to work like that."

"Exposure from the womb, little brother." Ricky finally stopped pacing and leaned against the desk across from him. "I don't know what I'm supposed to think anymore. I know what I would tell someone else, and I know what mom wants, and I know what Andy probably wants too. The only thing I don't know is what _I_ want out of all of this. I think I want to be mad, but how can I be? I feel kind of bad about it, because I can see that it bothers mom. I don't want to act like the asshole that I acted like last summer, but at the same time, I think I kind of have a right to this time, you know?" Ricky shrugged helplessly. "It's just all so screwed up."

"Why do you think that you would be an asshole about it?" The thing that he had learned from Doctor Joe was that before he could describe how he felt about something, he had to understand it. Rusty could almost imagine the psychiatrist asking these questions and almost grinned. He couldn't wait to tell him about _this_ in their next session.

Ricky opened his mouth to reply, but was unable to put voice to how he was feeling. He gestured with his hands for a moment, and then finally, he sighed. His shoulders slumped and he looked at his brother through the thick fringe of dark hair that was hanging across his brow. "I've got these two dads right? The one I knew about, my earliest memory is of him _not_ being there. You know how mom is, right? She doesn't want us to see when she is really upset about something. Rusty, I remember her crying in her room with the door locked, so that Emily and I wouldn't see it, and where she probably thought we couldn't hear it either. I asked Em why mom was crying like that, and she said, don't worry Ricky, daddy will come home, he did last time." He ran a hand through his hair. "How crappy is that? My first good, solid memory of my dad is him breaking my mother's heart by walking out on her, _again_. Got to hand it to Emily though, she was right. He came back. Then he left again. I don't remember mom crying that time, but I know that she did, and I remember she was upset. He came and he went, until mom stopped him from coming back. He was always great when he was there, but I remember Jack not really being around all that much. Then there is this other guy," Ricky waved a hand toward Flynn's empty desk. "That was never in the picture, and who I didn't even know about until a few years ago. What does he say to me? He wanted to be there and he couldn't be, and do you know how mad that makes me?"

"What's wrong with that?" Rusty looked confused. He saw Lieutenant Provenza walking back into the murder room, and the older man must have realized what they were talking about. He had stopped and was quietly getting closer. Rusty gave a slight shake of his head. He didn't want to interrupt Ricky now, not when he was finally talking about it and maybe even being honest, especially with himself. "I mean," he continued, "isn't that a good thing? He _wanted_ to be part of your life? He's not a bad guy, you know. I know that he screwed up a lot in the past, but he's an okay guy now."

"Because that is the story of my life," Ricky said. He looked away, seeming both sad and frustrated. "Even when Jack wasn't around, sometimes he would call. It would be to ask mom for money, we realized that later, but he would always talk to us too. The first time I pitched a winning little league game? _I wanted to be there, son, but I just couldn't make it._ And when I broke my leg sliding into home, because in little league and high school baseball pitchers still have to bat, Jack told me that he wished he could be there. When I totaled mom's car a month before graduation and broke three ribs, guess what Rusty?"

"He wanted to be there," the younger boy said quietly.

"That's right. Same thing with graduation, and then college graduation, and you know..." Ricky just shrugged. "Those words don't really mean a whole lot to me anymore." He deflated before he could even really get worked up. "At the same time, why be mad about something that I can't change? It's not going to bring back all those years, or take back all the excuses that mom had to make for as long as I can remember. I feel like I'm caught in a trap, though. You know?"

"I think so." This was something that Rusty knew a little bit about. He leaned forward in his chair. "You want to make them both happy, but you're the one caught in the middle. You don't feel like you can make them accountable for what they did, because they're your parents. It's your mom, and she was supposed to be perfect, but she's not. He's your dad, and he should have been there, but he wasn't. It hurts, but at the same time, you understand all of it. That's what makes it hard. You knew she was alone, and you knew she was hurting. You know he was sick. It wasn't like he just didn't care. We've been taught that addiction is an illness, and it has to be treated. So we get it. It's this really hard place to be in. Harder right now because all of these things are happening and you're going to be forced into choosing something that you're not sure that you want. You're worried that what you _should_ do is not what you _want_ to do, and that it won't just be worse in the end."

"That's exactly it." Ricky looked a little surprised. How could Rusty understand it when he could barely comprehend it himself? But he was reminded of the life that Rusty had before he came to be with them. Ricky sighed. "I'm going to have to step up and be part of this family, and like it, or at least pretend that I like it. Mom is going to know either way, so if I can't do it, she's the one that's going to get hurt. I don't want to be the one that does that. Jack did enough of it. What even is that, Rusty? It's an impossible situation."

"It's called being a man."

The voice came from behind him. Ricky stood up and turned quickly. "Lieutenant." He hadn't realized that they weren't alone anymore.

Provenza walked toward them. "That impossible situation that you're in. It's called being a man. You have to step up and take responsibility for something that's going to be hard, and might not work out." He shrugged at him. "We all have to start doing it sooner or later. You've been lucky, your mother has never asked you to do anything but what made you happy, and what kept you safe, and what was appropriate for life. She's not even asking you to this time. You know what she wants, because in the back of her head she's had this idea of what life might have been like all these years, if they hadn't screwed up like the idiots that they are. You know her well enough to know that it's there because you lived the reality with her. It's this fairytale," he explained, "where her kids had a father who gave a damn, and she wasn't the sole person responsible for little league, dance class, ball games, dance recitals, PTA, homework, college tuition, curfews and being the bad guy when you talked back, or stayed out all night, or brought home bad grades. Where the house wasn't quiet and empty after she sent you and your sister off to bed every night. Reality completely crushed it, so what she's got right now is this idea in her head of watching her son stand next to his father and feeling like something worked out right."

The Lieutenant waved a hand at him and smiled sadly. "You're going to suck it up, and you're going to do it, because you know what your mother gave up for you all those years, and you know that she was happy to do it, and that she would do it again in the blink of an eye without a moment of hesitation." He paused for just a moment; the young man was staring at his feet, but nodding silently. When Ricky looked up, he looked him in the eye. "Because it's exactly what your father would do. It's exactly what he _did_. He walked away. He'll play the bad guy because that's what others expect of him. It's what's been put in his head all these years." He pointed a finger at him and shook it. "But don't you think that he didn't look back. He'll say he didn't, but he's a first class idiot. He's used to taking the blame and swallowing it down and smiling while he does it. I'm not saying you shouldn't be upset," Provenza said. "Go ahead. Be pissed off. But be pissed off _with_ them, not _at_ them. The way I see it, life screwed you all over."

Ricky looked away again as he considered that. He really never thought of it that way. That he could be both mad _and_ accepting. He grunted quietly. "So basically," he said carefully, "what you're telling me is that I can feel as crappy about it as I want, but go with it, because it might not turn out so bad?"

"Pretty much." Provenza shrugged. "That and… suck it up buttercup. We've got plenty enough to do and worry about around here without you having an identity crisis."

"And he's back." Rusty grinned as he turned back to the desk. This was the Provenza that _he_ knew, but so few others got to experience. He didn't figure that it would last long. It never did. He was just more comfortable being a Grumpus. "It's a crappy situation," Rusty said. "But think about it this way, it could have been worse."

"Worse?" Ricky snorted. "How do you figure?" He arched a brow at his brother. "What could be worse than finding out your life was sort of… a little bit of a lie."

Rusty gave him a long look. "You could've found out after it was too late to do anything about it. Years from now, when there wasn't a chance for anything. Then you'd never know."

"Okay." Ricky pointed a finger at him. "That's just depressing." He stood up. "For the record, buttercup?" He shook his head. "What are you, nine?"

"He learned it from his grandson," Rusty smirked. "He's eleven."

Ricky hooked a thumb toward the older man. "He's got grandkids?" But he grinned crookedly as he walked back to the murder board. "I've got it," he told them. "Mom won't get her fairytale because those just don't exist… but I can give her the dream." He tilted his head. "Anymore news from the team?"

"Nothing yet." Provenza sighed. "They've got the husband on scene now. We should know soon how much of a head start Croelick has on us. Dean will be able to tell your old man when he talked to Nicole last."

"You really like saying that don't you?" Ricky arched a brow at him. "My old man?"

"Oh yeah." Provenza smirked. "That's not getting tired anytime soon…"

"Do you think…" Rusty hesitated for a moment. He glanced at his brother before looking at the Lieutenant again. "Do you think they're going to find her?"

"I don't know." Provenza had learned that it was always better to be honest with Rusty, even when the news wasn't great. The kid appreciated it more than being placated. He responded to it, and he was stronger than a lot of people gave him credit for, he had needed to be. "I hope so, but the odds aren't in her favor. I've seen a lot, and things like this don't always end so well, Rusty. What I do know is that the Captain and Flynn aren't going to give up until they find her. I feel sorry for anyone who gets in his way, because this time it's personal, and not just for him. You don't mess with cops, Rusty, and you don't mess with their kids. Croelick poked the hornet, but he's got the whole damned nest on his ass now."

The silence that descended upon them at his words was broken abruptly by the beeping of Tao's computer. Ricky walked over and leaned over it. "Nicole's phone is back on. It's transmitting. We've got a location."

 **MCMCMCMCMCMC**

Nicole's husband finally arrived after making sure that his sons were well taken care of. He left them with his parents before driving back to his house. A command post had been set up on the street in front of the house. There were uniformed officers keeping traffic and onlookers away. After showing his ID to no less than two different officers, he was finally waved on through and allowed to approach the scene.

Dean located his father-in-law easily, where he stood in a grouping of other officers. Of those, Dean only recognized his father-in-law's girlfriend, who he knew to also be the man's boss. Dean strode toward him, one question ever present on his mind. "Andy." Dean stopped short of the group. His hands found his hips. Even though he had his attention, he let his gaze sweep over the others and finally the yard, which was now cordoned off in yellow police tape. His blue eyes narrowed. "Where the hell was all of this earlier when that sicko grabbed my wife?"

Andy felt his own frustration level rising. That reaction was expected. He felt much the same way. He held up his hands and took a step forward. "Dean, I understand. We're doing everything we can to find her." This was his daughter they were talking about for crying out loud.

"Really?" Dean Abbot was a tall man with dark hair and blue eyes. He drew himself up to his full height, which only put him at half an inch over his father-in-law. "Why weren't you doing everything you could to keep it from happening? Nicole said you were going to send officers out to watch the house and the boys' schools. What the hell happened to that?"

"Dean." Sharon took a step forward. She offered a small, patient smile. "We put the order through, but it takes time to allocate those kinds of resources. The officers that were assigned to watch the house arrived a few minutes after we did. They would have been in place sooner, but we felt it was more important to concentrate on the schools first. It was a matter of timing," she said gently. "We also think our suspect was waiting here for Nicole to return. He left that package for her father, and he knew that his time would be limited the moment she handed it over. He was prepared for this."

"He was planning this," Andy said quietly. "He already planned to take Nicole. There was nothing that we could have done." He gestured helplessly. "We're gonna find her, Dean."

"Are you? Really?" Dean ran a hand through his hair. "Because all I'm seeing right now is the bunch of you standing around not doing a whole lot."

Andy couldn't argue with him. He felt the same way. "Dean, we don't know where she is, or which direction he went in. We're staying put until we've got that information. Our guys are going over the scene," he hooked his thumb toward where the SID techs were moving around Nicole's car. "We've got a trace on Nicole's phone. Soon as it comes back on, we'll have GPS on her location."

"But…" Dean waved a hand at the car. His other hand rested against his hip. He turned away. He couldn't even look at it. "I just talked to her. She…" He scrubbed his hand over his face. He took a step away from them while he tried to process it. Now that the initial adrenaline was fading, he was just left with the fear.

Sharon wrapped a hand around Andy's wrist. She took a step forward. Her heart ached for both men but they had too much to do before she could focus on that. "Dean," she spoke gently, "when did you speak with Nicole? A timeline will help us."

"I don't know." He threw his hands up. "Not that long ago. It was after she left your office. She called to tell me about that weird package. She said she had something she wanted to talk to me about, and I was never going to believe it. I don't…" He reached into his pocket and took his cell phone out. Dean scrolled through his recent calls until he found the one from Nicole. "It was almost eleven. We talked until she got to the store. She was going to pick up some things. She said we had to have dinner with Charlie, and she was making his favorite. Mark…" Dean trailed off. He looked away again, unable to speak. His jaw clenched. "Mark did really good in school yesterday, she promised ice cream sundaes with dessert tonight. So she was going to get ice cream. Nicki is big on rewarding the boys, you know?"

"Yes, I know," Sharon smiled at him. She took another step forward and let go of Andy. She laid a hand on Dean's arm. "If you're going to punish them when they're bad, you have to reward them when they're good. I remember." Nicole was a big believer in that. "She thought I should start using that with her father," she said, trying to draw Dean back into the moment and away from the grief. "Did she mention anything else that was out of the ordinary?"

"No," he whispered. "When she got to the store, she hung up. Nicki hates those people who walk around the store on their phones the whole time, distracted and not really paying attention. She's got a list and she doesn't like to dawdle."

"Yes." Sharon smiled again, although it was tinged with sadness. "That sounds very familiar." She gave his arm a squeeze. "It drives her crazy to shop with me." It was no secret that she and Andy were together; she had no qualms in revealing how close she was to his family. "Dean, I understand how hard this is. We're doing everything that we can, I promise you that. We are going to find Nicole."

"Why her?" Dean looked between them. "Why Nicki? What has she got to do with any of this?" He shifted where he stood. His eyes were moist. Dean swallowed hard against the painful lump in his throat. "I mean, come on. My boys have already lost one mother. Why is this happening?"

Andy's jaw clenched. He took a step forward and laid a hand on his son-in-law's shoulder. "Because the dirt bag has a beef with me. It's the same reason he burned down Sharon's building, and it's why he reported his girlfriend's disappearance to the department where…" Here he stumbled. His teeth ground together. Andy's eyes flashed. He could feel the tightness in his chest and the tension in his neck. Nicole hadn't told Dean yet. No one else in the family knew. Andy decided he didn't care. "Where our son decided to set up shop as a cop. He drew Rick into this, and now Nicole. It's not about her at all, Dean. He's coming after me and he's using my kids to do it."

"You _will_ find her, right?" Dean looked between them. "This nut job won't actually hurt her, will he? Nicki's never hurt anyone. She won't even let me kill spiders when I find them in the house. I have to put them out in the yard."

"That's our hope, yes." Sharon told him. "Dean, we're doing everything that we know how to do."

But was that enough? It was a question that Andy had been asking himself. He turned away from both of them. The street and front yard were full of people, so he walked toward the side gate. Andy let himself into the backyard and stood there for a moment. It was hard to breathe. The knot in his chest was twisting even tighter. He reached up and loosened his tie. There was a movie reel playing in his head. He was seeing every moment of his daughter's life, from the day that she was born until he had walked her to the elevator that morning. The first time that he held her, her first steps, and the precious few moments during those years when Vicki had kept him away from both their kids.

As the images spun through his mind, the yard began to spin around him. He exhaled a ragged breath and reached up to rub at the tightness in his chest. He was hearing her laughter. He was hearing her yell. He had seen her happy and he had seen her disappointed. He recalled her wedding, and he remembered the last time they'd had a family dinner together, just a few weeks before.

There was a noise, a rushing in his ears that sounded a bit like a freight train. He closed his eyes, but a hand on his arm had him jolting back. He turned and stared at its owner. Sharon was standing in front of him, speaking his name and looking concerned. He shook his head at her. "What?"

Her brows drew together in a frown. Her hand slid up his arm to his shoulder. Finally she cupped his chin and drew his gaze directly to hers. "Are you okay?" He was flushed. Sweat glistened on his brow. "Andy." He didn't really seem to be seeing her. She felt her stomach twist. Her hand dropped to lie against his chest. Beneath her palm his heart was beating at gallop.

He drew a breath and let it out slowly. It hurt to breathe, but he forced himself to do it. "Yeah. I'm fine. I just needed a minute." He continued to stare at her. That kept the yard from spinning around him. "She's my kid, but she's his wife. It was a bit much."

"I know," she said softly. Her hand stroked the length of his tie. "But I may have something that will help." Sharon held up her phone. Her eyes lit. "GPS pinged on Nicole's cell. We have a location. Mike and Lieutenant Provenza are meeting us there." She tipped his chin up again. "Are you sure that you're okay?"

"I'm fine." He wrapped his hand around her tiny wrist. He held it for just a moment before drawing it away from him. A location didn't mean they would immediately find Nicole, but it was more than they'd had five minutes ago. It was an actual sense of hope. "Let's go find my kid." He reached into her pocket for the keys to the crown vic. "This time, I'll drive."

Sharon turned where she was and followed him. "Only if you promise to obey the speed limit." She wanted to get there in one piece.

"It'll be alright," he assured her. "That's what the lights and sirens are for." He strode quickly across the yard, but knew that she would keep up with him. His fingers itched, especially when his arm brushed the familiar bulge of his gun in its holster. _Okay you son of a bitch_ , he thought, _I'm coming for you…_

 **-TBC-**


	14. Chapter 14

**Lies We Told Ourselves**

 **by Kadi**

 **Rated T**

 **Disclaimer:** Not my sandbox. I just love playing in it.

* * *

 **Chapter 14**

He found the Blackberry, but he didn't notice the iPhone in her back pocket. Nicole's hands were bound behind her back. She was laying across the backseat of a car and with her hands secured as they were, it was hard to maneuver them into position for grabbing the cell phone without being seen. It was hot in the car, perspiration made her hair cling to her face and neck. Nicole chewed on her bottom lip as she worked her hands, inch by inch, toward the pocket where her second phone was hidden.

When he first put her in the car and she realized that she still had it, she couldn't reach the mute switch, and so she had pressed and held the power button. She swept her thumb across the screen where she thought the _power off_ indicator would be. She was afraid that it would ring, and like her Blackberry, he would take it. That was all that she could manage before he had placed a cloth over her face and the world had gone dark. She woke up disoriented and without any idea where she was or how long she had been out. Nicole thought first of her boys, stranded at school. Then she thought of Dean, who had to be going out of his mind with her missing. Fear made her stomach clench painfully.

Nicole tried to sit up in the car, but nausea swept through her. She bit down on the inside of her lip and concentrated on breathing. While she lay there, she began trying to reach her phone. Nicole kept her eyes closed. Her arms ached with the effort at keeping her movements measured. Her hand cramped at the angle she was holding it. Finally her fingers gripped the edge of the phone. The plastic of her red phone case was warm to the touch. It had absorbed her body heat. Nicole drew a thin breath and held it as she pulled the phone out of her pocket.

She felt around it for the mute switch. Her thumbnail caught it and she pushed it down. She exhaled quietly as she pressed the power button. She held it, and then her breath until she felt it vibrate against her body. She wanted to cry with relief. She had managed to turn it off; otherwise the battery would have been dead.

Nicole took several quick breaths. She could feel a trickle of perspiration as it worked it's way down her neck. She lay there for a moment and just listened. Slowly, her eyes opened. Nicole looked around the interior of the car. It was dark, but a look through the windows showed her no sky. It looked as if the car was parked inside a structure of some kind. She sat up, drawing thin breaths as she did. Her stomach rolled again, but she willed away the feeling. Nicole concentrated on just breathing. The car, she realized, was empty except for her.

It had been parked inside a warehouse. Nicole sat still and looked around, peering into the shadows and dark places inside the building. She was looking for any sign of her abductor, this man who had taken her. He would need to be nearby, she thought. She couldn't imagine that he would just leave her there. As she sat, she pulled at the bindings on her hands. It cut into her wrists. Nicole twisted sideways and looked behind her. There were two plastic zip ties securing her. She sighed in exasperation, and perhaps even a little bit of desperation.

She looked around the inside of the warehouse again, and not seeing anyone, she turned her body side ways and leaned backward toward the car door. Her shoulders burned from the angle, but she fumbled her hands along the door until her fingers wrapped around the handle. She pulled at it. There was a pain in her wrist as it popped, reminding her that her body was not meant to bend in this way. She grunted and ignored it. She pulled at the door handle again, and finally felt it give. Nicole expelled a breath as she leaned into it with her shoulder.

She eased the door open, but suddenly it swung wide. Her body tumbled. She cried out as she landed on the concrete floor. It jarred her, making her teeth rattle. She felt the rough flooring scrape across the skin of her arm and elbow. Nicole gritted her teeth. When she looked up, she drew a sharp breath; he was standing over her.

"Sleeping beauty is awake." He grinned. "Good! That will make this more fun!"

"Why are you doing this?" They were the first words that came to mind for Nicole. Her voice rasped and slurred, thick on her dry tongue from whatever he had drugged her with.

"I think we covered that already." He bent and lifted her. He pulled her to her feet and when she teetered, he righted her. "Easy now. This isn't going to be nearly as amusing if you fall over and crack your head open. Not to mention the mess. I like things to be contained."

Her head swam again and her stomach rolled. For one alarming moment Nicole thought she might be sick all over him. She swallowed back the hot bile that rose in her throat. "I'm not involved in this," she gritted out. "I don't have anything to do with whatever your problem is with my dad."

"Oh, I don't think that's true at all." He smiled pleasantly at her. "I think you have everything to do with it. You see, I'm trying to make a point. You're going to be my exclamation mark. Doesn't that sound great?"

It didn't. It sounded terrifying. Her heart was beating wildly in her chest as he drew her away from the car. He began leading her through the warehouse. Nicole stumbled, but he drew her up. "I think you're point has been made. Whatever it is, my dad's got it. I promise. He's not a stupid guy. Why don't you just call him, I'm sure-"

"I'm done with talking," he drawled. "Now it's time for showing..."

 **MCMCMCMCMCMC**

They converged four blocks from the location of Nicole's phone. They were back in the packing district at the docks, not far from where the burned out shell of Maria Samples's car had been found. It struck them as odd that Croelick had returned there. He was usually more controlled than that.

"He's breaking down," Provenza said. "He's just acting." All of Major Crimes was on scene now, along with SOB and patrol. He had joined them with Tao and Ricky. They had left Rusty behind, but promised to update him as soon as they could.

"The methodology is getting lost," Sharon agreed. "Yes, I think so too. He's leaving clues and making mistakes." It didn't bode well for their situation. She folded her arms over her chest. Her people were crowded around the hood of a car upon which a map had been spread out. She reached out and tapped a location that had been circled. "We think he has Nicole in one of these warehouses. I want to get in there before he knows that we're on to him."

"My people are setting up on the rooftops around that location." Chief Howard spoke from the opposite side of the car. He looked around the group. "We're going to have snipers on the roofs and ground. If we get a shot, we'll take him out. In the meantime, Commander McGinnis has her airships circling above. We're going to have eyes on the entire waterfront. Let's be clear here," Fritz turned so that he was facing the Captain, but his gaze circled the group, landing on Flynn the longest. "My people are taking point on this. I want to get in there as cleanly as possible, get our hostage, and take this maniac down." He had his own reasons for that, and they were all perfectly aware of them.

"Chief," Sharon drew his gaze to her. "With all do respect, my people are more familiar with Mr. Croelick, I think-"

"No Captain," he cut her off. Fritz shook his head. "I have an entire list of reasons why _that_ is a very bad idea, the first of which happens to be the fact that one of your Lieutenants is our hostage's father. Somehow I'm thinking you don't want me to get into the others." Everyone gathered around that car knew that there was a personal relationship involved when it came to the Captain and that Lieutenant. It put her in a precarious position of having a conflict of interest two-fold, as it pertained to her Lieutenant _and_ where his daughter was concerned. She was too involved. Fritz was not without compassion, however. "I'm sorry Captain, but I'm going to need you in the command post, and I'm going to recommend that you keep Lieutenant Flynn with you. We can fold the rest of your people in with mine."

"Like hell." Andy glared darkly at the man. He pointed a finger at Howard and took a step forward. "If that was the Chief in there you wouldn't even consider letting someone tell you to hang back. I'll be damned if-" He felt someone touch his arm and shrugged it off. "No, goddammit." He looked down at Sharon. His eyes darkened. "We're not talking about my kid. I'm not going to stand around out here twiddling my damned thumbs while he and these bozos go in there without me."

"Lieutenant." Her brow arched. Sharon gave him a measured look.

He scowled back at her. "Captain." Andy put his hands on his hips. He stood over her, and the anger that had been brimming just beneath the surface began to boil over. "I'm not riding the fence on this one."

The air around them seemed to sizzle, despite the ice that entered the Captain's tone. "I think we all understand your frustration, Lieutenant, but I will not have any member of this division _or_ SOB going off on his own and risking the life of my hostage. Ms. Abbot's life is more important than your ego right now."

His head bent. His voice dropped. It rumbled deeply between them, and seemed to hitch as he held on to the last vestiges of control that he had on his temper. "You can stand back and play tic-tac-toe in the command center if you'd like, Captain, but I'm going after my kid. She doesn't know any one of those guys," he waved a hand at the members of SIS and SWAT that were with them. "She barely knows our guys, and there isn't a damned person here who knows Croelick like I do."

Her eyes flashed. They narrowed. If it were anyone else, Howard thought they might have been ash by now, pardoning the pun. He hadn't seen the two of them butt heads like this since Brenda had left the department. Fritz shook his head. "He can come," he said, interrupting the two of them before the argument could really escalate. "I'll put him with Stuart and Perez, Captain. They can keep an eye on the hothead."

"Very well," she said stiffly. "Since Chief Howard seems inclined to allow it, I'll go with it." She pointed a finger at Flynn. "We _will_ discuss this later, Lieutenant."

"Looking forward to it, Captain." He turned away from her, but the stiff set of his shoulders remained.

"And that," Provenza muttered to Ricky beside him, "is what it looks like when Mom and Dad fight."

Ricky snorted, but when his mother shot a glare at both of them he sobered quickly and folded his arms across his chest. "Where do you want the rest of us?" He watched his mother's mouth open, but he held up a hand before she could even begin to protest. "This suspect is wanted in San Francisco too, and our departments are supposed to be working together on this case. Since I'm the only member of my department present..."

She couldn't argue with that, but Sharon shot a displeased frown at him. He had played the one card that she couldn't take away from him. It seemed that her son had learned entirely too well at her side. He was approaching it from a professional point of view. Sharon sighed quietly. "Chief, I don't suppose Officers Stuart and Perez can keep an eye on two hotheads?"

Provenza reached up to pat his shoulder. "Well played my boy, but never try to out-Darth the Darth." He waved a hand at the others. "Tao you go with the Flynns, that should suffice. We can send Sykes with Lieutenant Cooper's team," he told the Captain. "Julio you're with me on the east side with Chief Howard's team."

"That works for me," Sharon nodded. "Chief do you have any issues with this?"

Fritz shook his head. "No, that will work Captain." He looked around the group again. He made sure there were no other objections or suggestions, and then he leaned over the map again. "Okay, we've narrowed our location down to this area," he circled a spot that included three separate warehouses. "We don't know exactly which one Nicole Abbot is being held in, so we're going to have to check them. We need to get eyes on, people, and we need to be careful. Team one we're on point here on the east side. We'll take building one. Stuart and Perez have Team two, I want you on the west side here with building three. We'll check it and move on to building three. Team three is Lieutenant Cooper and his guys; they're going to come up the alley on each side of that center building. Commander McGinnis is in the air with her helicopters, she is our eye in the sky. Captain Raydor will be setting up in the truck with the command center. She will be coordinating our movements from there." He looked around the group again. "No mistakes," he told them, "no heroics." He stared at Flynn again. "We get in there, we get the hostage out, and we put Croelick in cuffs. Questions?" Fritz waited the space of a few seconds, and when there were none forthcoming, he nodded. "Okay, let's move."

The collected officers disbursed and began moving into their assigned groups. Sharon let her eyes sweep the moving bodies. "Buzz," she jerked her head toward the command truck. "You're with me." She knew that he would want to be in on the action, but she needed him to assist in running the equipment. He had only just finished his training. She wasn't ready yet to put him in the field.

"Yes Captain." Buzz's shoulders slumped a bit but he nodded as he walked toward the truck. "Good luck everyone."

She caught Ricky's arm before he could move too far away from her. Sharon drew him around to look at her and stared hard at him. Her hand gripped his upper arm tightly. "Be careful," she instructed in a low voice. It sickened her to let him go, to see him in a tac-vest with weapons strapped to his body. This was not the life that she had ever imagined for any of her children.

Ricky fought the urge to roll his eyes at her. Instead he offered her a lopsided grin. "I've done this before. It's going to be okay, Mom. I know what I'm doing."

"I would feel better about that if you hadn't been lying to me about what you've been doing for a living the last few years," she said quietly.

"Don't worry," a quiet voice rumbled behind her. "I'll keep an eye on him."

Sharon turned. She gave Andy a cool look. "Somehow I think I should be asking him to keep an eye on _you_."

"Right." Ricky took this as his opportunity to leave. "I'm going to go and introduce myself to the guys. See you soon mom."

Sharon folded her arms across her chest. Her brows lifted. "Was there something that you needed, Lieutenant?"

"As a matter of fact." He took a step forward and moved directly into her personal space. His voice lowered to a deeper rumble. "Eight flights of stairs, Sharon, in your bare feet, to beat down a door with a fire extinguisher and save your kid. Don't pull rank on me when I'm doing the same thing."

"I'll pull rank on you when you're acting like a hot-headed rookie if I want to," she hissed back at him. "I don't need you rushing in there getting yourself, or god forbid, Nicole injured or killed because you've got a head full of steam. I need you to take a step back and act like the seasoned officer that I know you are. I understand how hard that is right now, believe me, I do, but I need you to be solid right now." She glanced beyond him to where the rest of his group was gathering, "and I need you to bring _everyone_ on your team back in one piece."

He followed her gaze. Ricky stood talking to Perez and Stuart with Tao nearby. Andy nodded once, jaw clenched. "You know I will." He looked at her again. "I'm bringing them both back."

Her face softened a small degree. Sharon sighed quietly. "I know," she whispered. "Do me a favor, bring yourself back too."

He nodded once. Andy turned, but let his fingers brush her arm before he moved away. It was all that they could allow themselves. "Yes ma'am."

She watched him move away. Her eyes followed him until he was with the rest of his team. She drew a thin breath and let it out slowly. There was much more that she would like to say, but they hadn't the time and this wasn't the place. Sharon turned away instead. She walked toward the mobile command center that was tucked away in a nearby alley. As she moved further away, her steps took on more purpose.

When Sharon stepped into the command post there were already three technicians at their stations, not including Buzz. She moved over to stand behind him. His station was adjacent to the wall that contained their monitors. The map grid had already been loaded. "Okay Buzz, bring us online."

As his fingers moved across the keys he loaded in the GPS locators on their teams. The indicators filled the screens, along with the abbreviations that marked each officer. Sharon watched as they came into place and thought she heard, not for the first time, Buzz mutter " _They get all the good toys_." A small smile tugged at her lips. She would try to work them into her budget if she thought it might keep him where he was and out of the field, but like with Ricky, she could not stop him from following his dreams… even if she would worry about him too. He was a good deal older than Ricky, but she couldn't help but think that all the kids were growing up.

Once the system was online, Sharon took a radio out of its cradle on the desk and lifted it. "We're in place, Chief. You're good to go."

"Copy that, Captain," Howard's voice filled the interior of the command center. On the screen his GPS indicator lit as he spoke, leaving no doubt which officer was replying. "Teams, lets move. Stay safe people."

Sharon sighed quietly as she watched the officers begin moving toward their goals. This was the hard part of ambition. Moving up the ladder meant being put in a position where she could only watch and wait. It was the waiting that was always the hardest part.

 **MCMCMCMCMCMC**

"So you're going to keep an eye on me huh?" They kept their voices low as they moved into position along the side of the warehouse. The windows were high, over their heads. It gave them an advantage, something that they definitely needed. Ricky had his gun in hand, but kept it pressed against his thigh. The other two, Perez and Stuart had P-90s, and were in full tactical gear. Tao and his father were wearing vests beneath their standard issue LAPD jackets. "You do get the part," Ricky continued, "where I'm all grown up and not exactly fresh out of the academy right?"

"Uh huh." Andy didn't even look at him. He was following Stuart, and he had Ricky at his back. "I also get the part where your mother doesn't like her kids getting shot at." They were creeping slowly along the edge of the building. "You wanted to be a cop, well guess what, you're a legacy. Hey Perez, explain for the rookie here how that works."

Perez snorted quietly. "I'm third generation kid. I followed my dad and my granddad into the department. Everybody knew them, and everybody knows me. I always had someone watching my back. Had to prove myself, but even then, someone was always looking out. It's not a bad thing. It's about respect."

"Yeah." Stuart grinned. "Everyone in this department has a healthy respect for not pissing your mom off. So be a pal and try not to get shot, okay?"

"It's not really high on my list of things to do either," Ricky told them. "Took one in the vest last year, hurt like a bit—" He stopped talking when he walked right into Andy's back.

He turned slowly and pinned his son with a dark look. Andy pointed a finger at him. "You and I are going to have a talk about that later," he promised. "When we get done, you're going to tell your mother. While you're at it, I expect you to disclose any other little surprises you've got. She slept a lot easier when you were doing the security hacking crap."

Ricky arched a brow at him. He was a couple of inches taller than his father, but he wasn't feeling it at the moment. No one had ever made him feel like that except his mother. Jack had sure as hell never accomplished it. "Okay. For the record, I already got the riot act from mom."

"Now you're going to get it from me." He turned around and started walking again.

Tao was grinning as he walked around the younger detective. The captain's son was looking a little dazed. "I feel like I should get balloons. Congratulations, it's a boy."

"No kidding." Ricky started moving again. "So many things make sense now. I finally get why my mother used to call me her little hot-head."

"Hey Perez," Stuart called back. "I just went to a scary mental place, man."

"You are not alone, partner." Perez was shaking his head as he walked. He knew that a lot of the rumors were true, but he was learning more now than he ever wanted to.

As he reached the corner of the building Stuart drew to a stop. He held up a hand and indicated that the others should as well. They were facing the dock now. This section of the building had windows lining its front. There were old shipping containers, rusted and weathered and stacked at irregular intervals. He saw nothing moving in and around them. He looked to his left and down the front of the building. There was no movement there either. Stuart reached up and squeezed the button for his radio, keying it on. "Air-1, this is Stuart. Have you got eyes on my location?"

"Copy that Officer," McGinnis's voice sounded in his earpiece, and that of the other team members as well. They were all piped through, although they were keeping the radio traffic to a minimum. "We can see you. I see no other movement on the dock. Air-3 take another pass, verify that Team two is clear to move on the warehouse."

"Copy Air-1." The pilot of the second helicopter responded. Overhead they could hear the faint hum of the airship's engines. They were staying far enough away to not alert Croelick to their presence. The pilot flew another pass while his co-pilot and a spotter used high-definition binoculars to scan the dock.

"Negative," the spotter said. "We've got no movement on the dock. Team two you are clear, proceed to that building."

"Understood Air-3," Stuart looked back at the others and nodded. He held up one finger and then a fist. He would go first and get a look inside. He waited for each member of his team to acknowledge him with a nod before he eased out and began scanning the interior of the warehouse. He stayed low to minimize his chances of being seen. When he saw nothing going on inside, he waved at the others to join him.

There were two closed loading doors, but the side door was small and they could ease in through it. Stuart took up position beside it and waved the others forward. "Perez and I will breach," he said quietly, "the rest of you fall in behind. We'll fan out, standard search pattern. Let's clear the ground floor first."

"Tao, Rick, slide back." Andy waved them aside as he took up position beside the door with his hand on the knob, replacing Stuart who was now poised to enter. They waited, counting off in their heads. When Stuart nodded, he turned the knob and pushed the door open.

They were quick and they were quiet. The two SWAT officers moved into the darkened warehouse and quickly scanned the area. There was no movement and the only sound was the quiet movement of the team behind them. There were empty metal shelves and crates lining the ground floor. They moved along them, sliding into the shadows and checking every corner. It was slow going in the effort to remain quiet, and while the detectives remained on the ground floor for cover, Stuart and Perez made their way up a set of creaking metal stairs to the second floor of the warehouse.

In the command post, Sharon waited with baited breath while she watched each team approach and then breach their intended targets. In front of her, Buzz sat just as rigid, his eyes trained on the screen and his fingers poised above his keyboard. In the corner of the screen there was a counter running, it was keeping track of the time from the start of the operation until it's eventual end. Her eyes moved between it and the GPS indicators as she used it to ground herself. The seconds felt endless, but it reminded her that time had not truly slowed to a standstill.

Stuart's indicator lit up a moment before his voice came across the radio. "Building clear. There's no sign of them, we're coming out."

Sharon exhaled a silent breath. "Understood Officer, fall in with Lieutenant Cooper's team and wait for Team one."

Her voice was quickly drowned out though. The radio line lit up for team one. Noise filled the interior of the truck. There were shouts and a lot of movement. Over the ruckus, she could hear Chief Howard calling for the others to fall in and provide back up. It seemed that they had found him. Sharon shifted where she stood; her first instinct was to join them. Instead, her jaw clenched while her fingers tightened around the radio in her hand. "Lieutenant Cooper move into position around building one. Team two, I want you to join them. Air-1, bring your ships in closer, we've been breached. I want full coverage of that warehouse. Snipers, I want eyes on. Sound off, what do you see?"

"This is Dallan," a deep voice sounded across the line. "I'm in position on building two. We've got movement. Target slipped out the front before Team one could breach. We have eyes on him and the hostage. Repeat, he is moving with the hostage. The target is headed toward the waterfront. I don't have a clear shot. Vargas, can you make him?"

"Negative," he replied. "Hostage is in my sight."

"Captain this is Air-1," McGinnis's voice came over the line. "I have visual on our people. All teams are closing in. Our target does not appear to have a weapon but he is holding something. Can we get confirmation off the ground?"

"Stand by." Sharon walked around to Buzz's other side and stood closer to the monitor. "Chief Howard, please report. What is your status?"

"Hold on Captain, we're still trying to assess our situation," he replied.

Her teeth ground together. Sharon exhaled quietly. She could see each of the teams moving into a single position, near the edge of the dock. What was happening beyond that, she couldn't say. As nice as these little toys were, she was still blind. "Buzz, zoom in on where they are now. I don't think we need the warehouses in our view anymore."

"Yes Captain." His fingers moved over the keys. The screen shifted, until all they had was the waterfront and their people crowding around near it. It looked like chaos to them, but he was certain that there must be some organization in it.

They were fanning out. The three teams had combined. They had people in position around the shipping containers. The target had pulled the hostage out of the warehouse and headed toward the edge of the dock. They followed, slowly, not wanting to spook him. As they cleared the last row of shipping containers they found him standing, the water at his back, and the hostage at his front. He had an arm around her neck, holding her tight to his body, a human shield.

They had both been doused in something, and as the light caught the object in his hand, everyone realized with dawning horror that they were covered in an accelerant of some kind, gasoline perhaps. In his hand, there was a metal zippo lighter. He smiled. "Who is in the mood for a bonfire?"

"We have a problem." Andy's voice filled the interior of the truck. "That's not Bill Croelick."

"No." A voice at the door replied. "It's not."

Sharon turned. She found Croelick standing in front of her. He was glowering at the screen. Sharon looked between him and the monitor. Finally she focused her gazed on the man who was stepping into the truck. "Mister Croelick. We've been looking for you." She held up a hand when the officers in the truck looked like they were going to grab him.

"I know." His blue eyes were dark, nearly midnight. "I've been looking for him. The thing I hate worse than being harassed by cops, Sassy, sexy Sharon, is being mocked by an amateur."

Sharon felt a chill go through her. She turned and stared at the screen again. No wonder their suspect had been escalating. This was not the controlled, intelligent psychopath that they were accustomed to dealing with. This was a madman that was falling down a path of darkness and trying to take all of them with him. "I think I'm going to need an explanation," she told him. "You brought this case to us?"

"That's right." Croelick moved further into the command center. He had his hands in his pockets, but drew them out slowly to show the jumpy police officers that were still staring at him that he was not armed. "Don't worry boys, guns are not my style." He smirked at them before turning his attention back on the Captain. "Maria was in Los Angeles, she called me before she stopped to eat. She should have been home that night. I think this creep has been... what do you like to call it? Active? I think he's been active for a while, Sharon. He was writing to me, but I was ignoring them. When Maria disappeared, I was sure that he did it. The letters came from a re-mailing service. I couldn't find him, and the cops in San Francisco were no help. No offense, I'm sure you're proud of your little spud, but he needs a little _seasoning_ if you know what I mean."

Her brow arched. Sharon folded her arms over her chest. "Go on," she told him. She let the insult go, but not entirely unnoticed. They didn't have time for his usual brand of bantering. "Why didn't you mention this man before now? You knew that we were looking for a suspect."

"You thought that _I_ was your suspect, Sharon." Bill smiled at her. "Let's be honest, no one was the least bit interested in hearing what I had to say. I kept looking for him myself, but I thought the boys here might be useful. Poking at Andy is just... well, that's a side bonus. Imagine my surprise when my lawyer let your little secret slip out? Small world isn't it? I mean, who would ever believe that of all the law firms in all the world my Andy's girlfriend would have an ex-husband that was working at mine?" Croelick's blue eyes lit up, they sparkled merrily. "It's almost like all of this was meant to be! I was able to burn up two logs with one match! I could have a little fun with Andy and find the guy who was terrorizing me with his salacious claims of wanting to be like me."

"Hold that thought." Sharon held up a hand as she turned back to the screen. They had an open line of communication now. The activity on the dock was heating up. "All teams report, what is your status?"

"Standby Captain." This time it came from Provenza. The situation was getting damned hairy, that was their status. "Everyone needs to stay calm," he said quietly, speaking to the officers that were fanned out and surrounding their suspect and his hostage.

"I'll do it." Samuel Lawrence held the lighter aloft. He had flipped the top of it open. All that remained was for him to light it and they would both go up in a ball of flame, him and the girl. "Don't think I won't. You better back off."

The hand that was wrapped around her neck squeezed tighter. Nicole grunted involuntarily as his nails bit into her skin. The smell of the gasoline was making her head swim. The fumes were too strong. She tried to slow her breaths, to take smaller ones, but every time his hand squeezed her throat she drew a deeper breath. Her eyes swept the crowd of armed officers. They landed on her father. He was staring at the man behind her, eyes dark and jaw clenched tightly. "Daddy."

"Look." He felt his gut twist and his chest tighten. Andy took a step forward, away from the others. He moved slowly and bent to put his gun down. "No one wants to hurt you man. We can just talk. You've got all the power here. Why don't you put the lighter away and let's do that. You can tell us what's bothering you. We're all listening."

"He laughed at me," Sam said. "I sent him letter after letter, and he just laughed in my face. He never replied. So I had to get his attention. I took something that belonged to him... and it worked. He's here. He was supposed to come to _me_ not to you! He wasn't supposed to help the police! Why would he do that?"

"I don't know man," Andy held his arms out from his body, showing that he wasn't armed. He took another step forward. "We've got issues, you know. He didn't tell us about you. He wanted us to find his girlfriend. Is that what you did? You took Maria away from him?" If he could just keep him talking, he thought, he might be able to distract him enough to get Nicole away from him. They wouldn't risk a shot, not with both of them covered in gasoline. The heat and friction of a bullet could cause more harm.

"Yeah. Yeah that's what I did." Sam smirked. "It was easy too. I don't think she liked him much. Poor Billy boy. Never had any luck with the ladies."

"No, I don't guess he did." Andy let his gaze flicker to his daughter. She was staring back at him. Her eyes were wide and black with fear. A muscle in his jaw ticked. "Tell you what, why don't we keep talking about Billy? Just you and me. Let the nice lady go and you can still talk to me."

"I don't think so." Sam drew her closer. "I was following him. I know Billy has been watching you. I know he was watching the lady too, the other one, the one you're banging. She had a nice place, it's too bad I had to burn it down, but Billy shouldn't have been helping you try to find me. I followed him again, when he went to see her." He glanced at the girl that he was holding. "I didn't get a chance to see what he left for her, but if Billy is leaving gifts... I guess he moved on. I can't have that. So I waited for her. When she came home I took her. Billy never even noticed."

"That's because he was screwing with you," Andy said. "Croelick never even met this girl. He was trying to lead me to you, and in his sick mind, the best way to do that was to use my kid. You took a cop's daughter. Bill is trying to set you up. We don't want to let him; it's not too late, you know. You can let go of her and we can still talk. No one has to go down for Bill. You don't have to let him win."

He was seething, but somehow managing to stay calm. It trembled, though, right under the surface of his tone. Ricky glanced at Tao beside him. They exchanged worried looks. The others had their guns trained on the suspect, but he and the Lieutenant had moved up to flank his father. They were staying back, letting him draw the suspect's attention, but both were ready to move. Whether they were prepared to draw his father back or help him, he wasn't entirely sure. He didn't think the Lieutenant really knew either. "Call in a status," Ricky hissed at him. "She's going to ask again if you don't, or she might come down here."

Tao nodded. He kept his eyes on the suspect and Nicole as he reached for his radio. "Captain, we're attempting to convince the suspect to release Nicole. He is not holding a weapon, but he is holding a lighter." He watched the man's eyes dart to the sky. "Can you call the helicopters back a little, I think they're making him nervous."

"Copy that," it was McGinnis that answered. "Air-3 pull back with me. Let's give them some breathing room, but keep them in view."

"Understood Commander."

The sound of the helicopters shifted and faded by the smallest degree. "Thank you, Lieutenant," Sharon's voice sounded quietly in his earpiece. "Please keep me posted."

He could usually count on the sound of her voice to calm him, but Andy had tuned everything else out. He took another step forward. "Why don't we start with you telling me your name?" He asked carefully. "You can call me Andy, and I should call you...?"

"Sam." His eyes darted back and forth, gaze sweeping over the many officers that were surrounding them. "You can call me Sam." His hand tightened around Nicole's neck again. "We're not going to do this," he decided. "You want me to let go of her and then your buddies are going to shoot me. You think I don't watch TV? I know how this ends. I see it all the time, especially on the news. You cops are all the same, all just itching to shoot some poor bastard. Well if you want to put a bullet in me, you're going to have to put one in her first."

"No one is going to shoot you," Andy said quickly. "No one _wants_ to shoot anyone today, Sam. We just want to all leave here, safe and sound. You too, Sam. We want you to leave here safe too. The only way that is going to happen is if you can let Nicole go so that you and I can talk."

"I don't want to talk anymore." Sam stared at him. "I'm through talking. You know, I only found her because of Billy. You should go talk to him. When you do, make sure you remember, all of this was his fault..."

It happened quickly. There was shouting again. They jolted forward as Sam's hand seemed to spasm. His thumb moved over the lighter. For just one breathtaking moment, nothing happened. Then stroked it again. A flame erupted from the lighter. It burned high, igniting the wick. There was a spark, and a sound that was akin to a light boom as the fumes from the gasoline ignited. Andy lunged forward. His hand darted out and he caught Nicole around the arm. He jerked her forward, pushing her hard as he sent her reeling away from her abductor, even as a ball of flame surrounded him. For one terrifying moment he thought it might follow her, but then Sam stumbled. As he cried out in pain he began to fall backward.

Sam flailed, his arms waving frantically. He was alight with fire, and screaming out as he struggled to remain standing. As he tumbled off the edge of the dock he reached out. His hand caught the edge of Andy's jacket. Before anyone could prevent it, both men tumbled out of view and fell thirty feet into the water below.

 **-TBC-**


	15. Chapter 15

**Lies We Told Ourselves**

 **by Kadi**

 **Rated T**

 **Disclaimer:** Not my sandbox. I just love playing in it.

* * *

 **Chapter 15**

"Officer down!"

"We've got two in the water, not counting the suspect. Roll paramedics."

"Three. We have three officers in the water. Roll paramedics _now_."

"Everyone stand down. Captain, are you picking up on this? We need paramedics and emergency services rolled out to this location. Tell them they're going to need to send divers. Do you copy?" Chief Howard's voice rose over the others.

Buzz turned in his chair. He looked up at her. She wasn't responding, she wasn't even moving. The radio was still held in her hand but she was staring at the screen. They had watched the GPS indicators as they moved on the screen. The one marked LF had gotten as close to the edge as he imagined that any one person could, and then it had just disappeared. It stopped transmitting, as if he were gone. That was when the yelling began. It was a cacophony of sound, orders and requests being transferred along their open communication links. Buzz thought that he had heard her gasp, and then she had frozen. He understood why when he saw the second GPS indicator go out, this one marked RR.

They were listening to the reports now. Officer down. Not just one, but two, and then a third. They had no idea what was happening on the dock, just that someone was in the water. "Captain." Buzz spoke quietly. He watched her eyes lower slowly. She was looking at him, but he didn't really think that she was seeing him. It was as if she was looking through him.

"Well." Croelick's head tilted. "I never expected that. What an interesting turn of events."

It was like watching ice settle over steel, the way her eyes hardened as she came back to herself. Buzz felt a chill move through him. He shivered as he stood up. "I think you've said enough for now."

"I think I agree." Sharon turned. "Put him in cuffs and hold him," she told the officers. "We'll decide later if he was complicit or not. Buzz, get EMS and Fire teams out here." She spoke as she strode to the door. "I'm going on scene."

The scene on the dock was organized chaos. Sharon heard the sirens from the EMS and fire teams that had been standing by. She picked up her pace as she moved the four blocks. As she cleared the warehouses she could hear the shouts. A helicopter had moved back in overhead and was flying low over the water. She jogged the last few yards and pushed her way through the crowd.

She found her people easily enough; they were standing at the edge of the dock and staring at the water below. "Lieutenant Provenza," her voice rose above the din of the others and cracked like a whip, drawing the attention of all. "Report."

He didn't want to. For once, Provenza wanted to leave someone else to give the status of their unit. As she neared, he stepped back from the edge of the dock. "We have three in the water," he said. "The suspect tried to light himself and Nicole on fire. Flynn got there first, he pulled Nicole away." He nodded to where she was seated against a shipping container while two officers made sure that she was okay. "The suspect went up like a torch and fell over. He grabbed Flynn as he went." Provenza drew a breath. He moved in front of her before he continued and created a human wall between her and the water thirty feet below them. "Ricky went in after them and Julio followed. They both resurfaced, they're looking for the other two."

Her eyes widened. Sharon moved around him to peer over the edge of the dock. She could see the other two men. They surfaced again, just for a moment to take a breath, and then they were gone again. "Oh my god, how far is that?"

"About thirty feet," Tao answered. "Give or take. They went in okay, from this height, a controlled jump isn't dangerous."

Sharon exhaled quietly. Her jaw clenched. Ricky loved the water, she thought. He had always been a good swimmer. Her little fish. He had lived in his best friend's pool. She had spent countless weekends at the beach with both of her children while they were growing up. It didn't surprise her to see him moving so easily through the water now while he looked for his father. "What about an uncontrolled fall," she asked quietly.

Tao looked at her. His gaze moved back to the water. His face was set in grim lines. "We're going to need the divers," he replied.

"I see." Her stomach pitched and rolled alarmingly. Sharon forced herself to turn away from the water, but only because the smell of gasoline hung so heavily in the air. "They've been requested. Keep me updated, Lieutenants." She moved stiffly away from them and walked toward where Nicole was seated. Sharon knelt beside her. "Nicole." She placed a hand on the girl's shoulder. "How are you, honey?"

She was dazed. Her elbow and knee hurt from where she had struck the concrete. "Have they found him yet?" Nicole's eyes moved toward the waterfront. "One minute he was there and the next he wasn't… Sharon…"

"Not yet," She said gently. "They're looking. You're father is a strong swimmer. I'm sure they'll find him soon." Sharon looked up as the paramedics approached. She waved them over. "Let's get you checked out, honey. Then we'll call Dean and let him know that you're okay."

"I'm not leaving." Nicole's gaze flickered to the paramedics. "Sharon, I can't leave until I know that he's okay." She reached out and curled a hand around her arm before she move away. "Please."

"Let's see what the paramedics have to say." Sharon cupped her cheek. "If they want you to go to the hospital, then I'm going to insist that you go, honey." She pulled away and rose. Sharon moved around the officers that were surrounding Nicole and stopped one of the paramedics before he reached her. "She's dazed, and she's beginning to slur a bit. It's probably the fumes from the gasoline."

"We'll check her out and get her cleaned up," he assured her.

"Thank you." Sharon moved away again. She strode toward Chief Howard. As she neared him, her gaze hardened. "Chief. Tell me, is this what you call _taking point_?"

He had been talking with Perez and Stuart. The two SWAT officers exchanged a look and moved away as quickly as they could. Apparently the new guy was still working on his healthy dose of respect. He would learn, but they were going to get out of the way first.

 **MCMCMCMCMCMC**

She wasn't concussed. The paramedics had checked the scrapes on her elbow and arm as well as her bruised knee. She wasn't in terrible shape. She was going to be sore for a few days. Her head was still aching, but she had been cleaned up. Now dressed in the clean clothes that Dean had brought her and wrapped in a blue LAPD jacket that someone had draped around her, Nicole sat on the back of an ambulance while she waited.

It had only been half an hour, but the longer it took, the less hope there was. They still hadn't found her father yet. They were worried now that he had been caught in an undercurrent. Nicole chewed on her bottom lip. She looked up as someone moved into her line of sight. She was expecting Dean. He had gone to check on their progress for her. She found Sharon instead.

"Is he dead?"

Her voice was quiet, devoid of emotion, but her dark eyes were moist and brimming with tears. "I don't know." Sharon sat on the back of the ambulance beside her. "They're still looking."

"How…" Nicole hesitated as she glanced at her. "How's Ricky?"

"Fine." She shrugged. "He's with the others down by the water. They pulled him and Detective Sanchez out when the divers went in. They're… waiting."

"Then why aren't you there?" Nicole shook her head. "Why are you here with me? Sharon, you should be out there looking for him. I'm fine. There's barely a scratch on me. I'm not alone here. Dean will be back in a minute and—"

"I am exactly where he would want me to be." She smiled sadly at the girl before she looked away. "You should really reconsider letting them take you to the hospital. You inhaled a lot of fumes."

"How can you be so calm right now?" Nicole simply didn't understand it. "If it were Dean I would be going out of my mind. I wouldn't be able to sit still." Her eyes narrowed. "Sharon, I don't need you to take care of me, really."

"Nicole." She sighed softly. "I'm doing my job. Right now my job is to make sure that you are okay, and then to take your statement. I need to know what happened. It's unlikely that we'll find Samuel Lawrence alive, but if we do, then we need to make sure that he has no chance of getting around a jail sentence. Can you tell me what happened?"

"Ma'am, are you okay?" One of the paramedics appeared in front of them. He gave Nicole a concerned look. He didn't know the officer, and only gave her badge a cursory look.

"I'm okay." Nicole smiled at him. "I told the medics that I didn't want to talk to the police until my father was found," she explained. "This one is my stepmother," she said and nodded at Sharon. "I don't mind talking to her."

Sharon waited until he nodded and looked away again before she shot a look at Nicole. "You know that your father and I are not married," she admonished gently.

"As good as." Nicole shrugged. "The last time you were over, you said that you were too old to be called his girlfriend. It's only a matter of time. I know my dad…" Her voice hitched and she drew a breath. "Besides, what else am I going to call you? You're the mother of my half-brother." Her gaze lifted. Nicole's eyes were glistening with unshed tears. "He didn't even hesitate, Sharon. The minute dad fell over he just jumped. I think he yelled… or maybe it was the others shouting at him to stop, I'm not sure."

When she couldn't speak past the ache in her own throat, Sharon looked away. She shook her head. Her hands were clasped together in her lap. "That doesn't surprise me," she managed finally. "He is very much like his father. He always was. I could never understand how he could be so much like someone he had no exposure to. I used to think that it was wishful thinking on my part. But now, seeing them together…"

"He looks like dad," she said quietly. "I bet I could put him beside Charlie and it would be so obvious. I don't know how I never saw it before." Nicole stared at her hands. She twisted her wedding rings and chewed on her lip again. "Sharon, _why_ are you here?"

"I'm doing my job," she said again, but even she didn't believe it anymore. "I need to take your statement."

"I think that's crap." Nicole frowned at her. "Why aren't you out there with them, helping them to find him?"

Her eyes closed. "Because right now I'm his boss. I'm not his partner. It's what I have to hold on to. My son is looking for his father, and I would like to be with him, but I have to maintain a professional distance. Nicole, please…" She looked up at her. Emotion had turned her eyes a deeper shade of green. They glistened suspiciously. "If I tell you that I don't know if I can live without him now, will that suffice?"

Nicole felt a single tear slide slowly down her cheek. "You can," she whispered, "you just don't want to." She leaned over and laid her head against the older woman's shoulder. "I thought it was great that you could work together. That you could handle being his boss during the day and that he didn't mind. I didn't realize what you were really doing. It never occurred to me how hard it must be for you to put him in danger every day; that you have to send him out there without knowing if he'll come back."

"Yes." Sharon dropped an arm around Nicole's shoulders and held her close. "I didn't have to send him anywhere this time, honey. He would have done anything to get you back safely." She took a measured breath and let it out slowly. "Can you tell me what happened earlier? I'd really like to get your statement out of the way."

"You really are stubborn," Nicole managed a small smile. Her father was always telling her that Sharon had a stubborn streak to rival his. She was beginning to think that he might be right. "Okay," she said quietly, "but just until they find him." Nicole took a deep breath. "I was getting the groceries out of the car," she began. "I didn't have long before I was going to have to go and pick Mark up at school. I wanted to get everything put away. I wasn't paying attention; I was fumbling with my keys. I dropped them, and when I straightened up, there was a man standing there. Samuel, but I thought he was the other one that you and dad told me about this morning. He grabbed me. We fought, and he pushed me into the car. I tried to crawl across the backseat and get out on the other side, but I couldn't. He was fast and he was strong. He found my blackberry and broke it. That reminded me that I had my other phone. I was afraid he would find it if it rang, but I couldn't mute it. I turned it off instead. He covered my mouth with something and I passed out. When I woke up again we were here, inside the warehouse. I was alone at first. My phone was still in my pocket. I turned it on and then tried to slip out of the car, but he was waiting for me." She stopped talking and frowned. "He said that he had something planned. That we were going to have a good time. He was trying to get me further into the warehouse when we heard someone enter the warehouse. It was the police. He freaked out. I don't know what he had planned for me, but there was a can of gasoline. He poured it over us and pulled me out the side door. The rest you know."

"Had you ever seen him before?" She asked.

"No." Nicole frowned. "I wasn't expecting to be followed. Not really. Dad thought Croelick was screwing with his head. You were going send a car to watch the boys' school and the house. I didn't feel like I was in any danger."

"We didn't believe that you were, Nicole," Sharon sighed. "I am sorry for that. We should have followed-up on it more thoroughly. We were so convinced this was all Bill Croelick's doing." It was what he had wanted them to believe, he was using their prejudice against him to lead them to the man who was really responsible for it all.

"It's not your fault." Nicole shrugged as she lifted her head. "You can't be everywhere at once, it just isn't possible. Besides, there was no reason to think that anyone else was involved."

"No," she said quietly, "but I am still sorry. I feel like there's more that we should have—"

"Mom." Ricky appeared in her line of sight. His clothes had only just begun to dry but they still clung to him. His vest was gone, but the button-down that he had worn to work that morning remained. "They found him."

She couldn't move. She felt weighted to the spot. Sharon blinked at him a couple of times. After only the space of a single heartbeat she stood. "Where?" She was already walking toward the docks.

"He got caught in the current," Ricky said, "It pulled him further down the waterfront." He fell in step with her easily. "He was able to pull himself into one of the loading ports. That's why we didn't see him. His radio is toast and with the helicopters we couldn't hear him either." Ricky grinned at her. "The diver that found him said that he's pissed as hell."

Sharon laughed. She felt moisture sting her eyes. She picked up her pace and began jogging toward the end of the loading docks. Several officers had gathered there and they had already called the EMS over. Sharon began pushing her way through the crowd. She heard him before she saw him.

"I'm okay, goddammit. Would you get that the hell away from me? It's a dislocated shoulder not a goddamned amputation. Someone want to tell me where the hell my kid is and if she's okay?" He was glaring darkly at the paramedic that was trying to help him. His shoulder hurt like a son of a bitch, he was cold as hell, and he didn't even want to think about what he'd done to his back. At the moment he was more concerned with Nicole.

"Nicole is fine, now shut up idiot and let the medics help you," Provenza growled at him. He waved a hand at him. "Throw the ungrateful lout back in the water until he can behave himself."

"I ought to toss you in there," Andy shot back. "Let you shrivel up like the great prune you are."

There were barely concealed laughs all around them. Tao snorted quietly. He glanced at the Captain as she joined them. "He's fine."

"I can see that." Sharon arched a brow at him. She forced herself to remain where she was and folded her arms across her chest. Her instinct was to go to him, but she suppressed it. "More specifically I can _hear_ it. Lieutenant, do us all a favor and let the nice medics check you over. It seems you might have hit your head."

Andy just glared at her. "Where the hell is Nicole?"

"Right here." Her knee was throbbing. She had waited for Dean before hobbling along behind the others. Nicole pushed her way through the crowd. She hesitated for only a moment before making her way toward him. She found herself held tightly with his good arm. "You scared us," she whispered.

"Ditto kid." It hurt like hell to do it, but he held her close. His other arm dangled uselessly at his side, and he just let it. Andy held on until she shivered. He was soaked through and getting her wet too. He was reluctant to let her go, but he did. He looked around her and his eyes landed on Sharon. She was rooted to her spot and not moving. He knew that she wouldn't. Her eyes gave her away, however. They usually did. He could see a wealth of emotion in them, and the most prominent was relief. He nodded once and let his gaze sweep over the young man that was standing beside her. Ricky's clothes were wet. Andy frowned at that. "What happened to you?"

He shrugged. "You know, some old guy tripped and fell into the water. I tried to save him," he drawled, and flashed a crooked grin.

Nicole chortled happily. "Oh my." She shook her head at him. "You really are all Flynn aren't you?"

Beside her, Andy rolled his eyes. "No, that attitude he gets from his mother."

Sharon's brows rose. She hummed quietly. Rather than comment she turned to the others. "Gentlemen, we still need to find Samuel Lawrence, I suggest that we do that. We'll let the paramedics deal with Lieutenant Flynn…" She paused to look at him. "And his recalcitrant offspring."

"Wow. She pulled out the big words." Julio nudged Ricky's shoulder as he walked by. Like the younger man, his clothes were still wet from jumping in after the Lieutenant. "You are in so much trouble." He smirked. "Nice knowing you."

"Nah," Ricky tried to shove his hands into his pockets, but in his wet jeans that was impossible. He rocked back on his heels instead. "It doesn't count until she pulls out the middle name."

"Richard William…" Sharon glared at him.

"Like that." He smirked. " _Now_ I'm in trouble."

Sharon's eyes narrowed. "Go call your brother and let him know that the Lieutenant has been found and we will be returning to the Murder Room shortly."

Ricky couldn't help himself. He glanced at Nicole before he flashed a wide grin at his mother. "Which one?"

He did so try her patience at times. " _Richard_." She sighed. "Please go call Rusty and let him know that everything is okay."

He knew when she had reached the limit of what she was willing to take off of him. Ricky nodded. "Sure, I can do that. Let me know before they take him to the hospital, will you?"

"Of course." She laid a hand on her son's arm and then sent him off to do as she had asked. He wasn't ready for any grand overtures yet, but she did notice that he looked back as he left them. "Dean," Sharon looked at him next. "Now that Andy has been found and appears to be more or less in one piece, would you please take Nicole to the emergency room? I know that she seems fine, and the paramedics weren't overly concerned, but I would like to make sure that she is. She has been drugged twice, once when she was abducted and again with the gasoline fumes. It won't hurt to have her checked out." Sharon looked at Nicole as she finished speaking and gave her a pointed look.

Nicole looked ready to protest, but Andy touched her arm. "Go on. I'm probably going to be right behind you," he said. "Let them check you out so that you can go home to the boys. I'm sure they're missing you."

It was a pretty low card to play, but it worked. Nicole's bottom lip jutted out into a slight pout. "Okay," she said. "I'll go, but call me as soon as you've seen a doctor. That was a pretty big fall, dad."

It was on the tip of his tongue to tell her that he wasn't that damned old, but Andy nodded instead. "I will. I'm going to be checking up on you anyway."

"You'd better." Nicole was slow to move away from him, but she made her way back to Dean's side. She stopped in front of Sharon. "It looks like you don't have to," she said of the conversation they'd had earlier. Neither of them would be living without him, it seemed.

"I suppose that I don't." Sharon smiled warmly at her. "Go on, I'll keep an eye on him."

Nicole believed that she would. "I'll see you soon," she said. She leaned into her husband's side and let him maneuver her away from them.

With the exception of the paramedics and Lieutenant Provenza who was lingering nearby and attempting to be unobtrusive about it, Sharon and Andy were left alone. Her arms were folded across her chest again as she took a single step forward. "We have Bill Croelick in custody," she said, knowing that he would be interested in that news. "We will need to investigate whether or not he was involved with Samuel Lawrence. He indicated that the young man had become enamored with him and was writing to him. All that Croelick had was a name, and he didn't know if it was his real one or not. The letters came from a re-mailing service."

"So much for the digital age," Andy snorted. "I didn't even think they still had those things." He grimaced as the paramedic helped him to sit on the edge of the gurney. They were going to want to bind his arm to his body until his shoulder could be realigned. It was going to hurt like hell. He gritted his teeth at the thought.

"We may never fully understand any of it," Sharon said quietly. "Croelick says that Samuel was responsible for Maria's disappearance. He used us to find him. His being able to provoke your temper was just a side benefit, and one that he enjoyed." Her head tilted. She smiled sadly at him. She could see that he was in pain and fighting it. "We can talk about this later. Let the medics take care of you, Lieutenant." She wanted to stay with him but they still had a body to recover and an after action report to give. "I'll see you at the hospital later." It was unclear if they would keep him overnight, and if not, then she would see him at home.

Her voice was thick, heavy with emotion. This was the price that they paid for continuing to work together. Andy was tempted to reach out and pull her to him anyway, but he refrained. He shook his head at her instead. Andy cocked his head and offered a crooked grin. "Yeah, I should probably let these guys get a move on. They're getting antsy and I told Nicole that I would be right behind her." He shrugged his good shoulder and wished that he hadn't. "Besides, you know, when they bind it up it's going to hurt. I don't want to cry like a baby in front of the boss."

"Hm." She hummed thoughtfully. A small smile curved her lips upward. "Yes, I can see where you would want to avoid that." Her mouth moved again. There was more that she would have liked to say, but Sharon swallowed it back. She shook her head instead. "I'll leave you to it," she told him. Sharon pivoted where she stood. "Lieutenant Provenza," She knew that he was only pretending to not listen to them. "I have things under control here if you would like to keep an eye on the Lieutenant. I think Ricky wanted to go with him too, could you please let him know when you leave?"

The older man nodded. "Yes Captain. I think the rookie and I can keep him in line." He walked back over to stand nearer to the gurney. "If he tries to do something idiotic again, I'll just have them commit him to the psych ward."

As Andy scowled darkly at him, Sharon chuckled quietly. "I think just allowing the nurses to restrain him might suffice, but I will leave him in your capable hands Lieutenant. Do as you see fit." It drew an eye roll from Andy, but Sharon only turned away with him. "I'll speak to you both later," she said and decided to leave before she changed her mind.

Andy cast a dark look at his partner. "Was that necessary?"

"You're the one giving everyone around here a heart attack," he shook his finger at him. "Don't give me that crap. Now sit back and shut up. These guys don't get paid by the hour to hear you yapping."

"If you've got some of that medical tape," Andy gritted his teeth tightly as the paramedic settled his hands his injured arm, "the really strong stuff, could you put some of it over his mouth."

The medics exchanged a look and shook their heads. They hoped the old guys weren't going to snark at each other the whole time. "Hey," the shorter of the two shot a questioning look at his partner. "I thought the girl said the lady was her stepmother. Aren't they married?" He nodded his head toward the old guy they were taking care of.

Provenza's eyes widened. He shot a look at Flynn, even as his jaw dropped open. "Have you lost your mind!"

Andy could only imagine what Nicole might have said about Sharon. He rolled his eyes heavenward with a sigh. "Oh brother..."

 **-TBC-**


	16. Chapter 16

**Lies We Told Ourselves**

 **by Kadi**

 **Rated T**

 **Disclaimer:** Not my sandbox. I just love playing in it.

 **A/N:** This chapter is for my new friends **ProfTweety** , **bostongal** , and **Anairofmelancholyanddepth**. It's a little something we like to call #TheButtonEffect which is the result of a little bit of silliness that was had while we chatted the other night. Enjoy ladies!

* * *

 **Chapter 16**

In the end the dislocated shoulder was the worst of it. He had some bruised ribs and the muscles in his back had been strained. He had gotten lucky, Andy knew that, but it was hard to feel it when every part of him hurt. He had taken the non-narcotic pain relievers that the doctors offered him, and they basically amounted to little more than ibuprofen. His x-rays were clear and so was his head CT. He was going to be okay, but the next couple of days would be pure hell.

Nicole stopped to see him while he was waiting for his test results to come back. She assured him that she was okay. The paramedics had gotten her hosed down pretty quickly; the doctors didn't think she would have any adverse effects from the gasoline exposure. They cautioned her to follow up with her regular physician or to return if she continued to feel dizzy or ill.

The Lieutenant was in with him now. Ricky was leaning against the wall outside the ER cubicle. He looked down as his phone vibrated in his hand again. He had been leaning in that spot for the last half an hour. He could have gone in, but he decided to wait instead. He was procrastinating, he knew. He was good with that. There were a lot of things that he wanted to say to that man. Now that he wasn't on the brink of having a heart attack, he was having a hard time putting all of those thoughts into a coherent order.

He had texted Emily instead. It gave him something to do, something to focus on while he lingered out in the hall.

" _Seems he's just banged up. They're gonna let him go home soon."_ He had written.

Emily's reply had been quick in coming. Rusty had already clued her in on everything happening in Los Angeles. She had been waiting for news. " _Good. I'm sure mom is relieved. Is she there yet?_ "

" _Still at work. It was her case. She's got to stay at the scene until they wrap. Then there are the after action reports. Sucks being in charge._ "

" _Oh. So you're with him? How is that working out? Did you talk yet?"_

Ricky considered that response for a moment. His sister knew. He had told her. There weren't a lot of secrets that he and Emily kept from each other. They had grown up with each other as their primary companions. With Jack out of the picture and their mother working, despite her dancing and his sports activities, there were days and nights when all they'd had was each other.

" _I don't really know_ ," he replied. " _I'm kind of hiding in the hall. We talked. It's still really weird. I don't know what to do. He scared the crap out of me._ "

Her next response was longer in coming. Ricky could imagine her frowning at her phone while she thought about it. " _What do you want to do? Maybe that you were so worried means something._ "

" _Maybe it does._ _What if I didn't get to figure it out because he was gone?"_ That was the thought that had gone through his head. Was it selfish? To not do anything, then be frightened of losing the opportunity. He wanted time to think about everything, but in the blink of an eye, all the time that he thought he had almost disappeared.

" _What does he say about it?_ " Emily asked.

" _That it's up to me. I don't really think it is. Not anymore. I think he chose, Em. That op we just did. We were on the same team. He kept me behind him. Read me the riot act for letting it slip I took one in the vest a while back. He said he was going to make me sit down and tell mom everything. Maybe that's just him. I don't know._ "

" _Doesn't sound bad. I wish my dad cared enough to say something like that. I think you should try it. What is the worst that can happen? He leaves? Been there. Done that._ "

Ricky frowned as he thought about that. She was right. Jack wouldn't care enough to take issue with something like that. He would encourage them to _not_ tell their mother. He would say that she was better off not knowing. All the while patting them on the shoulder in an effort to get back in their good graces. Being the good guy, being the funny guy, that's what Jack was all about. " _Maybe you're right_." Ricky typed back. He looked up when the curtain around Andy's cubicle was pulled open. The Lieutenant stood there, scowling at him. " _We'll talk later. I have to go. I think he's ready to leave_."

" _Good luck._ " She replied.

Ricky turned his attention back to the Lieutenant and then let his gaze move beyond him, to where Andy was sitting on the edge of the bed. "Are they ready to spring him?"

"Just about," the Lieutenant said. "If you're done playing on that thing," he nodded to the phone, "why don't you keep him company. I have to go back to work."

He couldn't say anything to that. He had been standing there using it as an excuse to not go in. Ricky slipped the phone into his back pocket. "Yeah, sure. Do we know if they found Lawrence yet?"

"They just pulled him out of the water," Provenza said. "I'm meeting the rest of the team back at the office. We have to wrap up the after action paperwork." He shot a look over his shoulder. "While this one gets a pass until tomorrow."

Andy smirked. He pointed at his right arm, now in a sling. "What? I can't write with my arm in a sling. Doc said not to use it too much. I'm supposed to take it easy, remember."

"When is the last time you actually did any work," Provenza shot back. "Usually you just sit around staring at—"

"Go away," Andy muttered.

Ricky laughed as the older Lieutenant left. He wondered if they looked for _any_ excuse to grumble at one another. He shook his head as he pushed his hands into his pockets and stepped into the small cubicle. "So they're letting you out of here?"

He was hovering near the opening, and seemed to be looking at everything but him. Andy sighed. "That's what they tell me. They're getting the papers ready. Who knows how long that's going to take?"

"Yeah." Ricky rocked back on his heels. "Mom said I'm supposed to take you straight home. You're not allowed to go back to the scene or to the office, no matter how much you complain about it. She said if you had a problem with it you could take it up with her later." He smirked. "I think she's looking forward to it."

Andy snorted. "She thinks she's going to win that argument. It's my turn, but I'm not in the mood. The only thing I want right now is a hot shower and my damned chair." He didn't even want to think about lying down in a bed. The thought just made him hurt all over. His back and ribs throbbed in anticipation. He squinted at the other man. His brows were drawn together in a deep frown. "You jumped in?"

So there it was. Ricky sighed. He shrugged. "You fell in," he pointed out. "What was I going to do? You left your floaties at home. My mom likes you," he added. "Plus we have this thing. Seemed kind of stupid to let you drown before we figure anything out."

"A thing." Andy looked at the floor again. His bottom lip pursed. He nodded slowly. "Yeah, I guess that's what it is." He sighed, and then wished that he hadn't when his bruised ribs protested the action. "Look, Rick, the thing is…"

"Everyone calls me Ricky but you," he asked suddenly. He hadn't meant to interrupt, but it was not the first time the thought had occurred to him. "Why is that?"

Andy looked up at him. His brow arched. He pondered the thought for a moment before he shrugged his good shoulder. "That's what your mother calls you. It's a kid's nickname. You're always going to be her baby. Rusty is the youngest, but she raised you. She looks at you and she see's first steps and two missing front teeth in your first school picture. You're not a kid anymore," he explained. "You're a grown man. You were a grown man when I met you."

It wasn't hard to figure out what he wasn't saying. The words hung in the air between them. He didn't have those memories. There were no first steps, or first thrown baseballs. There were no first game victories or the taking off of his bicycle training wheels. Ricky thought back and realized that Jack wasn't around for most of that either. His mother taught him how to ride his bicycle. His mother took him to a sports center when he didn't have baseball practice or school so he could learn how to throw the curve ball that had gotten him a college scholarship. It was his mother that taught him to drive. His mother had all of those memories because she was there for them. For a moment Ricky thought he might be angry, but then he realized what he was feeling was sorrow. He stared at the floor in front of him. "I guess the question is, are you here now?"

He was quiet for a minute. There was a tightness in his chest. Andy stared at him. This boy that was so much like his mother, but undoubtedly his. He was hesitant, and with good reason. The father they had counted on had proved unreliable. "I guess it depends," Andy answered finally, voice low and rumbling in the small room. "Do you want me to be?"

Ricky shrugged. He took a single step forward. "That's a good question. You're right, it depends." He thought about the conversation with his sister. "I'm kind of a packaged deal, you know? You don't just get one; you get two of us. Mom has always been big on us kids being able to share."

His brow arched again. For a moment he was confused. When he realized what Ricky was talking about, a smile tugged one corner of his mouth upward. He remembered a little girl with big hazel eyes that used to twirl around the room with a doll that was almost as big as she was. "I think I can handle that," he said thickly.

"Good." Ricky hooked a thumb back toward the hall. "I'm going to go find the nurse and find out where they are with your discharge papers. Harassing them might get you out of here faster."

"I am not going to argue with that logic," Andy told him. He watched him go and wrapped his good arm around his middle. He grunted quietly. They had only just cracked the surface of this _thing_ as Ricky called it, but it wasn't a bad way to start. The rest was just going to take time.

 **MCMCMCMCMCMC**

The Coroner's van was leaving as Chief Taylor stepped into the command post. Many of the officers involved in that day's hostage recovery operation had already gone. Most of the press was now gone too, with only a few vans still lingering behind. There were only a few items left to wrap up, and then scene would be completely cleared. His gaze moved around the interior of the truck until he found who he was looking for.

"Captain." He walked toward her. "Not bad all things considered."

"I think that depends on your definition of bad, Chief." She looked up from the logbook that she was updating. As soon as she was finished with it, she was going to release the scene and return to the Murder Room. "I have an injured officer and a dead suspect. Bill Croelick is in custody, but I don't think we can actually hold him as an accomplice. We're never going to fully understand why Samuel Lawrence was doing these things."

"Yes," He pointed at her, "but none of our guys were lost. We recovered our hostage, and I understand Lieutenant Flynn will be back at work in about a week. Like I said, not a bad day."

"On that we're agreed," She said. Sharon finished making notes in the log and closed it. She handed it off to the officer responsible for it and clasped her hands in front of her. He knew more about Andy's condition than she did. She meant to call and check on him, but there hadn't been time for that yet. "I'm just about to release the docks. The last of our people are going to pull out. Mister Lawrence's body has been sent to the morgue, and the after action reports should be on your desk in the morning."

"That's just fine." His eyes narrowed as he studied her. Taylor shook his head. "I'm actually surprised that you're still here. I expected you to be at the hospital."

He was fishing. Sharon arched a brow at him and offered a cool smile. "I still had work to do, Chief. As soon as my team wraps up their reports, I'll be heading in that direction. That's assuming of course that the Lieutenant has not been released to go home." A home they were currently sharing as hers had been destroyed, but that went without saying. Her living arrangements had no bearing on her ability to do her job. Sharon folded her arms across her chest. She smirked at him. "Chief, with all due respect, we've already discussed this. That relationship has been kept out of the work place. Lieutenant Flynn and his daughter are both in very good hands right now."

Taylor studied her for another moment. Then he shook his head. He chuckled quietly. He took another step forward and in deference to the others in the command post he pitched his voice low. "That is exactly why you are still our first choice for the job. Considering how things turned out, you were probably right, Captain. We were moving much too quickly. We cannot be seen negotiating with suspects. But just so that you are aware, we have not changed our minds. You need to be putting some thought into your replacement, Captain." He grinned. "I look forward to our transition meetings."

Sharon wanted to groan. She had too much to think about already without having to consider the fact that she was going to have to find someone to replace her before the end of the year. There were a few months left before she would be vacating her office, but that did not mean it was going to be a necessarily pleasant process. That was assuming, of course, that Lieutenant Provenza turned the position down. He had once wanted it, badly, and would have gladly taken it from her. She wondered if that was still true?

"So do I, Chief," Sharon said. "So do I." It was all that she could say at the moment. "If you'll excuse me, I'd like to wrap up everything here."

"Absolutely." He took a step back and turned. "We'll be talking soon. I have a call scheduled with Chief Pope mid-morning tomorrow, Captain. As long as I have those after action reports by then, tell your team to take their time. It's been a rough day. My best to Lieutenant Flynn."

Sharon waited before he was gone before rolling her eyes. She could just imagine what Andy would think of his best. She turned, with her smile still in place and surveyed the interior of the truck. "Okay people, let's get out of here. Buzz, do you need a ride back to the Murder Room?"

"No Captain," he was packing away the last of his gear. "I have my car." He was also trying to decipher what he had overheard. They were careful, but he was used to being observant. She was the right person for _what_ job? Was she leaving them? The Chief had spoken of a replacement and a transition. A deep frown drew Buzz's brows together. Maybe he should ask Lieutenant Provenza if they should be worried.

The drive back to the PAB was the first moment Sharon had to be alone since Nicole's disappearance was reported earlier that afternoon. She was aware that eyes were still on her as she pulled away from the scene. Sharon drove several blocks before she pulled over again. She pulled into the parking lot of a small shopping center and stopped the car. She gripped the steering wheel tightly. She took several deep breaths and closed her eyes. Sharon exhaled quietly. She felt moisture sting her eyes. There was an ache in her throat that threatened to close off her ability to breathe. She fumbled quickly for her phone. She dialed a familiar number, but when it went to voice mail she remembered that he'd had it in his pocket when he went into the water. Ricky had left his in the car. He had it with him now, she knew. She called him instead.

When he answered she didn't bother with greetings. "Let me speak to your father," she said thickly. Her eyes closed again when she realized what she had said. Sharon shook her head and pressed a hand to her forehead. "Please."

There was something in her tone; some sense of desperation that he had never heard in his mother before. Ricky walked out of the kitchen and held the phone out to Andy. They hadn't been home long. The other man was only just out of the shower and just settled into his chair. Ricky had ordered takeout and was unpacking it when his phone rang. "Mom," he said by way of explanation.

Andy frowned as he took the phone. The kid looked troubled. He lifted it to his ear. He looked even more concerned when the kid hurried away. "Sharon?"

The sound, low and rumbling across the phone line, brought a fresh wave of tears to her eyes. She closed her eyes tightly and willed them back. Her heart skipped a beat. She wasn't able to let herself worry. She wasn't able to let herself _feel_ until she was away from the others, away from the many questioning and prying eyes of those who were just waiting for her to break some rule or show weakness. Everything she was suppressing had come on strong and almost overwhelming. "Hi," she whispered. "How are you?"

He leaned back in his chair. Andy tipped his head back and closed his eyes. "I'm okay," he said quietly. He understood what this was now. She was across town, finally alone, and able to shed the Captain; even if only for a moment, she was finally able to reach out. "We're at home," he told her. "I was just getting settled in. Hurts like hell, but it's not too bad. My shoulder was the worst of it. I'm just bruised."

"Hm." Her fingers were pressed between her brows. Sharon kept her eyes closed. "How is Nicole?" she asked softly. "I told Dean to take her in too… I was worried about her exposure."

"He did." A small smile tugged his lips upward. She was such a momma bear, with all of them, not just her own kids. "Nicole is good, Sharon. They checked her over, and her labs were clean. The doctor said she'd be just fine. They want her to follow up with her regular doc and come back if she starts feeling sick."

"I'm glad." Relief swept through her. The day's ending could have been so much worse. She drew a breath and let it out slowly. "I was worried." She chewed on the inside of her lip. "Andy…"

"I know." He shook his head. "We're fine, Sharon. Everyone did okay. It's just a few bruises. Are you coming home?"

"No." She exhaled again. "I'm on my way back to the Murder Room, actually. We have to wrap up the paperwork. It's going to be a little while; a few hours, maybe? Will you be okay until then?"

Andy grinned again. It wasn't the first time he had been hurt on the job, or the worst injury he ever had. "I think I'll make it," he drawled. "Rick got some takeout. I'll let him wait on his old man, it'll be fine."

She smiled widely. A laugh bubbled out, quick and musical. Sharon pressed her fingers to her lips. "I'm sure he's just going to love that." As worried as her son had been, she didn't think he would actually protest. "When I get back to the office I'll send Rusty home. I know he's worried, and I'm sure he's tired of sitting around there waiting." She sighed. Even with Ricky there to take care of him she was still worried. He said that he was okay, but she wouldn't be satisfied until she could see him for herself. "Are you sure that you'll be okay for a few more hours?"

"It's going to be hard." He said. Andy tipped his head back again. "I'm not going to lie. It's a struggle sitting here with my feet kicked up. It's the timing. Dodgers didn't make the play-offs, so there's not a damn game on anywhere. It's going to be a hell of a long wait. I don't know what I'm going to do without you."

"Okay." She rolled her eyes at him. "I get the point. You don't need me hovering over you." Sharon sighed again. "Try not to overdo it. If I'm any later than a few hours, don't wait up. I'll be there when I can."

"I know." He grinned again, shrugged his good shoulder even though she couldn't see it. "Sharon, it's not an issue. Go back to work and get done so you can get home."

The slight edge in his voice made her smile. "Yes dear," she simpered teasingly. "I'll see you soon. Andy…" She paused for just a moment, her voice dipped again, it was thick and low and filled with emotion. "I love you."

"Me too." Andy drew the phone away when she hung up. He laid it on the table beside his chair and leaned back with a sigh. Movement from the corner of his eye had him looking toward the kitchen. "She's okay," he said. "She was just checking in. They're almost wrapped up. She'll be home in a few hours."

He walked over and retrieved his phone. Ricky tucked it back into his pocket. "She sounded…"

"Yeah." Andy sighed. "She's not made of oak." His gaze lifted. "She just needed a minute. She'll be okay." Andy sat there for another moment before he pushed himself up and out of the chair. He groaned as he stood. Every part of his body hurt. He didn't want to sit too long, though. He knew he would stiffen up and it would just get worse. "Let's see what you got to eat. I'm starving."

Ricky gave him a skeptical look. He watched him shuffle into the kitchen. "Are you sure that you should be up and moving around like that? That was a pretty big fall. You're lucky you didn't break a hip or something."

Andy's lips pursed. He rolled his eyes toward Ricky and gave him a bland look. "I'm not that old," he grumbled. He pointed a finger at him. "This is not the worst I've ever had either."

"Oh?" Ricky smirked at him. He folded his arms over his chest. "Maybe we should have a talk about that later. While we're at it, you should tell my mother. She needs to know what she's getting into." He nodded firmly and looked pleased with himself.

He snorted as he turned away. Andy walked over to the counter and peered into one of the bags. The kid had gotten Chinese. He pulled out the containers and opened them one-handed. When he found the vegetarian lo-mein he carried it with him to the table. "Your mother knows," he said. "I think you're forgetting how long we've known each other. Which is funny considering you're here." He smirked. Andy pointed a finger at his son. "That reminds me. I hope you didn't think you were off the hook. Sit down," he stated, leaving no room for argument. "We're going to have that talk now."

"I'm not five," Ricky reminded him. "You can't ground me." He walked over and pulled down a stack of plates. He carried them to the table, along with the silverware. He retrieved the takeout containers and returned to the counter. "What do you want to drink?" He opened the fridge but all he saw was a pitcher of orange juice and a few bottles of water.

Andy's eyes were narrowed. He watched his son move around his kitchen. "Make some coffee," he decided. "It's going to be a long talk." He leaned back in his chair and wrapped his good arm around his throbbing middle. "Beans are over there," he waved his hand toward a red container that sat near his coffee maker.

Ricky made a face as he moved over to start the coffee. "You weren't kidding." He stared into the container. Actual beans, and not the grounds he was expecting. He looked around and spotted the coffee grinder. He sighed as he measured out the beans. Then he stared at it. "My mother bought this thing didn't she?"

"You think I did?" Andy snorted, but wished he hadn't. It really did hurt to move, or breathe, or laugh. He was fighting the urge to do the latter as he watched Ricky try to figure out the grinder. He was almost tempted to get up and do it himself. Andy didn't feel like moving again, however. He sat where he was instead and tried to watch without showing too much amusement.

"Why can't she just buy coffee grounds like every other person on the planet?" Ricky scowled at the machine. He figured out how to start it to grinding and leaned against the counter while he watched. Slowly the beans were decimated into something he could actually brew coffee with. After a couple of minutes, he turned it off and opened the top. Ricky leaned over the machine. His nose wrinkled. They didn't look like they had been ground quite fine enough. He glanced at the buttons on the front of it. They weren't actually labeled in a language he could read. It was French, with symbols. Ricky stared at it for a minute. "Hey, I wonder what this button does." He pushed it. A dark cloud of coffee grounds erupted from the machine. He was covered from head to shoulders, as was the counter and cupboard door above the coffee grinder. His lips pursed. "Oh."

He tried not to laugh. That proved to be an even bigger mistake. Andy held his ribs tightly and leaned forward against the table. There were almost tears in his eyes, both from the pain and the hilarity of the moment. He squeezed his eyes tightly shut. He snorted a laugh and once he gave in he couldn't stop. It hurt like hell, but he didn't really care at the moment. He leaned back in his chair and risked a look at his son. The glare on his face was dark enough to rival his mother. It was obvious whom he had gotten that from.

Andy shook his head. He took a deep breath, regretted it, but did it anyway. He waved a hand at the younger man. "It's a good idea to put the lid back on before pushing buttons." Andy wheezed. "Go get cleaned up. Then clean up that mess. _I_ will make the coffee." Just as soon as he thought he would be able to move, which from the throbbing in his middle, might be a while.

Ricky reached up and swiped coffee grounds from his face. He dusted it out of his hair. His nose itched, but he wasn't going to give in to the indignity of sneezing on top of everything else. "What is with the freaking snort-laughing?" He swiped at his clothes, pushing coffee grounds off of them and into the floor. He wanted to take a shower and change anyway. Ricky sniffed. He walked away from the kitchen. "It's got to be an old person thing," he muttered. His mother did it too.

"Watch your mouth," Andy called after him. He shook his head again. Then he braced himself against the table and stood up. His back and ribs protested. Andy grunted as he walked over and put the lid back on the coffee grinder.

In a matter of just a couple of minutes he managed to get the coffee on. He shuffled around the kitchen while it brewed and took down a couple of mugs. By the time that Ricky had returned, hair still damp from a quick shower, Andy had poured himself a cup of the dark liquid and was seated at the table again. He chased another dose of ibuprofen with the coffee and not for the first time wished he could take something stronger. The pain was the price of his sobriety and he would bear it.

Andy scooped noodles, rice, and vegetables onto his plate before he leaned back in his chair again. He smirked as he lifted his cup. Andy took another drink and watched the other man move around the kitchen as he cleaned up his mess. He waited until Ricky had taken a seat across from him before he lowered his cup again and leaned forward. "Now, let's talk about this job of yours…"

Ricky groaned. He scrubbed a hand over his face. He really hoped that he would forget. As it turned out, he wasn't that lucky. "Says the guy with the busted shoulder…"

"I haven't been hiding what I've been doing for a living for the last several years," Andy pointed out with a crooked half-grin. "Time to pay the piper, kid."

His shoulders slumped. "Okay, well you see… what had happened was…"

Andy hid his smirk behind his coffee cup. He really hoped that they got this story told before Sharon got home. In his experience anything that started with _what had happened was_ couldn't end well. Although in his case it usually involved Provenza, but he didn't think the fact that it was coming from Ricky would save him. Somehow he had the feeling that when she found out this was still going to be his fault.

 **-TBC-**


	17. Chapter 17

**Lies We Told Ourselves**

 **by Kadi**

 **Rated T**

 **Disclaimer:** Not my sandbox. I just love playing in it.

* * *

 **Chapter 17**

While the rest of her team completed their after action reports, Sharon had gone down to speak with Doctor Morales. He confirmed for them what they already knew, Samuel Lawrence had died from drowning. Like Andy he had been caught in the current, but his burn injuries had been severe. He was unable to pull himself to safety or tread water until help arrived. They had also discussed Maria Samples. The Doctor had received her dental records. He was able to confirm her identity. Sharon would be adding that to their case file.

As she strode back into the Murder Room she checked her watch. It would probably take her half an hour to finish that report and sign off on the others. She was giving herself a forty-five minute window and then she could go home. She had already sent Rusty home. Sharon wanted to step out of her heels, check on Andy, and then sit down with a hot cup of tea. She let go of a weary sigh. Finishing this case was only the tip of the iceberg. There was so much that she needed to do.

There was the matter of her promotion and the transition out of Major Crimes. She had some weeks before either of those would become public knowledge. She wasn't dreading it, exactly, but she wasn't looking entirely forward to it either. Perhaps it was the fact that it had been colored by current events. She was certain that in a few weeks she would feel better about. It was the least of her worries, however. She was going to have to wrangle with the insurance company, and then find a new home. It would need to be big enough for Rusty and herself, and for the other two to visit also.

Sharon didn't want to think about it just yet, but she knew that she needed to. They couldn't stay with Andy indefinitely. He was being kind enough to let them invade his home, and truly she was comfortable there, but it was _his_ home. They had been splitting their time between their residences, but they had not been living together. It was not a subject that had ever been discussed between them. She preferred not to let herself get carried away with the idea.

Her gaze lifted and swept the Murder Room as she entered it. All of her people were still present. A glance into her office and at the inbox showed only a couple of reports had been submitted so far, but she knew that they would all be completed soon. Her people were just as anxious to get back to their respective homes as she was.

As she came to a stop beside the murder board all eyes were on her. "Doctor Morales was able to confirm Maria Samples' identity," she told them." As she spoke, she lifted a marker and put a check mark next to their victim's name. "He also confirmed that Samuel Lawrence died from drowning." She offered them a tired smile. "San Francisco PD will be responsible for making the notification to the Samples family. As for Bill Croelick…" Sharon sighed. "We'll worry about him tomorrow."

The team exchanged looks. Their gazes swept from the Captain to Lieutenant Provenza before returning again. Julio had his head bowed. He refused to look at her. Buzz looked away quickly and Tao just arched a brow at the others and shrugged. It was Provenza that swiveled in his chair and inclined his head at her. "Is that _all_ that we should worry about tomorrow?"

She blinked at him. Sharon was at a loss. She shook her head while a confused frown drew her brows together. "I'm not following you, Lieutenant. Would you like to elaborate?" She looked at the others, but they seemed to be acting oddly or avoiding her gaze.

He rolled his eyes at her. Provenza sighed. "I'm talking about whatever it is that you've been cooking up with Taylor behind all of our backs!"

When she still didn't seem to understand, Amy leaned forward against her desk. "You're leaving us, Captain?"

"I…" Sharon's mouth dropped open. She looked around at all of them again. Julio finally lifted his gaze, but his look was hooded. Buzz was just frowning at her. She sighed quietly. "You overheard our conversation?"

"Yes." Buzz wouldn't deny it. "I asked the Lieutenant. I thought maybe I misunderstood."

"I see." Sharon folded her arms across her chest. "I'm not leaving you," she began. "It isn't like that, and none of this is even official yet anyway. We shouldn't be discussing it."

"Oh," Provenza drawled. "So then you're not taking another job? When are we supposed to find out? When they assign some other rule following hall monitor to make our lives hell."

Sharon's brows rose. The corners of her mouth twitched toward a smile, but she managed to suppress it. "Lieutenant, am I mistaken, or might you actually miss me?" Her eyes glittered with amusement. "It's okay," she said, quick to try and sooth his ruffled feathers. "I promise, you will still see me everyday."

Provenza snorted at her. "Don't get ahead of yourself. I'd just rather deal with the devil I know." He leaned back in his seat and folded his arms. "So when exactly is this great exodus of yours taking place? I think we deserve the right to know."

She sighed softly. "At the end of the year." She clasped her hands together in front of her and smiled warmly when Julio and Amy both looked down again. "I'm not going far," she assured them. "I promise you. I cannot reveal the details, but you will be seeing me often, if not every day."

"I heard Chief Taylor say that you were their first choice for the job," Buzz said. "Are you moving to another division to clean it up, like you did this one?"

"I beg your pardon!" Provenza scoffed at him. "We did not need any hand holding," he shook his finger at the younger man. "She was here so she could learn how to be a decent detective."

Sharon rolled her eyes at that. This time she did smile. "Yes, that must be it. It's why I'm in charge." She shook her head at him. "Not exactly, Buzz. Again, and I cannot stress this, I am not at liberty to discuss the details, but I can tell you that it is not a lateral move."

"You're being promoted?" Tao's brows shot up. "They're finally making you a Commander," he stated.

"Oh my god!" Provenza scrubbed a hand over his face. "There will be no living with her now."

"Good thing you don't live with her, sir," Julio smirked at him. He looked up at the Captain again and shrugged. "Congratulations, ma'am."

"Thank you." She looked around at all of them again. "It will be made official in a few weeks. Until then, nothing is changing. At some point after that the announcements will be made and the transition will begin. I promise you, I will not be leaving you without a suitable candidate to take my place."

"They've got you picking the replacement?" Provenza wasn't sure if he felt better about that or a lot worse. His nose scrunched as he looked at her. "Any ideas on who that might be?"

"It's a very short list." She assured him.

"Well it would have to be," he drawled sarcastically. "What we want to know is _who_ is on the damned thing."

Sharon arched her brow and gave him a very pointed look. "Who do you think, Lieutenant?" There really wasn't anyone else at the top of her list for a replacement. All that he had to do was accept it when the time came… and stay out of trouble until then.

Provenza squinted at her. "I don't know." He leaned forward in his seat. He didn't want to get too attached to the idea. He knew all too well how things worked around here, and Taylor wasn't to be trusted. "It depends on who else is on it."

"Oh for…" Sharon rolled her eyes at him. She turned and cast another every pointed look at Lieutenant Tao.

His eyes widened. He threw his hands up, as if to ward her off. "No, thank you. I like my job the way that it is." He had his side projects and he couldn't imagine that taking over a division would give him much time to continue pursuing those.

"We'll flip for it," Provenza decided. He stood up and dug into his pocket for a coin. "Heads you have to do it, and tails I'm stuck with it."

Sharon's mouth dropped open. She looked back and forth between them. "Oh!" She threw her hands up and turned away. "I will never understand you people." She shook her head as she walked toward her office.

Provenza was quick to follow her. He caught her door before it could close and stepped into her office. "What is all of this about?" he asked. "Why the sudden _job change_? Don't tell me that idiot actually went and did something stupid like getting you a ring!"

"I…" Her lips pursed. She shook her head. "Why?" Sharon folded her arms across her chest. "He hasn't mentioned anything like that. What did he tell you?" Her eyes narrowed. " _Did_ he buy a ring?"

The Lieutenant's mouth dropped open. "How the hell should I know? What am I? Your sister?" He snorted at her and waved a hand. "Well if the moron hasn't popped the question, then I doubt he's planning on it. At least not that he's told me. I'm just trying to figure out why you're all of a sudden abandoning ship. Why else would you do it unless it had something to do with your little office romance?"

Sharon rolled her eyes at him. For just a moment her heart actually stopped beating. She didn't know if she was disappointed or not, but decided not to worry about it. Instead, she just shot a bland look at the Lieutenant in front of her. "I know that it's hard for you to believe, but contrary to popular belief, Lieutenant, my life does not revolve around Andrew Flynn." Sharon turned again and walked around her desk. She took a seat and reached for the report that she needed to complete. "Now, unless there's anything else that you would like to know, which is not related to this pending change in my job status, I suggest that you get back to work."

"Oh come on!" He threw his hands up. "You can't just leave it at that. I have to know what I'm up against here. You can't just waltz in here and take over and then waltz out again like… like…"

Her brows lifted. Sharon's lips curved up toward a saccharine smile. "Yes?" she asked at length. "Like what, Lieutenant?"

His eyes narrowed. "Like this was a temporary resting place while waiting for your grand promotion."

"That is not at all what this is." Sharon sighed. "I was not expecting this to happen, nor was I pursuing it. The entire situation took me by surprise too. I assure you, I am not _waltzing_ anywhere." She shook her head at him. "Lieutenant, the only person that I intend to leave in charge when I go is you. Unless of course you do something to prevent that between now and then; until such a time as any changes become official I am going to have to ask you to please be patient."

Provenza huffed at her. "Who do you think you're dealing with here? Tao? Patience is not a virtue that I have ever aspired to." He heaved a sign. "Fine. But I'm warning you," he shook his finger at her. "If you try to pull something on us, and by you, I mean Taylor, I will walk and take that entire division with me. Mark my words."

Sharon suppressed the urge to roll her eyes at his threat. It was empty and they both knew it. "Yes of course. I will keep it in mind. Is there anything else?" This time it was asked with much less patience. She wanted to get out of there as much as the rest of them did.

"No Captain," he said finally. "I think that's more than enough. I look forward to hearing the announcement." He wanted to know what was going on. Provenza shook his head again as he left. When he stepped back out into the Murder Room, he shrugged. "She's not talking." He walked back over to his desk and sat down. "I guess we'll find out when we find out."

"Or you could ask Lieutenant Flynn," Amy suggested. "I bet he knows what's going on."

Provenza considered it for all of half a second. "No," he told her. "We have an agreement. We don't talk about what goes on between them. If he knows, then it's not because she told her Lieutenant. We're all just going to have to wait and see. Now, let's get these reports done so we can all leave."

Sharon's shoulders slumped once she was alone again. This was not how she would have liked them to find out. She supposed that was her own fault. She thought nothing of Buzz being present while she discussed the matter with Chief Taylor. She would have preferred that he had brought his questions to her, but that was not to be. She could only hope that they would be able to keep their curiosity at bay. She would like to make her announcement when it was time, and she would like to do it herself.

She sighed quietly as she lifted her pen again. She stared at the open file in front of her. Sharon glanced at her watch again. Forty-five minutes, she reminded herself, and then she could go home. That was something that she was very much looking forward to.

 **MCMCMCMCMCMC**

It was almost an hour and a half before Sharon was finally able to leave the office. She had ended up fielding a call from Bill Croelick's lawyer. As always, talking to Jack had done nothing to improve her mood. She tried not to think about that, however, as she finally stepped into the house. Once the door closed behind her, she let her shoulders slump and expelled a weary sigh. She dropped the keys to Andy's service car in the tray on the table beside the door. She walked further into the house and looked around.

Sharon found Rusty and Ricky seated side by side on the sofa, a movie playing quietly. Andy was asleep in his recliner. A smile curved her lips. She peeled out of her blazer and placed it and her purse on the bar before she stepped out of her heels. She tugged her bottom lip between her teeth as she walked quietly over to the recliner.

"Hi mom." Ricky glanced away from the movie only briefly. "Get everything wrapped up?"

"Hi honey," She eased a hip onto the arm of the recliner. "Yes we did," she said quietly. "Have you boys had dinner?"

"Take out," Ricky reminded her. "Chinese. I put it in the oven for you. It should still be kind of warm. There's coffee too."

Rusty snorted a quiet laugh. "Don't ask," he told Sharon. He had heard that story when he got home. He figured it could wait.

"I won't." With her sons she had learned that sometimes it was just best to be clueless. "How long has he been out?" she asked quietly. She reached down and gently brushed the silver strands of hair away from his forehead. Even in sleep there was a line between his brows. She knew that he would be in pain and she ached that there was nothing she could do to ease it for him.

Ricky glanced at the clock on the wall. "Not very long. Since probably about five minutes into the movie." He shrugged. "Maybe about half an hour?"

Sharon hummed quietly. She was loath to wake him. She doubted that he would get very much rest during the night. She stayed where she was for a moment, however, and let the backs of her fingers trail along the curve of his jaw. "Okay," she said softly. "Let him sleep." Now that she was home and capable of checking on him for herself she felt much more at ease. Her stomach clenched painfully at just how close they had come to losing him.

She slipped off the recliner and walked into the kitchen. She couldn't think of eating yet. The knot in her stomach only got tighter at the thought of it. Instead Sharon put the kettle on for tea. While she waited for the water to heat she stamped down on the storm of emotion that was brewing inside of her. She managed to hold it back until she had her cup of tea in hand. "I'm going to take a shower," she told the boys, "I'll try not to take very long in case he wakes up."

"It's fine," Ricky told her. "Mom, we've got this. He'll probably sleep for a little while longer. If he doesn't, I'll tell him you're home. We're all big boys, we can manage for a few minutes."

"Thank you honey," She managed a small smile, but it was subdued. Sharon hurried down the hall and let herself into Andy's room. She carried the tea with her into the bathroom and set the cup on the vanity. She set the shower to running while she peeled out of her clothes. Steam was just beginning to fill the bathroom as she stepped into the shower.

She let the water beat down on her and welcomed the sting of the almost too hot spray. Her hands moved through her hair as it was drenched through. She swept it back from her face and then she pressed a hand against the tiled wall. Her head bent. She pressed a hand to her mouth as she stood there. This time she let the swell of emotion sweep over her. The spray from the shower swept away the tears as they flowed freely. The first sob made her chest ache and threatened to steal her breath. Sharon leaned heavily against the wall.

Everything that she was feeling was all that she had suppressed throughout the course of the day. First there had been Nicole, a young woman that she had come to care a great deal for, and then there had been Andy. She didn't know why she had thought that she could do this. She had sent him into dangerous situations before, but never had she come so close to losing him. Then there was the fear that had gripped her at hearing that Ricky had gone into the water after him, without fear, without hesitation. He had jumped and she knew that he would again. It was this life that he had chosen and lied to her about, and having the past brought so thoroughly into the present.

She had spent her entire career keeping her personal and professional lives separate. Now it was all thrust together and she was having a hard time finding where one ended and the other began. Logically she knew that she would find that line again, and she would continue to walk it just as she had these last several months. At present she didn't much feel like being logical. She was feeling the fear and the grief; she let it be lost to the shower and the steam.

Rusty glanced at Ricky after Sharon had swept out of sight. His brows lifted in askance. "Is she okay?" She had been moving awfully quickly and her voice had that low, thick quality it usually took when she was upset about something.

Ricky's eyes followed the direction that his mother had gone. His head cocked while he thought about it. "I think so," he said. "It was just a long day." Experience had taught him that his mother disappeared when she was truly upset. If she couldn't hold it back anymore she would lock herself away until she had a better hold on her emotions. She wouldn't let them see her cry. Movement from the recliner drew his attention and Ricky reached for the remote. He lowered the volume a little more and leaned back on the sofa again. "It's how she deals," he said more quietly. "Sometimes it's better just to let her."

"I guess." Rusty wasn't convinced, but he and Sharon had an agreement. When one of them retreated the other didn't follow. They were alike in that way. They didn't like others to see them upset. It still bothered him when he knew that she was, though, just as he knew that it always bothered Sharon when he was upset. He sighed and turned his attention back on the movie, but without really paying a lot of attention to it anymore.

It was a while before Sharon appeared again. The end credits were just beginning to roll. She moved through the room with her now cold tea wearing a t-shirt they knew wasn't hers and a pair of yoga pants. Her damp hair was twisted up into a clip. The boys exchanged a look. Her eyes were red and puffy, a sure sign that she had, in fact, been crying. Rusty started to say something, but Ricky shook his head.

She returned a few minutes later, this time with a fresh cup of tea, and curled up on the other side of the leather, sectional sofa. She wasn't seated for very long when a grunt drew her attention. She placed her teacup aside and looked over as Andy came awake with a low groan. She stood up and moved to his side. Her hand landed against his good shoulder as she leaned against the arm of the recliner. She watched his frown deepen before his eyes fluttered open. She smiled warmly down at him. "Hi."

"Hey." His voice was thick and rasping with sleep and pain. "When did you get home?" He wrapped his good arm around his middle and winced as he shifted in the chair. Just as he had thought, his body had stiffened up. His jaw clenched as strained muscles and bruised ribs protested the movement.

"Just a little while ago." Her hand stroked the length of his arm to his elbow before rising to smooth his hair back again. "Feel like coming to bed?"

"Hell no." The thought of lying flat made him throb in anticipation. "I'm good here," he said. "The chair is better." He tilted his head and squinted up at her. From the pale face and still slightly red eyes he could imagine how her shower had gone. Andy gritted his teeth and shifted in the chair again. This time he scooted to his right to make room for her. "Come here," he rumbled and reached up to tug on her arm.

She chewed on her bottom lip as she considered it. After a moment she eased down into the recliner beside him. Sharon settled herself beside him as carefully as she could, but from his quickly in drawn breath she knew the movement had still caused him some pain. Her hand settled against his chest as she curled against his side. She turned her face into his neck and sighed quietly, while her hand drew slow, gentle circles against his chest and belly. "Better."

It wasn't a question. Andy let his lips brush the top of her head. His arm curled around her. After a moment he felt her relax completely. "Much," he said, acknowledging that they were both happier for having her pressed against him.

The boys looked at each other. Rusty jerked his head toward the guest room. Ricky nodded. They would figure out a way to make sharing it for the night work. In the meantime they gathered their things and quietly left the room to let the couple have their privacy.

Sharon watched them go from the corner of her eye. A smile curved her lips as she sank more fully into the old recliner. She hummed and let her leg curl around his. "I don't guess I really need to ask how you're feeling?"

"Nope." His hand stroked up and down her back. "It'll be fine in a day or two. Tomorrow will be worse, but after that it'll be okay." He let out a shallow breath. His hand settled against her hip. "Guess I don't have to ask you the same thing?"

"I'm okay." She felt better, really. It was only a matter of allowing herself to feel the emotions that she had been holding back. Now that she had, she was able to move forward. She nuzzled his neck and let her lips brush the underside of his jaw. "I just needed a few minutes to myself. Do I want to know why there were coffee grounds pressed into the crevice of the sink?" She had noticed it while she was making her second cup of tea. She had cleaned them out while the water heated.

Andy snorted quietly. "You can thank our son for that. I thought he cleaned it all up. He had issues with the grinder." He slanted a look down at her. "Your thing for fancy appliances got the best of him."

"My thing?" Sharon lifted her head. She pointed a finger at him. "Oh no, you're not blaming this on me. You wanted that grinder and the coffee press that went with it. Andrew Flynn, I don't believe you." When he grinned crookedly at her, Sharon's eyes narrowed. "You are terrible." Her irritation didn't last long, however. His words finally caught up with her and a soft smile graced her lips. "So then I guess _our_ son just did a poor job in cleaning up after himself."

"Yep." His dark eyes sparkled. "Another thing he gets from his mother." Her incredulous look just made his grin widen. Andy cupped the back of her head and drew her down for a sloppy kiss.

Sharon grunted as she settled against his side again. "I spoke to Nicole on my way home," she said softly. "I wanted to make sure that she was okay. She said that with everything that happened this afternoon she had to tell Vicki and Charlie what was going on. She's convinced both of them not to call you, at least for a couple of days. I thanked her for both of us."

"Damn." Andy sighed. He had been afraid of that. Nicole wouldn't be able to hide those events from the rest of her family, but he hoped she might omit some of it. He couldn't blame her for being completely honest with her mother and brother. "I'll call her in the morning," he said of his daughter, "let her know it's okay." He wanted to check on her too. She was okay physically, but she had been through hell.

"I gave her Doctor Joe's number," she said. "She's older than his usual patients, but he said he wouldn't mind sitting down with her. Nicole promised to call him. She seemed okay. Dean isn't letting her out of his sight just yet, and it helped her to have the boys to focus on."

"It was still a hell of a thing," Andy said. "It will hit her in a day or two. She was taken out of her own yard, and that will make it worse. You're right though; I think she'll be okay. Nicole is made of some pretty strong stuff."

"Hm." She smiled against his neck. "Yes, I think so too. Gets it from her father."

Andy said nothing to that, instead his hand stroked along her back again. "Rick and I had a quick chat at the hospital," he told her. "I think that's going to work out okay. It's going to take some time. Apparently I get two for the price of one." He looked down at her and when her brows lifted, he grinned. "Your son comes with conditions. He's bringing his sister."

"Oh." She felt a swell of pride. Sharon hummed. "It's a nice thought, but I don't think Emily is ever going to give up on Jack completely. At any rate, she isn't ready to give up on him _yet_. We'll just have to see." She lifted her head and rested it in her hand so that she could gaze down at him. "Buzz overheard a conversation I had with Chief Taylor. The team knows about the promotion. They know that I'm leaving Major Crimes at the end of the year, but I didn't elaborate on any details. Your partner may ask."

"I'll be ready." He wouldn't give up any of the details. She had told him what was happening, but she was telling _Andy_. It was a fine line they walked, but he was happy to keep walking it. His hand stroked her hip. There was amusement dancing in her eyes. She looked like she was trying to find the words to say more. "What?" His brows lifted quizzically.

Sharon pressed her lips together, but it couldn't stop the smile. "He thought I was leaving because of you. Or more specifically, because you'd gone and done something stupid, in his opinion."

"Oh god." Andy rolled his eyes. "The paramedic let it slip that Nicole said you were her stepmother. Now he's terrified that I've either already asked, or I'm going to ask you to marry me. If that happens, he thinks he's screwed. _Women get funny ideas about these things_ ," he muttered, doing a passable imitation of his partner. " _If you do something that idiotic Patrice is going to start looking at me like she expects me to shell out fifty dollars for a ring_."

"Oh my god." Sharon lowered her face into his shoulder. Her body trembled with silent laughter. "No wonder he's been divorced so many times."

"That was exactly my point!" Andy shook his head. "Geez, he acts like he doesn't know me at all. If I'm going to shell out for a ring, I'd at least spend a full hundred." When she lifted her head and glared at him, he smirked. "Okay, fine, two hundred, but that's as far as I'm going. I'm not made of money, woman."

Her brow arched. Sharon's lips pursed. "What makes you think that I would be inclined to wear any ring that you bring home, hm?"

"Oh, you'd wear it," he said seriously. "It would be the best two hundred bucks spent at a pawn shop anywhere." When she snorted and pressed her face into his shoulder again, Andy offered a dramatic sigh. "You laugh now, but just wait. There's a silver plated, nickel cubic zirconia in your future sweetheart."

Sharon lifted her head again. She stared down at him. "Make it gold plated and you've got a deal," she deadpanned.

"Done!" He swatted her hip playfully and pulled her down beside him again. "That was easier than I thought it would be. I threw up twice before I proposed to Vicki." He whistled. "Provenza was right, it does get easier with more practice."

Sharon giggled again and tucked her face back into his neck. "You are horrible. A pawn shop, honestly." She shook her head at him as she got comfortable again.

"Well, I've got this phobia about jewelry stores," he drawled. "One of the last times that I went into one I ended up following an ugly dog around with a doggy bag." He felt her laugh again and knew she recalled the case he was talking about. They had both been on dog duty. The moral of that story, don't piss off Brenda Leigh. He turned his head and pressed his lips to her forehead. "Although," he said seriously, "there might have been a good reason to overcome my fears."

She hummed quietly and let her eyes close. "Is that right?" Sharon smiled. "It must have been so hard for you," she simpered teasingly.

"Oh, it was." His hand slid up her back again. Andy drew a breath and let it out slowly. His ribs ached but he ignored them. "I'm just worried you'll be disappointed. No nickel, and the zirconia were just ugly." His heart was beating rapidly. "But if you go look in the top left drawer of my dresser, all the way at the back, you might find something you like."

Sharon stilled immediately. She felt her stomach clench, and then it fluttered with anxiety. She lifted her head and looked down at him again. He was staring back at her but with none of his previous mischief or humor. "What?"

He swallowed past a suddenly dry throat. "You know. There's a box. You might like what's inside it. Or you won't, and that's fine too." He had been thinking about when and how to give it to her for a couple of weeks now. He wanted the moment to be perfect, but if today taught them anything, it was that perfect moments didn't always get to happen. All the time that you thought you had was suddenly gone.

"Andy." She was suddenly breathless. "We haven't talked about this," she whispered. "You never said anything. When?"

"Did I get it?" When she nodded he sighed. "Not long ago. I was looking for the right moment. Hell, we were practically living together, and… I don't know. We're not getting any younger. All of this is coming out wrong." He swore quietly and looked away. "I knew I was going to screw this up."

She drew her bottom lip between her teeth. He looked pained and she knew it wasn't all just his ribs or injured shoulder. Sharon pressed her fingers gently against his jaw and turned his head back toward her. "You're not," she murmured. "Andy just say it." Her heart was beating rapidly.

"I don't want to let you go again," he rumbled quietly. "I like having you here, and I want to know it's where you belong. I want to wake up and know that you're going to be there, and not have to wonder when we leave work everyday, if we're going to your place or mine. But I don't want to just live with you, Sharon. I want a lot more than that, a hell of a lot more. I want the life that we pretended to have last time, but when I come home at the end of the day it's my wife that I want to see. Not someone else's. I want that to be you."

For someone who often proclaimed to have such a bad way with words, he did have a habit of saying the absolute right things at just the right moments. She gave him a watery smile as she leaned down again. This time her hand cupped his cheek while she kissed the corner of his mouth. As a single tear spilled over and slid slowly down her cheek, she kissed the tip of his chin. Finally her lips landed against his. "With a speech like that," she said thickly, "I would have said yes to the silver plated zirconia."

Andy pushed his hand into her hair. His thumb stroked the curve of her cheek. "Now she tells me." His thumb slid down along the line of her jaw and finally over her lips. "Why don't I go get it and you can tell me what you think?"

"No." She turned her face into his hand. "I'll go. You stay here. You should rest." Her lips brushed his palm. Sharon eased away from him and slipped over the side of the recliner. She tried to be careful, but when he winced, she knew that she had jostled him. She leaned down and pressed another kiss to his lips. "I'll be right back."

"I'm not going anywhere," he drawled. His eyes tracked her as she moved down the hall. His heart was beating a drum against his chest. He exhaled quietly. It was not how he planned to bring it up, not in the least, but he was glad that he had… and that she hadn't run from the idea.

In the bedroom, Sharon approached the dresser slowly. She stood in front of it and stared at the drawer that he had indicated. She drew a thin breath and let it out slowly. Her hand shook as she reached out to open it. A smile curved her lips. It was a wonder she hadn't found it already. He had hidden it in his t-shirt drawer. She shook her head as she reached inside, all the way to the back. Her fingers closed around the small, square box and she drew it out. She bit her bottom lip again. She was tempted to open it, but knew that she should wait.

Her heart fluttered a rapid rhythm as she walked back to the living room. Andy was where she had left him in the recliner. Sharon walked back over and handed him the ring box as she eased back down into the recliner beside him. She was more careful as she got settled this time. She laid her head atop his shoulder and nodded. "Okay," she whispered.

He looked down at her. "You sure?" He held the box in his right hand. Once he opened the box there was no going back. There would be a question and she would need to give him an answer. Right now it was just an abstract of the future that he wanted.

"Very," she said quietly. She rested her forehead against the curve of his jaw and reached out to open the top of the box. She drew a quick breath at what greeted her. No, this was certainly no pawn shop knock off. A single, ruby solitaire sparkled back at her, reflecting the light like tiny embers. It was surrounded by glittering diamonds and set in an antique filigree band of white gold. " _Andy_."

He turned his face into her hair. His lips moved against her temple when he spoke, voice thick and rumbling in the silent room. "You're not made of ice, Sharon. You've always been made of fire." Whatever their relationship, it had never been cold. They had never been indifferent toward one another. Even when they were barely friends, the anger and dislike had burned brightly. "Sharon…"

She didn't wait for him to ask. "Yes." There was no other answer to give him. His mobility was limited, so she took the ring out of the box herself. He took it from her with his right hand, and she held her breath as he slipped it onto her left. She lifted her head then, and smiled. Her eyes were moist and shining brightly. Her hand cupped his cheek as she lowered her mouth to his. "It's the life that I want too," she whispered.

He touched her face again, traced the familiar lines. He drew her back down and tucked her into his side again. "Then it's what we'll have." They would find a way. They couldn't live in the past. All they had was the present, and what they wanted was a future.

 **-TBC-**


	18. Chapter 18

**Lies We Told Ourselves**

 **by Kadi**

 **Rated T**

 **Disclaimer:** Not my sandbox. I just love playing in it.

* * *

 **Chapter 18**

Over the course of the next day, the team managed to run down the residence of Samuel Lawrence. They found chemicals in his garage that matched the accelerant from the fire at Los Feliz Towers, and letters that he had written to Bill Croelick, but had not mailed. Print analysis didn't turn up any sign that Croelick had ever been to the residence. There was no evidence to tie him to the other man, or in anyway implicate him in those crimes. At the end of the day, and at the insistence of his lawyer, they had to let him go.

As far as they could determine he was, as he said, a victim. Sharon had a hard time truly believing that, but with no evidence to tie him to the crimes, she released him. She closed her case and sent copies of what they had found in Lawrence's home to the arson investigators that were looking into the fire at her apartment. They were, for all intents and purposes, finished with Bill Croelick… and his lawyer.

Jack was never pleasant, but in the professional arena, he was more of an irritant than usual. He was particularly smug when she had to concede defeat where his client's innocence was concerned.

Then he had wanted to talk. He wanted to discuss the situation with Ricky. Sharon had walked away from him without looking back. She was finding that it got easier to do every time that she did it.

With the case closed and nothing new pending for them, Sharon sent her people home. It was nice to be able to leave the Murder Room before sunset, even if they were only getting out of there at four in the afternoon. She stopped at the grocery store on her way home. With three grown men staying in the same house, the pantry as beginning to look a little bare. As she wondered through the store, in her usual aimless manner, as Andy would call it, she recalled the dinner that she had never quite gotten around to making for her sons. Sharon planned for that and purchased a hen for baking, vegetables for steaming, and a few other items to stock the pantry as well. This time, at least, the groceries made it home with her.

There was an unfamiliar car parked in the driveway when she arrived. Sharon parked the silver Crown Victoria alongside it, and recalled that Rusty was borrowing Andy's personal car until both of theirs were released from the crime scene at Los Feliz. Sharon made a mental note to check on that, but was sure they should have the vehicles back by the end of the week. She had read the report from the arson investigators. The fire had not penetrated parking garage. She was still certain she would need to have both cars cleaned and ventilated. That was something she would worry about when she had them back, she decided.

In the meantime, she wondered at the unfamiliar, red jeep wrangler that was parked in front of Andy's house. Sharon only took one of the grocery bags out of the car; she had already decided she would send the boys out to get the rest.

Rusty met her at the door. He had been hoping that Sharon would get home soon. When she texted that she was stopping at the store he started watching for her car. He took the bag out of her hands and slipped past her, already headed toward the car. "I'll get it. You should really go in there."

She turned on the spot. A frown drew her brows together. "Really? What's going on?"

"Just trust me." He gave her a pained look. He felt out of place when drama happened in their own family, being witness to it in someone else's just left him feeling ten kinds of awkward. He would have liked to escape the uncomfortable scene, but then he had felt worse for thinking like that. He thought maybe Ricky and Andy needed one person that was on their side.

Sharon was concerned by the vagueness of his answer. She sighed softly and readjusted the strap of her purse. "Do you need help getting the rest of the groceries?"

"Nope." Rusty was actually looking forward to it taking several trips to get them all. He hoped she bought a lot. "I can handle this, Sharon. You should go inside," said again.

She frowned at his insistence and nodded. "Very well. If you change your mind, ask your brother to help you."

"I don't think that is going to be an option," he muttered.

Sharon stepped into the house and dropped the car keys on the table beside the door. She could hear voices in the living room. They were not raised, but they were definitely strained. Sharon juggled her purse while shrugging out of her blazer and carried it and her purse into the room with her. Her eyes scanned the situation quickly. Andy was standing, rather stiffly, near the bar that separated the living room from the kitchen. His injured right arm was still in a sling, and from the set of his shoulders and the thinning of his lips she could see that he was in some pain. Ricky was sitting on the end of the sofa nearest him. He was leaning forward, arms braced against his legs and his hands clasped loosely together. Sharon had only met the other young man once, the night of the first Nutcracker performance that she attended with Andy. Even had they not been previously introduced she would have recognized Charles Flynn anywhere.

He had at least an inch on his father, and the same long lines and broad set shoulders. Charlie sported the same dark hair Andy had in his youth, but where Andy's eyes were dark, Charlie had inherited his mother's blue eyes. He looked at her as she crossed the room, and the disapproval was written across his face. Sharon simply offered a polite smile as she set her purse and blazer on the bar.

"Is everything okay?" She laid a hand on Andy's arm and took a closer look at him. He was more flushed than she was comfortable with. "Andy?"

"It's fine." His hand was braced against the edge of the bar but he lifted it and laid it against her shoulder. "Sharon, you remember my son, Charlie?"

"Yes I do." She turned and offered him a wider smile. It didn't completely reach her eyes. Nicole had specifically asked him not to call for a couple of days. This confrontation couldn't be avoided, and while he and Nicole had a right to be upset, she thought that it could have waited. "Charlie, I would say that it's good to see you again, but I know that you're not here for a social call."

He was standing on the other side of the room, near the double patio doors. Charlie folded his arms across his chest and glared at her. "No ma'am, I'm not. I thought that I should come by and meet the brother that my dad never told me I had."

His tone was accusatory. It had Sharon raising a brow at him. She could feel Andy straighten and grow stiff beside her. This confrontation wasn't doing anything for his injures. Sharon turned pointedly away from Charlie and looked up at him again. "Go have a seat." She gripped his good arm and tugged him toward his chair. "Come on. Sit before you fall over."

He wasn't in the mood for coddling. Andy shrugged her hand off with a grunt. "I don't need a damned babysitter, Sharon." He shuffled toward his chair, however, because his back and ribs were hurting like hell. He eased down into the chair, but not without hissing at the pain it caused. Like he had told her, the second day was worse.

"Yes, I know." She smiled indulgently at him. He was never much of a fun patient. She wasn't exactly pleasant to be around when she didn't feel well either, so she would let it pass. Loving him meant accepting his moods, even if she didn't particularly like them sometimes. "Do you need anything?" He glowered darkly at her and she just smiled sweetly back at him.

Andy huffed a sigh. He reached for the bottle of ibuprofen on the table beside his chair. "I'm alright," he said again, this time with less anger.

Sharon waited until he had taken the medication before she turned her attention back to Charlie. "I'm sorry," she said, "I truly am, Charlie, but as you can see this isn't really a good time for this discussion. I thought that Nicole explained that to you?"

He had the good sense to look a little shamefaced when he realized just how injured his father was. Charlie shoved his hands into his pockets. "I understand that," he began, sounding more reasonable, "but you have to look at it from our point of view. I just found out that my dad has been lying to us for almost my entire life."

"Yeah?" Ricky muttered. "Mine too. Welcome to the club." He felt eyes on him and looked up. He glanced over at Andy. "Not you," he waved a hand through the air. "The other one." He sighed. "How does Rusty keep all this straight in his head?"

"I'm afraid that you'll have to ask him." Sharon offered her eldest son a sympathetic smile. "I can understand where it would be very confusing." She sat on the arm of the recliner and leaned into Andy's uninjured shoulder. Her hand rested against the back of his neck, fingers gentle as they smoothed away the tension that was knotting his muscles. She looked down at him and found worry in the dark eyes that were staring back at her. Sharon sighed. "Okay, you know what..." Her gaze swept back to Charlie. "Your father said he was sorry," she knew enough about Andy to know that his first instinct would have been to apologize, just as he had with Nicole. "But we are not going to continue to defend ourselves. I know that you're upset, but what happened between us twenty-five years ago had nothing to do with you. Your father was divorced from your mother and he was free to have a life that was separate of her. Whatever mistakes he made or did not make in the intervening years, you and I both know that he's worked hard to try and correct them. He has said that he is sorry until he is blue in the face, but it never seems to be enough."

When Charlie opened his mouth to protest, Sharon held up a hand. "No," she said, just a bit sharply. "I understand that you are hurt. I understand that your past experiences have left things strained between you, but at some point Charles you are going to have to grow up and make a decision where your father is concerned, and I hope for your sake that when you do that it isn't too late. I don't believe that you understand just how lucky you are." Her voice dipped and because she was becoming upset she leaned away from Andy again.

His arm circled her hips. "Sharon," he spoke quietly, "you don't have to do this." He was willing to let Charlie and Nicole remain angry with him if that was how they coped with the situation.

Sharon shook her head at him. This needed to be said; it was long overdue. "Actually I think someone has to, and I don't mind being the bad guy in this." She laid her hand on his shoulder again and turned her attention back to his son. "We see children everyday that are hurt or abandoned by their parents. We've worked cases where the children were seriously injured or worse. Rusty is with me because he was abandoned by his mother. Charlie, your father and I were together twenty-five years ago because I had no idea where my husband was. He left, and when he returned I gave him another chance. I won't call that a mistake, but he spent more time _out_ of my life during the next twenty years than he spent _in_ it. He chose to ignore his children, and yes I am including Ricky in that because Jack _chose_ to be a father to him. He made a commitment that he walked away from, one of many."

She paused for a moment and took a thin, cleansing breath. "Charlie, I'm not going to try to explain or even understand all of the factors that played a part in the end of your parents' marriage, nor am I going to say whether or not I believe that your mother was correct in her actions, but the fact remains... she wouldn't allow your father to see you. No, I take that back." Sharon looked down at Andy and offered a small smile. "While he was drinking, I agree. Your father was no one for you to be around, and he knew that. It's the same reason that he wasn't in Ricky's life." Her gaze lifted again and she shrugged at his son. "But later, when he was sober, and stronger, and willing to do the work to make up for all of the wrong that he had done, it was your mother that kept him away. I am not saying that your father is a perfect man, because my God is he flawed, but so too are the rest of us. If you want to hold something against him, then let it be the years he missed because he was buried in a bottle, but what you are not going to do is use a sequence of events that were very personal and none of your business as a reason to continue to be angry with a man that has more than proved that he deserves a second chance. At this point in your life, the only person that is stopping you from having a relationship with your father is _you_."

"And at least he wants to." The voice had come from behind them. Emily stood just inside the room. Rusty had let her in. She pushed her shades into her hair and looked around at all of them. "I don't really know your situation." She shrugged. "But I do know what it feels like when your father can't be bothered to remember that you exist."

"Emily." Sharon gasped as she turned. She was on her feet a moment later and moving toward her daughter. "What are you doing here?" It wasn't that she didn't want to see her, but it was quite a surprise. She had spoken to Emily only briefly during the past week, but she knew that the boys had been keeping her abreast of all that was happening.

"I heard that you were having a bad week." Emily smiled as she leaned into the hug. "I didn't realize my timing would be so dramatic. I'm not sure if I should have skipped checking into the hotel or waited a little while." Emily slipped her bag off her shoulder and set it on an empty chair. "I know Rusty has school, and you've got to work. I thought you might need an extra pair of hands, and I could spare a few days. I need to fly back on Sunday evening, but you have me until then."

Sharon cupped her chin and smiled brightly. "I adore you." It was always wonderful having her daughter at home, but most especially now. She hugged her again before drawing her further into the room. She never liked it when her children tried to check into a hotel while they were visiting, but this time was different. Leave it to Emily to recognize the need and not make her feel guilty by having to ask.

"I'm sorry," Emily looked around the room again. "I didn't mean to interrupt." Her gaze settled on Andy and then Charlie. "I really didn't mean to include myself in something that is none of my business."

Andy looked down and shook his head. He fought the urge to grin. She was her mother's daughter, but there was a good deal of Jack in her too. Andy didn't see it, but Sharon had tried to point it out to him before. She could see in her daughter the dreamer that Jack had been, before his dreams ran askew. "Don't worry about it," he told her. "You're right. You know exactly how that feels, and so do both of your brothers. It's the one damned thing that none of you should have ever _had_ to learn."

"So you're just telling me that I have to accept this?" Charlie frowned at them. Somehow it didn't surprise him that _her_ kids would be in favor of it all. "How can all of you just be okay with it? You've been lied to your entire lives." He waved a hand at them. "Whether your real dad, or other dad, or whoever the hell he is, was around or not that doesn't make what they did _right_."

"No it doesn't," Emily said, "and I'm not okay with it. Part of me is always going to wonder if my parents marriage might have been stronger or lasted longer if they hadn't had that hanging over their heads. But there is also a part of me that understands, and that's because I remember my dad being gone, and I remember yours being there." Those memories were very vague, just snapshots really of a brief time in her life that had somehow become significant for all of them. "My dad chose to leave, and he chose to come and go, and there are a lot of things about all of that I will never understand. I'm always going to wonder if we have been too hard on him, or if we're somehow to blame for the fact that he can't quite get it together. What if we had been better, or kinder, or more helpful? Those are questions that I can't answer, and I probably never will. I can tell you what I do know," she smiled kindly at him. There was sadness in her gaze, but there was also sympathy. "I know that I can count on one hand the number of recitals that my father made it to. He wasn't at my high school graduation. He missed my college graduation, and he has never seen me dance professionally. I can tell you that when my father does show an interest in me I have to wonder why and if he is just doing it to get at my mother somehow. I don't know your father well, Charlie, and I don't know you, but from everything I've heard I don't think that those are things you have to worry about. You can ask me how I can just accept this, but the fact is, I have nothing to accept. It's none of my business."

"Charlie." Andy rose stiffly from his chair. "It's not a moment in my life that I'm proud of, but it's not something I regret either. If that's what you're looking for me to say, it's never gonna happen. They're right, I'm sorry, but I can't change it. There's nothing that I can do about it now but just move forward. Things are gonna change around here, and I'd like you to get on board with that, but you know..." He shrugged helplessly. "I can't force you to."

"What do you mean?" Charlie folded his arms. His frowned deepened. He gave his father a suspicious look. "What else is changing?" None of this was sitting well with him, but then when it came to his dad, it was always hard to figure out what he should take at face value and what should be accepted with a grain of salt.

Andy scrubbed a hand across his face. "Dammit." He had backed himself into a corner. This wasn't how they had wanted to tell the kids, and he would have liked Nicole to be there. He would call her, he decided, and hopefully before her brother did. Sharon's low, throaty chuckle made him scowl at her. "Just for that, you can tell them."

"We're getting married," Sharon said simply. She shrugged at them, and gave a little hum. Really, her personal relationships were none of their business. She wasn't going to ask her children's permission to marry the man she loved. She would rather they be happy for them, and she thought they probably would be, but she didn't see the need for any grand announcements or speeches.

"Is that all?" Charlie rolled his eyes at her. "I figured that out when he got Nicole to help him pick out a ring." He snorted at his father. "You didn't really think she wasn't going to tell me, did you?"

"You thought she wouldn't tell?" Rusty poked his head out of the kitchen. He had been listening. It was really hard not to. Now that things seemed to be settling down a little, his stomach hurt less. "She even told _me_." He arched a brow at the Lieutenant. "You don't know a whole lot about siblings do you? Even I know nothing is ever a secret and I'm way newer to it than you are."

Andy glared at him too. "Thanks a lot, Little Provenza. You could have given us the heads up."

Rusty just smirked at him. He snorted as he went back into the kitchen. "Sorry, I thought you knew," he called back. "It's kind of obvious."

Sharon bowed her head as she laughed. "It really is. If you included Nicole, then they all knew before I did."

"Again," Rusty called from the kitchen.

Ricky snorted a laugh. "At least she figured it out before the wedding." His mother shot a glare at him and he just grinned back. "Oh come on? That's not getting old any time soon."

"We knew," Emily said. "Rusty told us. I'm sorry," she told Andy. "Nothing is sacred when there are siblings involved. The only people that we keep secrets from are our parents."

"Indeed." Sharon shot a bland look at her. "Since you are all together again, we will be having a discussion about _that_."

"Crap." Ricky rolled his eyes heavenward. "Emily. Really?"

Rusty popped out of the kitchen. "Do I have to be part of that? Because for the record, if this is about the Jack drinking thing, I totally wanted to tell you." He pointed at Ricky and Emily. "They wouldn't let me."

"Wow." Emily was staring at him. "He has really got this down." She shoved Ricky. "What have you been teaching him?"

He smirked at his sister. "It's never my fault, it's always your fault, and if mom finds out, we're both screwed anyway but it's worth a try."

She nodded slowly. "Not bad. Good job."

Ricky shrugged. He pushed his hands into his pockets and rocked back on his heels. "Yeah. I know."

Sharon turned on her older children. Her eyes narrowed. "Tell me that you did not gang up on your little brother and make him lie to me. Ricky. Emily!" Her hands landed on her hips and she glared at both of them. "You know how I feel about lying, but if you made Rusty feel like he had to, then yes that is going to be a very long discussion."

"Okay," Ricky said slowly. "This isn't going how I thought it would."

Emily took a step back and nudged him in front of her. "Me either. Quick, calm her down."

"What?" He grabbed her and tugged her forward. "Why me? You're the oldest. Protect and defend big sister."

"What you can both do," Sharon said at length, "is go into the kitchen and help Rusty finish putting away the groceries. I will be in shortly to talk to you." She pointed them in that direction. "Now please."

They both hung their heads and walked in that direction. As they neared the kitchen, Emily nudged him again. "This is all your fault," she hissed.

"He's not even my dad," Ricky hissed back. "That makes it all yours by default."

Sharon waited until her children were out of the room before she turned back to Charlie with a wide smile. "So sorry about that." She clasped her hands in front of her. "Listen, Charlie, this is all a lot to take in. Maybe you should think on it for a little while. I know that your father has already offered to sit down with Doctor Walker and discuss things with you and your sister. A neutral location with a neutral mediator might make it easier for you to have the conversation that I think you need to have."

"Yeah." Charlie sighed. He ran a hand through his hair. "I just..." He shook his head at them. "I was starting to buy into the idea that he had changed, and then I find out about another lie. It just makes me..." He couldn't even put words to his frustration.

"I understand," Sharon said. "So let's do this. Let's table any discussions about the past until you've had an opportunity to really think about it. Sit down with your father and Nicole and the three of you discuss it together in your therapy session. Then, if after that you have any questions, your father and I would be glad to answer them. In the meantime," she offered a warm smile, "you should stay for dinner. I know it's been a rough couple of days." She could only imagine the situation with Nicole's abduction and his father's injury had colored his emotional response.

"I'd like that," Charlie shrugged, "but I should probably go." Everything was still pretty raw and he couldn't promise that he wouldn't lose his temper again. "Besides, mom wants Nicole and me at the house tonight. We're trying to get out of it, but I doubt that's going to happen." He offered a crooked smile, "If she finds out my reason for not coming was because I was here..." He whistled. "Let's just not make everything worse."

"That sounds like a very wise choice," Sharon nodded.

"No kidding," Andy muttered. He thought Vicki had a temper to rival his. He could just imagine the explosion that would come. "Come on, I'll walk you out."

"While you do that…" Sharon turned on her heel. "I'm going to go and deal with my plotting, recalcitrant offspring."

Charlie watched her march into the kitchen. His brows climbed into his hairline. "Should I feel sorry for them?"

"Nah." Andy smirked as he walked toward the door with his son. "She's a soft touch with the kids."

"Right." Charlie wasn't sure that he believed that, especially after the lecture she had just given him. He shot a skeptical look at his father. "And if I happen to tell her that you said that?"

"Then you should feel sorry for me," Andy muttered. He wrapped his good arm around his middle. He stepped out onto the front porch and stood there. "Listen, Charlie…"

"Don't," his son said. He wasn't ready to not be upset with him yet. "Let's just not talk about it anymore. Nicole was right, I should have waited; I shouldn't have driven over here pissed off and jumped your ass like that. The more I thought about it…"

"The more pissed off you got." Andy nodded. "Yeah, I know." He sighed; it was something he was familiar with. "Think on it," he said, "we'll talk about it again later." He remained where he was and watched Charlie leave. His shoulders slumped after the jeep pulled out of his drive. Andy shook his head as he turned and walked back into the house. Emily was right; it had definitely been one hell of a week.

Andy made his way back into the house and wandered toward the kitchen. He leaned against the door while he watched Sharon lecture her children on lying to her.

Rusty didn't allow her to get too worked up, however. He stepped forward with his hand half raised. "I have a question."

Sharon folded her arms across her chest. She tilted her head at him. "Yes," she said at length. "What is it?"

"Well," Rusty gestured with his hands, "I thought on the subject of their relationship with Jack that you're neutral. Switzerland, remember? So really, if they found out something about him and didn't tell you, wasn't that _technically_ the correct thing to do?" Before she could answer he went on, "I mean, if they found out something about you, would you want them telling Jack?"

Her lips pursed. She was fighting the urge to smile, but she couldn't allow them to see it. "That really isn't the point, Rusty. They were aware of the fact that their father was drinking again and they failed to mention it. He showed up in our home intoxicated, and that was something that we could have been prepared for."

"Not really." Rusty shrugged at her. "You're the one that didn't change the locks. I know that you said you would do it if you knew he was drinking again, but why would you think he would show up there? You're divorced. I know that you're disappointed in them for not telling you, but they were really just trying to support your neutrality."

Ricky looked back and forth between his mother and Rusty. He knew the moment it came, the moment that she completely deflated. His jaw dropped open. "No way!" He looked across Rusty's head at Emily. "Did that just happen?"

"It did." Emily was staring at her mother. She was a little suspicious of her sudden smile. "I'm not sure if we should trust it. We've never gotten out of trouble like that before."

"I know." Ricky's eyes narrowed. He looked down at Rusty. "What did you do?"

"Logic." Rusty smirked at him. "Throw something at her that she can't deny and it's pretty easy to get around her argument. How can you not know that? I thought you people like, knew her your whole lives?" He made a face at them and turned around. He walked toward Flynn. "How is it we're better at handling her than _they_ are?"

Andy grinned. "They're used to tactical evasion. We've learned to negotiate and cover our asses." He pushed away from the door and moved into the kitchen. "Did she get anything good to eat?"

"Do not think," Sharon pointed a finger at her elder two children, "that just because Rusty got you off the hook _this_ time that it will work _next_ time." She arched a brow at them. "In other words, there had better not be a next time. Are we understood?"

"Perfectly," Emily answered.

"Yeah, sure, you betcha," Ricky said.

"Good." She smiled brightly at them. "Now, who wants to help me make dinner?"

Emily rolled her eyes at her mother. "I will, but I want to see the ring first. I can't believe you didn't tell me already." She pouted. "What were you planning to do? Shoot me an e-invite and hope I got it in time."

"Well if you would move back to LA," Sharon drawled, "you wouldn't have to worry about being out of the loop."

"Yeah, maybe you can talk about this later." Ricky made good his opportunity to escape the kitchen while he still could. As he walked past her, he grabbed his sister's arm and tugged her with him.

"What?" Emily scowled at her brother but had no choice but to be pulled along behind him. "What is your problem?"

"Your inability to grab a clue." He jerked his head toward where Andy was hovering near the fridge pretending to look for a snack. "It doesn't take that long to figure out mom didn't buy anything salty."

Sharon snorted a laugh and covered her face with her hand. She did love them both, but neither of them was very subtle. She could hear Andy chuckling and sighed. "You are responsible for one of them, so don't be too amused."

"Too late." He took a bottle of water out of the refrigerator and placed it on the counter. Andy walked toward her and when he'd reached her, he slipped his good arm around her waist. His head lowered. His nose nuzzled her cheek. "Hi," he said quietly.

"Hi." Her lips curved into a smile. She laid her hand against his chest and tipped her face up. The kiss was light but it lingered for just a moment between them. "How is it today?"

"Bout what I figured." He kissed her again and then moved away to lean against the counter. "It will get better tomorrow."

"Yes." She let her hand slide down the front of his t-shirt before it fell away. "I know you want an update on the case, but can we do it after dinner?" It was just going to upset him and she didn't want to bring that on so soon after the discussion with Charlie. What she had to tell him could wait.

"We can do that." He reached out and wrapped his hand around her wrist. Andy tugged her toward him again. He let his arm slide around her shoulders and tucked her into his side. "I've been thinking…"

Sharon's brows rose. There was amusement in his gaze. Her lips pursed. "Oh dear."

"Yep." He grinned crookedly. "I'm pretty sure, and Emily just confirmed it for me," he began, "that we're going to need a bigger house."

"Hm." She folded her lips together and thought about that. "I see." Sharon's head tilted while she considered it. "But what if I don't want a house?" she asked. "I do like having a view." He gave her a pained look and she let go of the laugh that she was holding back. Andy really did hate the idea of living in an apartment or condo complex with so many people nearby. "Find me a house with a view," she told him, "and we'll talk."

"You're on." Andy pushed away from the counter. He gave her a smug smile because he knew that she expected him not to find one, and certainly not one in their price range. He called out for Rusty as he left the kitchen. "Get your computer, we've got work to do."

Sharon rolled her eyes at his back. "A scenic view," she called after them. Her corner condo had overlooked Griffith Park on one side and the city on the other.

"Yeah," Andy grumbled back. "You worry about dinner. I've got this."

She snorted another laugh. They would just see about that. Sharon was very interested in seeing the house that he and Rusty would find together, and just what they would think constituted a _scenic view_. She shook her head and let her attention shift toward dinner. Whatever the outcome of their search, one thing was obvious; they were going to need a really good realtor.

 **-TBC-**


	19. Chapter 19

**Lies We Told Ourselves**

 **by Kadi**

 **Rated T**

 **Disclaimer:** Not my sandbox. I just love playing in it.

* * *

 **Chapter 19**

"Are we sure that this is a good idea?" Rusty shot a skeptical look at his siblings. They were standing outside Sharon's storage unit. It contained everything that she had left in the way of personal possessions. "Sharon isn't going to mind us going through her stuff?"

"Most of it is family stuff," Ricky pointed out. He keyed in the code and smirked. "And if mom cared, she would have changed the code." The lock on the door clicked and he slid it upward. "Come on, Rusty. It's not a bad thing. We're actually doing something very, very good."

"Mom will get over losing pretty much everything," Emily explained, "but she won't get over losing all of the pictures. I know she had some of them digitally backed up, but the older pictures like our baby pictures, I doubt she managed all of them." Emily gestured as she spoke and stepped into the narrow storage closet. It was barely big enough for all three of them, especially with the walls lined with boxes. "We're hoping mom saved the negatives, and if she did, we're hoping they're here."

"If they are, we can get them reprinted for her," Ricky said. "It's going to depend on what kind of shape they're in. It may not work, but it's worth a try. Don't you think?"

"I guess." Rusty moved into the unit with them. He looked around the interior. The last time he had been there had been when he brought the Christmas decorations back for her. She had been in the middle of a case and was tired of the boxes cluttering up her closet. Rusty had taken everything down, repacked it, and then moved it back into storage for her. "Any idea what she would have packed it with?"

"Just look for a box with photo albums and pictures," Ricky said. "Mom kept most of it at the condo, so it's a long shot, but I'm pretty sure things like her wedding album got stored away."

His sarcastic tone had Emily reaching over to swat his arm. "Be nice," she warned. She had been in town only a day and already her brother was wearing on her nerves. He was more vocal now with his views of _her_ father and their mother's marriage to him. "I know that you've got this romantic notion in your head now," she said, "but I believe mom when she says that she was still in love with dad."

"You go right on believing that," Ricky wasn't buying it, but then he'd had more exposure to his parents than she had. He couldn't explain it to her; it was just a gut feeling.

"Can we not have this argument again?" Rusty was lifting the tops off of boxes and moving them around as he searched. "Our mom liked my dad way more than she liked your dads, so there." He frowned and looked up. He looked at his siblings and found them staring back at him. "That didn't come out right."

"I'd say not." Ricky made a face at him. "Let's try _not_ to repeat that, especially where mom can hear."

"Agreed." Rusty shook his head. He lifted a stack of boxes and moved them out of his way. "When are you planning on getting all these pictures reprinted? Sharon doesn't really have a place to put them, you know. I have a feeling it's going to be a while before we get another place. She and Flynn can't seem to agree on what they want." He refused to live in a condo or a townhouse; Sharon wasn't sold on the idea of a house. She wanted the convenience of her condo and a view. She was willing to negotiate on the convenience factor if the view was good enough.

"I know," Emily shrugged. "It would still be nice for her to know that some things weren't lost, Rusty." She lifted the lid off of one of the boxes he moved. "What is all of this?"

"Christmas decorations," he replied, without looking. "I brought all of it back after the holidays. Sharon was seriously ready to have it out of the condo. She loves Christmas," Rusty said, "but really hates clutter."

"I don't think so." Emily's brows drew together in a frown. She put the lid aside and reached into the plastic bin. There were a couple of books on top, photo albums that she slid aside. She gasped. Her jaw dropped and she lifted a pair of tissue wrapped, pink ballet shoes. They were much too small to fit her feet now. "Oh, _Rusty_." Emily hugged them to her chest and stared at him. "Did you bring this box with the decorations?"

He looked over at it and nodded. "Yeah. It was stacked in Sharon's closet with the other boxes. Why?" After they had decorated the tree and the condo they had stored the boxes in Sharon's closet out of the way. "I just grabbed everything and brought it over."

"Rusty!" Emily bounced where she stood. Her eyes grew moist as she looked down into the box. She picked up a small, pink teddy bear. The colors had faded over time, but it had been carefully stored and well cared for. Across it's now off-white belly the words _It's a Girl!_ were embroidered in faded pink.

"What did you find?" Ricky slid over and maneuvered around his sister to see what had excited her. "Holy crap!" He reached into the box and pulled out two white books. They looked like journals but one of them was trimmed in pink, and the other blue. "Rusty, do you know what this is?"

"Seriously drawing a blank." He shrugged at them. "Keepsakes?" Rusty looked between them. They were acting like they had just found a treasure chest. "I don't get it," he said.

"Rusty," Emily smiled brightly at him. "The one thing that mom was most upset about losing was this box. _This box_ ," she stressed. "It had our baby books in it," she nodded to the two items that Ricky was holding. "My first ballet shoes, Ricky's first baseball glove, and oh my god…" She placed the items in her hand back in the box and lifted out a thin, flat white box. Emily lifted the top off of it and carefully parted the tissue paper. "Oh," She breathed happily. "Our Christening gowns…" She lifted it for Rusty to see. "Her grandmother made these for us each time that she was pregnant."

He shoved his hands into his pockets. Rusty guessed that they really had found a treasure chest, at least of a sort. He watched Emily carefully pack the Christening gown away again. "I guess I picked it up by accident. I didn't realize what it was," he said. "It was just there with the other boxes."

"Mom kept it in her closet," Ricky said. He grinned as he lifted out a glove that now seemed so tiny. He turned it over in his hand. Nothing had ever sounded better than the gentle squeaking of the old leather. "She's going to lose it when we show her this." There was so much else that was lost, other mementos and keepsakes, but these were the ones she had said she would miss the most. He couldn't wait to show it to her. As he turned the glove over in his hand, something fell out of it. Ricky stooped to pick it up. It looked like a folded photo that had been stuffed into the interior of his glove. He frowned as he opened it. His brows lifted slowly. "Hey, Emily…"

"Hm?" She was still sorting through the box, sighing and gasping over the treasures that she was finding. "Ricky look." She pulled a doll out of the box and grinned. "God, I can't believe she kept this old thing." It was the ballerina doll that she had carried around for years, and the reason that she had started her dance classes to begin with. Emily had wanted to be a pretty ballerina like the doll.

Ricky turned the picture in his hand toward her. "Still think I've got some crazy romantic notion built up in my head?" He arched a brow at her and smiled smugly. If it weren't for the fact that the photograph was so aged, creased and faded with time, and that they were so obviously younger, he would have believed that the picture had been taken that morning, or any moment from the last few months.

Emily took the picture from him and studied it closely. Her brows lifted in surprise. Her mother was standing with Andy. He had an arm around her waist and her face was pressed into his shoulder as she laughed. He was grinning widely as he rested his chin atop her head. In his other hand there was a plastic cup. The photo was too faded for her to be able to tell what it was, but her eyes were drawn to the child in the picture. It was her. She was leaning against his leg, smiling widely up at them, while the hand holding his cup rested against her shoulder. In her arms was the doll that she was currently holding. Emily didn't remember the event, or having the picture taken. They were outside, in what appeared to be a backyard. There were other people in the background. She could only assume it was a casual party of some kind. What surprised her most was how happy they looked, carefree.

She smiled sadly as she passed the picture back to him. "No," Emily said, "I guess you really don't. She even hid it away in _your_ glove," she pointed out. Emily sighed. "I wonder if mom even realizes how long she's loved him." She didn't want to think that her mother hadn't loved her father, but the evidence was in front of her. She knew that her mother had tried hard, but it looked like by the time Jack had returned, there was very little for them to salvage. Emily wondered how different their lives might have been if they hadn't even tried.

"Or she's still lying to herself." Ricky shrugged as he placed the glove back in the box. He kept the picture. This one he would hang onto, give it to his mother separately. "She feels guilty, Emily. I know she loved him, Jack I mean. She blames herself. You're not the only one who wonders if they could have made it work without me hanging over their heads. I get that she totally loves my real dad _now_ , but I'm sure that she wonders what might have happened if I was really Jack's."

"Or maybe she wishes that he had never come back." Emily shrugged as she went back to sorting through boxes, looking for other photos and the film negatives. "I guess we'll never know."

"Em." Ricky gave her a pained look. He had forgotten that this would be hard for _her_ too. Hers was the father that had run out on them. Hers was the father that had disappointed them time and again. He was the one that they couldn't trust, and weren't sure that they would ever be able to trust. "Mom made the choice that she _wanted_ to make. She wasn't settling."

"No, Ricky." Emily put a box down with more force than was necessary. "She made the choice that she thought was _right_. It's what she always does. It's why she took him back so many times, when she clearly wasn't happy. It's why she stayed married to him, despite the fact that he was gone." Emily sighed. "Ricky, it's why she stopped crying when he eventually left."

"Or maybe," Rusty interrupted them, "things worked out exactly the way that they were supposed to." He looked between his siblings. "Flynn was still drinking back then. He didn't get sober until years later remember? Okay so maybe they were happy for a little while," he pointed out, "but then they went their separate ways. They both made that decision, and I don't think that any of us can say why they did what they did. It's not like we can change it. They're together now," he said, "and I know that we all think that's a good thing. So maybe that's what we focus on."

"It's not that I'm unhappy for her," Emily assured him. "It's just hard knowing that my father wasn't the one, and only because he ultimately didn't want to be. Not for any of us."

"I know." Rusty shrugged at her. He understood it only too well. His real mother couldn't get it together for him. He knew what it was to not be chosen by a parent, and to truly want things to be different.

"Okay, let's just get through this," Ricky said. "Let's find the negatives and the photo albums and take them back to mom. We can worry about the rest of it as we need to." As he spoke, he put the picture of his parents in his back pocket and picked up another box.

Silence descended on them. They continued to search, and as the items that they were looking for were found, they were added to the box of keepsakes to be taken back to their mother. While they searched, Rusty considered just how alike they all were. It wasn't a thought that he had ever entertained before. There were varying degrees of severity, but it seemed that at some point in their lives, each of them had been abandoned by a parent, and they were all learning how to trust again. Oddly enough, it made him feel more like one of them. He wasn't the odd duck, he was just the much cuter and way smarter little brother.

 **MCMCMCMCMCMC**

Sharon could not believe that she let Andy talk her into this. She looked over at him every time he shifted in his seat and grimaced. "This could have waited," she pointed out with a sigh. "There was no reason at all for us to drive up here _now_ , and I don't even know what it is that you want me to see." She was behind the wheel of his Camry and letting the car's GPS guide her to the address he had programmed into it. Sharon wanted to roll her eyes just thinking about it. He wouldn't let her touch the GPS, if it weren't for the fact that her car and Rusty's were still unavailable, she doubted he would even be letting her drive.

"Because we've only got a small window to act on it," Andy pointed out again. "Look, if we want to get in on this thing, we have to move fast. That means driving up here and looking at it before it's too late." He shifted in his seat again. It wasn't necessarily that he was uncomfortable in the seat, but the seatbelt was pulling at his shoulder. He was looking forward to getting out of the car again.

"That's the part that bothers me," she said. "You're being entirely too secretive." She pulled the car through a traffic light and waved her hand at him. "This isn't a race, Andy. We just started looking for a house a day ago, it takes time." Sharon shook her head at him. How often had his impetuous nature gotten him in to trouble? Now it seemed that he was taking her right along with him.

"Yeah, well I didn't say this was _the one_ ," he told her, with no small amount of frustration sliding into his tone. "It just _might_ be the one. We won't know until we look at it. You said you wanted a view, and a scenic one at that. Well, I found you a view."

Sharon rolled her eyes at him. "Yes," she said blandly, "in Coldwater Canyon, which is so far beyond our price range that it's not even laughable. Even with the settlement from the fire there's no way that we can afford anything up here, and even if we could, we're not going to have it for several weeks. Looking will just end up being… depressing." She made a face at him. "Are you trying to depress me?"

"You are the worst person to try and surprise." Andy shook his head at her. "Can't you just trust that I know what I'm doing? Or at the very least, that I might have more information right now than you do?" He frowned at her. "Come on, I would not bring you up here and get your hopes up if I didn't know _something_."

"I'm not sure if that makes me feel better or not." Sharon sniffed. "Andy, is this something that's going to make me have to file a report?" She arched a brow at him. "Where exactly did you get this information?"

He smirked at her. "Provenza."

"Oh god." She moaned. Sharon wanted to turn the car around, go home, and forget that he had ever convinced her to drive north into the hills. Coldwater Canyon was in a section of the Los Angeles hill country between the Hollywood Hills and Bel Air. The homes in that section of the city were expensive and well appointed. She had to hand it to him; the scenery was definitely beautiful, with the hills and canyons overlooking the city. "We should go home," she said. "This can't end well."

Andy rolled his eyes at her. "It's a house," he drawled sarcastically, "not a body. I think we'll be fine. You know, for the record, you're marrying me so you get the Provenza too. It might be time for you to start getting used to it."

"Yes," she said sweetly, "because that is definitely filling me full of warm and fuzzy feelings about the life that we're going to have together." She shot a dark look at him. "Not helping, Flynn." Her eyes narrowed. "If there's a body in that house I'm going to make you bunk with the boys."

"You know what," He waved a hand at her, "just turn up here and get ready to apologize. You're going to love it."

"I may very well, but it doesn't mean that I can _have_ it," she reminded him. "There is a little thing called money and it is very important in the process of purchasing a home. I know that may be an abstract idea to someone who has been renting for so long, but…"

"Sharon." Andy sighed. "Alright fine." He closed his eyes. "Provenza's got a buddy that knew about this place. It's a Foreclosure. The city seized it during a case a couple of years ago. It's finally clear for them to auction off, but it doesn't necessarily have to _go_ to auction. We can make an offer on it. As long as the City doesn't charge us more than list price at the time of the seizure, then it's ours. The thing is, these houses usually go pretty cheap. The city wants to unload them fast. Since we both work for the city and we know someone who knows someone…" He trailed off so that she could draw her own conclusions. It was as good as theirs if they liked it.

"That's it?" Sharon wasn't sure she was ready to trust his information just yet. Her lips pursed while she thought about it. "Why was it seized?" That might be a deal breaker.

"Drug trafficking," he said. "Nothing sinister. No one died and they promised me that there are no bullet holes from the bust." He smirked. "Even if there are, I think we can handle some minor repairs."

Sharon snorted at him. "Sure, let me know how that works out for you _and_ your shoulder." She smirked as she pulled the car to a stop in front of what the GPS indicated was their location. They were actually on a smaller residential street that bisected Coldwater Canyon Drive. She leaned forward to look at the house through the passenger side window. It was certainly lovely, at least what she could see of it behind the brick wall fence and iron gate. Her brows lifted. "It's a bit pretentious for us, isn't it?" The two-story home backed right up to the side of a hill. When she looked to her left, through the trees that lined the street, she could see the canyon and beyond it, the city.

"Well," Andy pushed his door open. "You wanted a view." He grunted as he climbed out of the car. His ribs and back didn't ache nearly as badly as they had, but he was still very stiff and incredibly sore. He waved a hand at the canyon. "Now you have a view."

"Yes." Sharon slid out of the car. "A pretentious view." She smirked as she rounded the hood and joined him. "Alright hot shot, so how are we getting in there?" She folded her arms over her chest and lifted her brows at him. "Hm?"

"Provenza got me the code." He smirked back at her. "What? Like I was going to drive all the way up here and not be able to get in? Lady, don't you know me at all?" Andy rolled his eyes at her, but dropped his good arm around her shoulders as they strolled toward the iron gate.

Sharon gazed through the bars while she waited for him to key in the code. There was very little yard beyond the fence. Much of it was a paved stone drive that wound to a two-car garage. The rest had been landscaped beautifully with colorful flowers and well kept shrubs that lined the driveway and front of the house. As the gate opened inward and they stepped inside, she found that the inside of the brick fence was covered in a mixture of ivy and climbing roses.

She slipped her arm around Andy's waist as they walked toward the house. The garage seemed to take up one side of the structure, but it sprawled at an angle and seemed to be large enough. Perhaps even a bit too large for just the two of them.

The key to the house was in another coded lockbox. Sharon looked on as Andy retrieved. She shook her head and tried not to think about the many rule violations that were probably taking place. Their only grace point was the fact that it wasn't an LAPD holding. She didn't really have to worry about it, even if it did make the hall monitor inside her squirm uncomfortably.

Andy opened the door and drew Sharon inside. They stepped into a wide foyer. There was a closet to one side and an archway to the other. He took her hand as they moved further into the house. The living room was open and airy with tall raftered ceilings. A wide bay window provided a small sitting area that overlooked the front of the property. It seemed to move through the width of the house as it opened up to the back with a pair of paned glass double doors.

As they walked through the house they found a second room that could provide a den or office, and found that it also opened to the back yard. There were four bedrooms in the sprawling structure and two and a half baths. It was truly too big for them, but as Andy explained it, there was room enough for Rusty to stay with them until he was ready to move out on his own, and still plenty of room for when Ricky and Emily visited. They would have room for Nicole's boys and any other grandchildren that came along, and she had her view. At the end of the hall there was a staircase that led to the second level. Only the master bedroom and bath occupied that level. From the windows she would be able to see the canyon, and at night, the city lights would be visible.

The back of the lot that the house set on was designed very much like the front. The yard was narrow and paved in stone. There was a pool that seemed to take up much of it, and a patio just big enough for moderate entertaining or lounging. There was only a chain link fence that separated the back of the property from the grass and scrub brush hill that rose up over it. Shrubs and flowers had been planted along it and a wooden lattice had been placed to give it a more appealing visual effect.

On the whole, while large, it wasn't necessarily a _bad_ location. Just as with the other homes in that area, it was absolutely beautiful. It was just too much.

Sharon sighed as they walked back through the house. "I knew I was going to be depressed."

"You don't even know what they're asking for it." Andy fought the urge to roll his eyes at her _again_. He pulled a slip of paper out of his pocket. It had been folded several times. He handed it to her as he took care of locking the house up again.

She frowned as she opened it. Provenza had forwarded the listing from his contact. There were three prices listed, the minimum the city was willing to accept, a maximum that they could ask, and a midrange target price. " _No_ ," she said at length. All three of them were well within their affordability. "How is this even possible?"

"I told you, they want to get rid of it. It's costing the city more to keep it. I told you we could handle it." He flashed a smug grin at her. "So, what do you say?"

They were standing in front of the house again. Sharon turned and took another long look at it. "Okay," she said finally. "We can talk about it."

"No." He smirked. "I was talking about the part where you say I'm right."

She shot a look at him from over the rims of her glasses. "Don't push it." Her lips curved toward a smile. "I will say that it wasn't a bad find."

"I was right." He slipped his arm around her again and drew her toward the car. "It's okay, I'm satisfied just knowing that _you_ know."

"Oh god…" She shook her head at him. Sharon couldn't fight the grin, or the laugh. He was unbelievably arrogant at times. "Remind me to prune that ego of yours later," she drawled. "We will talk about it," she told him, turning their attention back to the house. "If it doesn't prove impossible to purchase before auction, then… maybe." She pointed a finger at him when he started to grin. " _Maybe_."

Andy nodded as they got back into the car. They needed to consider whether or not the location really worked for them. It was going to be a bit of a commute to work each day, but it wasn't terrible. There was the matter of the upkeep, and a purchase like that just wasn't done on a whim. At the same time, it took them outside of the city. They weren't right on top of their neighbors, and she had her view. It was definitely an option.

"Let's stop and get something to eat," he told her. "We'll call the guy and set up a meeting. Find out what it will take, and then go from there." He grinned. "But I was still right."

"And I'm still not saying it," she sing-songed with a grin.

"You will." He settled back in the passenger seat and got as comfortable as he could. He flashed a crooked grin when she snorted. He would get it out of her, but it was the effort that would be the most fun.

 **-TBC-**


	20. Chapter 20

**Lies We Told Ourselves**

 **by Kadi**

 **Rated T**

 **Disclaimer:** Not my sandbox. I just love playing in it.

 **A/N:** For my tumblr peeps **_disturbingclarity_** & _**thegaystreep**_ for just being such dolls!

* * *

 **Chapter 20**

Doctor Walker had agreed for all parties involved to wait a week before sitting down with Andy and his two eldest children. His ex-wife was livid that she was not being included, but the therapist was fully supportive of the idea that _this_ situation was between Andy and the kids, and had nothing to do with Vicki.

Andy had spoken to Nicole at length, several times, during the intervening days. Like him she was healing physically, although her injuries had been minor in comparison. It was the emotional trauma that concerned him. He knew that she was still shaken and expected that she would be for some time to come. Andy also knew that she had already met with Doctor Joe once, and would be seeing him again. On the surface Nicole appeared to be fine, and she assured him that she was handling the situation. It didn't stop him from worrying about her.

Worrying about Nicole did not stop him from worrying about the appointment with Doctor Walker. There was a part of him that was dreading it. He had already told both Nicole and Charlie as much as he thought that he could about the situation. There wasn't very much else that he could tell them. He had explained and he had apologized. Deep down, however, Andy knew what this appointment was really about.

It was a neutral location in which to allow his children to express all of their anger and disappointment at him, again. He was beginning to wonder if there would ever come a day when they would be able to sit down and talk without blame, and without resentment, and without the past always being brought back into the present.

He tried very hard to not be on the defensive as they sat down with the therapist. It was difficult, however. Andy had become very accustomed to having his failings as the center of most discussions. He braced himself for what was to come.

Doctor Walker surveyed the group as they got comfortable in their seats. They were more subdued than was usual for their appointments with him. He was aware of the trauma that the family had been through the previous week. This meeting was necessary, but he had delayed it to allow time for the initial healing to begin following those events. Ms. Abbot still had a slight limp, but seemed in otherwise good health. Her father, he knew, had taken the brunt of it. The older man was moving stiffly and favoring his injured shoulder. They had spoken briefly when the family arrived. He was on the mend, and that was a positive point for all to concentrate on. The son was much quieter, less open than the Doctor was used to. Charles was casting wary glances at his father, while Nicole seemed concerned for both men. The Lieutenant just looked resigned.

While he studied them the Doctor took a moment to put the information that Nicole had given him into perspective with what he was seeing. Throughout the course of his practice he had learned that family secrets were like ticking time bombs. They waited while the clock on them slowly counted down and then they exploded without warning. The damage could be substantial. Walker had seen and heard a lot of things over the years, from neglect and abuse to affairs and abandonment. His gaze circled the adults sitting in front of him now. The seating area in his office was arranged casually. Nicole and Charles were seated side by side on the short, comfortable sofa. Across from them their father sat alone in a wide armchair, with a low table between them. Walker had taken a seat in a second chair that was situated on the other end of that table. It gave him the best vantage point for observing all of them.

"Nicole and I spoke last week," he began, and decided that very little preamble was needed, "and she indicated that she had come into some information that all of you might be more comfortable discussing in this setting." His head tilted as he spoke. Walker let his gaze land on each of them while he gauged their reactions. "I also understand that there was some trouble, and we won't get into that. It isn't the point of this meeting. Nicole, since you reached out to me, why don't you begin?"

Her hands were folded in her lap. Nicole looked across at her father and let her eyes linger on him for a moment. He nodded and offered a small smile, but she thought that she saw sadness in his eyes. When she glanced beside her, Nicole found that Charlie was watching him too. He was far tenser. He was brooding, she knew. Her brother had blown up at the news. She knew that he had gone to see their father, and she knew that it hadn't exactly gone very well. Nicole inhaled deeply. Charlie had always been so hard on him, and maybe she had been too, but as she got to know the man that he was now, she was trying to change that. Her brother was just so stubborn. Just like their father.

"Our dad has been dating a woman that I really admire," she said. Nicole smiled as she spoke, because it was the truth. That admiration had not been lessened, if anything, seeing what she had gone through the previous week it had only grown. "We've talked about Sharon in the past. Even before they were together, it was just so obvious that there was something between her and dad. I mean, there had to be, we all thought that they were already together," she added with a grin. "I'm not sure I really know what to think about all of this now. When dad told me that they had a relationship before, and that they had a child together that they never told anyone about, I really wanted to be angry. Part of me was," she admitted. "Now I think I'm still just confused. How could they just go on with their lives as if nothing ever happened?"

"How could they lie to us?" Charlie added. He looked up at the doctor. "That's my question. How can we ever trust either of them again now that we know this?"

Walker heard the sigh that came from his left, but his gaze remained on Charlie and Nicole. "That's a very good question, Charles. Before we can explore that I think we need to figure something else out first. Which bothers you most, that you didn't know, or that the event took place?" At their confused looks, he smiled patiently. "Are you upset because you feel lied to or is that a convenient excuse because your father had a child with someone else and you feel somehow replaced?"

"That's not…" But Andy stopped talking when Doctor Walker held up a hand. He scowled at the other man. How could either Charlie or Nicole feel that way when it couldn't be any farther from the truth? He looked across at them and sighed again. They were thinking about it. Dammit. He was beginning to wonder what the hell the point of all this was.

It was Nicole that spoke first. "I'm not sure that I understand," she said carefully. "It's not like he was hiding another family. He didn't raise Ricky. He wasn't in his life at all until he and Sharon became close again."

"Really?" Walker looked very interested in that. "What do you think, Charlie?"

He shrugged. "Yeah, I mean, I don't really think that either. He didn't even know about this until he was in college. Dad never told any of us, Ricky included. It's the lying that I'm sick of."

"I see." From the corner of his eye he watched their father look away. From the clenched set of his jaw he knew they had hit a nerve. "I find that very interesting." Walker had thought about it since Nicole's initial call. Now that he had them in front of him and was able to really gauge all of their responses and attitudes, he was able to put his theory into motion. His lips pursed for a moment. "I'm wondering, how is this at all any different from say… if your mother had done it?" He watched them closely. "What if you learned that she had once had a child that she had given up for adoption… because isn't that what we're talking about here? Your father created a child with someone else, and then he stepped aside to let another man raise him. Would you still feel lied to if this had all happened when he was sixteen? What about at twenty? At what point did this become a lie rather than an invasion of privacy?"

Charlie's brows drew together in a deep scowl. "What do you mean?" He leaned forward on the sofa and rested his elbows against his knees. "That doesn't make any sense. He had an affair with a married woman, that's not even the same thing."

"Why do you think the nature of her relationship status at the time that she was with your father matters?" Walker asked. "They could have both been single, would that make a difference?"

Nicole shook her head slowly. "No, I don't think so." She looked at her brother. "Charlie, it doesn't matter who she was with or not with. She was with dad when it happened. After they parted is when they made the choice to keep this from everyone." She drew her bottom lip between her teeth and looked down at her hands. "I think I understand what you're saying," she told the doctor. "Dad wasn't in a good place then. What I want to know is why he didn't correct it later?" She looked at her father. "When you were sober, why didn't you just work things out then?"

Andy studied his daughter for a moment. He glanced at Charlie and saw that he was curious too. He leaned forward in his seat with a sigh. "It was too late," he said. "I thought so anyway. I didn't know what their situation was, Nicole. It's not like Sharon called me and said _hey, Jack left again, want to stop by?_ " Andy shook his head. "We didn't exactly keep in touch. I heard later that he was gone, and there were rumors over the years. I screwed up enough with the two of you, if Sharon wanted me around, then she knew where to find me. She didn't bother, so neither did I."

"Yes," Nicole said, "but after you got back together? Didn't you think this might blow up in your faces? It obviously did, Dad, you can't tell me that you _never_ thought about it."

"Nicole…" He looked down at the floor. "We didn't talk about it. The past was the past. We couldn't change it, and the way we saw it, it wasn't going to do Rick any good hearing about it now. We had no idea that Jack had already run his mouth about it." Andy could feel his frustration boiling over again. "As far as we were concerned, it was done. Jack's name was on his birth certificate, and he turned out to be a deadbeat, but he was still Rick's father. She was married to the man, Nicole, she chose him. What the hell do you want me to say?" He stood up and paced around the room. "And we're not _back_ together," he drawled sarcastically. "We're both a lot different than we were then."

"What are we supposed to do now?" Charlie asked him. "You spring this on us and what? We're supposed to be one big, happy family? That's just nuts. No one could do that."

"No one is asking you to." Andy scowled at him.

"I think that we can all agree," Doctor Walker interrupted, before the conversation could become too heated, "that families are not made over night. This is how I see it," he waved the Lieutenant back into his chair and waited until he was seated again to continue. "The news was surprising. You don't expect to hear that you have a sibling you have never met before. What you do with that information is up to you, and it's up to your half-brother. Those are decisions that only the three of you can make, and I think they should be discussed among the three of you, if not together, then separately. Where your father is concerned, I can understand your misgivings. What you need to ask yourselves is if you believe adding a third child to the mix, knowing everything you do about your father's history, would have been the right decision. Think about the childhoods that you had, would you have wanted to share that with another? Or would you have wanted better for him?"

It was Charlie's turn to get up and pace. He moved silently around the room while he turned the question over in his head. He was full of nervous energy, unable to sit still while he thought. A deep frown drew his brows together. "I always told myself," he said after a few minutes, "that I wouldn't be like that, you know, that the bottle wouldn't be more important than my kids. I would be there, every day, no matter what, and they wouldn't have to question if it was my job or anything else that was more important. That no matter what I was going to do better than _he_ did," he said, and jerked his head toward his father. "I don't want to be in an office like this one in twenty years with my kids wondering what went wrong and if it's even still worth it." He ran a hand through his hair and sighed. "The thing is, that guy, the other one, the son we didn't know about… he's asking himself the same damned question. So what the hell was the point of any of it?"

Nicole watched her father. She watched the pained look that crossed his face. "Because we don't know what's going to happen; we don't know what kind of life we're going to have until we're looking back at it," she said softly. She looked up at Doctor Walker and then she turned where she sat to look at her brother. "Dean never thought that he would be married to me. Seven years ago he didn't think that this would be his life. He thought that he and Megan would be happy forever, and when he lost her, he never imagined that he would love anyone again." She exhaled quietly. "People make mistakes, Charlie, but I don't know that I would classify this as a mistake. I think I understand what Doctor Walker is trying to say. They weren't hiding anything from us, or from anyone else. They made a decision and they were living with it."

Charlie stared at his sister. His blue eyes were troubled. Finally his gaze drifted to his father. "Would you have ever told us?" He asked, needing to know. "You're going to marry this woman. That means stepsisters and family holidays, and doing things together. Would you have ever told any of us about your history?"

"No." Andy didn't have to think about it. He stared back at his son, his dark gaze just as sure, and just as wary as his son's. "We didn't know that Rick knew, and we never planned on telling him. Jack is his father. Whatever Rick and I work out, or whatever you kids work out, it doesn't change the fact that he spent twenty years of his life thinking of Jack Raydor as his father." He shrugged, and his shoulder ached for it. "She chose her husband. She chose her marriage. It was a vow she took seriously and a vow she tried like hell to keep, even long after it was over. I let her do it, Charlie. My choice was to walk away, to get drunk and stay that way. When I climbed out of that bottle, I chose to hide. When I stopped hiding, I chose you, the two of you. It wasn't about lying, and it wasn't about hiding the past. It wasn't about being ashamed either, although I am. You make a choice that you think is right and you stick to it, even when it's hard. Jack was the wrong choice, but we didn't know that then, and it's too late to change it now." Andy sighed. "We didn't talk about it," he said, "because we've both learned that you don't worry about what you can't fix."

"This is not that dissimilar," Doctor Walker stated, "of what families go through when a child is given up for adoption and later chooses to meet the birth family. What you have to decide is what relationship, if any, that you would like to have with your brother. On the subject of your relationship with your father, you need to ask yourselves if this really changes that. Think about that," he told them both. "Don't answer it now, but give it a day or two and decide if you feel better or worse for knowing what your father has been willing to do or to not do for the sake of strengthening his relationship with you." He looked at Andy then, "and what I'd like for you to do is consider how you might feel if your positions were reversed, also what you might be willing to do to help bridge the gap that this has opened."

Andy stared back at him. It was on the tip of his tongue to say that he was there, wasn't he? What the hell else could they expect of him? Instead he nodded. He looked down at the floor again and let go of another sigh. "Yeah, I can do that. Rick has gone back to San Francisco, so there's plenty of time for everyone to think about things." He had flown back at the beginning of the week, just a day after Emily had flown back to New York. It would be a week or two before he could make the trip back down, if he would even want to. Andy thought that Rick had left on good terms, but his son could be just as opaque as his mother when he wanted to be.

"I like him." Nicole spoke suddenly and then looked around the room when all eyes turned to her. She shrugged and offered a small smile. "We had lunch before he went home. I wanted to thank him for helping to save my life. I thought…" Nicole shifted where she sat and gestured helplessly. "The day of the abduction I thought I saw some things in him that reminded me of dad, and I wasn't clear if I imagined it or if I just expected him to be like dad. To be a lot like you," she said and tossed a look at Charlie. "I wanted to know how much of it was in my head, and how much of it was real. While Sharon and her daughter were shopping," Nicole explained, "Rick met me for lunch. I like him. I don't know if I want another brother. I mean, Sharon's kids don't live here, so when I thought about the two of you together," she told Andy, "and the fact that I might end up with a little brother, I thought that it would be Rusty. That might still be how things work out, but I do like him." Nicole smiled. "And it isn't all in my head."

Andy was staring at the floor again. He looked up at her. A small grin tugged at his lips. "He's a good kid." There was pride in his gaze that he couldn't quite bury, and he wasn't sure that he wanted to. "He's not a half bad cop either. A little impatient."

Charlie snorted. He sat down beside his sister again. "I wonder where he got that from." He shook his head. "He seemed okay. He's not quite as quick tempered as we are. I would have flown off the handle the other day if I were him."

"That's all Sharon," Nicole and Andy said together. Nicole laughed. "Or what I like to call, The Sharon—"

"God almighty…" Andy rolled his eyes heavenward. "Please don't. It's starting to go to her head, you know."

"This is good," Doctor Walker said. "You're talking. Keep talking," he advised them. "That is the only way that you are going to be able to work through this and find a solution that works for you." He looked at each of them in turn and tapped his pen against his notepad. "This is what I would like to do," he decided. "We'll discuss this again at our next regular session. I want all of you to think about it until then. We'll regroup and see how you feel about it. I'm going to recommend that Vicki not join us again. I think that it's imperative that the three of you find a solid place to stand with this news before we begin discussing how it might effect the family as a whole."

Andy's shoulders slumped in relief. He wasn't up to taking Vicki on, not with this. She already had issues where Sharon was concerned. It was going to be bad enough when they explained to her that he was getting married. It seemed to be okay that she and her husband Jake had been married for almost twenty years. He was supposed to accept it. She didn't seem to appreciate the fact that he was bringing Sharon into their lives, or that she would be a permanent fixture. "I think we can do that." He looked at his kids before looking at the doctor again. "I'd like to bring Sharon back with me," he said. "If they've got questions, she can answer them too. She's willing. It might help," he said, and added another shrug.

The doctor's head inclined. He looked at the two seated on the sofa. "Do either of you have any objections?" He agreed with the thought, but it could also be detrimental to their progress.

"I don't," Nicole looked at her brother. "Charlie? I think it might help, and I'd like to hear more about how Sharon feels about this. She's going to be in our lives…" Nicole smiled brightly. "I mean, she's going to be my children's grandmother…"

"Oh hell." Andy groaned. He leaned back on his chair and closed his eyes. "Maybe we can lay off the g-word when she's around…" They hadn't exactly discussed _that_ either. "At least until I have a chance to remind her that it's going to happen."

"Oh dad." Nicole shook her head at him. "You're so clueless." She smiled fondly at him. "Sharon is four steps ahead of you; we've already talked about sending the boys to stay with you at least once a month after you get settled into the new house – wherever that is going to be. She thought that Dean and I might like having the occasional weekend to ourselves, and that it would be good for you to spend time with the grandchildren." Her dark eyes were sparkling merrily. "I guess she hasn't mentioned it yet."

His bottom lip jutted out. "That would be a negative," Andy rumbled quietly. "I'm going to have to ask her about it."

"Like I tried to say…" Nicole shrugged. "The Sharon Effect."

"Are we done here?" Andy looked at the doctor. "I need to go have a talk with the future evil-stepmother."

"Yes, I think we are." Walker nodded. "I look forward to seeing you all back here next week, along with Sharon. Remember that you can call if you need to."

"Yeah," Charlie pushed up off the sofa. "Thanks." He started toward the door but paused to point a finger at his sister. "You're telling mom."

"Yes, I thought so." Nicole rolled her eyes as she stood to follow him. "Some day, Charlie, you're going to have to grow up and learn to talk to mom on your own."

"Yeah, sure, you betcha!"

Andy followed along behind them at a slower pace. He sighed. At least he wasn't the only one who didn't want to speak to his ex-wife. He felt better about that. He felt a lot better in general. It hadn't gone too bad. Like with everything else, he guessed it was just going to take time. At least the kids weren't yelling at him, and neither of them was refusing to talk to him. That was something positive to hold on to.

He thought about that on the drive home. Andy couldn't help but be a little envious of Sharon. When she told her kids that something was complicated and that they should trust her, they did, and usually without question. It was the sort of relationship that he longed to have with his own kids. At the same time, while he considered that, he also realized that sort of relationship wasn't quite as abstract as it used to be. They were getting closer. Some day soon, it might actually be a reality.

When Andy got home there was a familiar beige Volvo parked in the drive. Sharon and Rusty had both gotten their cars back and were glad for it. They had both been cleaned and neither seemed all that worse for the wear of having been so close to the fire at Los Feliz. Andy walked into the house and dropped his keys by the door. He stretched his shoulder and grimaced as it ached. It was getting better, but still sore and stiff. The rest of him was healing too, but he was reminded that he wasn't as young as he used to be.

"Hey kid," he nodded to Rusty as he moved through the house toward the kitchen.

"Hey." Rusty looked up from the book and computer that were in his lap. He was seated on the sofa working through an assignment and studying for a test. "Sharon called, she's going to be late. She didn't want to interrupt your session, so she said she would call you later."

"Alright." Andy sighed. He had a couple of days before he was going to be able to go back to work, and then it was going to be light for another week. He really hated like hell that the rest of the team was shorthanded, and that he wasn't there to watch her back. Not that he thought it needed a lot of watching. Sharon could take care of herself, and the rest of the team would be looking out too. It's what they did, watching out for each other. Andy pulled open the refrigerator door. "What do we want to eat?" It sounded like it was going to be just the two of them.

"I ordered pizza," Rusty said. "I've got a test in the morning and I wasn't sure if you'd feel up to making anything either." He shrugged; the only experience he had to draw on was his sessions with Doctor Joe. He really liked the psychiatrist, but sometimes he left his office feeling really drained. Rusty tapped his highlighter against the edge of his book. "How did it go?"

"It was okay, I think." Andy took a bottle of water out of the fridge and walked back into the living room. He got comfortable in his recliner and sighed. "They both gotta think about it some more. We're gonna have another session next week."

Rusty nodded slowly. That was good, he thought. At least they were talking. It was a lot better than the alternative, he guessed. He turned his attention back to his book, but his mind wasn't on studying for his history exam anymore. He was thinking about the conversation that he had with Ricky and Emily in the storage unit. He wondered if it would help Flynn's kids to know that they had kind of had an actual _thing_ and not just some idiotic fling. Or would that make it worse? Rusty wasn't sure, but he decided that maybe he should just let them figure it out. Instead, he thought of the reason for the trip to the storage shed and the boxes that were hidden under the bed in the guest room that he was currently occupying.

"So," Rusty began slowly, "how is the house hunting going anyway? I mean, you guys looked at one, right? Any chance we might be moving soon?"

"We made an offer." Andy leaned back in his recliner and closed his eyes. He toed out of his shoes and let them drop to the floor. "We have to wait and see if they're going to take it and a bunch of other stuff," he waved a hand as he spoke. He didn't want to get into all the red tape and headaches that went with buying a house. "When we sign," he added, "she's going to admit that I was right."

Rusty snorted a laugh. "You're not letting that go are you?" He shook his head. It had been an ongoing argument since the day that they had looked at the house up in the hills.

Andy cracked an eye open and looked at him. "Would you?" He shook his head. "Nope. She doesn't have to admit she's wrong very often, and I'm going to enjoy this." He waved a hand at the kid again. "Study. I'm going to nap. Wake me when the pizza gets here."

"Who can study for your snoring?" Rusty smirked as he looked down at his book again. "Well, just so that someone else besides me is in the loop, try to find a place soon. We have a surprise for Sharon and it's kind of dependent on having a place to live. You know, an actual place, and not a rental."

His eyes opened again. Andy gave Rusty a wary look. "Define _we_ , and while you're at it, define _surprise_."

Rusty watched one corner of Flynn's mouth curl up and rolled his eyes. "Just some stuff we found for her that she thought she lost in the fire. It's a good surprise. Don't worry. Not at all like the time that Ricky brought home a pet snake." He still wanted to laugh every time he thought about the way Sharon had shuddered at just hearing Ricky tell that story.

Andy leaned his head back again. "We're looking," he said. "It might be a while though… I'll let you know." His eyes closed and he sank more comfortably in his recliner. "But kid, if there are any pets involved, you're on your own."

"That's too bad…" Rusty's lips pursed as he turned a page in his book, "I always kind of wanted a tarantula…" He ducked as a magazine was tossed his way and laughed. He read for a minute, but was waiting for the Lieutenant to get good and comfortable. Then he asked, "Wasn't tonight date night?"

His eyes opened. Andy stared at the ceiling above him. He was right, it was date night, and Sharon was stuck at work. They had a deal, more of an unspoken agreement, on how they handled those moments when work got in the way of their personal lives. Andy drew a breath and let it out slowly. It wasn't a hardship; he had just gotten distracted by the session with the kids and his own injuries. When they were working, if it was date night, they would find at least five minutes to get away by themselves, even if that meant crackers from a vending machine and coffee that had been on the warmer for too long. They were both only too aware of the strain their jobs could put on relationships. It was important that even if they couldn't do more than sit in silence together in the break room that they at least acknowledged that they were together. It was a grace point, but allowed them to show the other that they weren't being taken for granted.

He thought that maybe he could do better than dry crackers and stale coffee. Andy nodded once as he made his decision. Sore body or not, date night was still date night. She was worth it to him. He sat up in the recliner and pulled his aching body out of it. "Looks like you're on your own for dinner."

"I thought so." Rusty's eyes sparkled as he watched the Lieutenant slide back into his shoes and walk over to retrieve his keys. "Otherwise it would have been pretty awkward when that large meat lovers got here."

Andy shook his head as he left. "Kid still thinks he's a damned comedian," he grumbled.

Rusty watched him go and shook his head again. What would they do without him? He made a mental note to start programming reminders into their phones. At least one thing hadn't changed in the last year. He still knew more about their dating life than they did.

 **-TBC-**


	21. Chapter 21

**Lies We Told Ourselves**

 **by Kadi**

 **Rated T**

 **Disclaimer:** Not my sandbox. I just love playing in it.

* * *

 **Chapter 21**

It was a case of jealousy gone wrong. They were all fairly certain that the girlfriend had done it, had killed her boyfriend in a fit of rage, but they had no evidence and she had lawyered up after the first time that they had spoken to her. That would be her parents doing, Sharon was sure of it. Misty Chambers came from a fairly wealthy family, and despite the fact that she was a junior in college, her parents were livid that they had spoken to her without them present.

The girl wasn't overly bright, but her parents were. Sharon had a sinking suspicion that whatever evidence existed that tied her to the case was long gone. The parents had gotten rid of it. They were protecting her. In the process they were impeding a murder investigation and had become accessories to the crime themselves. The detective in her wanted to nail them for that, but the mother in her could understand it. Even when your children made mistakes you wanted to do everything that you could to help them. One of the hard parts of being a parent was knowing how far to go, and where to draw that line; it was your responsibility to help your children be strong, productive members of society. Correcting their mistakes didn't always assist in that, especially if all they learned was how to get out of trouble.

She still had not completely forgiven Ricky for lying to her about his job. There was a part of her that was now going to question if what he told her was the truth. It was something that they would have to work through together; it would take effort. She loved him, so she was willing to try. He was a good boy, and not prone to excuses and fabrications, so Sharon knew that she would forgive him soon. She was just hurt that he had hidden something like that from her, something so dangerous and challenging. It was also something that she would have liked to celebrate with him. He was her child, and he was following in her footsteps. However much it terrified her, she was also proud of him.

He was his father's son.

It was a thought that crept through her mind so many times over the years, but a thought that she tried to push away and ignore. She didn't want those things in her head while she was trying to make her marriage work. She didn't want to look at Ricky and see Andy, not while Jack was holding her. She had loved that man, to distraction at times, but he had hurt her. When Jack left the first time she was adrift. She hadn't known what to do or how to feel the pain that he left her with. She had Emily to focus on, and a demanding job that left her exhausted and sometimes emotionally spent. She focused on that, but it couldn't fill the emptiness inside her or chase away the loneliness.

Emily had spent weeks asking for Jack after he was first gone. Sharon had echoed those thoughts. Then the insecurities had set in. They hadn't planned on having kids so soon. She knew that she had changed with Emily. Her focus had shifted, but it wasn't only the emotional changes. She was no longer the girl that he had known. Jack was still studying to pass the BAR, and with a small child at home and the only one working in their family, Sharon hadn't spent the time running and swimming that she had in the past. What reason did he have to stay? She was always nagging at him, and while still very slender she had changed with the baby.

It was why she was so furious with Andy the night that he tried to pick her up. Jack had been gone a few months, and she knew that they were friends, acquaintances at the very least, drinking buddies. She had thought him cruel, using what Jack had found so displeasing about her as a joke. She lashed out at him; she was angry at Jack, and angry at the circumstances that had driven him away, and she was hurt; so very, deeply hurt that this was what he had left her with. What happened to all of his promises? Where was the man that swore to love her forever?

Sharon never expected that Andy would follow her home. She left him sitting in that bar and retreated to the sanctuary of the little house that Jack had gotten her and that she was paying for. She sent the babysitter on her way and after checking on her sleeping toddler, Sharon had settled in for another quiet night alone. She used to long for the quiet, but it had become oppressive, stifling in a way. Her heart had leapt at the knock at her door, and for just a moment she thought it might be Jack. She was disappointed to find a sheepish Andy standing there instead, and even as he held up the coffee that he brought, she felt the anger flare anew.

It was only his quiet, rumbling apology that stayed her tongue. It was her loneliness that had her pushing the door wider and letting him in. He heard that Jack was gone; he didn't know why. He thought they had split, but he hadn't meant to insult her. He offered to find him for her, but Sharon wanted Jack to come home on his own, not because she sent someone to fetch him for her. Through the course of the evening and while they drank their coffee in her kitchen, they talked about how hard marriage was and what they would do to go back to happier times. His divorce was only recently final. His wife had tossed him out; she said that he drank too much and worked too hard. He said that he wished she were more like Sharon, willing to forgive, willing to try.

She had laughed at that. Sharon laughed until she cried, and explained that it was her constant nagging that sent Jack away. She didn't have to kick him out, he ran from the unyielding, frigid wife that let herself go.

As he backed her into the counter, he called Jack a damned fool. They were both hurting, and they were lonely, and that first kiss was lost in desperation and pain. She ignored the bourbon she tasted in the coffee on his lips, and when he lifted her onto the cabinet, she let him.

It was loneliness that brought him back. It was loneliness that tempted her to let him. She didn't want him there when Emily was awake. He came at night after she was put to bed, at least in the beginning. As days grew into weeks, he was with her more often. He dropped by with dinner; he fixed the loose step on her porch, and mowed her lawn. He stayed with Emily when her babysitter cancelled so that she wouldn't have to postpone a night out with old college girlfriends. He was in her bed more nights than he wasn't, and the only thing she asked of him was that he not drink when he was there. She didn't care if he had a beer with dinner, or if he picked up her wine while she was cooking, but if he was going to get drunk with his buddies then he needed to go home afterward.

He hadn't seemed to mind. He would show up with coffee on those mornings, hungover and full of stories of the idiocy that a bunch of off-duty cops could get into. Or he would tell her about the horrors that he had seen that had driven him to the bar rather than her house. He hadn't wanted to bring that darkness into her house, hadn't wanted it near Emily, for the same reason he hadn't wanted it around his own kids. Why couldn't his ex-wife understand that he was just trying to protect them?

They weren't fooling themselves. She still thought of Jack often, and it was his ex-wife that he still wanted. When Jack finally came home, of course she had wanted him. It was exactly what she had been longing for. Andy seemed to understand; he told her that she was doing the right thing. He told her that he wished Vicki would let him come home. He gave her his best and then he went away. She saw so very little of him after that. At first she didn't think about it. She was too busy trying to pick up the pieces of her marriage and fit them back together.

Sharon was making Jack sleep in the guest room. She wasn't ready to have him back in her bed, and certainly not when it was only recently vacated by another. She told him that he would have to win her back, and he seemed to be up for that. She made no secret of the months that she and Andy were together. He left her alone and she moved on; only she hadn't actually _moved on_. Jack was still on her mind, and he was still in her heart, and underneath all of the pain she was happy to have him home. Emily was ecstatic to have her father back. They were a family again.

They were going to be a family of four.

Jack found her crying on the bathroom floor on the afternoon that she finally found the courage to confirm what she knew was true. She was incoherent and inconsolable, and it was enough unlike her that it frightened him. She couldn't even speak the words. She simply showed him the test, and braced herself for him to leave again. As he had walked out of the bathroom, she had pressed her forehead into the cool tiles of the floor and wondered how her life had drifted so out of control. Where were all the dreams that she had? Where was the success and the happiness, and all of the plans that they made together?

She jolted when she was lifted. Something soft and warm was wrapped around her and she was pulled away from the floor. She realized when she tucked her face into his neck that he hadn't left her; he'd only gone to get her favorite sweater. This was the man that she had fallen in love with. This was the man that she had married, the one that was holding her, promising that they would find a way, that they would make it work, that he would never leave her again.

Jack broke that promise when Ricky was three years old. He walked out on them again, and this time he was gone for more than just a few months. He had given that boy his name, had promised to love him like he was his own, and had bragged to anyone that would listen that this was _his_ son. Then he left. He came and he went, but he never stayed. His promises meant little, but she held on, and she waited, and she hoped. Over the years she stopped waiting, and she stopped hoping, and she tried very hard not to let her mind drift toward another pair of sparkling brown eyes and a crooked smile every time that her son looked at her.

The same dark eyes and crooked smile that greeted her when she stepped into her office; it was late, and he was supposed to be at home. He was seated on the edge of her desk. There was mischief in his gaze. Sharon leaned against her open office door, hand still braced against the handle. Her mind had drifted, but she shook her head now. An indulgent smile curved her lips. "What are you doing here?"

A plastic bag dangled from two fingers when he lifted it. Andy tilted his head at her. "Dinner." His brow arched. "What? You thought I would forget?" Of course he had, but he wasn't about to admit that. Although he was pretty sure that even if he did, it would be understandable. He had the session with the kids, and it wasn't often that she was stuck working without him.

Sharon rolled her eyes at him. She stepped into the office and let the door close behind her. She reached up with one hand and flipped her blinds closed before she crossed the office. "Of course not." She was fairly certain that he had actually forgotten that it was date night, but she adored him, so she would let it go. She also wasn't going to admit that she had forgotten too; not until he mentioned dinner did she remember that it was Wednesday night. Her smile softened as she came to stand in front of him. She placed a hand against his good shoulder and leaned in. "What did you bring?"

She was leaning toward the bag, and already she was trying to figure out what he brought her. Andy gathered it up and lifted it away from her. "Food." His dark eyes sparkled at her. He stood up and let his hand settle against her waist. He moved around her and as he stepped away from the desk, his hand fell away. It was date night, but they still walked a fine line, and her office was mostly a no-relationship-zone. "Come on." He dangled the bag like a carrot and reached out to take her hand. His shoulder ached, but he'd left the sling in his car. He didn't want it tonight.

"Andy." Sharon smiled as he pulled her toward the door. "I'm very busy," she told him. She sighed, just a bit mournfully. "We're in the middle of a case," she explained.

"Yeah, and you've got squat." Andy tugged on her hand. "It's not going to hurt anything if you take five minutes to eat something. You'll still have squat when you get done." He smirked at her. "Besides, I bribed the guys with pizza, so we might have a whole ten minutes this time."

Sharon sighed again. He made a convincing argument, or perhaps she was just hungry. Her stomach growled at the mention of food. He opened the door and she noticed that the others were working while they ate. "Oh all right," she caved, "ten minutes, but not a second more," she warned him.

"Aye, aye Commander." Andy grinned widely, even when she glared at him. It wasn't official yet, they had a few weeks to go, but that hadn't stopped his teasing her. He held her door as she walked through it and followed her. "You know, my doctor says that scowling at me like that is bad for my health."

"I'm absolutely sure that he's right," she drawled. "So you should stop doing the things that make me scowl at you like this." Sharon tossed a teasing little grin back at him and strode down the hall. She paused in front of the break room and waited for him to catch up to her. "Since your usually decent sense of self preservation seems to have been damaged recently, you should definitely listen to the doctor."

Andy made a face at her. "My sense of self preservation is perfectly fine." He wrapped his hand around her arm and tugged her along as he kept walking. "Nope, not there." He had no intention of eating in the break room with her. They had spent enough date nights in that boring little room. Andy pulled her down the hall with him. "I know a better place."

Sharon's nose wrinkled and her eyes narrowed. "I am not eating in the men's room with you." She pressed her lips together to keep from smiling when he shot a bland look at her. He had joked the last time that they tried to sit and have a meal together in the break room, among many interruptions throughout the course of the meal, that if they had wanted to be alone they should have locked themselves in the bathroom. Her eyes glittered with barely contained amusement, and when his nose wrinkled and his lip curled, Sharon snorted a quiet laugh. "Okay, where are we going?"

"Some place even better than _that_ ," he grumbled. Andy kept a hand curled around her elbow as they walked toward the elevator banks.

"Mmhm." Sharon waited until the elevator opened. She smiled patiently and when he pressed the button for the upper most floor, she arched her brows at him. "The gym?"

Sometimes she could be a real pain in his backside, Andy thought. He made a face at her again. "Would you just trust me?" He pointed a finger at her. "I was right about the house, wasn't I?"

"Hm." Her lips pursed. Sharon faced the front of the elevator with a hum. "That still remains to be seen." She wasn't going to admit to anything, and certainly not because he wanted her to. The corners of her mouth were twitching toward a smile, however. When he growled, she fought the urge to laugh. He really was quite easy at times.

"God almighty, woman." Andy looked heavenward and sighed. When she poked his side, he slanted a look at her. "You started it."

"Actually," she turned toward him with laughing eyes; "I do believe that _you_ started it with your own impatience, stubbornness, and the need to be right all the time."

"I am right." He smirked at her. "You just aren't capable of admitting that you were wrong."

Her mouth dropped open with a soft gasp. "That is not true, and you know it. I am simply reserving judgment on a matter that is not yet closed. We do not have a house for you to have been right about, so whether or not I am going to be happy about that little find of yours still remains to be seen, Andrew Flynn."

"It's going to work out." The doors to the elevator opened and he held them as she stepped out. Andy followed her. "You're going to love it."

"Really?" Sharon snorted quietly. "Should I remind you what happened the last time that you said those words to me?" She flashed a pretty smile when he sneered. "Yes?"

"We agreed never to talk about that again." Andy took her hand again. "We sure as hell aren't going to talk about it here." He tried to hold his scowl, but when she giggled, it faded. The incident she was talking about was the first time that they had to admit that they weren't as young as they used to be. Her bruised hip and his sore knee had been the result, and well, they had agreed her shower was out to get them. It was a moot point now, however, as that shower was rubble along with the rest of her burned out condo.

"Yes, you're absolutely right." She laughed again and leaned into his side. When he took her to the service elevator, Sharon just tilted her head at him. She said nothing and they rode up in silence. The service elevator opened into a short, narrow hall. Sharon followed him to its end. The door opened and they stepped out into the warmth of an early, fall evening. A soft smile curved her lips. The sun was just beginning to set. It lit the sky in hues of scarlet and gold. As it sank toward the horizon, lighting the ocean aflame with the reflection of its burning colors, the air began to cool. There were taller buildings all around them, and the light seemed somehow enhanced by the shadows that they cast.

Andy watched her eyes close and her face lift toward the sun. Her hair caught the late afternoon rays and burned in hues of red and honeyed gold. He smiled as he watched her enjoy the warmth on her skin. When her eyes opened, they were a deeper shade of green. "Better?"

"Yes." Simple pleasures; he knew that she enjoyed those most. "Definitely better." They were removed enough here that when he put his arm around her, she let him.

"Good." He kissed the top of her head and drew her away from the roof access door.

Sharon leaned into his side and let him guide her to the wide ledge that circled the building's roof. While he laid out their dinner, she enjoyed the view. Andy got pizza for the others, but he stopped at their favorite café and got the grilled chicken salad that he knew she loved, along with the vegetarian wrap that he liked. It was the best that he could do on a busy work night, but at least he could offer a view.

They sat side by side and ate in silence, each enjoying silence and the sunset while they sipped their iced teas and the minutes ticked by. Ten minutes was all that she had to give them, and she was painfully aware of it. Sharon leaned her head against his shoulder with a sigh. She could finish her salad at her desk, but this she could not take back with her. She set the plastic container on the ledge beside her and wrapped her arm around his.

"How did it go with the kids?" Sharon hated to break up the peace of the moment, but she was truly interested in how the afternoon's session had gone.

"Not bad." Andy shrugged. "They're not as pissed as they were. Nicole is going to be okay with it, I think. She's already talking to Rick, and I think she's working on it herself. Charlie is just stubborn. He's going to brood on it for a little while."

"Hm." She smiled and turned her face into his shoulder. She kissed him through the fabric of his shirt. "Sounds familiar." Sharon settled her chin atop his shoulder and looked up at him. "What about you? How are you doing?"

"I'm okay." He lifted his arm and dropped it around her, pulled her closer. "Some day they're gonna be okay with me. So I can keep doing this."

"Andy," She spoke quietly, "they're already okay with you. It's why they keep trying." Sharon smiled as she rubbed his leg. "It's just going to take time. We have a lot to make up for."

"I don't think so." He was starting to believe it, but hearing the regret in her tone only cemented it for him. Andy looked down at her. "Doctor Walker can explain it better, and I'm sure he will. I told him you wanted to come back with me. The thing is," he sighed, "we made a choice that we thought was the right one and we stood by it. We didn't ditch it and run because it got tough. You didn't know that Jack was going to leave again. We didn't think that we would be sitting here now. We sure as hell didn't think that he'd run his mouth about all of it, and to Rick of all people. What did we do wrong?" He lifted his hands and let them drop again. "I mean, really, Sharon. What did we do that was so damned wrong that we have to keep apologizing to everyone? If Jack hadn't come back…" He trailed off and let go of another sigh because it was not a place that he liked to let his mind go, but this time he had to. "Well let's face it," he told her, "we already talked about that. We would have tried to make it work, and in the end I'd have two ex-wives that don't like me very much. Or hell, who knows," he snorted, "you're a lot more stubborn than I am, it might have worked after you kicked my ass sober."

She chuckled quietly. "Who knows," she murmured quietly. They couldn't predict how it might have turned out, and they couldn't go back to rewrite the past. "It would be a shame though, if I had ended up not liking you." Her lips brushed the curve of his jaw. "I do like you an awful lot." Sharon settled her head in the crook of his neck and sighed. "So then you're suggesting that we just keep going and wait for everyone else to fall in line around us. How every Darth of you."

He snorted. "Well, my partner said that you'd be a bad influence on me." He kissed the top of her head again. "I'm saying, life happens and there isn't a damned thing we can do to stop it. Look at what we do everyday, I think the choices we've made are the least of anyone's worries. We were just trying to live. Nicole and Charlie will be okay. Rick and Emily are already finding their way. The kids will figure out how to deal with each other, but here's the thing." He grinned at her. "They were always going to have to figure out how to deal with each other. This isn't new and it's not going away," he gestured between them. "What they found out about us doesn't change it, and you know something, it's none of their damned business."

She studied him. There was a fire in his eyes, and a certainty that had been missing during the previous week. Sharon leaned in and pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth. "Yes, I agree. It's none of their business." It didn't stop the guilt, but it was a place to start. He was right, they couldn't change the past and it was time to stop apologizing for it. Their children would just have to be the adults that they thought they were and come to terms with it on their own. She laid her head against his shoulder again. "I'm going to assume that it was a very good session."

"Yeah." He grinned. "It wasn't bad. It was nice having the doc on my side for once. As a bonus, Vicki isn't going to be there next week either. We're in the clear for a while. Unless she shows up, but I doubt that will happen. She would rather chew on me where people can see it."

"Hm." She hummed thoughtfully. "Here's a thought, we could always put her in a room with Jack and see who manages to survive."

Andy's lips pursed. He looked skyward and shook his head. "Good god woman." The effort not to laugh made him hurt all over.

"Yes, I know." She sighed. "I was weak. I'm sorry." Sharon's shoulders slumped. "But it was a rather delightful thought." She turned her face into his neck and settled in to enjoy the few minutes they had left. "I really do want that house," she said quietly. It was too big, but she liked the view. She could see Rusty lounging by the pool while he studied, and the two of them walking hand in hand along the path through the hills.

"Yeah." He rested his head against hers. "I'll call the guy again." He had a couple of investments. He could cash them in, up their offer. It wasn't a lot, and besides his retirement it was all that he had. He'd get her the house if she wanted it. He would make sure that she had a new home to call her own. Andy thought of the surprise that Rusty mentioned and decided that sooner was better than later as far as getting them moved. He'd make those calls tomorrow. It was still going to be some weeks before they could know anything for sure, but he could take advantage of the leave time that he had left. Andy sighed when he looked at his watch and realized that their time was up. He pressed his lips into her hair. "I'll walk you back down."

Sharon closed her eyes. She didn't want to go. She nodded and with some reluctance, she pulled away from him. She helped him gather what was left of their dinner and pack it away again. As she stood, she turned her eyes back to the horizon. The sky was alight with the sunset. Her lips turned up with a smile. "Rusty was right." She looked at Andy and shrugged. "Sometimes being an adult really sucks." She wanted to stay there with him and enjoy it, but duty called.

"Smart kid, even if he is a damned comedian." He pulled her to him and wrapped his arm around her again. Andy kept it there until they reached the roof access. Before he opened the door, he slipped his hand into her hair and tipped her head back. He dropped a soft kiss to her lips. They only allowed it to linger for a moment.

The cool air of the air-conditioned building was a like a shock after the warmth of the sun. Sharon shivered as they stepped inside. She let him hold her hand as far as the service elevator, and once inside they separated completely. Her smile remained, however, even as they made their way back to the ninth floor and the murder room. Several hours of work lay ahead of her, but she was no longer facing them with a sense of weariness.

It had been another truncated date night, but they had found a way around the interruption, and somehow that ten-minute interlude had been better than hours spent at a movie or tucked away in a dimly lit restaurant. He would be waiting for her when she got home. There would be a hot bath and a cup of tea, and then she would rub out the kinks in his back and shoulder. Maybe they were getting old, or perhaps they were simply tired, but it sounded like the perfect way to end the evening to her. She would work through what was left of the night as quickly as possible, and would not allow her mind to drift again to a past that she could not change. Why should she? Her future was waiting for her to join him.

 **-TBC-**


	22. Chapter 22

**Lies We Told Ourselves**

 **by Kadi**

 **Rated T**

 **Disclaimer:** Not my sandbox. I just love playing in it.

* * *

 **Chapter 22**

Two months. That was how long it took to close on the house in Coldwater Canyon. It seemed as if there had been miles of red tape to sift through, and there had been the meetings with the banks and the mortgage company, the insurance, and the city manager's office. There had been some question as to who was actually buying the house. Andy didn't know why the hell it had mattered, in the twenty-first century, why two people who were not married wanted to buy a house together. Being engaged didn't seem to constitute a legal reason to put both of them on the mortgage or to guarantee with the insurance company that one of them wasn't going to back out. The tax office, now that had been an entirely new nightmare. Sharon wondered why he preferred to rent. Now he remembered. Bureaucrats and all their god-awful damned paperwork, that was why.

They got married in Nicole's backyard on a sunny, Saturday afternoon. It wasn't what they had planned. Actually they hadn't planned _anything_ yet, and were waiting until they got moved to even think about how they wanted to facilitate that next step. The house buying process had forced their hand a little. They told Rusty they were going to run by city hall and get it taken care of. He had called Nicole. She was in Sharon's office within an hour of having heard that bit of news and told them in no uncertain terms that she wouldn't allow them to have a meaningless, quickie wedding just because some idiots were being stupid. She could give them quick, but after everything that they had been through, and everything that the family had been through _with_ them, they all deserved better.

Things weren't perfect. It was confusing and awkward sometimes, blending a family that had more connections than they realized. Ricky didn't live nearby, so doing things together and getting to know one another was difficult. He had only managed to get back to Los Angeles once in all those weeks, and that was to sit down with Charlie and Nicole so that the three of them could talk things out together. The rest of the time they communicated via email or text message.

They didn't always get along or agree, but they were adults and they were working it out. If nothing else, they were trying to be friends. That had been Doctor Walker's advice. The rest, if it were meant to happen, would come. Right now they were grown people whose parents were getting married, so they were finding a common ground in that.

Nicole put everything together for them. All they had to do was show up with a marriage license and someone to do the deed. Emily and Ricky had flown in for the weekend. It was simple, and it was small. It was just their children. Sharon's parents didn't travel anymore, and the rest of Andy's family was back east. They would make trips to see them soon. They had dinner with their team the night before, and while the wedding was impromptu, they had both agreed that they wanted just their kids for that occasion. It wasn't that they wanted to shut anyone out, but they had been through a lot recently, together and with their children, and it was important to them that the day be for them as a family since they were finally bridging that gap. Thankfully, their friends understood.

The house was theirs two weeks later. The day after they had the keys and the final paperwork, Andy had written a strongly worded letter to the city telling them where they could shove all their bureaucracy. Sharon had torn it up and put him to work with packing. God he loved that woman, but she had some funny ideas about how to distract him from being pissed off. He had simply distracted her from packing instead.

They were still putting crap into boxes when the movers showed up. Somehow, he didn't really care.

Moving wasn't that difficult. There hadn't been much to take with them after they went through which furniture of his they wanted to keep. Rusty and Sharon had very little to their names after the fire at the condo. Both had held off on replacing too much while waiting to get settled in at the new place. They took most of his living room furniture, and all of his dining set. They donated much of the rest. They furnished the remainder of the house together. They were finished with it in time for another reason to celebrate.

Taylor had held up his end of the bargain. The promotion was official. With it came the announcement that Sharon would be leaving Major Crimes at the end of the year. There was no question as to where she was going now that the Chief's office had announced Taylor's move into the role of Chief of Staff. The transition had officially begun, and Provenza was complaining about all of the paperwork. Sharon had threatened a few times to replace herself with Sergeant Staples, but that hadn't curbed the Lieutenant's own brand of _enthusiasm_.

Andy was taking a great deal of pleasure in reminding his partner that while she was leaving their division, she was still going to be their boss. Provenza was _never_ getting rid of her. Of course, his partner had to remind him that they were never getting rid of her anyway; he'd gone and done the idiotic thing by marrying the woman. His response of _"Why would an old man like me get rid of a hellcat like her? Besides, it was about time I married her. I got her pregnant. We're going to hell, but at least we're going to hell together,"_ had almost ended him up on the couch, but it had been worth it to watch Provenza turn red and stalk off.

They put together a party to celebrate. It was a housewarming, but they had rolled the promotion into it. Ricky was back for it, but Emily couldn't make it. The kids had already given their mother her wedding present in the form of the keepsakes that she thought were lost, and the pictures they'd had reprinted for her. For the housewarming, Ricky had another gift put together for them. It was in a wide, flat box that he wasn't allowing either to have a peek at.

As they got ready for the party to get underway, he carried a tray of appetizers out onto the patio. Ricky sat them on the covered, glass top patio table and placed a six-pack of ale beside them. "Rusty has the quiche things," he told his mother.

"Thank you, honey." She was arranging a buffet of finger foods along one side of the patio. As Andy walked by and reached for a cheese cube, she smacked his hand. "Stop it! Go make sure we have ice."

He pouted at her. "We have ice. I bought it this afternoon. I'm hungry."

"The kitchen is right over there," she told him, but smacked his hand again when he reached for another. "Andrew William!"

"Sharon Diane."

Charlie rolled his eyes at them as he brought out a tray of small cheesecake bites. He placed it on the table and averted his gaze from the pair that were now attempting to look like they were _not_ going to start making out on the patio. "What's that?" He jerked his head toward the six-pack.

Ricky arched a brow at it. "Beer." He tilted his head at the older man. "Problem?" Charlie had that tone that he had come to recognize as a tantrum brewing. It made him wonder what their father had been like when he was younger, because his temper wasn't nearly as quick these days.

His brows drew together in a frown. "Yeah." Charlie hooked a thumb at his father and stepmother. "The old man is an alcoholic. We can't serve that."

"No!" Ricky's eyes widened. He feigned a sharp gasp. "Really? I thought all those AA meetings he was going to were short for AARP."

"Hey!" Andy looked up from where he was trying to distract his wife. He glared at the two boys. "What the hell? AARP?"

Sharon snorted a quiet laugh. "Well, you did qualif—"

"Yeah okay." He set her away from him. He wasn't going to play if she was going to be mean. "Just for the record, so did you."

She whirled toward him, mouth agape. "Andy!"

"Sorry sweetheart." She was holding a cheese knife so he took a large step back and held up his hands. "If the Mark Harmon covered magazine fits, and by the way, it had your name on it and not mine."

She fluttered her lashes at him. "Oh, but that was the only magazine I needed."

His eyes narrowed. Andy pointed a finger at her. "You are evil, and we will talk about this later," he promised.

"Yes we will," she drawled. Sharon turned back to her buffet prep, but she was wearing a smirk.

"See," Ricky told his brother, "the most disturbing thing going on around here today is the mating rituals of the very old. So what's the big deal?"

"I'm starting to see your point," Charlie said. "They do get that someone could break a hip right? Did we install life alert when they moved in? We should look into that."

"Sharon." Andy shot an aggrieved look at her. "Do something with them."

"Oh no." She shook her head. "They are your sons. I am out of it." That attitude was all Flynn and she had her hands full with just the one. She wasn't getting in the middle of three of them.

"You know, you're responsible for one of them," Andy reminded her. "I think that puts you pretty much into it."

"Hm." She hummed thoughtfully. Sharon flashed a pretty smile at him and shrugged. "I suppose so, but if that's the case, then I think that guest room is looking very comfortable, isn't it?"

"Right." He nodded once. Andy dropped into one of the loungers and crossed his feet at the ankles. He leaned back and got comfortable. "Hey Rusty," he called into the kitchen, "do something with your brothers."

He came out of the kitchen carrying the cooler with the ice and other drinks. Rusty set it near the buffet. "Just because you married my mother," he pointed out, "doesn't mean that I'm stuck with both of them." Rusty walked over and picked up the ale. "This is how it works," he told the older two boys. He put it in the cooler with the other drinks. "Andy, don't drink the beer. Everyone happy now? Good. I'll be over here by the pool indulging in the fact that I am way cooler than all of you."

Andy's head inclined. He watched the kid get himself settled on a pool float. "And that is what happens when Darth Raydor and Provenza get entirely too friendly," deadpanned. "I'm going to call him Darth Provenza."

Charlie barked a loud laugh. "Hey dad, how comfortable is that lounger?"

"Not bad, actually." He smirked.

"Good," Sharon walked past him. She shot a glare in his direction. "You're going to be sleeping in it tonight."

"Aw dammit." He pushed out of the chair and followed her.

Nicole appeared a moment later. She was wearing a smile and shaking her head. "What did he do?"

"It must have been bad," Dean said. He sent the boys toward the pool and put the desserts they'd brought on the buffet.

"You don't want to know." Charlie laughed.

"Yeah." Ricky shuddered. "That's an image that's not going away anytime soon."

"I see." Nicole rolled her eyes. "One day he's going to learn." She folded her arms across her chest and pursed her lips thoughtfully. "Do we help him out?"

"Probably not a bad idea," Charlie shrugged. "The poor old guy is clueless. What can we do?"

"It's okay. My gift is probably going to get him out of the doghouse, or off the patio rather." Ricky walked toward the house. "I want to give it to them before everyone else gets here anyway, so…"

They stepped into the kitchen and found Andy trying to reason with her. Sharon wasn't having any of it. She was ignoring him and his hole was getting deeper. Nicole laughed. Sharon was enjoying watching his hole get deeper. "Oh dad," she shook her head at him. "Just stop. You're making it worse."

"He really has no idea," Sharon sing-songed. It was cute how he groveled, though.

"Okay, stop begging. It's just sad." Ricky picked up the flat gift box and held it out to them. "Just open this. She'll get all emotional and it will be fine."

"Wow." Nicole stared at him.

"Hm." Sharon hummed.

Ricky shrugged at them. "What?"

Sharon took the box from him. "You are your father's son."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Ricky looked at Charlie. "What is she talking about?"

"How the hell should I know?" He shoved his hands into the pockets of his shorts. "I thought it was fine."

Behind them all, Dean chuckled. "Welcome to my world," he told her.

Nicole elbowed him. "Hey."

"I'm sorry baby." He wrapped an arm around her and pulled her close. Over the top of her head he mouthed at Sharon, _They are crazy_.

She was only too aware of that. Sharon chuckled quietly and set the box on the counter. "What is it?"

"Housewarming." Ricky shrugged. "Just open it, you'll understand it then." He found it quite by accident. "It's from Emily and me. You're to call her later and tell her everything." His sister was in the middle of a show and couldn't get away this time.

Sharon looked up at Andy when he joined her. She used the edge of her thumbnail to separate the sides of the box and moved her hands aside so he could lift the top and place it out of their way. Nestled inside, wrapped in layers of white tissue paper, there was a long, glass frame. From its size, she realized that it must have been custom mounted. It was twice the length of any normal portrait, but not quite poster size. It was edged in sterling silver, but made of gleaming glass front and back. Sharon lifted it carefully and turned it over. Her breath caught in her throat when she realized what it was. " _Ricky_ …"

"I found it when I was looking through the pictures that Nicole took the day of the wedding. It was a total accident. When I saw it, I showed it to Emily. She agreed that we should get them both blown up and mounted." He walked over and leaned against the counter on its other side. "I don't know how you managed it, but it was a pretty damned close recreation."

"Yes." She was staring at the pictures, mounted side by side. The older of the two had obviously been touched up and enlarged, as she knew that the original had been very small. They must have found it in the box of keepsakes, she realized. She shook her head. Her lips parted but there was no sound forthcoming. The second picture was very nearly an exact duplicate. It was hard to believe that it hadn't been posed, but she knew that it was a coincidence. She and Andy were standing together and just as before, she was turned into him. She was laughing, and from the look on Ricky's face, she realized it must have been something that he said. He was standing with Rusty beside her, and the look on her youngest son's face seemed to indicate that Ricky was indeed the culprit in that moment. Andy had an arm wrapped around her, and his face was turned into her hair while he tried not to laugh. Beside him, Emily was leaning into his side. Her hand was gripping his arm as she bent forward, laughing at whatever had prompted the moment of hilarity.

They were twenty-five years apart, but two very similar moments caught and frozen in time. She couldn't say what was happening in either moment, but the emotion was preserved. Sharon's fingers hovered over the older depiction. She remembered staring at that picture a number of times over the years, before she had finally hidden it away. She had forgotten about it until that moment. Staring at it now, she drew her bottom lip between her teeth.

Ricky was correct. As she leaned into her husband she forgot that she was pretending to be irritated with him. She looked up at him. Her eyes were lit with emotion. "You were right," She said thickly, finally uttering the words he wanted her to say about the house, but that she playfully withheld. At his confused look she placed her hand against his chest and drew a thin breath. "We probably would have been okay."

They couldn't know for sure, because they couldn't go back. They buried the past and called it moving on. In the end, the only ones that they had lied to were themselves. They had simply been too hurt and lost to see it. Now it was looking back at them, and there was no denying it. They had loved, but they had been too scared to try. The past was gone, but by some odd twist of fate, they still had the present, and they had the future. It was a truth they couldn't hide from.

They could divide yesterday by today, and still they would get tomorrow, it was the only answer they would be provided, because it was the only direction in which to go. There was hope in that. There was hope for them. This time they were going to make it.

 **-THE END-**

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 **A/N:** Thank you all for reading. Your comments, favorites, and follows have been wonderful; they were so greatly appreciated.

Special thank you's to: **kate04us** , **deenikn8** , **Most Bossy Robin** , **OldFashionedGrl** for listening to my rambling, the freak-outs, and helping with the grammar.


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